Look what I found ... take your pick!

[Senna Jawa]

Scott took a
walk on the beach after
the fight he had with Karen only
to find her naked on a giant rock and with
some guy probing her pussy before
she said, "Found a better
stud than you!"

​

It's not difficult to see that the last word "you" stands for Scott. Nevertheless, any poetically unnecessary effort takes A LOT away from the artistic value of a text. A possible solution, the same last two lines (you may have a better solution) can be:

[...]
she looked at Scott dreamingly -
found a better stud than you!
​

Let's also make a "Poetry's finer point". It's important that there are no quotation marks this time (they would be an awful eyesore). Furthermore, a modified line, enriched by words "and said",

she looked at Scott dreamingly and said
​

would impoverish the text by making it overly specific. Without "and said" the next line may be spoken out loud by Karen or it can exist only in Karen's mind.

*********

There is still another tiny question. The application of "than" is not logically fully clear. You may shrug, it's all perfectly obvious. But it is not artistically perfect. Such small details decide about the difference between a good poem and an excellent poem. (By the way, I am not making any judgment at all about the cpt's poem ).

 

[captainman2018]

Who Found Who In The Bathtub?(Con-Verse)

While everyone still had fun,
Kate went in to get more buns.

But that was before she heard a
noise and had just found Barbara.

She was with Adam in the bathtub
and he was giving more than a rub.

Kate had done that certain fingering trick
while watching Barbara ride Adam's dick.

Then, Barbara looked at her friend and said, "Come
join us both in the tub for a hot threesome."

 

[UnderYourSpell]

bumpety bump

 

[UnderYourSpell]

bumpety bump