More Humour

[MediocreAuthor]

Here's one I just heard on Facebook lol

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A dog gets lost in the jungle, and she's wandering around, looking for her way home, when she gets spotted by a lion.

The lion thinks, 'Hmmm... That thing looks tasty!' and charges, ready to eat the dog.

The dog spots the lion, but she also happens to see some bones laying on ground nearby. She grabs one and starts gnawing on it and remarks, "Yum! That sure was a tasty lion!"

The lion stops dead in his tracks and thinks, 'That thing eats lions? Ooh, it must be poisonous or something! I'm not taking any chances!' And he backs off.

A monkey sitting high up in a tree saw the whole thing, so he follows the lion back home.

"My king!" says the monkey, "I come with information, that I hope will give me favor in your eyes! The dog played a trick on you! She is actually helpless!"

The lion was furious. "Jump on my back then, monkey. And we will chase down this dog together!"

The monkey obeys and rides the lion back to where the dog is.

The dog sees them coming but pretends not to notice.

"Where's that damn monkey?!" she barks loudly, as if annoyed. "He was supposed to bring me another lion an hour ago!"

 

[JTass]

My dad told me this joke when I was six, and it still makes me chuckle every time I hear it:

Q1: Why do ducks have big webbed feet?
A1: To stamp out forest fires.
Q2: Why do elephants have big flat feet?
A2: To stamp out flaming ducks.

 

[BobbyBrandt]

Merry Christmas

 

[JTass]

One day, the pope is relaxing in his quarters at the Vatican with a crossword puzzle, when he gets stumped by a clue.
He calls one of his bishops who is also a crossword buff and asks, "What's a four-letter word for 'a woman of an older generation' ending in u-n-t?
The bishop thinks about it for a moment then replies, "Aunt."
The pope snaps his fingers and says, "Oh, of course! Now where did I put my eraser?"

 

[TarnishedPenny]

The Pope is quietly sleeping when his door bangs open and one of the cardinals bustles in.

“Holiness! Holiness!” he cried. “Wake up, wake up!”

The Pope pulls himself awake.

“What is it, my son?”

“I have good news, Holiness, but also bad news.”

“Give me the good news first, then.”

“Yes, Holiness. The good news is that the Second Coming is upon us. We have just received a personal phone call from our Lord!”

“Well, that’s delightful, my son! That’s the best possible news! What could possibly be bad!”

The cardinal’s face fell.

“Well, Holiness, He was calling from Salt Lake City.”