New here and desperate for some help/advice!

[Curious_in_Cali]

Ohh curious in Cali you made me cry lol! *sniffles*

I will try to speak to her tomorrow. But she will hugely disagree.

Scar tissue is a huge worry. Xx

HUGE HUG!

Please be open to listening to what the counselor has to say, even if and especially if they are against the idea. Listening to their opinion will not make your decision ultimately, but they will have a view of your landscape that you might not be able to see yet. It is what they do. If you are so sure of her response being a negative one, then bring articles and references about other people experiencing healing through these means. If this is a new concept to her, (which I doubt) you may give her an opportunity to learn more about it while giving you an open outlet to explore and discuss it more thoroughly. Ultimately, you are truly your only real advocate in your healing, so make sure you get what you need to support the choices you make. If that means a more kink friendly counselor, then allow that option to unfold too.

Please somewhere in your decision making, work to find that place where you can release the rush to claim this as your "only chance", because it isn't and he isn't. Listen to your own hesitations and honor them. You are worth it.

 

[J D Danger]

ok I may be way out of place here and if so...I am sorry...but it feels to me like he is trying to finish the job while he still can.....why if we want to replace awful memories with good ones are we jumping right from....sex..into what sounds like very intense rape play....there are soooo many many steps that could be taken along the way...if you want to replace bad memories....do good things..**** things..things you know will make your body feel good..no rape play needs to be involved


right off the top of my head I am thinking that you have him toss you on the bed..pin you down and fuck you hard..till you cum....then he can hold you as your body reacts....

parts of it are rape play or close..but it is no where near as intense...

whatever you do..please remember be safe...do not rush to fit someone else's timetable because it could do much more harm then good

 

[Stella_Omega]

HUGE HUG!

Please be open to listening to what the counselor has to say, even if and especially if they are against the idea. Listening to their opinion will not make your decision ultimately, but they will have a view of your landscape that you might not be able to see yet. It is what they do. If you are so sure of her response being a negative one, then bring articles and references about other people experiencing healing through these means. If this is a new concept to her, (which I doubt) you may give her an opportunity to learn more about it while giving you an open outlet to explore and discuss it more thoroughly. Ultimately, you are truly your only real advocate in your healing, so make sure you get what you need to support the choices you make. If that means a more kink friendly counselor, then allow that option to unfold too.

Please somewhere in your decision making, work to find that place where you can release the rush to claim this as your "only chance", because it isn't and he isn't. Listen to your own hesitations and honor them. You are worth it.

I agree with everything Curious_in_Cali has said, and especially the last couple of things .

PLEASE, find your support system because he won't be here afterwards for you.

he made me cum like a steam train and we only stopped because I was terrified how my body was reacting

what scared you about that? I would expect some wonderful orgasmic response, personally-- you haven't been real happy, this is someone you can trust,
and your body is wanting.

Trust it. Trust your body.

 

[confusedtears]

what scared you about that? I would expect some wonderful orgasmic response, personally-- you haven't been real happy, this is someone you can trust,
and your body is wanting.

Trust it. Trust your body.

oh I just could let myself cum. Got v v close but couldn't (I am regularly orgasmic normally). Was just too good you know? I also thought I was gonna pee myself whilst he was... Well I don't wanna be explicit but I couldn't relax. We were in the woods though so I'm not good with public places apparently!

You guys have given me so much food for thought thank you

 

[confusedtears]

Couldn't let myself*

 

[Curious_in_Cali]

oh I just could let myself cum. Got v v close but couldn't (I am regularly orgasmic normally). Was just too good you know? I also thought I was gonna pee myself whilst he was... Well I don't wanna be explicit but I couldn't relax. We were in the woods though so I'm not good with public places apparently!

You guys have given me so much food for thought thank you

Please be sure to come back and give us an update no matter what you decide to do... ok?

 

[Stella_Omega]

Okay, you probably weren't peeing, but squirting. It's very common for women to think they've peed, when in fact they've let loose with a big old squirt of female ejaculate.

Secondly, so what if you pee? As long as you don't have any infections, Pee is actually sterile right out of your bladder. And you're feeling good, right?

To control all the wetness, get yourself a dollar store shower curtain and put it down under the mattress cover and the sheets. (let it air out for a day first though, those things are stinky) and then -- just squirt and pee your little heart out!

 

[confusedtears]

Hi.

Have told him I'm not coming. I don't do well with people leaving anyway so think it would be a bad plan.

I was stupid to think he would help anyway. I'll never be healed.

 

[eve_bound]

Hi.

Have told him I'm not coming. I don't do well with people leaving anyway so think it would be a bad plan.

I was stupid to think he would help anyway. I'll never be healed.

You're not stupid. You are hurting and wanting it to stop. That's human. I think you made the right decision, in this case only because it sounds to me like you are way too vulnerable right now and desperate for healing and this seemed like it was going to be the magic cure. I feel for you

Honestly, I think it would have made matters worse for you. So, it's best you take your time working through this pain.

Regarding your belief "I'll never be healed":

Here's my thoughts for FWIW - Wounds do heal. Yours is apparently still raw and causing you much distress and encumbering an important part of your joy in life. Been there. You can heal from it. You won't be the same person and it won't be like it never happened, but you can get past it and not let it keep tormenting you. One day it will be a scar that you have to remember what you went through.

It takes time and trust and lots of care, though. Don't lose

 

[the captians wench]

I agree with the traffic lights. They are simple, and you can't forget them, even in a very stressful or confusing situation. Note that yellow is not merely for resolving pysical problems, but for spur-of-the-moment negotiations.

In addition, have ground rules about what is acceptable and what is not.

Wow, quick reply, thank you!

That's a great idea-I suppose green could also be used for me to tell him it's ok to up the intensity.

Do you find (if it's ok to ask) that you do remember to use them when needed? Xx

Late to the party, but I wanted to throw this in there:

I was very strictly traffic light trained. For near 4 years infact. Then one night of intence pain. My head was cloudy. Everything blurred. My heart raced. Something felt off. I wanted to stop. I knew there was a word. I searched my head for the word to make it end, but kept coming up blank. I couldn't even think the words "end" or "stop" or "enough" or anything common like that. When it finally came to me, the word for what I was feeling, "red" I couldn't find my lips! I know there is a way to communicate, but I can't think of how to speak, how to get the idea that was in my head out of my head and out of my body. I pushed through the fog... There's my lips! and shouted "RED".

This whole little panic attack felt like it lasted hours, infact it was with in 2 minutes. The mind can do strange things. A lot of people use a word or phraze that they "won't forget", like "stop" means just that. Names have also been used. I knew one girl who used "mercy" as her safe word. But yes, in that moment, some people can forget even the basic words. Hell I couldn't figure out how to talk! It's a whirl pool of emotion and chemical reactions and some times the brain has trouble navigating it.

 

[kiwi_submissive]

The morning after the night before is not a nice place to be sometimes. It is easy to get carried away in the heat of the moment and not think about consequences afterwards.

Please make sure you are comfortable with what is happening but also keep an eye out on how you are going to feel afterwards. It's a horrible feeling soul searching the next day and thinking that I really should not have done that.

 

[Kurokami]

Hi.

Have told him I'm not coming. I don't do well with people leaving anyway so think it would be a bad plan.

I was stupid to think he would help anyway. I'll never be healed.

I think that you probably made the right decision; this was never going to completely erase your pain, and if this guy wasn't going to be around afterwards it might have just made things worse.

But listen: you can still heal. It's gonna take time, it's probably gonna hurt and you'll never be completely rid of it, but you can put it to one side so it stops hurting. Leaving it the way it is, that's not healthy and trust me, I'd know. If you need some support, I'd strongly urge you to talk with the friends and family that you trust; that's a support network that's invaluable in situations like yours.

Please don't let this be the end of the conversation. You can get better, and I wish you luck in doing so

 

[bhndblueyes88]

i agree with what everyone one has said. I think you've made a good choice, but there's no reason why your injuries can't heal

 

[Curious_in_Cali]

Hi.

Have told him I'm not coming. I don't do well with people leaving anyway so think it would be a bad plan.

I was stupid to think he would help anyway. I'll never be healed.

You are making choices to honor and protect yourself... how can that be a path that doesn't lead to the healing you need and the life that you want? You CAN and you WILL get through this part... just keep walking and you WILL find your way. Please find that place where you can be kind to yourself as you find your footing and continue to take good care of you. HUGE SQUISHY HUG!

 

[confusedtears]

Thank you everyone xx

 

[YourCaptor]

Hi confused tears

Therapy is good, but it wont reprogram you. Often things slowly improve, it takes discipline. Keep up with it, you're doing great.

A forced experience as therapy, that's probably not a good idea. Good thing you didn't do it. Rape play cause it makes you hot however, that's a good reason right their.

Keep up the therapy, let the sex be natural, don't get worked up about it. You're a good person, nobodys got anything on you.