** Maryland **

[Dave32111]

Oh nooooo - I missed a day!

Anyway, hope you both had a great weekend, princess and bethanne - mine was spectacular (at least the first part).

And for my makeup joke:

A man who lived in a block of apartments thought it was raining and put his head out the window to check. As he did so, a glass eye fell into his hand. He looked up to see where it came from just in time to notice a young woman looking down.

"Is this yours?" he asked.

She said, "Yes, could you bring it up?" and the man agreed.

On his arrival she was profuse in her thanks and offered the man a drink. Because she was very attractive, he agreed.

Shortly afterward she said, "I'm about to have dinner--there's plenty. Would you like to join me?"

He readily accepted her offer and both enjoyed a lovely meal.

As the evening was drawing to a close the lady said, "I've had a marvelous evening. Would you like to stay the night?"

The man hesitated then said, "Do you act like this with every man you meet?"

"No," she replied. "Only those who catch my eye."

 

[Feistyred16]

Don't sweat missing a day Davey...hell, I miss weeks at a time!

my "blonde" joke for the day
Hugs everyone

Deb

A lawyer and a blonde woman happen to be sitting next to each other on a
flight from LA to New York.

The lawyer leans over to the blonde and asks if she would like to play a fun game.
The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and turns over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists, saying that the game is really easy and a lot of fun.
He explains how the game works.

"I ask you a question; and, if you don't
know the answer, you pay me and vice-versa."
Again, the blonde politely declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he will easily win
the match, so he makes another offer.
"Okay, how about this. If you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5; but, if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."

This catches the blonde's attention and figuring that there will be no end
to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a
5-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill
with 3 legs, and comes down with 4 legs?"

The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop
computer and searches all his references. He taps into the air-phone with
his modem and searches the Net and even the Library of Congress.
Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his coworkers and all of his friends. All to no avail.
After over an hour of searching for the answer he finally gives up.
He wakes the blonde and hands her $500.

The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to go back to sleep.

The lawyer, who cannot imagine what the answer is, going nuts trying to
figure it out. He is more than a little frustrated. He wakes the blonde
and asks, "So? What does go up a hill with 3 legs and come down with 4 legs?"
The blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to
sleep.

 

[Feistyred16]

and since I've missed so many days...For all of us who have children




Why We love our Children

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat but it was dead. "how do you know that the cat was dead? she asked him. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move answered the child innocently. "You did WHAT??????" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know", explained the boy, "I leaned over and went Pssst" and it didn't move.



A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the chair while her father gets a haircut, eating a snack cake. The barber says, "Sweetheart, you're going to get hair on your Twinkie"
She says "Yes, I know, and I'm going to get boobs too"



It was that time during the Sunday morning services, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward, One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over ans said, "That is a very pretty dress, "Is that your Easter Dress?"
The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's bitch to iron"




One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part where Chicken Little warns the farmer. She read" ...and Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling!" The teacher then asked the class,
"And what do you think that the farmer said?" One little girl raised her had and said, "I think he said, " Holy Shit! A talking chicken!" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.




When I was 6 months pregnant with my 2nd child, my 3 year old came into the room as I was preparing to get into the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting really fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy" "I know, she replied, "but whats growing in your butt?"

 

[Dave32111]

Don't sweat missing a day Davey...hell, I miss weeks at a time!

Hugs everyone

Deb

Yes, but you're feisty, and that makes up for a lot!

~kotc~

 

[Dave32111]

Where's Bethanne? Yoohoo... blondie...

In the mean time, here's my pre-hump day joke:

An Antartian boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again.

The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?"

The father [never having seen an elevator] responded "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room.

The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out.

The father said to his son, "Go get your mother."

 

[BethAnne]

Where's Bethanne? Yoohoo... blondie...

Right here!
Just been busy sleeping...
Your jokes crack me up, and Deb, it's so nice to see you!!! Kid's do say the darnedest things!

A kindergarten girl was telling her friends about Jonah and the whale, the story she learned in Sunday School. The teacher told her that it was make-believe as everyone knew that a man couldn't actually fit in a whale, and even if he could he would have died. The little girl replied that it was true, and when she got to heaven she would ask Jonah! The teacher then asked the little girl what would happen if Jonah were in hell? The little girl replied, "Well then YOU ask him!"

 

[Dave32111]

ohhhhh - can I sleep too? I'm tired. Just need to lay down.

In the mean time, in honor of hump day - here's my joke:

There were three tomatoes: a mom, a dad and a son. The son lagged behind and fell splat on the floor. His dad yelled to him, "Ketchup, son."

...and speaking of children's jokes:

A unit in sex education was about to begin, and each student had to bring in a permission slip in order to take it. Little Johnny handed in his slip and explained to the teacher, “My mom says I can take the course as long as there’s no homework.’

 

[princess4u]

happy humpday maryland

hope everyone has their partner this evening
or maybe you've already had your partner??????????

 

[keiffers]

the only joke i have right now might be a little off color to post here LOL

 

[on_the_verge]

happy humpday maryland

hope everyone has their partner this evening
or maybe you've already had your partner??????????

Still trying to get the gist of this hump day thing, but why not personify a mid-week day with something that could be sinful in nature. Princess, where is your partner or have you already…

 

[dkovic77]

will it really snow?

So, when exactly will it snow? They keep saying soon...

 

[dkovic77]

Now that is some snow...

I hope you all are snowed in with someone......or at least with something.

 

[princess4u]

wow - it seems we have all but disappeared

 

[talikat]

OMG! A Maryland thread! I did'nt know this was here. I live in Maryland.

Hey everybody!!

 

[princess4u]

welcome kat

the thread has been around for a few years -
sometimes more active than others

nice to meet you ~

 

[talikat]

welcome kat

the thread has been around for a few years -
sometimes more active than others

nice to meet you ~

Nice to meet you too Princess! I'm kind of new around here and this is the first time I've seen this thread.

 

[KyleW]

What did I miss the past 2 years in this thread? Someone sum it up real quick.

 

[princess4u]

What did I miss the past 2 years in this thread? Someone sum it up real quick.

good to see you again kyle

what did you miss hmmmmm........

 

[AAAAhman]

wow - it seems we have all but disappeared

might have disappeared.... yet never FORGOTTEN

for you Princess

 

[AAAAhman]

OMG! A Maryland thread! I did'nt know this was here. I live in Maryland.

Hey everybody!!

Welcome to the Maryland Thread.... Hi Kat

 

[talikat]

Welcome to the Maryland Thread.... Hi Kat

Thank you and Hello!!

 

[AAAAhman]

Thank you and Hello!!

Y v w --- Please join in and get to know the wonderful folks of Maryland. I hope you will enjoy chatting with us.

Enjoy

 

[princess4u]

might have disappeared.... yet never FORGOTTEN

for you Princess

JACK!!!!!

it's wonderful to see you - hope you'll be around for awhile now

happy monday maryland

 

[talikat]

*waves to Princess*

Good morning!

 

[princess4u]

*waves to Princess*

Good morning!

oops...sorry i missed you this morning 'kat

it's hard to believe someone else was up at that time - LOL

i noticed the photo in your sig - are you into D/s?