More How come? than How to...

[Perfect_Trust]

This has only happened to me once, & recently, but...

I recently had an encounter whereby I was with a guy I'd been heavily petting with. On removal of clothes (mine & his) his dick was still flaccid. It really freaked me out as it was totally new to me. Is this natural for some men? Is it an age thing? (doubt it,he's 42 not 72).

 

[brw02]

It should not surprise you. Good things take time, and the same is true for satisfying intercourse. Take matters into your own hands and you should be pleased with the results.

 

[Perfect_Trust]

It should not surprise you. Good things take time, and the same is true for satisfying intercourse. Take matters into your own hands and you should be pleased with the results.

I was surprised though...I've been with a lot of men & this has never happened. So have I just got lucky all the other times?

 

[brw02]

I was surprised though...I've been with a lot of men & this has never happened. So have I just got lucky all the other times?

I imagine that it depends a lot on the man. I can feel arousal before attaining an erection. My lover knows this and has no problems. The delay only serves to make the loving hotter. Overall, I doubt that you should worry much about it. Maybe you were lucky those other times-but that early erection may not always be a positive thing.

 

[Perfect_Trust]

I can feel arousal before attaining an erection

I suppose that was causing some of my confusion, that he seemed to be aroused, but no erection!

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I suppose that was causing some of my confusion, that he seemed to be aroused, but no erection!

i don't think that just because he doesn't have an erection means he's not turned on. i know there are plenty of times that Master and i talk, that mentally He is turned on, but it doesn't mean He has an erection every time i say or do something that turns Him on. maybe he did have an erection but between the time of the heavy petting and the removing of clothes, the blood returned back to where it came from and His erection was gone. i would be more worried if He wasn't 'hard' during sex or if in the middle of it he went flaccid.

 

[rthnck]

First time jitters?

If this was the first time with said gentleman friend that could be part of the issue. Expectations and performance anxiety are a huge part of the stiffness quotient.

Just as a woman's orgasm is very much a mental exercise, so it is with men. While erections are quick to appear they are just as quick to disappear if his head is not entirely in the game.

I'd be curious how the encounter turned out. Taking matters into your own hands (or mouth) is usually a surefire kickstart. If you are enthusiastic your efforts will almost certainly be rewarded.

 

[brw02]

I suppose that was causing some of my confusion, that he seemed to be aroused, but no erection!

One usually leads to the other (arousal>erection), but the timing may vary. I bet you can handle it either way!

 

[SweetErika]

That might surprise me a bit too since it's never happened to me before, but I do recognize they go up and down quickly, and no erection doesn't mean no arousal. Hubby gets hard when I'm semi-nude, but then he might go down while he focuses on pleasuring me, gives oral, etc. That doesn't mean he's not aroused or turned-off by those activities, it's just a matter of concentration/distraction. As soon as his attention is re-focused on sex, he gets hard again, often without being touched.

 

[Bert Notorius]

What's the real issue here? Did you take his lack af an erection as a failure on your part to turn him on, or your technique? Men are not very complex Feed us, f**k us and let us go to sleep!

 

[buxxxom]

I like to go from a "cold start" sometimes. Then I know it's all due to me, not that I oppose anyone else he may be thinking of; I also like to hold it in my mouth and suck it to hardness. I like the contrast. Nice way to wake him up.

 

[TBKahuna123]

My wife and I were discussing this the other day. She had noticed that for a while recently I seemed to need more direct stimulation in order to stay hard. This concerned her because she thought I might not be as physically attracted to her anymore, or something like that, because just seeing her naked wasn't enough to get me rock ahrd anymore. The simple fact was that if she would even touch me I was hard, but without that direct contact I wasn't as aroused, physically. She only brought this up now becasue lately I seem to not have this problem.

The fact is that I had a period of high stress which killed my sex drive this summer. One of the effects was the above issue. Now that the stress has let up, so have these issues. The fact is though, this was a physiological effect and I'm only 34. I could have no problem seeing this as a common issue among 42 year old men.

Like Erika said, I also don't stay rock hard if I am going down on my wife and concentrating on her pleasure. That doesn't mean I am unaroused or unable to maintain an erection.

So unless this is affecting his ability to have intercourse with you, I wouldn't take it as anything out of the ordinary or attribute any other meaning to it.

 

[Perfect_Trust]

I'd be curious how the encounter turned out. Taking matters into your own hands (or mouth) is usually a surefire kickstart. If you are enthusiastic your efforts will almost certainly be rewarded.

Yes, we got there in the end.

What's the real issue here? Did you take his lack af an erection as a failure on your part to turn him on, or your technique?

Maybe I thought he wasn't that turned on by me, but I've never had any complaints about my technique. And yes I was also complimented by him afterwards.

 

[Chicklet]

Is it an age thing? (doubt it,he's 42 not 72).

I experienced this a lot with my ex. We'd be doing all sorts of sexual things and he wouldn't be hard. I know I was turning him on, and that he could get hard as soon as needed for sex, but sometimes he just wasn't erect. Or he was only partially erect, sometimes. He was 23 and 24 while we were dating, so I don't think it was an age thing.

I wouldn't worry about it. I certainly didn't with my ex. Sometimes I'm turned on and I'm not as wet as I would like... I think it's the same thing.

 

[TBKahuna123]

Maybe I thought he wasn't that turned on by me, but I've never had any complaints about my technique. And yes I was also complimented by him afterwards.

I can see how this might make you think that way, like I said, that's what my wife read into it. Obviously though that's not the case, so don't stress.

Sometimes I'm turned on and I'm not as wet as I would like... I think it's the same thing.

That's exactly what my wife said when we talked about it. I think it's a good analogy.

 

[Perfect_Trust]

I can see how this might make you think that way, like I said, that's what my wife read into it. Obviously though that's not the case, so don't stress.

Actually,now you mention stress again, (as in you earlier post) that could well be a part of it as he has been going through a stressful situation which he had just received further news on (not good news)!

 

[TBKahuna123]

Actually,now you mention stress again, (as in you earlier post) that could well be a part of it as he has been going through a stressful situation which he had just received further news on (not good news)!

It has freaken me out totally what stress can do to the male libido. Don't discount it's effects. The best thing you can do is just roll withthe punches. Any effects fo stress will freak him out bad enough, but if you start putting added stress on him, it will make it worse. Pesonally I think all the ED drug commercials have made it worse because so many of us are now just waiting and watching and worrying about ED? Mind over body can be a bad thing as well as a good thing.

The simple fact is though, if he can still get it up enough to perform and make your toes curl in ecstasy, that's all that really matters, right?

 

[Perfect_Trust]

Any effects fo stress will freak him out bad enough, but if you start putting added stress on him, it will make it worse.

No...I haven't even mentioned it to him as it didn't interfere with the end result.

 

[Bert Notorius]

...Is it an age thing? (doubt it,he's 42 not 72).

Age plays a large part. Your age numbers are on the upper end of the scale. When I think back to high school days, carrying books around to cover a perpetual "boner" was common for me. College, not as much. I think the body learns and adjusts. It takes alot of resources to maintain an erection. Now if your partner was 17, something else might be going on.