Need advice to help my wife

[valen1971]

I'm sure that with your support and the support of members of this forum (if you are able to convince her to join), everything will work itself out OK.

 

[DanielOC]

Any women out there?

Are there any women out there who could give me a different perspective on this?

 

[DanielOC]

Just giving it a bump.

 

[Dirtco]

So far So good

This is just me but The things I have learned is my time is wait till she is home and adjusted. The other thing is that the more secure she feel in your relationship the better you and work these thing out.

 

[DanielOC]

This is just me but The things I have learned is my time is wait till she is home and adjusted. The other thing is that the more secure she feel in your relationship the better you and work these thing out.

I definitely don't plan on approaching the issue again until she is home.

 

[DanielOC]

Anybody?

I would really appreciate it if any of the ladies out there would give me there perspective on this.

 

[PatchIsMe]

i don't know how much this will help you but i'll give it a try! I have always had feeling for other women and was raised in a home where that just made me feel more like an outsider. I had never told any one and it was uncomfortable to be around girls i 'liked'. I thought i was so not normal !! Then i met and married my husband who is absoutly my best friend in the world. I have told him about my yearnings and he wasnt excatly get up and follow your dreams at first but i would bring it up to him every now and again and after almost 11 years ( yeah long time I know !) he is open to the idea of me having a girlfriend. I think it was the test of time that proved fruitful in my desires. We have absoulte trust for each other and there is almost nothing that we don't know about each other or that we can't tell each other. IMHO trust and security is a big part of being bi esp if you are in a commited relationship. As for your own yearning I think you should tell your wife. She should check out the bi forums too. She might be feeling like she is alone in her desires . It might help if she sees that she isn't. I hope some how that I have helped a little. Feel free to pm me.

 

[DanielOC]

i don't know how much this will help you but i'll give it a try! I have always had feeling for other women and was raised in a home where that just made me feel more like an outsider. I had never told any one and it was uncomfortable to be around girls i 'liked'. I thought i was so not normal !! Then i met and married my husband who is absoutly my best friend in the world. I have told him about my yearnings and he wasnt excatly get up and follow your dreams at first but i would bring it up to him every now and again and after almost 11 years ( yeah long time I know !) he is open to the idea of me having a girlfriend. I think it was the test of time that proved fruitful in my desires. We have absoulte trust for each other and there is almost nothing that we don't know about each other or that we can't tell each other. IMHO trust and security is a big part of being bi esp if you are in a commited relationship. As for your own yearning I think you should tell your wife. She should check out the bi forums too. She might be feeling like she is alone in her desires . It might help if she sees that she isn't. I hope some how that I have helped a little. Feel free to pm me.

Thank you for taking the time to relate your story. I'd like to tell my wife about my own bisexuality in the hopes that it would help her feel more comfortable with her own feelings. But I will have to wait until she gets home before I would consider bringing it up again. I just hope it doesn't take us 11 years to sort this mess out, lol. =]

 

[PatchIsMe]

lol In a way I am glad that it did take us that long. Things are a lot different for us nw then when I brought it up 4 or 6 or even 9 year ago ! Good things come to those who wait ! I do encourage you to open up to her (when she gets home that is !) ! Congrats on your first experiance ! Sounded very HOT

 

[DanielOC]

lol In a way I am glad that it did take us that long. Things are a lot different for us nw then when I brought it up 4 or 6 or even 9 year ago ! Good things come to those who wait ! I do encourage you to open up to her (when she gets home that is !) ! Congrats on your first experiance ! Sounded very HOT

Well thank you! and it was indeed very hot! lol Yes, the last I want to do is make her uncomfortable by pressing the issue. Hopefully she will open up and begin to accept herself in time. I am just not sure what part I should play in it all. I don't want her to feel alone but I also don't her to feel pressured. =[

 

[wild175133]

Well thank you! and it was indeed very hot! lol Yes, the last I want to do is make her uncomfortable by pressing the issue. Hopefully she will open up and begin to accept herself in time. I am just not sure what part I should play in it all. I don't want her to feel alone but I also don't her to feel pressured. =[

This really depends on where your head is at on this issue. You really need to sit down and think about how you really feel about your wife. If you love her with your heart and sole you need to communicate with her just how much you love her and how much she means to you.

It sounds like you are willing to accept this facet about her and that your ok with her acting out her bi tendencies. If that is true you need to let her know that and that it will not affect how you feel about her.

You memtioned earlier that you were going to have your first bi exp how did that go and what did you do

 

[DanielOC]

This really depends on where your head is at on this issue. You really need to sit down and think about how you really feel about your wife. If you love her with your heart and sole you need to communicate with her just how much you love her and how much she means to you.

It sounds like you are willing to accept this facet about her and that your ok with her acting out her bi tendencies. If that is true you need to let her know that and that it will not affect how you feel about her.

You memtioned earlier that you were going to have your first bi exp how did that go and what did you do

Well my first bi experience yesterday was better then i could have hoped. I felt really good and feel like I better understand myself now. I am really glad that I did it.

As for my wife, yes I completely support her and love her no matter what. I am not be against her experimenting with other woman or even having a girlfriend if it helped her understand these feelings she has.

 

[onyxvixen]

OK, the way I see it is this: Your wife had a bi experience on cam, which she told you about and you're OK with. Now you've had a bi experience in real life, which she is completely unaware of and wouldn't approve of or sanction at this stage - and you're OK with this?

I appreciate you want to explore your bi side DanielOC but what you are doing is deceiving your wife and cheating on your marriage. The fact that you're chasing cock rather than cunt does not justify this. Do you honestly think that you're going to convince her that your bisexuality is a good thing by going behind her back with it?

I think you're being very unfair to her and treading on very dangerous ground. You can get herpes and other STDs just from oral sex with another guy. Did you wear a condom for everything you did with him or are you going to hope you're in the clear when your missus gets home?

 

[DanielOC]

OK, the way I see it is this: Your wife had a bi experience on cam, which she told you about and you're OK with. Now you've had a bi experience in real life, which she is completely unaware of and wouldn't approve of or sanction at this stage - and you're OK with this?

I appreciate you want to explore your bi side DanielOC but what you are doing is deceiving your wife and cheating on your marriage. The fact that you're chasing cock rather than cunt does not justify this. Do you honestly think that you're going to convince her that your bisexuality is a good thing by going behind her back with it?

I think you're being very unfair to her and treading on very dangerous ground. You can get herpes and other STDs just from oral sex with another guy. Did you wear a condom for everything you did with him or are you going to hope you're in the clear when your missus gets home?

I won't argue with anything you have said here. I knew what I was doing before hand and I accept the responsibility for those actions. I actually went way out on a limb last night and came out to my wife. It turned out she had a really big confession to make to me, the details of which I am just not ready to share. Suffice to say it was big. In the end we talked for like 4 hours and we both realized just how much we love each other and that regardless of what has happened, we will make it through together. I feel like our bond has never been stronger. As for the STD question, I think he and I both took care when we chose each other and i am not worried. I still plan on getting tested, its not that i don't trust him I do, but its just common sense and I owe it to my wife regardless. In the end I do not regret my decision and I feel like truly understand myself now.

 

[valen1971]

I won't argue with anything you have said here. I knew what I was doing before hand and I accept the responsibility for those actions. I actually went way out on a limb last night and came out to my wife. It turned out she had a really big confession to make to me, the details of which I am just not ready to share. Suffice to say it was big. In the end we talked for like 4 hours and we both realized just how much we love each other and that regardless of what has happened, we will make it through together. I feel like our bond has never been stronger. As for the STD question, I think he and I both took care when we chose each other and i am not worried. I still plan on getting tested, its not that i don't trust him I do, but its just common sense and I owe it to my wife regardless. In the end I do not regret my decision and I feel like truly understand myself now.

I'm glad you and your wife are talking about it. Your discretion about the nature of your wife's confession does you credit.

 

[DanielOC]

I'm glad you and your wife are talking about it. Your discretion about the nature of your wife's confession does you credit.

Thank you. She had a hard enough just telling me, I know she doesn't it aired out on a forum board. =[

 

[PatchIsMe]

That is great that you and your wife are talking ! Keep in mind that honesty is a great thing no matter how hard it might be. Good luck to you both !

 

[DanielOC]

That is great that you and your wife are talking ! Keep in mind that honesty is a great thing no matter how hard it might be. Good luck to you both !

Thanks, I really think our marriage will only be stronger for it. =]

 

[onyxvixen]

I won't argue with anything you have said here. I knew what I was doing before hand and I accept the responsibility for those actions. I actually went way out on a limb last night and came out to my wife. It turned out she had a really big confession to make to me, the details of which I am just not ready to share. Suffice to say it was big. In the end we talked for like 4 hours and we both realized just how much we love each other and that regardless of what has happened, we will make it through together. I feel like our bond has never been stronger. As for the STD question, I think he and I both took care when we chose each other and i am not worried. I still plan on getting tested, its not that i don't trust him I do, but its just common sense and I owe it to my wife regardless. In the end I do not regret my decision and I feel like truly understand myself now.

Ok, I'll stop glaring at your thread now.

I'm really glad you told your wife and that you're closer because of it. You post before got my back up a little bit because you were talking about your bi experience and made no comment about feeling guilty for deceiving your wife. I'm pleased that everything's in the open and you're working through it all.

Kudos to you. It can't have been easy to come clean.

 

[bequ23]

That is great that you and your wife are talking ! Keep in mind that honesty is a great thing no matter how hard it might be. Good luck to you both !

My husband and I are talking more than ever now. I have had feeling for other women for years, which he has always known. We actually became friends while he was in a relationship with another guy. We had talked early in our marriage about having same sex partners, but we never did anything. Now, after 17 years, my yearnings for other women have gotten much stronger. A couple of years ago I had touched n the subject again, and my husband was not receptive. So I kept it to myself and went online...alot! I brought it up again a few months ago and he has been okay with my chatting with other women and last night I finally broached the last subject about being withanother woman ...and he is okay with it. He said that he has the unique perspective as a husband toknow what it is like to be with someone of the same sex and how different it is than with the opposite sex.

I am glad you and your wife are talking. Honesty in a relationship is the most important thing. I have been feeling like being with another woman has gone past want to need, but I couldn't do anything with out being honest with my husband. I am now feeling so much more at peace with myself now that we have talked.

Good luck to you and your wife. If you ever feel the need to talk about being in a bi-marriage, please feel free to PM me.