Light hearted news for a change.

[cheerful_deviant]

And here's a couple more:

Serial thief Colin Sadd, 41, pleaded guilty in April in Sheffield, England, to his latest capers, including swiping five cars that he had gotten dealers to let him test drive. As with his previous car thefts, Sadd drove them around, cleaned them up inside, and washed and waxed them before abandoning them. Said his wife, "(H)e desperately needs help with his obsession." [Associated Press, 4-8-04]

Debra Janan Goins was charged with theft in February in Mount Carmel, Tenn., after writing three checks taken from a purse she stole, but each time carefully filling in the check register with all the details of the illegal transactions. [Star Tribune (Minneapolis)-AP, 3-1-04]


Check out Newsoftheweird.com I read it every week, always makes me laugh.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

What Is She Thinking About During Sex?





BERLIN (Reuters) - Women watching erotic films are stimulated in a part of the brain associated with planning and emotion, research from scientists in Germany said Friday.



When scientists from Essen University put volunteers in a brain scanning tube and showed them pornography they found both men and women showed activity in the temporal lobes linked to memory and perception, but only women used their frontal lobes.


Unfortunately the researchers were not able to determine if their findings meant that while men lost themselves in the moment the busy modern professional woman was also planning her wardrobe, scheduling the vacation and juggling her tax receipts.


"We don't know why these differences between men and women exist. They just do," said institute director Michael Forsting.

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

In case you missed it....

WORLD'S FUNNIEST JOKE


LONDON, England (October 7, 2002 ) – The world's funniest joke has been revealed after a year-long search by scientists.

In an experiment conducted in Britain, people around the world were invited to judge jokes on an Internet site as well as contribute their own.

The LaughLab research, carried out by psychologist Dr. Richard Wiseman, from the University of Hertfordshire, attracted more than 40,000 jokes and almost two million ratings.


And here it is...



Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard.

Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"




It might have done better without the big build-up.

 

[lucky-E-leven]

People thought that was funny?

Thanks for sharing, V_B. I'd be interested in seeing last place, if that's what they thought was the funniest.



~lucky

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Wasn't sure where to put this, so I thought maybe here. I got this in an email and thought I might share.
~A~




To Kill an American
>
>You probably missed it in the rush of news last week, but there was
>actually
>a report that someone in Pakistan had published in a newspaper an offer of
>a
>reward to anyone who killed an American,
>>any American.
>
>>So an Australian dentist wrote the following to let everyone know what an
>>American is, so they would know when they found one. (Good on ya,
>>mate!!!!)
>>
>>An American is English, or French, or Italian, Irish, German, Spanish,
>>Polish, Russian or Greek. An American may also be Canadian, Mexican,
>>African, Indian, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Australian, Iranian, Asian, or
>>Arab, or Pakistani, or Afghan. An American may also be a Cherokee, Osage,
>>Blackfoot, Navaho, Apache, Seminole or one of the many other tribes known
>>as
>>native Americans.
>>
>>An American is Christian, or he could be Jewish, or Buddhist, or Muslim.
>>In
>>fact, there are more Muslims in America than in Afghanistan. The only
>>difference is that in America they are free to worship as each of them
>>chooses. An American is also free to believe in no religion. For that he
>>will answer only to God, not to the government, or to armed thugs claiming
>>to speak for the government and for God.
>>
>>An American is from the most prosperous land in the history of the world.
>>The root of that prosperity can be found in the Declaration
>>ofIndependence,
>>which recognizes the God given right of each person the pursuit of
>>happiness.
>>
>>
>>An American is generous. Americans have helped out just about every other
>>nation in the world in their time of need. When Afghanistan was overrun
>>by
>>the Soviet army 20 years ago, Americans came with arms and supplies to
>>enable the people to win back their country.!
>>
>>As of the morning of September 11, Americans had given more than any other
>>nation to the poor in Afghanistan.
>>
>>Americans welcome the best, the best products, the best books, the best
>>music, the best food, the best athletes. But they also welcome the least.
>>The national symbol ofAmerica, The Statue ofLiberty, welcomes your tired
>>and your poor, the wretched refuse of your teeming shores, the homeless,
>>tempest tossed. These in fact are the people who builtAmerica. Some of
>>them were working in the TwinTowers the morning of September 11, 2001
>>earning a better life for their families. I've been told that the World
>>Trade Center victims were from at least 30 other countries, cultures, and
>>first languages, including those that aided and abetted the terrorists.
>>
>>So you can try to kill an American if you must. Hitler did. So did
>>General
>>Tojo, and Stalin, and Mao Tse-Tung, and every bloodthirsty tyrant in the
>>history of the world. But, in doing so you would just be killing yourself.
>>Because Americans are not a particular people from a particular place.
>>They
>>are the embodiment of the human spirit of freedom. Everyone who holds to
>>that spirit, everywhere, is an American.

 

[cloudy]

Actual Newspaper Article Screw-Ups!

- "The license fee for altered dogs with a certificate will be $3 and for pets owned by senior citizens who have not been altered the fee will be $1.50."

- "The accident occurred at Hillcrest Drive and Santa Barbara Avenue as the dead man was crossing the intersection."

- "Dr. Benjamin Porter visited the school yesterday and lectured on "Destructive Pests". A large number were present."

- "The sewer expansion project is nearing completion but City officials are holding their breath until it is officially finished."

- "The ladies of the county medical society auxiliary plan to publish a cookbook. Part of the money will go to the Samaritan Hospital to purchase a stomach pump."

- "This coming Sunday evening, the President and his wife will deliver a joint television address on the subject of drug abuse."

- "Columbia, Tennessee, which calls itself the largest outdoor mule market in the world, held a mule parade yesterday headed by the Governor."

- "The assembly passed and sent to the senate a bill requiring dog owners in New York City to clean up after their dogs, in penalty of $100 fine. The bill also applies to Buffalo."

- "The attorney general's office said yesterday that an autopsy performed on the headless body of a man found in Mason failed to determine the cause of death."

- "The bride-elect was showered with pieces of her chosen china."

- "He called on the Kentucky legislature to clarify the state abortion statute to define whether it applied to pregnant women."

- "Moby Dick," the great American classic by Herman Melville, will be seen again next week, with veteran actor Victor Jory in the title role."

- "Weight Watchers will meet Tuesday at 7pm at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance."

- "Hear Paul Lucas. The complete dope on the weather."

- "Weather: Sunny with a few cloudy periods today and Thursday, which will be followed by Friday."

- "The women included their husbands and their children in their potluck suppers."

- "Migraines strike twice as many women as do men."

- "The bride was wearing an old lace gown that fell to the floor as she came down the aisle."

- "Yesterday we mistakenly reported that a talk was given by a battle-scared hero. We apologize for the error. We obviously meant that the talk was given by a bottle-scarred hero."

- "In a recent edition we referred to the chairman of Chrysler Corporation as Lee Iacoocoo. His real name is Lee Iacacca. The "Gazette" regrets the error."