Mint and Honey

[heartofcourage]

Kate was quiet for a long time as she just stared at her son. He was so small that he nearly disappeared in the crook of Qira’s arm. Someone had dressed him in a smart blue shirt, the fabric soft and cozy. He was diapered and around his ankle was a little moon charm. Everyone seemed to be able to care for him without her around.

“He looks so much like his Da. Even the thick ruff of fur around his neck is similar.” She said softly.

 

[KieranSoares]

"He'll have your eyes when the blue fades," Qira murmured quietly in Erygonian. "Maybe some flecks of gold."

 

[heartofcourage]

"I hope I'm still around to see it." Kate said softly as Qira spoke softly about the cub's green eyes.

 

[KieranSoares]

Qira was never the sort to show emotions like horror or even worry for the most part. His ability to keep a straight face intimidated enemies and assured friends of his words when he spoke. "I think you will be," he muttered calmly, watching as little Brogan woke just long enough to realize his mother was there. The little cub struggled to squirm toward her, until Qira settled him against her shoulder and he calmed completely and drifted back to sleep.

 

[heartofcourage]

Kate didn't protest as Qira put Brogan in her arms, the little cub nuzzling against her neck before he settled back down to sleep. She gently rested her head against her son's, sighing softly as she closed her eyes and simply existed for a moment. There was no rush or concern when it was just Qira. He didn't make her take medicines or encourage her to try and nurse Brogan in vain. He simply let her be, fragile and broken, for however long she needed.

 

[KieranSoares]

Qira in turn rested his head beside her own, her silent guardian as he'd always been since they'd met. With Rissa, love was still new, and he wasn't sure about Kell yet as neither had had a chance to speak on the subject of their four-way relationship. But with Kate, Qira knew exactly what his role was, and he could be more when she needed. He did love her, but that love had started in pledging his life to defend her

 

[heartofcourage]

Rissa watched as everything seemed calm for a moment. She turned then and left the room, going to get food for Kate and the baby when they were ready. As she exited the room, she paused when she saw Kell leaning against the wall, a tired and sad look on his features.

"She's alright for now." Rissa said softly, reaching out to touch his cheek. "And we'll get them both through this."

 

[KieranSoares]

Kell gazed down at Rissa with a hopeless expression she had never before seen of the Lord Protector. "... She wants to give up," he murmured. Even if he hadn't heard the worst of it, he could see the signs.

 

[heartofcourage]

"Yes, she does. However, she still has hope even if she doesn't see it." Rissa said softly as Kell looked down at her with such a wounded expression of his own. "Qira has her holding Brogan right now. That's certainly a positive thing. She was talking about how he looks like you. She notices and knows that she loves her cub. We just have to hope that things start to turn around."

Rissa pulled him in for a gentle kiss before she wrapped her arms around him. He needed protection himself, someone to love him through all of this until his beloved wife could do it for herself.

 

[KieranSoares]

Kell was quietly desperate for that affection, his ears folding back slightly as he half-clung to Rissa. "Thank the gods you two are here," he murmured, knowing he and Kate would be far lower without Qira and Rissa.

 

[heartofcourage]

"You'll owe me for it desperately." Rissa said with a small smile as he curled against her when she held him. "Go and see your wife while she's awake. Be careful what you say about Brogan. I'll get everyone something to eat."

 

[KieranSoares]

"I'll find some way to make it up when I have the energy," Kell promised, leaving her with another kiss. He walked just a little bit taller, stepping into Kate's chambers calmly to see his wife and son curled up with their guardian.

"Morning, love," Kell murmured softly.

 

[heartofcourage]

Kate glanced up as Kell stepped into the room, a wave of guilt washing over her over the fact that she had warned Alex that she would kill herself. They had never kept secrets between them, but she felt as if she had a wealth of them hidden away at the moment.

"Qira, would you excuse us for a moment?" Kate asked softly, looking towards her guard. "I think there's some things that Kell and I need to talk about."

 

[KieranSoares]

Qira nodded, leaving her side with a kiss to her cheek. He wouldn't go far, but he did leave them in peace. Watching the door close behind the Panther, Kell looked back to Kate worriedly.

 

[heartofcourage]

"When we got married, I told you my fears about what might happen if I lose myself to the same illness that my birth father had." Kate said softly as Kell turned to look at her. "You promised that you would protect the throne. I feel like...I feel like I might need you to do that, Kell. And to protect our son as well."

Tears were in her eyes as she glanced down at the slumbering cub, his tiny fingers curled against the fabric of her nightgown. She loved him deeply, more than she could probably admit. However, those dark thoughts had seen her doing terrible things to him.

"I hurt. My body is tired and my mind is tired. My chest hurts from the herbs they are giving me to try to help. I know my Ma and Mariko are trying to do their best to help me do something normal for my baby, but all I see it as is a failure." Kate finally admitted to him. "And...I've seriously thought about ending it all."

 

[KieranSoares]

Kell's ears folded back slowly as she spoke, and he came to sit beside her. He wanted to speak, to tell her there was hope and reason to stay. But he knew she had already weighed much of it, and found it wanting versus the pain and hopelessness she felt.

With a hand on their cub's back, and one on Kate's cheek, all Kell could do was lean in and kiss her in the weak hope that his love might help just a little.

 

[heartofcourage]

Kate was crying in earnest as her husband did his best to make her see that everything was still worth it in the end. She kissed him back before she rested her forehead against his own, the tears coming unabated.

“I’m so sorry, Kell. I’m so sorry.” Kate said softly, unable to shake the tremendous guilt and hate she had for herself.

 

[KieranSoares]

"I don't need apologies, love," Kell whispered. 'I just need you." He felt selfish for it, but he hoped that the people who needed her would keep Kate around long enough for her to see a light at the end of the tunnel.

 

[heartofcourage]

Kate was soon curled against her husband, her face pressed against the thick fur of his neck as she cried herself out. She was clutching Brogan so tightly to her chest, almost as if she were afraid that he might disappear when she least expected it. She was sniffling as she felt her husband wrap his arms around her, holding her just as tightly.

 

[KieranSoares]

Between them, their cub seemed content for the first time in his short life, warm and safe between his parents like he had been in Kate's belly as Kell held her. Despite his mother's distress, he was completely settled and practically purred.

 

[heartofcourage]

Kate paused as she heard the strange, content little purr coming from between them. Neither of them moved as Brogan let it be known just how happy he was in that moment. Kate was almost afraid to breathe in case she upset her little cub.

"He's never made this sound before." Kate whispered softly, her sadness forgotten for a moment as they both shared in a first for their little cub.

 

[KieranSoares]

Kell managed a little smile, though it was weak. "He hasn't gotten to be with both of us at the same time since he was born."

 

[heartofcourage]

“Mama loves you, Brogan.” Kate whispered softly, kissing the top of his tiny head as he whimpered and growled before settling again with that constant purr of contentment.

 

[KieranSoares]

Kell nuzzled close to them both, his smile growing as his son mimicked the motion back. "You're going to be a moody one, aren't you?"

 

[heartofcourage]

"He'll be like his Ma." Kate said softly as Brogan tried his best to nuzzle back against his Da, his little eyes opening to look at the both of them.

Kate saw absolute love and trust in those green eyes, the little cub's world complete with his Ma and his Da there beside him. He was still ill, but it seemed he was growing stronger as time went on. Perhaps his illness could be cured and he would be a strapping young king in time.

"I promise you both that I'll fight." Kate said softly to her husband and son, a solemn promise that this depression wouldn't claim her without a fight.