Nowhere To Run ch 2

[windstormy]

...was just posted last night. This is gaymale, so if it's not your genre, please bypass it. But would love any feedback I can get.

Thx...

Nowhere To Run ch 2

 

[elfin_odalisque]

Never apologize! If people here aren't broad minded enough to cope with all mainstream sexuality, they shouldn't be here.

I love your writing and the love-violence you describe, whilst exaggerated I trust, fits with what little I know. Sure, I don't read a lot of gay writing - without the chromosome it's a bit pointless, but when I do I'm often amazed at the emotional intensity.

I thought you could have run the two chapters together to make more of a tale. To be impertinent, I would have started part 1 more dramatically with something like;

"Joshua was running, that he knew. Just like he had been doing for the last two of his meagre eighteen years. What he was running from he didn't remember and it tortured him incessantly."

Rumple Foreskin wrote a great 'How To' about starting stories - always with a bang - (not literally).

You move from build-up into sex far too fast and your sex scene is a bit rushed . A bit more description of feelings and sensual reactions would be nice.

I liked it, but I think you can write more powerfully.

Elle

 

[elfin_odalisque]

deleted- duplicate post

 

[ellynei]

Read it. Loved it. (I read chapter 1 first to get the context).

I'd love to help with comments on how to make stuff better. But in my opinion so far it's too good to be possible to improve.

(noticed 2 typos in there but they arent of type that can mess up storyline so imo no reason to resubmit to fix em. One place you spelled blonde as blond. My dictionary claims its: A blonde or: He is blond. Another place you said "face pace" i think you meant "fast pace" but ofcourse i might be wrong there.)

oh and btw chop chop on making more chapters plz. thank you^^

 

[windstormy]

I really appreciate the feedback. It's very helpful. You're right, btw, ellynei...I did mean 'fast pace'. Thanks for noticing that and the other mistake. I wasn't really sure which I should use--blonde or blond.

I'm sorry I'm slow in replying to y'all's feedback. I work 14 -16 hrs a day, during the week--then try to squeeze in a little writing when I can. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to submit the next part last Sunday, as I am working on the edits and combining it with possibly the next 3 chapters. I have 9 written already and am working on the last two.

Before I started this little adventure, I was asked to write a story that was more sensual, rather than overt. I'm so used to writing overt that I found it a bit difficult to leave some material to the reader's imagination. It has been a challenge, to say the least.

But as I read the comments, I had to chuckle a little and admit the love scene did feel quite vague in details. Being I never throw anything away, you should see my scrap-page for this story...and that particular scene. LOL

I've decided to take a new look at the next and make what changes I think are needed. And I'm overjoyed that you like this story. Thanks for the nudge to submit more. I'll be sure to do that some time today--after some much needed sleep.

Thx again,
Billy