Letters

[Pseudomoniker]

Dear thread,

I apologize for waking you from your obsolesence, but it was inappropriate to let you drift into obscurity. We spent too many fun nights together... me drunk off my ass, and you always lending words of support. But as is often the way with life, you were neglected when I got tired and pursued other interests. However, now that I'm back, I realize just how important you were to me, and I'd like another chance to show you how much you mean to me, and others. So please take your rightful place on page 1, and thank you for being patient while I had to learn the errors of my ways.

With newfound respect,

Pseudo

 

[honeylick]

dear pork tenderlion currently cooking on my grill,

please don't burn. c a r m e l i z e.


i don't want to have to buy del taco instead.

thank you,
honeylicker

 

[honeylick]

dear ***********************,

stop making that face. it ceased being cute about 100 AV's ago.

oh, and your forehead looks big.


love ya!
HL

 

[MercyMia]

Dear S.

From you, I've learned the careful art of loving listening. You lean forward and catch everything I say. Not just the words, but the winces, the silences, every nuance I don't even realize I'm giving away.

What you said is so true, that sometimes, just knowing we've been heard is all we need to heal.

With love always,
Mia

 

[MercyMia]

Dear Sir:

It has come to the attention of the women on Chestnut Street that you have been walking your dog at midnight in the buff. No, sir, it's not your dog who is naked, but you. While we tend to be a tolerant group of people in this neighborhood--see how we accept Mrs. Ferndale who eats our hydrangeas when she thinks no one's looking--so while we tend to be open-minded about eccentricities, we also expect to derive some benefit from these assaults on our sensitive natures. In the case f Mrs. Ferndale, her flower consumption has saved us all considerable energy in trimming the gardens. I personally have more time to sit at my computer and write letters like this because of her quirk.

Sir, in your case, though, I must register much dissatisfaction. It's not that we who spy your unclothed self strutting down our midnight streets have any standards that we hold as template against your manhood. Size and shape are individual things, truly God-given, and these features we certainly do not question. However, it is the manner in which you sway as you walk down the street, seeming to flog your dog with your genitalia--this is what concerns us most.

Granted you are most generously endowed in that area of your anatomy, and your proportions provide us a modicum of entertainment and even lascivious and vicarious pleasure...still, sir, we must protest in the name of animal rights and for the sake of humane treatment. For it appears to us that you are truly hurting your canine companion, and for this reason, we would ask that you cease and desist all such action against poor Rover.

It is our full intention to bring this matter to the attention of the city authorities if, after we deliver this letter to you when you next walk Rover, you insist on continuing this unthinking and cruel action.

Do not mess with us, the women of Chestnut Street.

Signed,
Ethelberta Smith
Gertrude Appleby
Myrtle Hampshire
Eleanor Higgins
Josephine Rawling
Eunice Jones

 

[honeylick]

hello babydoll.

i find it a little absurd, but wholly amusing (really!) that we sidestep each other the way we do. it's not in my nature to be so... non-confrontational, but it seems like this is the best thing for all parties concerned.

oh, see you soon.

Honey L.

 

[honeylick]

dear amelia,

http://www.thegremlin.com/LIMITED.EDITIONS/21216le.JPG

 

[bluemuse]

Dear Common Sense and Pride,

Thanks for nothing.

Me

 

[MercyMia]

Dear Neighbor,

We both realize that it's first-come-first-served in the communal car park. Don't glare at me and race your engine when I happen to take your favorite spot. Go park in an empty spot, for creep's sake.

Mia, #08-08

 

[raindancer]

Lost letters.

Dear You,

I miss things.

I want a creamy, gelato kind of day.

Love,
Me

 

[honeylick]

dear you,

in another lifetime, i would have flirted with you. but i got to love you instead.

love, me

 

[foxinsox]

One more thin gypsy thief...

Dear you,

I heard this today and wondered how you are.

And what can I tell you my brother, my killer
What can I possibly say?
I guess that I miss you, I guess I forgive you
I'm glad you stood in my way.

Sincerely,

me

 

[Marxist]

Dear Amelia,

Pick up the phone and call a nigga.

When you're done talking to him, call me.

Holla(r)!

--Marxist--

 

[modest mouse]

Dear honeylick,

You bumped this suck-filled moderately effeminate thread.

You used a sultry little av with cleavage and your wares.

You did not deliver the necessary boobocity that would salvage my time spent in this thread. Especially having to endure a Marxist call for amelia vocal hugs which made mu nuts shrivel.

Please rectify this.

Modest M. Mouse

 

[honeylick]

mister mouse,

yes, the thread is all kinds of warm, willing and female-like. but in the grand scheme of things, this level of sexy fluff is what makes the girls creamy and the boys needy.

this being said, i wouldn't want to be the one to have gone down and left behind a shriveled scrote.

consider this a little handjob from me to you. btw, tell your wife she'll get her own honeyed-lick one day.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v328/honeylick/formouse.jpg?t=1221927197

with rectification and prostration,
honeylicker

 

[modest mouse]

Dear honeylicker,

Your rectification must be considered a complete success.

I applaud your efforts and look upon you as an example for the heathens, malcontents, and easily distracted among us.

In preparation for promised licks, I have left both the Lavender and Modest Mouse calendars open for such appointments. I, of course, will be in an important supervisory (as well as documentary) role.

Sincerely,

Modest M. Mouse
(and Lavender by proxy)

 

[Marxist]

Dear honeylick,

You bumped this suck-filled moderately effeminate thread.

You used a sultry little av with cleavage and your wares.

You did not deliver the necessary boobocity that would salvage my time spent in this thread. Especially having to endure a Marxist call for amelia vocal hugs which made mu nuts shrivel.

Please rectify this.

Modest M. Mouse

Dear Mouse,

I hope your nuts get better and you shoot a moderately expansive load on Lavy's chin sometime in the near future.

Your Friend In Arms (and random chins),
Marxist

 

[MaxP]

Dear Two O’clock Tuesdays:

I miss those Pavlovian days of random urges. We need to rectify this and make it happen.

Soon.

With bated breath,

Me

 

[modest mouse]

Dear Mouse,

I hope your nuts get better and you shoot a moderately expansive load on Lavy's chin sometime in the near future.

Your Friend In Arms (and random chins),
Marxist

Dear Marxist,

[man-hug]

Yours,
Mouse

 

[isthisdesire]

Especially having to endure a Marxist call for amelia vocal hugs which made mu nuts shrivel.

if I had nuts, this would have happened to me as well.

 

[amelia]

Dear Miss Amelia,

As a lifelong Raiders fan myself, I must say that knowing you are also a lifelong Raiders fan makes me more than just a little moist in my nether regions. These moist and somewhat turgid feelings cause me to have warm spot in my heart for you, and so I will temper my comments here in the hopes that someday you may let me finger you under a blanket at Oakland-Alameda Coliseum during the third quarter of a Raiders-Chiefs game.

I appreciate the fact that Mr. Madden sometimes utters inane commentary, and that he is the Captain Obvious of NFL colormen. Still, you have to acknowledge the humor and human-ness he brings to an often brutal and physically viscious game of domination and ground acquisition.

In closing, I would like to say that I don't really think hitting Coach Madden with a Turducken leg would even phase him, except maybe to make him salivate a little. Perhaps if you ripped off one of Pat Summerall's legs and smote him with it's bloody stump, you might have a greater intended effect.

Gladitorially yours,

PC

P.S. As for the ass-crack thing, you just seem like that kind of a fun-loving girl.

Dear PC:

I really had a great time playing with you in this thread. You made me smile and laugh...a lot. I was really saddened to hear the news about your illness and passing. Hopefully you're now in a place where the raiders never lose. I'm not sure where that would be...but well, ya know.

Love,
Amelia

 

[naaki]

Dear Sweet Jesus,
deliver me.
Love N.

 

[raindancer]

Dear Letters Thread,

I miss so many posters present in this thread; especially Amelia, Marxist, and PC.

I will resurrect you in hopes of inspiring some erotic letter writing.

My cunt feels semi-broken today.

Help me Letters thread.


Sincerely,

Nostalgic AF

 

[raindancer]

You asked why we never worked.

Dear you,

I was home alone. I tried to fill my time by cleaning the place. I read for a few hours. As the sun settled into the land, I laid on the grass. The tickling of the blades along my calves made me giggle. The breeze lifted my shirt a bit and a small shiver found my spine. Instantly, my nipples responded. I ran my smooth palm along my neck and down my chest. I was aroused. I thought of you. Gone. I thought of my first girlfriend. I thought of countless fantasies met online. I thought of
the policeman neighbor fucking me while I eat out his wife. I thought of fucking someone with my tongue. And as I brushed my inner thigh lightly, cars passed by and this excited me.
The policeman neighbor came out and I watched his tight ass. I turned over on my belly and watched as he cut the grass. I began slowly moving my hips and within minutes I was, unconsciously, dry humping the ground. A small rock was lodged under me and scraping my nipple and that was enough
pain- enough for me to cum. Right there, in the yard, by myself- again.

That's why.

Sincerely,
Me​

 

[Pookie]

Great stuff, this thread.