Late Night With Cervantes De Leon!

The Dirty Shit Heaps

As the camera pans over, the crowd applauses, some cheers erupting, and even one woman shouting, "I love you all! I'll give you my spoonful of goodies any time!" As the camera pans on the band, it's front man, Tim, could be seen blushing and smiling. He held a nice Washburne bass in his hands, it's four strings shinging brightly in the studio light. To his left, his brother marc stood, in his traditional baseball cap, a Fender rythem guitar held tightly in his hands. His shirt said something about being an orgasm donor. Behind him sat Nic, oriental on the outside, but one helluva drummer on the inside. He sat, shirtless and anxious to start. And, on his right, stood Eric, thier lead guitarist, an Ibanez hanging loosely around his neck, his red hair as wild as ever, and beside him, stood thier other singer, Darcie, her hands clutching the microphone.


"Ladies and gentlemen, we are...THE DIRTY SHIT HEAPS!" Tim shouted, as Eric's fingers danced along the neck of the guitar. It followed shortly after by a really speedy, and catchy blues riff, and the crowd erupted. The drum's cymbals clashed, as Marc and Tim chimed in, their respective instruments blasting the crowd. Darcie's head bobbed back and forth, her eyes shining, a huge smile on her face.


"Bleedin for days, Mind peeled away, anguish agression, let's start another session! A session of pain and joy, the dominatrix toy, beatin the livin shit outta you, what the fuck are you gonna do?" The crowd bellowed, screaming and singing along..."Scream ya mother fucker, just another god damn sucker, lead by a chain all your life, I wanna her you scream!" The crowd erupted in one solem scream, and Tim and the others smiled greatly, as Nic crashed the cymbals, and the song went into it's chorus...

"Dominatrix, she'll take ya down, fuck your mind, leave ya blind, instruments of pain, you're just a bitch, what to do now, she'll make ya twitch, Dominatrix, Dominatrix, Dominatrix...Dominatrix."

The guitars sung in unision as they came to the next verse..

"Life barely sustainin, yet another day, the grinding of the heavy metal, to an alternitive industrial hell, she's the one you believe, pools of blood on your sleeve, you still cry out for more, 'Give it to me ya fuckin whore!' Give it to me!!" Again, the crowd erupted in cheers, and they were now on their feet, the lights of the sound stage flashing greens, reds and blues as the chorus sang again..


"Dominatrix, she'll take ya down, fuck your mind, leave ya blind, instruments of pain, you're just a bitch, what to do now, she'll make ya twitch, Dominatrix, Dominatrix, Dominatrix...Dominatrix."


The song went into it's solo, Tim pounding away feverishly on the bass, Marc's head swinging back and forth, almost like it was going to fall off if he continued, Eric's fingers dancing as the solo carried on, Nic's arms flying all around, crashing cymbals, drum skins, his head doing as Marc's did, and Darcie, singing to the chorus, and at her own parts of the song, shot from one side of the makeshift stage to the other, pulling the crowd to a near fever pitch.


"Crack the fuckin whip, just dont let your mind slip, keeps ya in the realms of exstasy, convulsions of pleasure, come to me, I am the demon that drives her force, her master of pain of course, Dominatrix does my bidding...of exstasy and sinning!"

Darcie was running from side to side, at times singing to Cervantes as the song progressed, and at others focusing her charms and ravishing looks at the crowd.

"She'll hurt you till you cant breathe anymore, let you collapse, and fall to the floor, then I'll pick you up and hang you from the chain, time for the session to commence again." The crowd knew what was coming, their chants carrying well over the required noise capacity for human ears as the chorus rang out, a final time.


The song continued on, the bass pounding, the rythem and lead's going around each other, dancing a dance only they could do, the drums beating effortlessly away....and Darcie pulling the fans in for thier last taste......


In a crash of cymbals, strings, and screams, Dominatrix came to it's end, the crowd erupting in one final, long winded chant for more, as Tim gave his thank you's, not only to the crowd, but to Cervantes, for thier first live show. Pulling his bass of his shoulders, Tim made his way to the couch, as the screen said something along the lines of...."We'll be right back."
 
Polite smiles as he comes to the couch and scooches over, slipping Tim her number as she does so.
 
Comercial

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Gnayryn, who has been surprisingly quiet through Polite's interview, claps as Dominatrix ends. Then his features rapidly become very different, and there is suddenly a redheaded woman sitting on the couch. "I like the song," she tells Tim with a gleam in her eye as he comes over.

The redhead takes the same position on the couch as she had had on the loveseat while talking with Cervantes, leaning heavily on the arm so she can get a better view of everybody.

(Whoo, how 'bout that blackout?)
 
Cervantes:

"Yeah, Tim, the songs hot! Look how many panties the ladies threw your way man." Cervie swivels in his chair and has a stage hand toss him a tiny blue number. He sniffed it and then tossed it to Tim. "Think she likes you fella." Cervie says, watching the young man blush crimson red as her draws the pair of panties off his chest. "Hell of alot better than having flowers tossed at ya, to say the least. So, tell us, where do you find your inspiration? I don't think I've heard a band quite like you guys before."
 
Stage Producer

Off Stage

Jay Jay Throws his Hands up " Whats this kid doing!? First He gives A Great preformence The Weman Loved him Now He Sits the Froze on National Tellevision. "
Than He Talks in To his Head set That sends A Segnal strait To A Recever Thats In the hear Of the host Cervantes " Yo Dude Youve 3mins till Finel Monolog And Rapup So Do Some thing Like Ask PS To Give The Kid Mouth to mouth or some thing."
 
Tim




Sitting next to Polite Succubus, Tim blushed as the number was handed to him. He gave a soft thanks, looked at her for a moment, smiled then scooted himself back in his seat, whiping the sweat from his brow.


Tucking the panties quickly away, Tim gives a quick response to Cervantes. "My insperation comes from all kinds of things actually. Dominatrix, " he said, pointing back to the stage, "was written after watchin some porn actually. I just got the thought in my head, and about an hour later, out it came. It's taken some hacking and slashing over the course of a few years, but what you just heard was the final result."


Tim gave a big smile after his response, looking to Polite, and then to the crowd......
 
Cervantes:

"Yeah, that is one of my favorite songs off your album, Fecal Matters. It sort of plays the middle ground between the styles of music you do, from the raw bathroom humor, to the serious, thoughtful songs you have. I've heard several oppinions from people about your works. Not the least of them, the thought that with a name like Dirty Shit Heaps, no one will take you seriously. What are your thoughts on that Tim, and musically, where do you see your group heading? Are you going to keep this sort of teeter tottering of emotion from the absurd to the provocking?" Cervie speeled out his string of questions rather quickly, but waited for Tim's answer with a shit eating grin, tapping his index card on the table top, to the theme from Jepardy.
 
Tim



Tim let out a laugh at Cervante's comments, his smile prominent, as he looked from Cervantes, back to Polite Succubus again. He stared at her for a moment, as she played with her corset top, tore his eyes away, and returned yet another response to Cervie's investigative questions.

" Well, to be honest Cervantes, we do take our music seriously, otherwise we wouldnt even be where we are today. I mean, can we honestly fuck around at practice all day, and pump out structured songs? No. Yea...we like to have a good time at practice, and sure, things get a little hairy at times, but we're doing this for one reason...because we want to. Not because it's a career choice, not because of the money...but because it's something all five of us enjoy. Sure, some of the band members might be a little more serious than I am when it comes to material and structure and whatnot...but all in all, its the end result that counts, not how serious you are. At least in my opinion anyway."

Tim sat, nodding his head at Cervantes next question. He sat for a moment, before responding. " You know, we do have some pretty off the wall shit, and yea, it's all in good fun. That's why it was made, right?" he said, giving a hearty laugh. "But yea, we do have some serious stuff too. Some stuff that I think really tugs at the heart strings. I've written some things about very personal stuff that's happened in my life, and things that I've seen happen to other people that are very close to me. But to answer your previous question about where the Shit Heaps are going musically? I think we've got a real shot at something grand. We're no 50 Cent, or Metallica, or anything like that, " he said with a chuckle, " we're who we are. The Dirty Shit Heaps. A struggling band, just tryin to play our shit. "

With a smile, he sat back, waiting for Cervantes to respond.....
 
Cervantes:

"Yeah, I agree, if it ain't fun, why the fuck bother at all, right? I think one of your groups strengths is the ability to come together on a brand new song, that any one of you brings in and just make it work in a matter of hours. Is that true?" Cervantes asked while one of the crew off camera started jesturing to him. Cervie saw him out of the corner of his eye and absently flicked him off, not overly concerned about what anyone thought of it.
 
Tim



"As a matter of fact, it is Cervantes." Tim said, sitting up in his seat. "With our new bassist Darcie, we've been able to get alot more creative talent in our ranks, so to speak. She's amazing...and has brought so much to the band. That's how we can pull those songs off in a few hours." He gave a smirk to Cervie, and noticed himself the man gesturing off stage....
 
Cervantes:

"Well, the dick in the corner is saying our time is up for the night, so thank you, Tim and DSH for coming on tonight. And you Polite, and you too Gnayryn, all and all I think its been an excellent first show." Cervie said, directing his attention to each individual in turn. Finally, he looked back at Tim, clapping him on the shoulder. "So, ya wanna help me rough the camera man up?"

Fade to black, credits roll.

Ravenloft as Cervantes

Gnayryn as himself

PoliteSuccubus as herself

Valdimer as Tim and the members of DSH

----

Technical support -- James Benjamin Picard

Camera man -- Some annoying dick head.

Announcer -- Some hapless shmuck that doesn't get paid.

Writers -- Ravenloft, Gnayryn, PoliteSuccubus, Valdimer, and DarkTalon.

Producer -- Valdimer Elsworth

Director -- James Benjamin Picard

Best Boy Grip -- Fran.

Grips -- Ray Ray, Briana.

Filmed on location with eastman/Rando Shmook cameras.

Next week on Late Night With Cervantes De Leon: Special guests, Valdimer Elsworth, Quiet_Cool, and a special musical guest Hairy And the Hendersons, with front man, DARKTALON!!!
 
Announcer:

"Live from New York Empire States building, its Late Night with Cervantes De Leon! With tonights guests, Valdimer Elsworth, and Quiet_Cool. Also, tonights special musical guests! HaIry aNd tHe HenDersoNs! And now... Heeeeeeeeres Cervie!"

Cervantes:

Cervantes sprints out to an orchestra band rendition of 'Never Gonna Stop' by Rob Zombie and slides across the stage. Skidding to a stop, he blows a kiss to the audiance. "Hey, hey, hey, its me, Cervie! And do I have an exciting show for you tonight! We got Valdimer Elsworth, the so called 'Prince' of New York! We've got Quiet_Cool, his name says it all, AND HaIry aNd tHe HenDersoNs!

Comercial break:

A man dressed as a pirate steps out of a rickety door way. An address flashes over top of the pirate as short video clips of an impressive pirate ship show in the background. "Arr matey, do you want some adventurr? Well then, come on out t'the docks an board Cervie's pirate ship! T'aint no pleasurr cruise, but tis sure to be th time o yer life. Free eye patches for the kiddies. Yarrr!"

Cervantes: Sitting at a solid ebony desk, a love seat next to it and a couch still farther down, the orchestra band ten feet from the couch and kitty corner from it as well. On the other side of Cervie is a stage for performances of all sorts. Tonight its set up for the band, HaIry aNd tHe HenDersoNs! The audiance is a smattering of hairy, heavy set men and spiked leather clad women. "Welcome back to the show folks! Allow me to introduce the Dark Magician Girl! Come on out, chica! Your audiance awaits!" Cervie calls out, and as he does, a girl that looks strikingly like an anime character walks out, smiling and waving.

"Good, now sit down an shaddap!" Cervie says with a teasing look her way. "Tonights first guest, the... EX-'Prince' of New York! Be careful ladies, he BITES! And I don't just mean, your ass!" Cervie pantomimes a set of fangs with his fingers before going on. "Give him a warm welcome folks! Valdimer Elsworth!!!" Cervie stands up and claps, jesturing his hand toward the entrance from which his guest will come out of.
 
Valdimer Elsworth





"You're on." he could here someone in headphones say. "Bout time." Val said, pushing himself off the couch in the green room of the building he owned.


Coming out on stage, he was overwhelmed by the claps and hoots and hollars of the crowd. The lights from the stage were a little bright, as he squinted a little. He let his hand go up, waving to the crowd, stopping in the middle of the stage to wave to each side of the audience. He was dressed in black slacks, his combat boots just covered by the cuffs of his slacks. His shirt was a deep crimson, with small black lines, near invisible, but blended perfectly with the shirt, crossing all over it. His body was well conditioned, and his black hair hung down to the middle of his back. He stroked his goatee as he moved toward the love seat. Shaking hands with Cervantes, he pulled him in close, whispering in his ear. "No bullshit tonight. I dont want no suprise guest or anything. Straight talk...you hear?"

He leaned back, smiling, as he made him self comfortable on Cervie's love seat.
 
Cervantes:

"Sure sure, just roll with it Val." Cervie whispered back before Val sat down, pulling away with a shit eating grin. "So, Val, rough couple of months huh? I mean, getting CANNED from your 'job' and all? Having ALL that power and responcibility stripped from you by a bunch of stuffy cocks, around a table must really put a crimp in your nut sack... And then, AND THEN, having your old position GIVEN, just up and GIVEN to the one man you despise more than ANYONE ELSE on this green fucking planet, your 'dad' Strahd... Man, thats rough... But I'm here to tell you, Val, ol buddy, ol pal, the chicken's is coming home to roost, yo! You ain't gonna play the bitch much longer, because, tonight is your night, Val! We're gonna play a game buddy, you get to chose one door..." As Cervie talked, three doors were craned in from off stage and sat down 10 feet to Val's right. "Behind each door is something you'll really enjoy." Cervie said, still wearing a shit eating grin.
 
Valdimer




Valdimer sat in his chair, a look of disgust on his face. "You slippery little bastard. I told you no bullshit."


His face set in firm disapproval, he folded his left leg over his right. "Choose a door eh? You're gonna make it that simple? Fine." Looking closely...and pondering for a moment, Valdimer was about to point, when he turned back to Cervantes. "Your supply of booze rests on this you know." he said with a wink. "I'll take door number 3."
 
Cervantes:

"Door number three? Are you sure? Is that your FINAL answer Val? Heheheh. Oh, this is going to be good... Oh yes! Door number three it is then... Get ready buddy, you'll never guess..." Cervie said, obviously enjoying this whole situation more than he should. The door swung open, and standing in the open door way was none other than... Strahd Von Zarovich. He looked slowly up at Val, where he sat, and stepped forward, his black silk atire flittering in a fan generated breeze. "Hello... Son!" Strahd said dramatically, striding over to where Val sat, and standing off to his side.

"Oh! Hehehe! This is rich! Hahahah! The look on your face Val! Hohohoho! I'm gonna PISS myself! Ahahahah!" Cevie motioned for the laugh track to be started, and it was, the racous clammer of prerecorded laughter assaulted Val's ears.
 
Valdimer




"Great theatrics." Val said, sitting himself up in his chair. He looked to his 'sire' a grim look on his face. Turning back to Cervantes, he smiled. "You are officially dry. No more booze for you...throw rug."


Standing up, he greated Strahd with a smile, and an open hand....
 
Cervantes:

At the statement Val had just made, Cervie's expression of mirth dropped off his face, and he shot Val a cold look. "Just try it, and you'll see one hell of a property damage bill in the fucking morning, leech." He returned to his mirth rising as Val did.

"Your sidekick's a strange one Val, its no wonder you were removed from your station, with friends like him, you don't need enemies..." Strahd said with a smirk.
 
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