Need ideas for sexy posts, please

[Stella_Omega]

Who says I'm talking about just women? BDSM is not just about sex. That's the point I'm trying to make. Any man or woman going to a dungeon for a guaranteed fuck might be disapointed.

I think we were talking, specifically, about women, in the context of that hetero assumption that women are submissive by default.

And you are quite right, we don't go to a dungeon looking to get laid. We go to a dungeon with our lay, to use the venue for getting the laying. "Laying" in the sense of "whipping and wax and clamps and getting to wear the pretty collar where someone on else can see it."

But think about this: BDSM is almost always about sex. The kind of D/s dynamic you are romancing is a stylised, sexualised formalised, marriage. Washing the dishes for one's Master is a much sexier activity than merely washing the dishes could ever be. For instance.

Or pleasantly surprised to see that penetration isn't necessary for a mindblowing orgasm. In my opinion play is more satisfying when it's 90% mental. For both sexes.

Women all over the world agree with your opinion on orgasms, but I wonder how you feel qualified to form an opinion on what's better for (evidently) every member of both sexes. The men and women you write, maybe. I know lots of people who write those kinds of scenes ,and plenty of them convince me of their point-- and I'm sure you will be very convincing too, and I'll get off like a rocket at the hotness of it all.

But in the real scenes and the real people that I know-- it's not always true, and we all tend to accept that 90% mental notion as one more paperback romance trope.

again, this is my original point:

What I am saying is that "Sub" for some reason, is the default term in the hetero BDSM scene, and I really wonder why, because I think it's pretty problematic. People new to the scene don't seem to have ever heard that there's any other role available beyond submission and domination.

 

[Bianca_Sommerland]

I think we were talking, specifically, about women, in the context of that hetero assumption that women are submissive by default.

That's a very general statement. I don't think it's a hetero assumption, I think it's an assumption made by people that don't know any better. And as far as books go, it does sell better. Just like m/m romance where one of the men is super masculine and the other--while still hot--is almost feminine.

And you are quite right, we don't go to a dungeon looking to get laid. We go to a dungeon with our lay, to use the venue for getting the laying. "Laying" in the sense of "whipping and wax and clamps and getting to wear the pretty collar where someone on else can see it."

Not everyone who goes to a dungeon is in a relationship or even wants one. I don't think the restrictions of a relationship are necessary to enjoy sex--but writing about that wouldn't get me anywhere.

But think about this: BDSM is almost always about sex. The kind of D/s dynamic you are romancing is a stylised, sexualised formalised, marriage. Washing the dishes for one's Master is a much sexier activity than merely washing the dishes could ever be. For instance. Women all over the world agree with your opinion on orgasms, but I wonder how you feel qualified to form an opinion on what's better for (evidently) every member of both sexes. The men and women you write, maybe. I know lots of people who write those kinds of scenes ,and plenty of them convince me of their point-- and I'm sure you will be very convincing too, and I'll get off like a rocket at the hotness of it all.

I don't assume to know what's better for anyone. I do know I've had better orgasms--with or without sex--because of mental stimulation. I do assume I'm not the only one.

But thank you for the compliment. I'm sure I can get people off whether I'm incredibly original or not. And honestly, not all that much research or accuracy is necessary to make publishers happy. But I'm doing my best because that's the standard I apply to my writing.

But in the real scenes and the real people that I know-- it's not always true, and we all tend to accept that 90% mental notion as one more paperback romance trope.

again, this is my original point:

What I am saying is that "Sub" for some reason, is the default term in the hetero BDSM scene, and I really wonder why, because I think it's pretty problematic. People new to the scene don't seem to have ever heard that there's any other role available beyond submission and domination.

As for your last statement, I agree. Few know there are different types of doms and subs, or very much of anything really.

But the same could be said about people in all aspects of life.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I don't think it's a hetero assumption, I think it's an assumption made by people that don't know any better. And as far as books go, it does sell better. Just like m/m romance where one of the men is super masculine and the other--while still hot--is almost feminine.

Oh man, where do I start?

I won't. I won't do that to you. You're just trying to sell books, and sometimes a modicum of fact destroys the fanbase. I do understand that.

Thanks for listening to my thoughts and bouncing off them, though!

 

[Bianca_Sommerland]

Oh man, where do I start?

I won't. I won't do that to you. You're just trying to sell books, and sometimes a modicum of fact destroys the fanbase. I do understand that.

Thanks for listening to my thoughts and bouncing off them, though!

It was fun, Stella. Even though we can't possibly agree on everything, it is nice to talk to someone about things that will make you seem like a freak to others. Even other authors.

When I brought up writing BDSM to another auther, she said 'great, I love stories with a little slap and tickle' ugh. Unfortunately, I was stupid enough to try to explain.

Anyway, thank you for the great ideas for posts. I think I've got enough to fill my schedule until May

 

[voluptuary_manque]

It was fun, Stella. Even though we can't possibly agree on everything, it is nice to talk to someone about things that will make you seem like a freak to others. Even other authors.

When I brought up writing BDSM to another auther, she said 'great, I love stories with a little slap and tickle' ugh. Unfortunately, I was stupid enough to try to explain.

Anyway, thank you for the great ideas for posts. I think I've got enough to fill my schedule until May

And it was an interesting conversation to eavesdrop on, too. Thanx to both of you.

 

[Bianca_Sommerland]

And it was an interesting conversation to eavesdrop on, too. Thanx to both of you.

I live to entertain

 

[Stella_Omega]

It was fun, Stella. Even though we can't possibly agree on everything, it is nice to talk to someone about things that will make you seem like a freak to others. Even other authors.

Believe me, I know.

When I brought up writing BDSM to another auther, she said 'great, I love stories with a little slap and tickle' ugh. Unfortunately, I was stupid enough to try to explain.

Ah, now I get it! It's a matter of language.

What you are writing is NOT BDSM.

You are writing dominance and submission.

So, tell someone you are writing D/s and you won't surprise them when they find out it's not about the slap and tickle

Anyway, thank you for the great ideas for posts. I think I've got enough to fill my schedule until May

yay!

Ooh, and here's one more thing for you; I was talking just now with a Domme about Big Strong Male Subs, and she said;

That's the whole attraction of the
lady and the tiger, or the boxer, or the big bad whatevers, whatever
huge/powerful/dangerous.

Kinda yummy, when you think about it...

 

[Bianca_Sommerland]

Believe me, I know. Ah, now I get it! It's a matter of language.

What you are writing is NOT BDSM.

You are writing dominance and submission.

So, tell someone you are writing D/s and you won't surprise them when they find out it's not about the slap and tickle

I'm getting too used to catagories. I want to include some S&M, but no, it won't be the main focus.

Of course, labeling D/s under BDSM isn't half as bad as putting polyamory under menage, but I digress.

Ooh, and here's one more thing for you; I was talking just now with a Domme about Big Strong Male Subs, and she said;

That's the whole attraction of the
lady and the tiger, or the boxer, or the big bad whatevers, whatever
huge/powerful/dangerous.

Oh I like that!

Kinda yummy, when you think about it...

Very yummy! I wanted to make sure to include some strong Dommes in my story, but do something a little different. That statement wraps up everything I want the relationship to be.

And he will be a masochist That's going to take some research and make it a little harder to place if I'm not careful. A lot of pubs are antsy about severe pain/pleasure stuff.

The story I'm working on now is a lot lighter than the one I have planned. Poly with a Top, a Dom, and a Master. The girl (yes, I know, cliche) is new to the scene and I can't decide whether to make her a bottom or a sub. Nothing 24/7 and I've ruled out slave because it won't work with the other two men.

Have to see how the story plays out. I'm getting a little more intense with each new book. My last two only had Tops and bottoms.

But alls these posts I'm gonna do will certainly give me some ideas!

 

[teknight]

ah-- in a literary sense, of course.
What I am saying is that "Sub" for some reason, is the default term in the hetero BDSM scene, and I really wonder why, because I think it's pretty problematic. People don't seem to know that there's any other role available beyond submission and domination. To me, those are rarified, and very precious intimacies, much more so than a spanking and a fuck. You don't go giving your mind to just anyone, yanno?
yet-- check out your reaction when I spoke of exactly that;

Isn't that interesting? Why do we do that-- belittle women's sexuality that way?

It's the norm, Stell'. BTW, I'm post stalking you.

Who says I'm talking about just women? BDSM is not just about sex. That's the point I'm trying to make. Any man or woman going to a dungeon for a guaranteed fuck might be disapointed.

Oh man, where do I start?

I won't. I won't do that to you. You're just trying to sell books, and sometimes a modicum of fact destroys the fanbase. I do understand that.

Thanks for listening to my thoughts and bouncing off them, though!

It'd appear that the two of you aren't talking 'bout the same thing at all, despite a common language and using the same terms.

It was fun, Stella. Even though we can't possibly agree on everything, it is nice to talk to someone about things that will make you seem like a freak to others. Even other authors.

When I brought up writing BDSM to another auther, she said 'great, I love stories with a little slap and tickle' ugh. Unfortunately, I was stupid enough to try to explain.

No offense, but it strikes me that, despite the research, you're making the same assumptions that she's fighting against. You might not be, but it seems that way.

 

[Bianca_Sommerland]

No offense, but it strikes me that, despite the research, you're making the same assumptions that she's fighting against. You might not be, but it seems that way.

None taken. But what exactly do you mean?

 

[Stella_Omega]

It's the norm, Stell'. BTW, I'm post stalking you.



It'd appear that the two of you aren't talking 'bout the same thing at all, despite a common language and using the same terms.


No offense, but it strikes me that, despite the research, you're making the same assumptions that she's fighting against. You might not be, but it seems that way.

Yeah, she is. But it's one of the choices that we each make as an author. And Ms Sommerland is a very fine author. (ETA that was NOT meant to be sarcasm, Bianca writes quite well)

I was talking about something I am writing, with an MTF who considers herself a sub-- ends up topping a butch dyke who looooves to bottom. My point is exactly opposite Bianca's, that the Rapunzel dynamic doesn't work real good for women. where the femmie transwoman learns that she can hold her own power, even though she's now officially female-- But where was I?

Oh, yeah-- something I said in that convo really angered a real MTF, who thought I was making universal statements when I was only talking about the one character. She tried to get all her friends together to demand that I keep my nose out of MTF erotica.

And it totally slowed me down. In a good way, I've rethought the premise in several areas-- but I do try to keep my objections to something like Bianca's research results, which I find problematic, to a polite level, because every story with a sympathetic intent is better than no story at all.

(that D/s pair will be more like a lady and her pit bull-- includes puppy play)

 

[Bianca_Sommerland]

Yeah, she is. But it's one of the choices that we each make as an author. And Ms Sommerland is a very fine author.

I was talking about something I am writing, with an MTF who considers herself a sub-- ends up topping a butch dyke who looooves to bottom. My point is exactly opposite Bianca's, that the Rapunzel dynamic doesn't work real good for women. where the femmie transwoman learns that she can hold her own power, even though she's now officially female-- But where was I?

Oh, yeah-- something I said in that convo really angered a real MTF, who thought I was making universal statements when I was only talking about the one character. She tried to get all her friends together to demand that I keep my nose out of MTF erotica.

And it totally slowed me down. In a good way, I've rethought the premise in several areas-- but I do try to keep my objections to something like Bianca's research results, which I find problematic, to a polite level, because every story with a sympathetic intent is better than no story at all.

(that D/s pair will be more like a lady and her pit bull-- includes puppy play)

I've just started reading about puppy play, but I think I might be able to pull it off!
*you've got my creative wheels turning, Stella!*

The only problems I'm going to have with D/s is anything involving humiliation. I've got serious issues with anything embarrassing--personally, I'd rather feel pain, but this isn't about me.

This post has turned out more useful than originally intended. I have some awesome sources, but opinions vary and it's nice to have access to something a little more personal.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I've just started reading about puppy play, but I think I might be able to pull it off!
*you've got my creative wheels turning, Stella!*

The only problems I'm going to have with D/s is anything involving humiliation. I've got serious issues with anything embarrassing--personally, I'd rather feel pain, but this isn't about me.

This post has turned out more useful than originally intended. I have some awesome sources, but opinions vary and it's nice to have access to something a little more personal.

I am not much into humiliation either, not as a bottom, not as a top. I far prefer to encourage my partners and admire them for undergoing whatever it is that I'm doing to them-- get them to take even more.

When people have started in on the "You're a miserable worthless slut" routine on me-- I've started laughing and told them they couldn't be more wrong. I'm a valuable and highly worthwhile slut. I'm fast-- not easy.

And yes, I've had some people be offended that I don't let them call me a miserable worthless slut-- and others upset that I can't call them such. This is how we find out who we connect with and who we don't...

 

[Bianca_Sommerland]

I am not much into humiliation either, not as a bottom, not as a top. I far prefer to encourage my partners and admire them for undergoing whatever it is that I'm doing to them-- get them to take even more.

When people have started in on the "You're a miserable worthless slut" routine on me-- I've started laughing and told them they couldn't be more wrong. I'm a valuable and highly worthwhile slut. I'm fast-- not easy.:devil:

And yes, I've had some people be offended that I don't let them call me a miserable worthless slut-- and others upset that I can't call them such. This is how we find out who we connect with and who we don't...

I could so picture you saying that!

I'm thinking maybe I should just not use humiliation with my main characters rather than do a piss poor job of it because I don't feel it.

Your first scenario sounds fun though

 

[Stella_Omega]

I could so picture you saying that!

I'm thinking maybe I should just not use humiliation with my main characters rather than do a piss poor job of it because I don't feel it.

Your first scenario sounds fun though

laughing when someone tries it?

I bet you can use a short convo about it as character dev him saying he expects it and her asking him why on earth he would expect her to keep a worthless sub-- like plastic jewelry when she could have a diamond necklace instead. He'll just have to get over that, she tells him. She makes the rules here, not him.

 

[Bianca_Sommerland]

laughing when someone tries it?

I bet you can use a short convo about it as character dev him saying he expects it and her asking him why on earth he would expect her to keep a worthless sub-- like plastic jewelry when she could have a diamond necklace instead. He'll just have to get over that, she tells him. She makes the rules here, not him.

Very nice. I might just use that. Would you mind? (I'll put you in the dedications for your insight).

These characters are becoming more well defined in my head with each post. I'm being very bad posting here when I should finish the story my pub's waiting for, but it's productive so I don't care.

What would you suggest for a Top who wants to be a Dom? I have some ideas, but I'd like your opinion.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Very nice. I might just use that. Would you mind? (I'll put you in the dedications for your insight).

These characters are becoming more well defined in my head with each post. I'm being very bad posting here when I should finish the story my pub's waiting for, but it's productive so I don't care.

What would you suggest for a Top who wants to be a Dom? I have some ideas, but I'd like your opinion.

PM coming-- lets take this private

 

[Bianca_Sommerland]

PM coming-- lets take this private

Gotcha!

 

[BiUKYfronts]

What the fuck is UP with that?

Maybe it needs to be the other way around, anyway, maybe it should be how to translate into man language.

Another idea I've seen discussed recently, is that each time a woman says "YES" because she really means it-- it's an anti-rape statement. Because one of the things that fuel those grey-area rapes is this idea that women say "no" but really mean "perhaps yes." If we say YES when we mean it, then we stand a better chance of being respected when we say NO because we mean it-- and we take that excuse away from rape apologists.

About panties-- what about women who secretly wear yfronts? Do they wear them for the turnon? What turnon can you possibly get out of a pair of tighty whities?

And did you know that there are companies that make men's styled silky lacy undies?

Just on the tightey whitey point - they can both look and feel very sexy I think. A bulge is more evident and they suit women too. Plus they are comfortable and the soft cotton feels yummy!

 

[ElectricBlue]

Just on the tightey whitey point - they can both look and feel very sexy I think. A bulge is more evident and they suit women too. Plus they are comfortable and the soft cotton feels yummy!

After fifteen years, I don't think you'll get much response from anyone in this thread.

This sets a new record, I reckon, for a necro-thread.

 

[BiUKYfronts]

Ah well - I am a slow starter...

 

[kathyisgr65]

Long flowing dresses

 

[StillStunned]

After fifteen years, I don't think you'll get much response from anyone in this thread.

This sets a new record, I reckon, for a necro-thread.

Nah, we had a few 20+ year necros a while ago.

 

[TheLobster]

Nah, we had a few 20+ year necros a while ago.

mfw some zombie threads are old enough to be characters in a Lit story

 

[MrPixel]

mfw some zombie threads are old enough to be characters in a Lit story

My exact thought!