New person in a Dom/Sub relationship

[pocketrocket]

Here's the situation. You are a Sub and have a weekly appointmant at your Dom's studio (read Dungeon). When you arrive (precisely on time) a new person adresses you by name. This person (opposite sex of your Dom) tells you that, if you consent, the person will be conducting your session. Your Dom will be present and observing, but not interacting and you will be blindfolded to prevent you from watching for reactions.

Here is the question. Would you accept under those restictions? Would you ask any questions or make any requests? How would you "feel"? What other comments do you have?

 

[KillerMuffin]

I'm not a sub my any stretch of the imagination. Nor a dom. However, from what I'm given to understand, a sub/dom relationship is one of those that has to be built carefully and firmly on a foundation of trust.

Coming from that standpoint, I would consider that the sub would feel betrayed by his/her dom. This is a new relationship and I would think that more time would be invested before introducing the sub to things s/he might not feel comfortable with, such as people of the opposite sex and other doms. I would think that as a betrayed sub, I would be shopping around for a new dom, one that will be more of a match to the sub's needs as a sub. It's like any other relationship in that regard, the match doesn't always fit.

I don't think there could be much worse than a bad dom who hurts the sub emotionally or mentally through betrayal of trust.

So, you should ask yourself if this is a trust issue for you or if it's just a sex issue. Doms can and do push the limits of what their subs can accept, but not at the expense of trust.

 

[Kuddles]

It all depends on how much you trust your Dom. Do you feel she/he would knowingly put you in harms way?

If I trusted this person and knew them well then I probably would feel safe in going forward. But, if there were reservations in my mind...or I felt uncomfortable...then I would definitely ask some questions before agreeing. Dom/Sub relationship or not I would still have the ultimate say over what I would do and how far I would go. Which is why I would never make it in a Dom/Sub relationship!

I am probably as clear as mud but, for what it's worth...JMHO!

[Edited by DrEaMwEaVeR GaL on 04-04-2001 at 02:25 PM]

 

[DarlingBri]

PocketRocket, if thirds or strangers are not something you've talked about and planned for in your sub/dom relationship, than I would say no way. But it totally depends on the nature of the sub's relationship to the dom... are limits being stretched intentionally? Is there a purpose? What is it? The sub should be able to and should ask these questions.

Personally, regardless of the intention, I would still say no.

I would still have the ultimate say over what I would do and how far I would go. Which is why I would never make it in a Dom/Sub relationship!

Sure you would Nobody is going to do anything without your agreement. We need to stop equating submission with slavery, because it's not really the same

 

[WriterDom]

I would hope that if I was currently in a real life D/s relationship I would know the sub well enough to have a pretty good idea of how she felt about group scenes and same sex play. I can see where surprising her might be a good thing depending on her experience and desires. But it could also be a disaster.

 

[DarlingBri]

WD...

Would that entail discussing it before hand, even in the guise of "pillow talk"? Or would you be going on instinct here, trusting your understanding of the sub's wants/needs?

 

[WriterDom]

Re: WD...

Would that entail discussing it before hand, even in the guise of "pillow talk"?

Pretty much so... I try to explore all her fantasies before we meet for the first time.

 

[DarkAngel]

Sick sick sick sick... I know a really good doctor if you need one

 

[WriterDom]

Sick sick sick sick... I know a really good doctor if you need one

I've met very few psych majors that weren't kinky.

 

[KillerMuffin]

Everyone's kinky. They just don't admit it publicly.

 

[pocketrocket]

more info

I was actually trying to adress a lot of these concerns by 1) placing it in a Professional setting, ie a studio, rather than a home, 2) requesting permission in advance, and 3) specifying that the Dom would be present but silent. I guess the Professional/Client relationship, aat master/slave did not quite come across.

 

[KillerMuffin]

Irregardless of professional dom in studio or personal dom in home, the basic principle is still the same. It all has to do with the trust extended to the dom by the sub. Only the sub can decide if this trust has been breeched. Has it?

 

[pocketrocket]

Special to Dreamgirl

The sub always has the final say. Everything is oriented toward producing sensation in him/her. By definition the sub is the center of attention. If that's not true, its not a Dom/Sub relationship. Its something else.