Memories on the Ozarks (Close)

Dan got dressed and then rode Ares back to the barn. He planned on being to the viewing a bit late and then blending into the background. Public functions were never is strong suit, sad public functions were even worse.

He took his time taking care of Ares and then headed into town. The viewing was scheduled to be from 6 until 9 o’clock, but they expected it to last until 9:30 or possibly as late as 10. Dan showed up at 7:30 and slipped into the back of the room. He couldn’t bring himself to stand up there and look down on the man he had loved. Dan wanted his memories of Joe to stay just as they were.

He stood to one side as people came and went, if someone came along that knew Dan, he would excuse himself long before that person got to him. It was a simple plan. But then, Dan was a fairly simple man.
 
Beth was tired of hearing the exclamations of how much she had grown from people who had known her as a child. What she was unprepared for was Matthew Pearson. She felt like a little girl again when she saw him walk through the door.

“Rebecca Landers.” Smiling, Matt walked up to her and embraced her in a hug. “It’s good to see you again. I hate that it’s under these circumstances.” He had grown into a very good looking man, and no matter how much Beth tried to refocus her thoughts, she couldn’t. They stood and spoke for awhile before he went into the room with the casket.

She lost track of the time and the amount of handshakes that came her way. She had caught sight of Daniel when he came in, but didn’t have a chance to speak to him. Beth waited until everybody had cleared out before she finally mustered up the nerve to walk in. She felt like she was in a nightmare as she approached the casket.

For the first time in fourteen years, she looked at her uncle. He had aged considerably, but she could still make out the smile lines around his eyes. Reaching down, she laid her hand on top of his. Instead of the warmth she had remembered, his hand was cold and lifeless.

“I’m sorry.” Whispering, she tried to swallow the lump that had formed in her throat. Closing her eyes, she hot tears slid down her cheeks. She had failed him in so many ways, and now it was too late to do anything about it.
 
Dan had been successful in avoiding everyone but Matt. It seemed Matt probably knew him better than everyone else at that gathering. “There you are Danny. I know, you wanted to scrape by without seeing anyone at all. Sorry, brother.”

Dan took his hand and gave him a hug. “It’s all right. How’s the wife and that pretty little girl of yours? They didn’t come with you?”

“Sheila is down with the flu and two year olds don’t take well to somber meetings.” He said with a slight shrug.

“Dan, this goes without saying, but if you need anything. I mean it.”

Dan nodded and saw Rebecca slip into the viewing room. He moved over and pulled the door to, to provide her with more privacy, as he heard her murmur that she had failed her uncle. Part of him wanted to rush in and offer her the comfort and support that she was lacking. A completely different side wanted just the opposite. To see her suffer for the suffering she had caused the old man.
 
Beth gained control of her emotions quickly, a well rehearsed act on her behalf. Opening her eyes, she pulled her hand back after awhile. It was getting late. She slipped out, not seeing anybody in sight except for the funeral home director. Her truck moved a little slower on the drive home, and when she pulled in, she dragged herself to bed. She didn’t even bother changing before she flopped down, and she was asleep before she knew it.
*
The funeral came and went the next morning, leaving Beth in a numb state she had tried desperately to achieve. She was tired of the pity and sympathetic looks from everybody. As soon as she could escape, she headed back to the farm. She needed to busy herself before she went crazy. Without bothering to change out of her black dress, she slid out of her black heels and slid on her boots.

It hadn’t taken long for her to saddle Samson up, and she rode out at full force to the partially finished fence. Grabbing the gloves that had been left there, she began digging holes and putting in fence posts. She ignored the pang in her stomach, and continued to work, sweat dripping down her face. Her muscles burned, but she kept working, needing to feel something other than the loss.
 
Dan sat in his truck, waiting, it seemed, for hours before she finally came from the funeral home. He hadn’t wanted to disturb her grieving process, but he felt as if he owed it to Joe to ensure that she made it home safely. Dan didn’t trust her to be safe in her present state of mind. It had occurred to him as he followed her home that he could have just went to her and asked her if she wanted a ride home, but as with most times, his ‘great’ idea came a bit after the fact. When she turned down the drive to the farm, Dan kept going, turning instead down a narrow two track lane that led to another portion of the ranch. From there, he went to his little cabin, stripped to his drawers, and fell out.

*

Dan was in a fog throughout the service. He dropped a rose onto the casket and made a silent promise to Joe Landers. I swear, Joe, to live up to all the things you taught me. It was a simple statement, but it worked for Dan. He waited patiently for the funeral to end and when it did he wasted no time getting back to the ranch.

Joe would have told him to take some time; that pushing himself now would be futile. “Get your head right, son.” He could almost hear the ol’ man’s words as if he were standing next to him. Dan even turned his head to answer him, but Joe was no longer there. He’ll never be there again. Once Dan had slipped into his old jeans and a work shirt, he went out to the stables. As he arrived, he saw Rebecca riding off on Samson in her work boots and funeral attire. He figured she was just going out for a ride, needing to clear her head. Hell, that was what he had in mind. He waited for her to clear out and then saddled up Ares.

Dan rode out to the creek and cut to the right. He followed the water west; the land changed from fields of grain to sparsely treed hills and then to a thick forest with just a trail cutting through it. Soon, he heard the light rumble carried to him on the breeze. The path was flanked by thick brush and the trees thinned out some as the path led to a clearing that surrounded a large pond. At the far end of the pond was a gorgeous fifteen foot waterfall. Dan dismounted Ares and stood at the water’s edge. For some reason, his spot wasn’t doing it for him today. He couldn’t find the clarity he sought.

Ares took him back toward the new fence line. As Dan rode near, he saw a figure in black working at a fevered pace. It had been a few hours already since he had seen Rebecca leave the stables. He wondered if she had been here the entire time. He figured she probably had. He turned Ares and went back to his cabin.

It only took a few minutes to pack a few sandwiches and some fresh veggies, along with some bottled water. Dan took them back out to the fence and carefully approached as not to disturb Rebecca as she worked. Quietly, he got down and walked Ares the rest of the way. “You know… This could have waited until you had changed clothes.”
 
At one point, the weight of her world came crashing down on her. She mistepped on the hole digger and lost her balance. Crashing down to her knees, she suddenly burst into uncontrollable sobs. Dropping the shovel, she sat there for nearly a half hour crying. During the funeral she had come to the conclusion that she would work herself to death, if that was what it took, to keep this farm in motion. Finally, she picked herself up and got back to work. As she moved along, she hadn’t bothered to mess with the barbed wire. It was too tedious of a job at the moment, and she needed the pains and aches to override the emotional torment.

Her tears had long dried when Daniel joined her. She shrugged at his words, but kept working at a high rate of speed. The emotion she had stifled the better part of an hour was threatening to creep up on her. She wouldn’t allow it. Not in front of the man who seemed, at times, determined to remind her of what she’d missed.

Finally, she stopped, her chest pounding from the exertion and her body swaying slightly from the heat. She hadn't brought any water out with her, and dehydration was beginning to set in. Her eyes scanned the horizon beyond the fence line.

"I had to do something." Her voice came out between gasps of air, the musles in her chest aching. The world tipped on its edge, and she sat down quickly on the ground in an effort to keep from passing out. Closing her eyes, she made a conscious effort to slow her breathing down.
 
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Dan shrugged as well. As she continued working, he pulled the makings of lunch from his saddlebags.

He nodded and completely understood. The need to do something was pulling at him still. “You are going to make yourself sick, though, Rebecca. C’mon ‘n eat. At least get some water in you before you pass out.”

For a while the only sound was the wind and occasional bird. Dan watched the clouds roll by and only flicked a glance at Rebecca now and again. He noticed the tracks worked in the grime on her cheeks that could only be from tears. Good.

Dan was finding it increasingly difficult to continue to do what the ol’ man would expect of him, in regards to Rebecca. It seemed the longer he went, the more angry she made him for the way she had treated Joe.
 
At the moment, she lacked the energy to scold him on her name. After the ground stopped running in circles around her, she stood up on shaky legs and walked over to where he stood. Taking a bottle of water, she sipped on it slowly so as not to make herself sick. Even though she had pushed herself further than she should have, Beth found his words to be patronizing. She was tougher than he gave her credit for.

“What are you doing out here?” When she finally found herself able to speak without the fear of sounding as weak as she felt, she cast him a curious glance.
 
“Had to do something. Truth is, I was out riding, trying to figure out what I was s’posed to be doin’ when I saw you out here tearin’ up my fence line. I asked myself ‘What would Joe want me to do?’ The answer was easy and came back in his voice. It said to take care of his girl.” Dan sat there for a minute longer, watching her wobble from over exertion and lack of food. He shook his head at her stubbornness.

“Look. Eat. Don’t eat. Whatever suits you.” Dan finished his sandwich and picked up his garbage. He mounted Ares in a fluid motion and turned him back toward the stables.
 
He didn’t leave her much time to respond before he left on Ares. She really wanted to throw something at him, but decided that it probably would have displeased her uncle. Instead, she glared at his back as he left before reaching for the sandwich. She tore it into pieces and fed it to Samson, who nudged her appreciatively. Deciding she needed to stop, she climbed on top of him and returned home.
*
The next few weeks seemed to drag on. It was taking an extra effort to get up before the sun each morning. While the farm hands’ days off were staggered so that everybody got two days off, Beth worked straight through the week. There was no point in her taking a day off. The one day she had tried, she’d ended up working anyways for lack of anything better to do.

She had cleaned out the storm cellars, restocking them with nonperishable food, replacing the stuff that had been there since before she was born. There were four cellars spread out on the property to ensure that there was always one within a reasonable distance wherever somebody might find themselves. The fence was nearly completed, as was several of the other projects that had been in motion.

Beth had taken to helping train the horses in an effort to put distance between her and Daniel. It didn’t take her long to realize the judgment he had bestowed on her, even if she didn’t know why. They skirted around one another, speaking when necessary.

The sky was a brilliant blue with cotton ball clouds moving slowly across the Ozark sky. Even though the temperature was warm, Beth was in her jeans and long sleeved shirt, standing at the fence to the training area. They had rescued a purebred Andalusion mare named Brisa who had been abused by her former owner. She was a dark brown, and now that she had been getting fed and brushed properly, her coat shone beautifully.

She had a tendency to become very tense around men, but had grown accustomed to the few horse handlers they had. Standing on the bottom railing with her arms folded onto the top railing, Beth’s hazel eyes watched worriedly as Marcus, their lead horse trainer, attempted to put a halter on her. Beth had voiced her opinion that Brisa was not ready, but she had been met with opposition.

The horse’s ears were pricked back slightly as he approached, and Beth held her breath. As soon as the halter was over her ears, the five year old mare spooked. Before anybody could do anything to avoid it, she rose up on her hind legs and came down, sending Marcus to the ground.

“Damn it.” Growing through her teeth, Beth quickly hopped the fence. The other men were doing their best to scare the horse away from Marcus in order to get him help.

Beth took a different approach. Walking up slowly, Brisa continued to buck in an attempt to get the halter, which was hitting her in the face, but stuck on her ears. When Beth got close enough, she began to sing an old Spanish lullaby, trying to drown out the pandemonium going on at the other end of the arena. Brisa’s ears twitched, and her buck seemed to lose some of its aggression. Beth took a step ever so slowly, moving in as quickly as she could without further spooking the horse.

One of the men by Marcus used his phone to call Dan and let him know what was going on before he called for an ambulance. The men moved Marcus as carefully from the arena as they could, nobody daring to approach Beth or Brisa. Beth preferred it that way. She remembered when her uncle had brought home a rescue, and the patience he had shown in working with that horse.

It took her about fifteen minutes of slow stepping and singing the same lullaby over and over before she could get close enough to touch the mare. Gently, Beth ran her hand down the horse’s neck, waiting an additional five minutes before touching the halter. She continued to sing and stroke the horse while she slipped the halter the rest of the way on and buckled it.

“Good girl.” Her voice was almost a whisper when she spoke, realizing that some of commotion behind her had died down. The ambulance had arrived and, thankfully, had left off the siren. Reaching in her pocket, she pulled out a couple of sugar cubes that she always kept there and offered them up. Brisa hesitated before helping herself. When she was finished, Beth moved away slowly, climbing back over the fence, and exhaling.
 
Dan had been cautious, merely watching to see where Rebecca wanted to be. When she chose to head the training area, he stepped back fully. In truth, that wasn’t his strongest side anyway. Mainly he had just managed those that did the training, ensuring the job was done properly. Training the horses was a full time job within itself.

He had ended up finishing the fence himself, often working long into the night by spotlight. It was either that or go back out to the bar. Heading to the bar would mean facing more possible issues with Jasmine as well as Jimmy, and Sgt. Shaw had already called to remind him that the BetheL didn’t need the trouble and Joe Landers wouldn’t approve. Dan had had to concede.

Dan was meeting with a new group of kids and counselors that had moved in to the bunkhouses when the call came in about Marcus. Dan could not be torn away at the moment and figured that Rebecca was there. She could handle it. Dan ok’d the ambulance and went ahead and finished the small version of the tour and the paperwork. The kids couldn’t stay if they weren’t insured.

After making a point to tell them that he’d be back around tomorrow morning, Dan excused himself, explaining that he had issues to attend to. Marcus had already been taken off to the hospital so Dan paused to talk to Jonathon in the stable office. He was the one of the newest hands there, but was coming along nicely as far as horse training went. Jon explained what had happened before Dan decided to go see what the damages were at the hospital.

He was infuriated and the hour long drive to the hospital didn’t help improve his disposition. When Dan pulled into the parking lot, it was already dark out. He asked to see Marcus and was taken to his room. After an MRI to check a lump on his head, he had been diagnosed with a simple sprained ankle. They had just been about to release him when Dan had come in.

Dan led him out to his truck and had just opened the car door for him when his temper finally gave out. “Marcus! Who the FUCK do you THINK you are?!?” The words exploded from Dan; his finger shoved into Marcus’ face. “Whose fucking name is it on your fucking paychecks? Eh? When Miss Landers tells you something you fucking better well listen.” He realized he was screaming.

Marcus was beginning to turn red in his face. He was not accustomed to being talked to in this manner. He was a big man, standing easily near six foot four and topping the scales somewhere near three hundred twenty pounds. Marcus got right back in Dan’s face. “That bitch has no right to tell me how to train a mare!”
Dan hit him. Marcus came back with a fury. The two grown men fought in the parking lot like schoolboys. In the end, Dan brushed the dirt from his clothes and threw two hundred bucks on Marcus’ chest. “Call a cab. Don’t show up on the ranch tomorrow unless you want another just like it.”

The drive back to the farm was a long one.
 
Beth had watched Dan leave to go the hospital, biting her bottom lip. She hadn’t meant to take over like she did, nor had she set out trying to tell the man how to do his job. It was more an instinct, and she hated that it had been proven right. After the farmhands had scattered and Brisa had settled down, Beth had returned to the arena with a lead rope.

She used the same technique as she had before, walking slowly and singing in Spanish. Brisa remained calm as Beth clipped on the lead rope and reached up to rub the horse’s neck, speaking in Spanish.
“Sé, brisa preciosa. Es difícil de fiarse de otra vez después de que sea dolido tan mal. Nosotros ambos tienen las cicatrices, pero ambos de nosotros volarán cuando el tiempo tiene razón. Permanezca hermosa a chica fuerte y. Hay gran cosas guardadas para usted.” Her voice remained quiet as she began leading the mare back to the stables.

Brisa allowed Beth to groom her before she was secured in the stall. Giving her a sugar cube, Beth ran her hand down Brisa’s nose. She left to go check on the rest of the farmhands, enduring the jests of being a horse whisperer.

“That horse is the devil, Beth.” Grinning, Mike, another horse trainer, reached up to wipe sweat from his forehead. Beth just shook her head, knowing that he saw the potential in Brisa as she did.

Beth waited nervously at the house, casting constant glances out the window. She wasn’t sure whether she was relieved or more uncomfortable when Dan returned. Hopping in her truck, she drove down to the barn, where he had parked and gone inside. Taking a deep breath, she got out and walked in, gently knocking on the door before she entered.

“How’s…oh my goodness.” She had started to ask how Marcus was, but the bruises and cuts stopped her. “Daniel, what happened?” Despite her unease around the man, concern was etched in her eyes as she walked fully inside his office.
 
Dan looked up to see Becca standing there in his doorway. Dammit. I don’t need to deal with this as well. Not right now. God? Why couldn’t she wait until tomorrow at least? I could have claimed to have gone to the bar again or something.

“I fell.” Dan finished up some paperwork and slipped copies of them into an envelope. Marcus was one of the men that lived off the ranch, he drove in from another farm down the road. At least he wouldn’t have to find somewhere else to live as well as a new job. “Marcus ended up having a sprained ankle. He won’t be back.”
 
Rebecca furrowed her eyebrows as he lied to her. She knew it to be a lie. There was no way that he had sustained those injuries from a fall. Looking around, she located a first aid kit. Digging through it, she found an alcohol pad and a band-aid. Moving in front of him, she sat down on the edge of it, pulling the alcohol pad out.

“Come here.” Reaching up, she laid one had against the side of his head, the other gently wiping at the cut above his eyebrow. “Can we make an agreement to be honest with one another? Regardless of how we feel about each other, I don’t appreciate being lied to.”

“What was the fight about?” Leaning in closely to try and see what she was doing, she tilted her head to the side as she put the band-aid on. Looking down, she saw a couple of his knuckles were split. Folding the alcohol pad over, she took his other hand and began cleaning out the wounds.
 
He didn’t really feel up to fighting with her. He had already filled his quota for the day. Gasping, his arm flew up to his ribs as he got up and sat on the desk in front of her.

He hadn’t really expected her to accept his lie, but he had hoped that she would let it go. Dan winced as much at her question as at the alcohol stinging his busted hand and face. “I don’t suppose that if I told you that you don’t really want to know, you’d let it go would you? Besides, being honest and being open are sometimes two totally different things.”

He thought it over as she helped repair the damage done to his body. “Tell you what. I’ll be open and honest with you, if you do the same with me.”
 
“Fair enough.” She caught his momentarily contorted face. Pulling his hand up closer, she gently blew on it in hopes of easing the pain. It caught her a moment too late how close she was to him, and she pulled back from him. “As long as you understand that there are some things that I will never talk about.”

Wrapping her arms around herself, she walked over to a photograph of the ranch. It was an aerial picture, and it depicted the enormity of the farm. She knew how much this place meant to Dan. Despite her personal opinion of the man, she couldn’t doubt where his heart lay. Turning back to him, she walked back over.

"How bad do your ribs hurt?" Turning her attention back on him, she reached out without thinking and gently pushed on his ribs, walking her fingers towards his sternum.
 
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“’Course, talkin’ bout the things you don’t necessarily want to is what being open and honest is all about.” Dan couldn’t help watching her backside as she stared at the photo on his wall, it helped to keep his thoughts off his pain.

“They ain’t that bad.” Daniel managed to say before her fingers worked into the meat of his chest, but his intake of air was too sharp and told a different story. “Sorry.” He said when he could speak again. “I guess they are worse than I thought. Just grab the tape there and give me a few wraps. That’s all they’d do at the ER. Well, that and give me a lecture ‘bout wrasslin with bears.” A chuckle escaped his lips before a wrack of pain stopped him cold.
 
“There are some things that are best forgotten.” Shrugging, she looked at him meekly in hopes that he’d drop the subject. Her eyebrows lifted when he inhaled sharply, scrutinizing him as she continued to check his ribs.

“I won’t force you to go to the doctor if you take it easy for the next few days.” She knew a week would be pushing it. She reached for the tape as he took his shirt off. Beth couldn’t help but admire his body. Hard work had been very complimentary to him, which made it slightly difficult to concentrate on the task at hand. Her hands moved gently as she slid the tape around his torso, thankful for the dim light. It hid the blush that appeared on her face every time her fingers brushed his bare skin.

“If it’s all right with you, I was going to see about taking over Brisa.” Beth sought out any topic to distract her.
 
“All things in good time. I’m jus’ pointin’ out that open and honest includes the open part.” He said, not wanting to push the issue any further. He basically had no choice but to shut up, as she started running the tape around his muscled body, his breath became jagged. He hoped that she’d think it was the pain doing it to him, rather than her lithe fingers brushing against him and the places his mind was taking this situation to.

“You’re the boss.” He said in regards to both the taking it easy and the taking over Brisa. “Tell ya what. How about I limit myself to managerial duties, and helpin’ them counselors and kids out there get situated? Oh, Yeah. You should prolly get out there and meet the counselors too, or better yet – invite them all out to watch you with that new mare.”
 
She stopped what she was doing and looked at him, her expression unreadable. She had no qualms with the children and the counselors coming up to watch the horses and such, but Brisa was probably not the best candidate for an audience.

“Dan, on paper I may be, but you are just as much in charge of this farm as I am.” As fabulous as he was at irritating her and unnerving her, Joe had trusted him and that went a long way with her. “She responded well to me earlier, and when I went back to put the lead rope on, she was fine. I think she’s apprehensive around men.” Finishing up the job, she bent her head low to rip the tape from the base. Tossing it on the desk, she leaned back against the wall, one leg crossing over the other.

“I would like to meet them. I don’t think Brisa is ready for a crowd yet, but we can always pull Samson out for a demonstration. What do you think?”
 
Becca stopped what she was doing and looked at him and Dan looked right back into her eyes. When he breathed in, all he could smell was her scent. There was a stirring in his crotch and his stomach clenched. Dan bit the inside of his cheek.

When she bent down to bite the tape, Dan’s breath caught in his throat and a silly grin came over his face. It disappeared by the time she stood back up. His fantasies were going to drive him crazy.

"I’d say that would be a good call, then. You are better at the training than I ever was, plus you have a connection to the mare. I can do the job; say if the trainers ain't there or something. Hell, I even rode during a competition once, or twice."

Joe had the trophies and medals somewhere, Prolly up in his study... Dan thought. They were for the first four years he was here. Most of them were silver and bronzes, but there were a few golds as well. Dan had given them all to the ol' man as soon as he had them home. He always felt that it was his way of saying thanks and telling Joe that he had owed him everything.

“Samson would be ok, but I think Killisti would be better. She loves the kids, always has. Samson has spent the last few years being around a somewhat grumpy old man.”
 
“I don’t know a thing about training, to be honest. I just feel like the others were pushing her too fast. I’ll do what I can, though.” She smiled a genuine smile for the first time in what felt like ages. Beth just felt protective over the mare.

“That doesn’t surprise me. My uncle loved competitions, but he would never compete. He put me in one every summer I was here.” She couldn’t deny that she loved them as well. There was something about the adrenaline, especially during the barrel races and cross-country jumping. “He tried to teach me roping, but we both gave up on that after the second day.”

The idea of riding Killisti still divided her emotions. She had to get over it at some point, and she knew that.

“I’ll start working with her tomorrow then.” She felt helpless to stop it from happening. When he referred her uncle as a grumpy old man, Beth laughed. Her uncle had always been a spitfire, and she could only imagine how that got worse with age.
 
Dan wasn't quite sure where to go from here. Part of him felt that the thing he should do was go right over and kiss this woman. Another side altogether told him that she owed him answers to questions he had no right to ask. This confliction infuriated him, but he pushed it all aside. Another time, Danny boy, another time.

“My opinion… You should take over Marcus’ office in the stables. Won’t do you no good to be workin’ out of the house and you spend most of your time there anyways. It’d make the most sense. You’ll find you are a natural at training. From what I hear, you did real good with Brisa. If you have any questions about the technical side of things, the other hands know their shi… stuff. Or you can chirp me whenever.”
 
It frustrated her to no end that she felt the need for his approval. There was a side of her that felt that by gaining Dan’s approval she was somehow getting approval from her uncle. The other side didn’t give a flying monkey about his opinion. She nodded slowly, feeling tired despite the early hour.

“If you’re ok with it, I’ll meet you in the morning and go down to the bunkers with you.”
 
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The next morning Dan and Becca went to meet the children and the counselors. Dan began to work with the kids, taking them on short tours of the farm, showing them different aspects of what they did. Every so often he would show up at the stables with two or three children at a time, where they watched when Becca would work with Brisa or Killisti. Dan was impressed with the changes she had made to her new office in the stables.

A few weeks went by and Dan healed up nicely. One group of children moved out and another was about to move in. Dan was checking in on Becca a few times a week, mainly giving her the opportunity to ask any questions she might have. At first, there were many, but as the weeks went by the questions grew less and less. She really was a natural. Dan had to give credit where it was due.

Dan had stopped in to have lunch with her one day when a sheriff’s deputy showed up at her office door. “Sorry to bother you folks, I’m Deputy Caine. Are you Daniel Collins? And you Rebecca Landers?” As they nodded, the deputy came in and handed over two envelopes. “You have been served by the Howell County Courts, in case number 321453B, Marcus Stine vs. BetheL Ranch. I really am sorry, Danny. You too, Miss Landers.”

Dan nodded to the deputy as he left and turned to look at Becca. “Shit.”
 
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