New girlfriend's smoking

[Xoticbunlvr]

I have a 2nd date coming up with a potential new girlfriend. She smokes and has been smoking for a long time. I do not smoke. I'm interested in gaining control over her smoking habit while she is in my presence.. I don't want her just lighting up around me whenever she feels the urge.

Any advise on this? I haven't dated a smoker in over 15 years.. But this girl seems to have some potential and seems to like me. So I am going to give it a try and see what happens..

 

[chy_girl]

I have a 2nd date coming up with a potential new girlfriend. She smokes and has been smoking for a long time. I do not smoke. I'm interested in gaining control over her smoking habit while she is in my presence.. I don't want her just lighting up around me whenever she feels the urge.

Any advise on this? I haven't dated a smoker in over 15 years.. But this girl seems to have some potential and seems to like me. So I am going to give it a try and see what happens..

1) Try asking her to not smoke around you.
2) Your dealing with an addiction. A real one. If you are the one taking that away, beware of the physical and emotional consequences.
3) Do you mean that you want to know how to "Dom-up" on her enough to change a long time, addictive habit on the second date?

 

[MisterSir]

Trying to "gain control" over her smoking is probably going to end in tears. You can ask her nicely not to smoke around you, but unless she's submissive and wants to submit to you, that's the most you can do.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

How about just not dating a smoker?

 

[WestMich69]

I've dated a few that were smokin'...............as in they sizzled when I touched them with a wet finger.

 

[Xoticbunlvr]

How about just not dating a smoker?

I had two dates last week, one was, according to astrology, my "ideal" match sign wise, she did not smoke and I was very attracted to her. At the conclusion of my first date with my so-called "soul mate" (as astrology stated she might be), I was soundly stone walled. She made it quite clear via body language and her gaze that she had no interest in seeing me again.

The other date was with the smoker. Our signs are supposed to be among the worst pairings possible on the zodiac and I found myself less attracted to her as well.. This one though, seems to actually be interested in me and she let me know it at the conclusion of the first date. What can I say..

I guess date number 2 will probably be our last, more than likely. You people are probably right, she's not going to drop a 30 year habit on my account. I either tolerate it, or move on, so I guess I'll just have to move on and keep looking..

When I think more about it, yes it probably is a mission impossible.. Yet my father was successful in getting my mother to quit, but she had only been smoking for 2 years when they started dating.

 

[YourCaptor]

I have a 2nd date coming up with a potential new girlfriend. She smokes and has been smoking for a long time. I do not smoke. I'm interested in gaining control over her smoking habit while she is in my presence.. I don't want her just lighting up around me whenever she feels the urge.

Any advise on this? I haven't dated a smoker in over 15 years.. But this girl seems to have some potential and seems to like me. So I am going to give it a try and see what happens..

Tell her that while she is great, smocking is not, and that you would prefer she did not smock while in 2nd hand range.

Get her to agree, then if she lights up, remind her about the deal.

You're also on a second date, the favor system is still active. If she lights up, and gets kind of pissed about you saying no, call in the favor.

PS, how old are you? At a certain age it actually pays to smoke. Nicotine does so much for your brain its ridiculous. It actually makes you more intelligent you know. Once you hit 55 you have a 1/3 chance of having cancer anyway, so why not smoke and get the rewards.

 

[trojan_man_co]

3) Do you mean that you want to know how to "Dom-up" on her enough to change a long time, addictive habit on the second date?

slight hijack i have to say... DOM UP has to be my new favorite term hahahahahah!!!! Thats amazing so when else is it appropreate to DOM up.
is it like being a super hero.... "LOOK OVER THERE SOMONE HELP ITS A SUB OUT OF CONTROL!!"

"NEVER FEAR I WILL DOM-UP AND TAKE CONTROL OF THIS MISS PLACED SUBBIE!!"

 

[Xoticbunlvr]

Tell her that while she is great, smocking is not, and that you would prefer she did not smock while in 2nd hand range.

Get her to agree, then if she lights up, remind her about the deal.

You're also on a second date, the favor system is still active. If she lights up, and gets kind of pissed about you saying no, call in the favor.

PS, how old are you? At a certain age it actually pays to smoke. Nicotine does so much for your brain its ridiculous. It actually makes you more intelligent you know. Once you hit 55 you have a 1/3 chance of having cancer anyway, so why not smoke and get the rewards.

I am 42 and I must say I find your comments about it being beneficial (especially for your brain) to smoke after a certain age to be ludicrous.. Where did you ever hear that?? I can tell you it hasn't been beneficial to this girl's face or teeth (not that I'd tell her that, I'm not cruel like that other mean woman I met). Anyway, I don't want to argue about the merits or lack of merits of smoking. I tried smoking over 20 years ago for 2 weeks and it was NOT for me. Especially in my case, it would be ANYTHING but beneficial.

Those 2 first dates were too close together. In rebound from the rejection from the one I got weak and called the smoker. It must be nice to be able to get a bunch of dates lined up and pick and choose who you want to see again.. I'm positive the one that rejected me falls into that group. The type that's probably never been rejected for anything in her life, yet so coldly and caullously does it consistently to others. She's had years of practice to perfect her unfeeling and ruthless technique lol.

 

[Xoticbunlvr]

slight hijack i have to say... DOM UP has to be my new favorite term hahahahahah!!!! Thats amazing so when else is it appropreate to DOM up.
is it like being a super hero.... "LOOK OVER THERE SOMONE HELP ITS A SUB OUT OF CONTROL!!"

"NEVER FEAR I WILL DOM-UP AND TAKE CONTROL OF THIS MISS PLACED SUBBIE!!"

I forgot to answer that original question. DOM UP.. I suppose that is like laying down the law. You smoke in my presence and I beat your ass till it is cherry red! Any questions little girl? I guess not she says.. You guessed right I say. lol I thought perhaps there was a better more subtle method than that..

 

[trojan_man_co]

I forgot to answer that original question. DOM UP.. I suppose that is like laying down the law. You smoke in my presence and I beat your ass till it is cherry red! Any questions little girl? I guess not she says.. You guessed right I say. lol I thought perhaps there was a better more subtle method than that..

i get it, its cool... but im tottaly stealing it for my own use now hahahahahah

and as for helping to quit smokeing... its a bad habit. if shes not at least willing to consider it then maybe her priorities arnt matching your own. there are alot of great quit smokeing aids out there, and you can always argue how much money she will save which given our current economy may be a huge factor in helping her choose to stop.

 

[the captians wench]

Okay, here's the deal. I've dated a few smokers. before the first date I tell them I don't smoke (I'm actually allergic). I have yet to find one case where the guy smoked infront of me anyway. Now he did excuse himself to go outside and smoke, but never infront of me. Hell even the abusive asshole I was with would smoke outside and he felt like he owned my apartment. And Jounar who used to be a pack a day smoker only went through 2 packs the 9 days I was with him and then 3 months later decided to quit on his own and has now been smoke free for near 2 years.

All I said to any one is "I don't smoke" and they were very respectful of it.

I also think it's unrealistic to expect to get her to quit on the second date. Asking her to not smoke infront of you is perfectly acceptable, but if you tried to take over a part of my life on the second date, I'd be out of there before dessert came.

Now, my experience could be shapped because the guys really wanted to get laid, but there it is.

 

[Guinner]

I forgot to answer that original question. DOM UP.. I suppose that is like laying down the law. You smoke in my presence and I beat your ass till it is cherry red! Any questions little girl? I guess not she says.. You guessed right I say. lol I thought perhaps there was a better more subtle method than that..

...that might actually work, you know!


anyway, to give you a little information from someone who recently quit smoking:

- if you don't want her to smoke around you, you should tell her in advance, and make sure she knows how long the appointment will be.
It will still affect the way she acts, but she'll be able to keep the promise.
(when I say "in advance", I do not mean you'll tell her "from now on....yada yada"....she should actually have a chance to smoke and be by herself before she could commit to that)

- the real way to deal with this is to have her quit. I smoked for >20 years, and only stopped a couple of months ago for unknown reasons (lol).
Anyway, it changed the way I act and who I am and what I feel like COMPLETELY.
I'm not sure if anyone could've gotten me to quit if they tried...probably not.
It doesn't hurt to try though.

ask questions if you want.

 

[JMohegan]

Dom up? You're confusing a need for overt control with a request for common courtesy.

Second-hand smoke is not just unpleasant; it's a health hazard. Dating or not, if you ask someone not to smoke in your presence, and they do it anyway, then you just gained valuable information about that person's lack of respect and basic manners.

As an aside - Wench is right. Two dates is too early to be making demands and beating ass if they're not met.

 

[rosco rathbone]

I know more than a few smokers who'd happily take that beating before giving up the butt.

 

[BLoved]

I have a 2nd date coming up with a potential new girlfriend. She smokes and has been smoking for a long time. I do not smoke. I'm interested in gaining control over her smoking habit while she is in my presence.. I don't want her just lighting up around me whenever she feels the urge.

Any advise on this? I haven't dated a smoker in over 15 years.. But this girl seems to have some potential and seems to like me. So I am going to give it a try and see what happens..

Discuss it with her.

A workable solution would be for you to hold her cigarettes for her. Agree upon how many minutes between cigarettes (15 minutes, 30 minutes ...) and when she is due a cigarette have her ask for one. If she asks for more than the schedule allows, remind her of the agreement.

My beloved doesn't smoke. I do. It has been my intention to quit for some time. We've been using this method to help me slow down my smoking habit. We started with 30 minutes between cigarettes and now I wait an hour. It is difficult, cigarette addiction is very powerful, but I am making progress.

As for astrology (noting you mentioned it later in the thread), do not place your faith in it. If you study it enough you will find the sun-sign is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to defining a person's personality.

Study it more and you'll realize astrology is just bunk.

Good luck.

 

[WriterDom]

PS, how old are you? At a certain age it actually pays to smoke. Nicotine does so much for your brain its ridiculous. It actually makes you more intelligent you know. Once you hit 55 you have a 1/3 chance of having cancer anyway, so why not smoke and get the rewards.

Yeah, you might end up really really smart with erectile dysfunction, heart disease, and emphysema.

 

[subwannabe]

What are you're long range thoughts on this relationship? I mean, what is it you want? She's not going to change, although she may cease smoking while around you. If you think you can stop her from smoking altogether through a BDSM relationship, I don't believe you are being realistic.

 

[Primalex]

Yet my father was successful in getting my mother to quit, but she had only been smoking for 2 years when they started dating.

This really doesn't matter. It doesn't get worse over time. I have 6 ex-heavy-smokers in my family, smoking for 10+ years. You always face the same problems, 2 years or 20 years - there is suddenly a hand that hasn't anything to do and the desire to smoke.

 

[Netzach]

If someone were giving me guff about crap habits on the second date I'd laugh my ass off.

I think she probably might just be aware that it's not good for her.

Maybe she's tried to quit before. Maybe she's in a cessation group and working on it. You really have no idea by date 2 about anything about this person.

Unless your name is "Mayo Clinic inpatient smoking cessation" there's really no way to control her lighting up.

 

[Julie_in_the_north]

If I was on a date and they told me not to smoke - I don't think there would be a second date!

For reasons like this, and others, I've always much preferred to date other smokers.