Let's See How This Goes

[Stanfield2025]

My first story on this platform, known as Meeting the Kingpin. Its category is Fetish.

https://www.literotica.com/s/meeting-the-kingpin

It's pretty short and simple. It's a story I'm not super attached to, so I can put it on here without feeling TOO exposed. Anyway, all feedback is welcome.

 

[Duil2]

Hi, I just read this story and overall it was a good set up scene for what could have been a longer story with more character development etc. I'm curious as to why you put it in the Fetish category. It may have fit better into Erotic Couplings and since readers of Fetish would probably expect more content in the story grounded in a particular fetish they likely wouldn't have rated this particularly highly even though it's good in and of itself.
There was a bit of repetition in the use of descriptions like the word 'cold'. Also, there is one paragraph which starts with 'I' where the rest is 'she' and 'he'.
I made an assumption that she was older than him as well as being taller than him and that he was more like a youth gang leader as that didn't seem fully clear to me.
Often times less is more but sometimes just a little bit more is needed.
Hope this helps in some small way.

 

[AlinaX]

You glitched into first person at one point.

A very short story at 1.2k words. I’ve said before (and been criticised for saying it) that 1000 words make a scene and three scenes make a (minimal) story. This feels like a scene rather than a story. Indeed, you could probably tighten it and make it into a decent 750 word story.

I don’t really feel I got to know either of the characters. I’m guessing he’s an entitled bastard who discovers he likes a dominant woman, but I don’t get that feeling from his reactions. I don’t know who she is. I half expected Ivy to be a vampire amusing herself by playing with a young psychopath.

 

[Stanfield2025]

Hi, I just read this story and overall it was a good set up scene for what could have been a longer story with more character development etc. I'm curious as to why you put it in the Fetish category. It may have fit better into Erotic Couplings and since readers of Fetish would probably expect more content in the story grounded in a particular fetish they likely wouldn't have rated this particularly highly even though it's good in and of itself.
There was a bit of repetition in the use of descriptions like the word 'cold'. Also, there is one paragraph which starts with 'I' where the rest is 'she' and 'he'.
I made an assumption that she was older than him as well as being taller than him and that he was more like a youth gang leader as that didn't seem fully clear to me.
Often times less is more but sometimes just a little bit more is needed.
Hope this helps in some small way.

Thanks for the feedback! To answer your questions:
1. I took maybe five seconds to decide which category to put it in back when I posted it. I agree Erotic Couplings is a better fit.

2. Repetition noted. I noticed the glitching into first person and I've kicked myself a million times over for it, haha.

3. Your assumption is correct. He's a young guy.

Originally I was going to do a whole story series with these two, and it was going to take place years after they met. I wrote this as a way to explore how they met, then lost interest in the story and decided to post the scene since I'd already written it.

 

[Stanfield2025]

You glitched into first person at one point.

A very short story at 1.2k words. I’ve said before (and been criticised for saying it) that 1000 words make a scene and three scenes make a (minimal) story. This feels like a scene rather than a story. Indeed, you could probably tighten it and make it into a decent 750 word story.

I don’t really feel I got to know either of the characters. I’m guessing he’s an entitled bastard who discovers he likes a dominant woman, but I don’t get that feeling from his reactions. I don’t know who she is. I half expected Ivy to be a vampire amusing herself by playing with a young psychopath.

Thanks for the feedback!