Never Remembered PM Interest

[Talon]

"Absolutely, through here." Zack moved to the bedroom door and swung it open, pointing to the bathroom door inside and to the left. He moved to a closet beside the bathroom door and slid the doors open, grabbing a shirt off a hanger. He grabbed a pair of boxers and some red basketball shorts as well before sliding the door shut again. He handed her the pile of clothing with a smile. "Not what the stars are wearing on the red carpet these days, but I think these should fit well enough." He moved into the bathroom and took a spare toothbrush still in the package from a drawer beside the sink and set it on the counter. He thought about it for a moment and pulled a package of disposable razors from the drawer and set them beside the toothbrush.

"Alright, so I've got you all the tools of the trade here, feel free to make yourself at home. After your shower you can take a bath as well if you want, relax for a bit. Oh, and feel free to use my loufa." He winked at her and moved out of the bathroom, pulling the door almost closed and sticking his head in. "Just let me know if you need anything else, I'll be in the living room." And with that he pulled the door closed.

 

[bigwriterchick]

As he left she couldn't help but chuckle. He was adorable. He probably worked too much and didn't get out enough. She stripped her clothes off, sighing as she dropped them on the floor. That was going to need to be cleaned now. At least swept. She turned on the water, letting it warm up before she got in. She tipped her face up, letting the water run down her body. She stood there was so long, the water was cold before she started scrubbing her body. She washed her hair twice before she was satisfied. The water was ice cold before she turned it off. Wrapping a towel around her torso, she grabbed the razor, shaving her legs as quickly as she could. After her legs and armpits were smooth, she pulled on the clothes he had loaned her, pulling the waist tight. Then, she brushed her teeth. She figured she probably wasted an hour and half in there.

She walked back into the living room, holding her dirty clothes over one arm. "Sorry, I took so long. I'm pretty sure your entire building is out of hot water." She grinned, her hair still damp. "Where do I put these?" She gestured to the clothing on her arm.

 

[Talon]

Zack shut the bathroom door and looked around his bedroom, scrubbing a hand through his hair with a sigh. He'd really need to do something about all the corny jokes. He moved to the bed and stripped the covers off, grabbing a new set of sheets from the closet. Keep joking around like that and you'll wind up banished to the damn friend zone, he thought as he grabbed a sheet by the corners and shook it out into the air above the bed to fall open over it. He didn't really know how to proceed from here, as he met very few women that he was actually interested in, and had never before met a woman who he was this drawn to this quickly. He tucked the corners of the sheet in and replaced the pillowcases before finishing with a fresh blanket.

Carrying the bundle of old sheets into the living room and into the laundry closet in the wall behind the futon, Zack stuffed them into the washer but waited to start it until Karen got out of the shower. Eyeing the notebooks beside the couch he decided it might be a little creepy to be browsing through Karen's written memory nonchalantly, even if she gave him permission. He went back into the bedroom and changed into a black band t-shirt and a pair of dark blue jeans, grabbing a beer from his fridge and then finally retiring to the couch to wait her out.

Zack smiled as she came out, a little taken back by her appearance. She looked great in his clothes and fresh from the shower, and even better now that she was smiling more often. "Hey, if anyone in this building deserved a hot shower, I think it was you. Behind the couch there." He points to the washing machine. "Just drop them in and we'll fire it up." He came up behind her and reached over her shoulder to crank the knob on the washer and select the cycle. He smelled his body soap and shampoo on her as he neared. "You look great by the way."

 

[bigwriterchick]

She stiffened, a bit as he came up behind her. She took a step away from him and smiled. "Thanks." She sat on the edge of the futon, setting her notebooks on the table. She looked up at him suddenly, a knowing look in her eyes, whatever she had planned on doing forgotten.

"I'm not taking your bed from you." She said politely, before looking back at her notebooks, getting them all in order. "This one, is the earliest. From when I was fourteen." She held up a tattered notebook. Her eyes widened and she started digging through the bag again. The refusal in her eyes had been pretty clear, but she knew he would protest. That's what the White Knight did.

 

[Talon]

Zack followed her and sat on the edge of the coffee table. "Look, I see no need for an arguement here so I will make you a deal. Take the bed tonight, and then you can have the futon from there on out." He could sleep anywhere, and he figured it had been a while since she had a decent nights sleep in a real bed. "Scouts honor."

He looked at the notebooks as she examined them. From fourteen years old? Thats a long time to hold onto a notebook in her sort of circumstances. Come to think of it, he didn't even know how old she was now. "So Karen...do you think looking through these notebooks might help us figure out what caused this?"

 

[bigwriterchick]

Her mouth curled into a half smile. "Alright. Tonight. That's it." She raised an eyebrow, wondering if he would stick to that. She shook her head. "I know it won't help. I've gone over these books and over them. I've gone back to the places I've been..." She paused, gathering her thoughts. "When I read something I've done before my body reacts. If it was dangerous, I'll start to breath faster, tremble, sometimes I start to sweat. But I don't remember it. I can't see it in my head. And if my body reacts that way, it must be something that I should remember." She rubbed her cheeks.

"No, I got them out because I figured you had questions for me. About family and all that, and the basics I wrote down in here." She held up the notebook again. "The only thing I know for sure is that I'm 28 years old. From what I can tell, whatever took place, happened before this notebook. But it took awhile to get where I am now. Eventually I figure I'll be like everyone else when they're around me and only remember a few minutes at a time."

 

[Talon]

Zack nodded. "Yeah, it sounds like a muscle memory sort of thing. Some kind of PTSD." Something he was intimately familiar with himself. Only problem is his mind remembered his, and the images were lurking inside his head, waiting for him to sleep. Whatever happened to her, maybe it was better she didn't remember.

"Ok, so 20 questions time. To make this fair, how about we go back and forth. I'll ask you something, you ask me something." Zack got up and moved to the fridge to grab another beer. He yelled back to her. "Need something from the fridge?"

 

[bigwriterchick]

"Water's fine." She called back, laying the first notebook open on her lap. She had just read through all the books a month or so ago, so she was pretty prepared. She was waiting to tell him sometimes there were gaps. It was true the books were numbered, but some numbers were missing. She took the bottle he handed her, cracking it open and taking a long drink.

"So what's first? Family? Who I was living with at 14 that would just let me leave? How I survived? How I managed to keep track of these books?" She looked at him expectantly. She had her own questions, but she could wait her turn.

 

[Talon]

He retrieved a beer and a bottle of water from the fridge and closed it, returning to the living room. Zack handed her the water and sat on the opposite side of the futon. "Ok, well, lets start from the beginning then. What about your family?" He settled back into the couch to listen. He was really interested to hear her story, and listened intently.

 

[bigwriterchick]

She shrugged. "As far as I can tell I had a normal family. Parents, older brother, younger sister, dog. I think I started the notebook as a makeshift diary. Until about the middle of the book, I don't seem scared or worried. Then, for about ten pages, there's nothing but gibberish. I've tried looking up the language, but haven't turned up anything. After the gibberish, that's when I'm scared. I'm already on the streets. I don't know where my family is, I don't know where I am..." She pauses, her body starting to tremble. She held her hand out, watching her fingers shake. "This is what I'm talking about. My body knows, but my head doesn't." She took another drink of water and shook her head.

"My turn now. What were you doing before you came here? I haven't been able to figure it out, but you're...very aware of your surrounds. All the time." She hoped she wasn't being rude, but she was pretty sure, his life before this was why he decided to take her in.

 

[Talon]

Zack nodded slowly, taking a long sip from his beer. He eyed the journals on the table. It must be fightening to think back and remember nothing, only blackness. She spoke of her family in a very detatched manner that made him feel sad for her, and he felt the need to comfort her. He resisted the urge.

"Well, I was in the Army for a while, did a few combat tours. Picked up a few "ticks" over there." He hated talking about this, but if anyone could accept him it should be her. If he scared her off then he really knew he was destined to be alone. "I have a habit of scanning my surroundings unconciously. Something called "Hypervigilance" apparently. I got out a few years ago, spent some time on the streets. Your typical disgruntled veteran rebel without a cause I guess you could say. I wised up, sobered up and lucked into a decent job. Got some issues with meeting new people, which is why you always see me alone." He had a family, but she didn't ask about that, and he felt bad telling her he had chosen to ignore his while she had no choice regarding hers.

 

[bigwriterchick]

Her head slowly tilted to one side as she watched him. His eyes shifted when he talked about being in the Army. She imagined his issues with new people were that acquaintances were expendable. And when you had...problems, no one really wanted to hear about them. She'd run into that enough times.

"So what's your next question for me? That's the game right? We're supposed to be taking turns." She offered him a soft smile, hoping that let him know she understood, at least a little.

 

[Talon]

Zack shook his head to scatter the memories flooding to the surface. He was so preoccupied with her reaction he had forgot to even ask his next question. He took another sip from his beer to buy him time to collect his thoughts once more. "So in all this time you've spent alone, you've never had another person that wanted to take you in, care for you? Never a guy that wasn't just interested in hooking up behind the bushes?"

 

[bigwriterchick]

She smiled. "You're not listening Zack. People don't remember me. Not for more than five minutes. They don't remember who I am, why they were talking to me, nothing. I've had social workers try to help me before. Like I said before, normally you would've forgotten who I was before we ever got to the restaurant. According to my notebooks, a lot of people have tried to help me. Especially when I was younger. They just don't remember. After I awhile, I just started to avoid people. I purposely avoided them." Her eyes squinted as she thought. She reached for a notebook close to the bottom of the stack and flipped through it. She nodded. "Before you the last time someone approached me was a year ago. I told them to go away." She paused and then shook her head. "Almost forgot my question. Why haven't you found a nice girl to settle down with?" She wiggled her eyebrows.

 

[Talon]

Zack shook his head. "I'm definetly listening...I guess I just don't want to believe it. Thats how life works though. Just when you think your at the bottom of the barrel, you find someone worse off. Here I am feeling sorry for myself kicking my can down the road, and you've never even known friendship, let alone love. " Selish Zack, real selfish. He wasn't usually what could be described as an emotional guy or someone that was in touch with thier own emotions, but she brought it out in him somehow.

Zack smiled. "You know... I don't really care for people in general. I kind of just glide through life anymore, not bothering to notice those around me, let alone actually engage anyone in conversation. When I saw you sitting beneath the tree there I felt a kindred spirit, a connection, an opportunity to make up for lost time. I really can't explain it."

"I would ask you the same question but I guess you've already answered it. I'm curious about your life, what you want to do, experience. Do you want a relationship? I could understand how you would feel it will never happen for you, but is that something you hope to have one day?"

 

[bigwriterchick]

She nodded. "Of course. Everyone wants someone to connect with. Even you." She raised an eyebrow, half a smile curling her lips. "And I just assume my parents loved me, probably my siblings too. According to my books, I've actually had crushes on boys before. I was 14, there's a pretty decent chance a boy had a crush on me, before this happened." She lightly patted his arm. "You...you're just doing what people do. You get so wrapped up in your own life, that it takes a punch in the guts to open your eyes." She smiled. "You could've passed right by me again today, but you didn't. A step toward change. Or your fiery doom, I'm not sure." She drained the bottle of water, setting the empty bottle on the table. "I'd hug you, but I'm pretty sure you're one of those people I'm not supposed to make sudden movements around."

 

[Talon]

Zack laughed. "Don't worry, I'm not gonna go all Rambo on you. And I've got to tell you, no bullshit, that I'm beginning to believe your some kind of special, besides the whole memory part. Here you are comforting, reassuring me. I'm beginning to believe not passing by you this morning might have been the best decision I've ever made." He wanted to caress her cheek, draw her in to his chest and comfort her, and here she was trying to comfort him. She didn't really yet understand that parts of him were dead, emotional parts, and her presence was reviving something he thought lost.

"I hope someday you can find that someone, you deserve it." Zack drained the last of the beer, rising from the couch to return to the fridge. Big bad soldier guy, all chicken now. He opened the fridge door and scanned its contents. Just lean over, tuck a lock of hair behind an ear, wrap your arms around her...something. He grabbed a water, deciding to lay off the alcohol for the time being. Whats the worst that could happen...she says no, slaps you, runs out? Your no worse off than you were two hours ago pal. Zack returned to the living room and sat down on the edge of the coffee table directly across from her.

"Look, Karen, I'm not very good at being suave and playing games or at keeping things bottled up inside. Thats why I usually avoid converstation...So I'm just going to come out and say it. I'm really attracted to you, in more than just a physical way. I can't explain why I feel this way this quickly, but I feel it in my gut." Zack stood and took a few steps back. "I understand if your a bit weirded out by my sudden attatchment, and I'll also understand if you don't feel the same way. I'm acting a bit irationally...and quite frankly...it feels good."

 

[bigwriterchick]

She tilted her head when he got up. Was he that scared? She had already thought he was afraid to connect to someone. No matter what he said about not liking people. When he sat across from her, she leaned forward slightly. From the look on his face, she knew whatever he had to say was important.

Without a word she stood up and closed the gap between them. "Zackary." She said softly. "You've had friends, you have a family." She paused, unable to help the small smile that played on her lips. "I can't remember shit past 4 months ago, I've been homeless since I was 14 and of the two of us I still think you need a hug more than I do." She slipped her arms around his waist, hugging him tightly. "You're a good person Zack. I promise."

 

[Talon]

Zack returned the hug, a bit confused by her reaction. He pulled back enough to lean his head down, his forehead resting against hers as he looked into her eyes. "Thats funny, I felt like doing the same for you." He just held her for a few moments, content to look down into her eyes. He cleared his throat to clear the silence. He moved his chin in towards hers, placing a soft kiss on her lips. "Listen, I understand this is probably confusing for you, it definitely is for me, so I'm willing to slow down here if this is too much. I'm not used to letting my emotions control me, but I'm finding it a bit difficult at this moment."

 

[bigwriterchick]

Her eyes slipped closed as he pressed his lips to hers. She smiled, moving her arms up around his neck. "You really don't seem to know how easy you are to read. I don't think you're really confused. I think you're scared. I'm making you think too much about mistakes you've made. But you're scared, that's why you didn't hug me when I basically told you to. Because I could just walk away, I could just leave you and you'd be all alone. Except now it would be worse, because you like me, and you don't try to engage people. So, if I reject you than how pathetic does that make you?" She pulled him closer, resting her cheek against his.

"What you don't seem to realize is that I'm ecstatically happy to be with someone that can remember what I said an hour ago. You don't have to worry, Zack, I won't take off on you." She touched her forehead to his again. "Just don't try to fix your mistakes through me. Ask me and I'll help you if I can." She finally returned his kiss and smiled. "You don't need to be afraid of me."

 

[Talon]

Zack blinked, taken completely off guard by her exacting description. She read him like a book, breaking right through the walls he had constructed around himself, breaching his inner defenses. She saw right through all his bullshit, drew a better picture of himself than he even could. "Wow, your good." Zack smiled. "Damn good." He closed his eyes when she kissed him back. Her pulled her to him tightly. "I don't want to use you to fix myself. To be honest I'm not sure what I want yet, but I know I want you to be a part of whatever it is."

Zack's arms rested around her waist now, holding her pressed to him. "Your right, I was scared that you would say no, scared to lose something I'd only just discovered. I'm not going to allow that same mentality to keep me from expressing my desire for you any longer." He stopped talking, pressing his lips to hers and kissing her deeply.

 

[bigwriterchick]

She shivered, as she was pulled into his longing. She pulled away slightly, one hand lightly pressed against his chest. "You don't need to go speeding through everything now, Zack. I've never had this before. I like you." She ran her fingers through his hair. "But I've never really done any of this." She smiled, kissing him softly. "Let me adjust, let me want you for a little while. We literally met hours ago, we have time, right?" For a moment, she wondered if he really would allow her to dictate how fast this went.

 

[Talon]

Zack smiled at her. He was a little worried she had gotten the wrong impression regarding his intentions. "Don't worry Karen, I'm not going to whack you over the head with my club and drag you back to my cave, it was just a kiss and that's all I intended it to be. I agree that we should take this slowly." He caressed her cheek with the back of his hand. " I've waited this long, I'm more than capable of waiting until it's the right moment. And if that kiss was any indication, it will be worth the wait." Zack winked at her again and drew back from the embrace. " Now, how about I cook us up some dinner?"

 

[bigwriterchick]

She blushed and nodded, letting out a breath. "What can you cook?" She asked, slipping her hand into his. Eventually, she'd have to tell him this was all new to her. She was 90% sure that had been her first kiss. But that could wait. A smile returned to her face, as she reached up and touched his cheek. She was slightly giddy, that she could touch him whenever she wanted.

 

[Talon]

Zack nodded at her obvious signs of approval, glad they had reached an agreement and she seemed to no longer be afraid he would pounce on her. He allowed her to touch him in her exploritory way, a slight smile on his lips. He gently squeezed her hand in a reassuring gesture. "I've got some sauce and spaghetti noodles, think I've got a few frozen pizzas. Some of that premade stirfry stuff that comes in the freezer bag, what kind of food do you like anyways?" He opened the fridge to scan it, closing it with a sarcastic frown. "I'm not a picky eater myself, I usually don't cook from scratch when its just me so I don't have much in the way of ingredients."