looking for a collaborator For Mature romance

[Qky75]

I posted a story idea below in the tone I imagine. This story could easily go "Notebook" style or keep it an origin love story with both drifting off to the great sleep together. Perhaps a resident of the nursing home brings him out of his shell. Let me know your thoughts.

Deep beneath the surface, memories hide from the prying eyes of the onlooker...

"Remember when you could swallow Margaret? Let's go back over how to swallow."

Charles groaned; the entendre not lost on him. The sorry bastard couldn't remember his address but he damn sure didn't forget Margaret's skills!

"C'mon Ms Margaret, ya gotta swallow this pill! Doncha remember how to swallow?"

Charles remembered. Sitting in his recliner facing the window, the stoic old man flashed almost a grin. The expression would be easily missed by the casual observer; not to mention the impatient aide completely ignoring him. To be fair, the staff no more ignored Charles than he ignored the staff. Beyond his pale blue eyes and sedentary form, a lifetime of memories played out in vivid technicolor. 1958 - oh they weren't Charles Sr. and Margaret until they faced the loan officer for their first mortgage. No, in 1958 it was just Chip and Peggy in the front seat of his father's Buick becoming adults and enjoying her skillful swallowing.

 

[AlwaysDancing]

This is a really beautiful idea!!

I think the challenge with flashbacks is that it’s hard to build suspense. You already know the answer somewhat.

So maybe when you write this from Chip’s perspective, we’re unaware that it’s Peggy sitting next to him.

“Margaret, don’t you remember how to swallow?” If you out that at the end and the reader realizes that’s Peggy sitting next to him the whole time.

It might give you that “aww” moment.

You might be able to even get away with some really raunchy sex while keeping a surprising amount of heart.

I hope to see more of this.

 

[Qky75]

This is a really beautiful idea!!

I think the challenge with flashbacks is that it’s hard to build suspense. You already know the answer somewhat.

So maybe when you write this from Chip’s perspective, we’re unaware that it’s Peggy sitting next to him.

“Margaret, don’t you remember how to swallow?” If you out that at the end and the reader realizes that’s Peggy sitting next to him the whole time.

It might give you that “aww” moment.

You might be able to even get away with some really raunchy sex while keeping a surprising amount of heart.

I hope to see more of this.

This is excellent input! There are a few directions I've thought about going to add a twist. Thank you for taking your time. More to come

 

[Qky75]

Storyboard collaboration wanted:
The first post gives you some ideas of the premise even though I've reworked the opening, setting the scene to a point I'm satisfied. I think Peggy(Margaret )will pass and like any good couple together years Chip(Charles) will fall asleep and see her in her younger self as he always saw her and they will walk off into the afterlife together. Something like an inside joke between them from their earlier days ..."Charles! There you are darling. I've been waiting here for you." Charles grinned , "Let's blow this joint" Maybe that line is how they eloped....maybe yearning for exotic places and bigger opportunities....did they make it? If so, how did they end up back in their hometown at the rest home?

 

[Qky75]

Still sitting on this story line and now I'm not sure I'll publish it on the site..maybe on a thread in installments. If someone had some input on the story line.. particularly the part that brought the characters to the present setting, DM me or reply here. Either way

 

[Andreas_Kreuz]

The premise is a bit thin. Between a blowjob in 1958 and dementia in 2026 there could be anything.

 

[PapaRomantic]

Still sitting on this story line and now I'm not sure I'll publish it on the site..maybe on a thread in installments. If someone had some input on the story line.. particularly the part that brought the characters to the present setting, DM me or reply here. Either way

The site does not like stories being posted in the forum. It would likely be deleted.

 

[Qky75]

The site does not like stories being posted in the forum. It would likely be deleted.

Im willing to take that risk. Dunno. Haven't finished writing it anyway lol at this rate it'll never happen

 

[anthrodisiac]

Im willing to take that risk. Dunno. Haven't finished writing it anyway lol at this rate it'll never happen

It's not a risk, it's policy. It absolutely will be deleted. Because there's no moderation on initial postings, only after, anyone could post anything as a story, including stuff that goes against ToS, illegal content, CSAM, etc., so the site will not allow anyone to post more than a few paragraphs of a story here. DM is a much better route, as you'll be able to collab with people who are interested in the premise.

It's a solid premise, by the way. It doesn't have to be all that long, you're just flashing back between then and now, with triggers for the flashbacks in the now. Starts with the swallow, you get the blowjob scene. Something else, like she's doing physical therapy, "All right, Margaret, let's see if we can't get those hips a bit more limber. Can you open up for me?" Charles remembers the first time she spread her legs for him. Things like that. Throw in some interpersonal connection during the sex scenes, and it could be really sweet. Doesn't have to flash back to just the 50s, it could be at several points in their relationship, sexually.

Don't give up on the premise, you really do have something that I think could be quite a good story, and has the opportunity to both titlate and warm some hearts.

 

[Qky75]

It's not a risk, it's policy. It absolutely will be deleted. Because there's no moderation on initial postings, only after, anyone could post anything as a story, including stuff that goes against ToS, illegal content, CSAM, etc., so the site will not allow anyone to post more than a few paragraphs of a story here. DM is a much better route, as you'll be able to collab with people who are interested in the premise.

It's a solid premise, by the way. It doesn't have to be all that long, you're just flashing back between then and now, with triggers for the flashbacks in the now. Starts with the swallow, you get the blowjob scene. Something else, like she's doing physical therapy, "All right, Margaret, let's see if we can't get those hips a bit more limber. Can you open up for me?" Charles remembers the first time she spread her legs for him. Things like that. Throw in some interpersonal connection during the sex scenes, and it could be really sweet. Doesn't have to flash back to just the 50s, it could be at several points in their relationship, sexually.

Don't give up on the premise, you really do have something that I think could be quite a good story, and has the opportunity to both titlate and warm some hearts.

This is exactly the input I'm looking for. I do appreciate the thin points critique too but the ideas on framing structure in general is very much appreciated. Thank you.

 

[Andreas_Kreuz]

So if you are saying you have already filled the story, then only the given information is thin, but the story might be substantial.
There are 2 things you can do:

You can extract your concepts for plot and atmosphere and post them here. My understanding (@sirhugs) is that the site doesn't want the forum become a second publishing or editing environment. But abstract discussion should be fine.

The other thing is to go to erotxt.me. They have a feature for beta reading and commenting.

 

[sirhugs]

So if you are saying you have already filled the story, then only the given information is thin, but the story might be substantial.
There are 2 things you can do:

You can extract your concepts for plot and atmosphere and post them here. My understanding (@sirhugs) is that the site doesn't want the forum become a second publishing or editing environment. But abstract discussion should be fine.

The other thing is to go to erotxt.me. They have a feature for beta reading and commenting.

Story submissions belong on the "story side" or main Literotica site. If the OP was recent, i would edit it, or move the entire thread. As it has generated idea discussion , I wil leave it, but if tere is more posting outside the lines, I will edit and iif necessary move the thread.