Mr. P.‘s Laundry thread

[Tallulah82]

Dearest Scrubber of Pant Stains,

Here's the thing. The thing is this: you're not boring. Not in the least. I admire that you've chosen your own path on Lit and not followed what you think is the 'norm'. I think too many people try too hard to fit in and in doing so, feel like they're failing or something if the results are not what they expected.

I think Lit is best used and enjoyed when expectations are lowered to ankle height. Expect to be treated with a polite kindness at the very least but other than that... the more people expect then the more the disappointment hits.

You keep doing you, my friend.

 

[MrPimms]

Dearest Scrubber of Pant Stains,

Here's the thing. The thing is this: you're not boring. Not in the least. I admire that you've chosen your own path on Lit and not followed what you think is the 'norm'. I think too many people try too hard to fit in and in doing so, feel like they're failing or something if the results are not what they expected.

I think Lit is best used and enjoyed when expectations are lowered to ankle height. Expect to be treated with a polite kindness at the very least but other than that... the more people expect then the more the disappointment hits.

You keep doing you, my friend.

Dear Ankle Height Litster,

I should caution you on using ankle height as a measure of things, I have been know to love all things ankle. Usually it’s the right height for perving on shoes too.

Serious voice: thank you. There are few expectations here in my laundrette. I don’t pretend to be anything than a little weird. My mind does go to some very obscure places that, some times, make me giggle at myself. Thank you, again.

Now. Carbolic soap. Note: do not ask for soap for bollocks in the shop next door.

 

[MrPimms]

What a time!

The laundrette has been decked out with festive fayre. The animatronic Father Christmas suffered a similar fate to the Halloween animatronic. I must admit seeing his jolly face, those wire framed glasses and the way he waved that candle, all proved too much. I had to put a sign that Santa had already emptied his sack and was on the way back to the North Pole to get a refill. Well. He did ride one pole, that’s for certain.

Horny Harold and Horny Ethel are very much loved up. I know this because I’ve had to unclog the soap dispensers after catching Harold … helping himself on several occasions. It’s quite sweet really. They come in, snog each others’ faces off, often leaving drool patches for me to clean up. I overheard both of them talking about presents. I only hope Harold is joking about the Christmas ornaments in the tat shop, that’ll be interesting to explain at the hospital.

As for business, it’s going well. The fancy place charges four quid for a frothy coffee. Cup of instant coffee here costs a lot less, and as some of you have worked out, flash me, smile and make me forget if I’ve charged you.

Service washes are flying out. These promo codes I’m giving out are getting a lot of return business.

If business recedes in the new year, I’m thinking of rebranding as some ‘caff’ and doing teas and coffees. I might even give each tea bag a name and a back story. Each jar of coffee will have a fancy origin, some coming from the country of Leedul or Orldee. If I could get some Americans to work here that would boost the appeal to the hipsters.

Oh. You just came in to pick up your service wash. No ticket. Oh, you brought it in an IKEA bag? *points to the pile of service washes in blue Ikea bags*. You might want to consider one of these, my own unique laundry bag! It comes in a little foil wrapper and rolls down ready for use!

 

[MrPimms]

Yippee Ky-yay Other Buckets!

The laundrette’s Christmas Party is in full swing as we speak. There is a theme. I suggested Die Hard. Well. That was supposed to the theme.

A regular customer decided to organise my costume, I was eyeing one of Horny Harold’s old string vests (I think those are coffee stains but they smell a little different) and a pair of chinos that still haven’t been claimed. But. The costume is a little different. You know those floofy Santa themed babydoll and knicker sets? No. Oh. Good. That’s not what I’m wearing.

We have a few mannequins in grey jumpers one with ‘Ho Ho Ho’ in red lipstick.

Sore heads in the morning. Welcome to party, Pedigree Chum!

 

[Tallulah82]

Die Hard is most definitely a Christmas film.

And I saw a meme that reminded us that if we watch Die Hard then Love, Actually we can see Alan Rickman get his just deserts for what he did to Emma Thompson.

(I do love Alan to be honest but I'm happy for him to die once a year for poor Ems).

 

[MrPimms]

Die Hard is most definitely a Christmas film.

And I saw a meme that reminded us that if we watch Die Hard then Love, Actually we can see Alan Rickman get his just deserts for what he did to Emma Thompson.

(I do love Alan to be honest but I'm happy for him to die once a year for poor Ems).

Alan Rickman did get his just desserts off my balls! I made sure they were wrapped up with a neat little bow, complete with some lavender scented stuff.

 

[MrPimms]

I’ve jingled my balls for the last time.

I’ve done that many washes of *cough* Elf costumes and Sexy Santa outfits to see me through until next year. And that’s just Horny Ethel’s load. Well. Technically, it was Horny Harold’s load but that’s an image I don’t want in my head. Dear Reader: his load was far worse.

The laundrette shuts up on Christmas Eve for one day. I guarantee someone will phone at nine on Christmas Day and ask if can I fit in a service wash. Well, it depends who it is and what kind of payment is offered. I have officially decided no more Christmas music on the playlist. No more local radio with those jingle bells over every announcement. We’re going back to the eighties from now until we close up on New Year’s Eve.

Oh. If you want your outfits done for the party night of the year, get them in quick.

It’s been quiet for various reasons. Horny Ethel is thinking of proposing to Harold. I’ve told her, traditionally, it’s a leap year when she can do it but she’s not going to listen to me. Judging by the engagement ring she bought, it won’t just be his finger that’s going to get something slid down it. She asked me for the perfect gift, I said: a washing machine. She started crying. I think she said something like: it’ll be the end of an era, how can I take away our service washes from you? She does like how I ‘wash’ her delicates as she calls them. Extra ‘scrubbing’ is the trick.

 

[MrPimms]

Curious thought.

Do women who have a thing for calling men ‘daddy’ also have a thing for Santa?

Be so hot to hear someone say to me ‘fuck me Santa, fuck me Santa’.

Yes. I am watching that film.

 

[Tallulah82]

Curious thought.

Do women who have a thing for calling men ‘daddy’ also have a thing for Santa?

Be so hot to hear someone say to me ‘fuck me Santa, fuck me Santa’.

Yes. I am watching that film.

What flim? I need to know what film.

I don't know about the correlation between the Daddy and Santa thing... but there is something *potentially* sexy about fucking Santa. For me, I'd put it into the mature category (May/December), and/or the concept of corrupting a good person... not unlike the whole sexy priest thing.

But I don't believe that any guy can put on a Santa suit and just be instantly sexy.

That's my two cents.