Older men & young ladies - what's wrong with us?

[dr_mabeuse]

Being an older male myself, I imagine that you like older men because we’re just cooler. Also, we usually don’t wear baseball hats with the brims to the side or shorts that show our ass-cracks. That’s probably a big part of it.

No, really. I think I know what you’re talking about, and I think it has to do with depth of character and self-knowledge. For the first 30 or 35 years of life, I think most men experience a kind of lateral growth. Not in the gut so much as in their general interests and experience of the world, which are broad but rather shallow. You try a lot of things, but you’re kind of superficially involved. Somewhere about 35-40 a man starts sending down roots. By that time we’ve all usually experienced some pain and disappointment in our lives and that gives us a certain depth of character, and I think that’s what maturity is: depth. We come to know what we really want and what we feel is important, and we’ve got some idea of how to dig down and get it.

I’ve noticed the same thing in women. Despite what they say, I don’t think a woman is sexually mature until she’s into her 40’s. That’s when she finds out what she really wants sexually and has the depth to experience sex and love in a really profound way. Before that, any sex is great sex for men and women both, and it tends to be physical and kind of superficial. Past 40 it seems to get more mental (or even spiritual) and deep: you know yourself, you know what you want, and you’ve learned how to go about getting it. You don’t have the time or the inclination to fool around anymore.

When I was younger, I’d talk to a women mainly so I could get her into bed, and the depth of my sexual feelings were pretty much limited to my orgasm. After that it was like, “Well, what’s on TV?” Now I talk to her because I really want to know who she is, and sexually I look for a depth of intimacy and involvement that goes way beyond the physical. As I’ve matured I’ve found that there’s much more to sex than fucking.

Also, I don’t giggle as much as I used to.

---dr.M.

 

[Arioso]

From an interloper...

...lured in here originally out of concern to confirm that Shereads is still alive and kicking after the battery of storms. SR hon, you're missed

Secondly, although I may have missed it if this comment was already made (didn't see it), I think the appeal of older men/women also has something to do with self-confidence.

I remember my 18-25 years. Way too anxious about trying to look or act in step with what would impress my peers. And I noticed the same kind of behavior in the 18 year-old guys, my 18-year old girlfriends....it led to a lot of stupidity, which ends up defeating the whole attempt to impress. Vicious circle. Older men and women (in general, but not necessarily as a rule) seem to have reached a point where they just say "fuck it", accept themselves, and that level of comfort and confidence can have a very magnetic appeal.

Cheers, folks -- and Shereads, be safe and well...I'm doing a little surrogate-mom worrying about you
AriO

 

[shereads]

Re: From an interloper...

...lured in here originally out of concern to confirm that Shereads is still alive and kicking after the battery of storms. SR hon, you're missed

Secondly, although I may have missed it if this comment was already made (didn't see it), I think the appeal of older men/women also has something to do with self-confidence.

I remember my 18-25 years. Way too anxious about trying to look or act in step with what would impress my peers. And I noticed the same kind of behavior in the 18 year-old guys, my 18-year old girlfriends....it led to a lot of stupidity, which ends up defeating the whole attempt to impress. Vicious circle. Older men and women (in general, but not necessarily as a rule) seem to have reached a point where they just say "fuck it", accept themselves, and that level of comfort and confidence can have a very magnetic appeal.

Cheers, folks -- and Shereads, be safe and well...I'm doing a little surrogate-mom worrying about you
AriO

AriO!!!!

What a welcome lurk-break. I've missed you too. Subo was here for a while and created quite a stir with his Dr. Suess-As-Pornographer Post; HT popped in a time or two; Remec is a regular. I've been hoping you'd show up...If I can dig up Subo's Seuss, maybe you'll consider posting a porn version of a favorite author?



I dared Dr. M to take on Kerouac but Dr. M doesn't take dares. Dammit!

 

[Arioso]

Re: Re: From an interloper...

I dared Dr. M to take on Kerouac but Dr. M doesn't take dares. Dammit!

No, I imagine he doesn't...

He takes daMes

(After all, his name is an anagram of "rube dames"...little hayseed, anyone? )

Cheers,
AriO
p.s. -- SR luv, your box is full...

 

[sweetnpetite]

What no one tried to explain is why, once women are pregnant (or in the similar hormonal state induced by birth control pills) the babydaddy is no longer Mr. Right; Cousin Clem is.

Nature is the world's biggest practical joker, isn't she?

When you have a baby by someone, they become a blood relation of sorts. (you, they and the child share a common blood link) And they start to 'feel' like family as well. [Now that you are playing a grown-up version of house- the *real* version, lol] I suspect thats why some people play around with the incest taboo (who's your daddy?) and some just stop being sexual. (ie, 'I just don't feel sexy now that I'm someones mom...')

The situation is even stickier when the child bears a strong resemblence! [I imagine they probably also have similer smells and all of that] I think we burry this kind of stuff in our subconscious to avoid thinking about it.

Could be natures way of keeping families together. (?)

 

[Seattle Zack]

Having not quite reached that epiphany that Doc M described earlier, I will admit that I mostly enjoy the company of younger women (20's and 30's, I'm in my late thirties myself (well, 42 if you must know the truth)).

The way that young people think, especially young women, is interesting to me. This great country of ours is going to be in the hands of the post-boomer generation soon enough.

I am always charmed by women, young women in particular, their dreams and aspirations.

On consideration, it doesn't hurt that I have a high rise apartment and a hot tub, and was smart enough not to acquire any kids or excessively annoying exwives along the way. Plus I have Jagermeister.

--Zack

 

[GingerV]

Random thought. If amicus is right and

However, my experience still suggests that smart men marry less smart women and smart women marry less smart men. Of course, my experience did not cover the entire world nor the span of human existence, so it is surely subject to error.

it may just be a question of odds.

The smartest woman in the world has a damned small chance of meeting the smartest man in the world, she has to marry (if she marries) beneath her IQ. And vice versa. The smarter you are, the harder it's going to be to find your intellectual equal, simply because there aren't many.

The theory falls down if smart women (or vice versa) don't just marry less smart men...but go for genuinely stupid ones. I haven't seen evidence of THAT...but that's just me.

On the actual topic, though...I can't offer my own experience. I tend to age match myself pretty closely. BUT, my seemingly endless family has a case study I can offer. Since a couple of disasterous early teen fumbles, my big sis has always been interested in older men. Much older men. 30 years older, at last check. At first, I just thought it was a daddy replacement thing. But we talked once when honesty was aided by a few bottles of red, and I was totally off base. She said that she wanted to feel safe. She didn't give a damn how old they were, she wanted someone who would think she was too good for him. She wanted someone who would be so damned amazed and grateful that she was with him that he wouldn't even consider leaving, or making her leave. She didn't love her husband cause he was older, she loved him because he loved her desperately....and she thought part of the reason he did was that he couldn't believe his luck that a gorgeous 20something (at the time) wanted anything to do with him. It really is love. It's not my kind. But it's lasted, so who am I to judge?

I'm not saying it's a part of anyone else's kink here. But power, as someone else here said, is always part of any relationship. Maybe part of the attraction to older men is the fact that you bring something to the table they want and wouldn't ordinarily get a shot at?

Like I said, random thoughts.

G

 

[sincerely_helene]

On the actual topic, though...I can't offer my own experience. I tend to age match myself pretty closely. BUT, my seemingly endless family has a case study I can offer. Since a couple of disasterous early teen fumbles, my big sis has always been interested in older men. Much older men. 30 years older, at last check. At first, I just thought it was a daddy replacement thing. But we talked once when honesty was aided by a few bottles of red, and I was totally off base. She said that she wanted to feel safe. She didn't give a damn how old they were, she wanted someone who would think she was too good for him. She wanted someone who would be so damned amazed and grateful that she was with him that he wouldn't even consider leaving, or making her leave. She didn't love her husband cause he was older, she loved him because he loved her desperately....and she thought part of the reason he did was that he couldn't believe his luck that a gorgeous 20something (at the time) wanted anything to do with him. It really is love. It's not my kind. But it's lasted, so who am I to judge?

I'm not saying it's a part of anyone else's kink here. But power, as someone else here said, is always part of any relationship. Maybe part of the attraction to older men is the fact that you bring something to the table they want and wouldn't ordinarily get a shot at?

Like I said, random thoughts.

G

Wow! This is so completly opposite of my mindset, (but similar in a way too.) I suppose some of us will always seek the unattainable, while others will seek to be the unattainable. I agree that power plays a big role in either instance.

 

[rgraham666]

it may just be a question of odds.

The smartest woman in the world has a damned small chance of meeting the smartest man in the world, she has to marry (if she marries) beneath her IQ. And vice versa. The smarter you are, the harder it's going to be to find your intellectual equal, simply because there aren't many.

Without wanting to sound prideful, that may be one of my biggest problems.

I prefer women who can hold their own intellectually with me, and there aren't many.

What makes it more difficult is that I'm a high school dropout and an autodidact. A lot of women who are my equal or better, are 'properly educated'. And they have problems going out with a guy like myself. That lack of letters at the end of my name reduces my attractiveness.

 

[cddweller]

I hate to be giving advice to an autodidact (hats off to your accomplishment; I envy you), but there is always The Filter to consider. Allow me to elaborate. *Ahem* (Tries to shake away coffee buzz for a few minutes in order to sound intelligent.)

If you want to attract the right person, for whatever reasons, there's always a message you can stamp on your forehead and say, "For any woman who likes [this and that], I'm the one for you!" Like a Yahoo Personal. If there's a type fo woman you want to avoid attracting, you can always slap another sticky note underneath, perhaps just on the bridge of your nose, with "And for those who like [this and that], I'm not your man!" Surely, a woman with enough sense would know what she wants in a man, and after seeing such clearly defined terms, would steer clear or dive in for the kill. Surely.

But what fun is that?

I say, put up The Filter. Make yourself as unattractive as possible, try to filter out EVERYBODY. That way, when you do find somebody who can look beyond all that 666-suffixing at the end of your name, the fact that you're an autodidact janitor, the fact that you look a little scruffy, all of those things won't just be hurdles, they'll be downright mute. Think of things from my standpoint (and I'm not trying to be offensive, though the coffee's somewhat emboldened me to speak my true opinion): As a college student, I've got all this shit to juggle, what with papers, books, tests, class discussion, independent study, and keeping my sanity. After all of that, I'll end up with something at the end, maybe a degree, or maybe something more than that, like a strength, or confidence in myself for putting up with all this bullshit. The whole process comes together as a puzzle and proves some overall point, and the individual pieces don't matter all that much. So what, that I had to stay up a few nights to write papers and drink coffee like water (like I'll probably have to do tonight)? It's the end product, Mr. 666. That's what counts. If the young/old, smart/dumb, rich/poor, pretty/ugly ladies come along and you are frustrated with your encounters, put up The Filter, and see THEN who gets through!

 

[cheerful_deviant]

From what I've experienced and seen around me, many these days want to be 20 until they're 40. One difference between men and women though seems to be how they react when they, somewhere in the age of 17 to 27, are given a nine month deadline to get their act together. Many more men than women does not grow up and take responsibility when unplanned parenthood ensues. If this is because the women have physically harder to neglect the issue, or some deeper psychological aspect, I have no idea.

Digging back in the thread a little, but I wasn't around last night to see this.

I have to agree here somewhat. A good friend of my wife is having this issue with her husband right now. He's about 30 and he just won't grow up. He still has a hot-rodded Mustang that he works on all the time, he has dirtbikes and snowmobiles. Every weekend he's out with one of them, all weekend.

And on weeknights he's over a buddy house watching the game or playing pool or something.

I know it's nice to have some toys for relaxation, (not that kind of toys you miscreants ) but I'm sorry, when you have kids they have to come first. It's time to grow up and accept some responsibility.

As far as it being a male trait? I think it's more common in males, but not exclusive. I see plenty of young girls who still want to be carefree even though they have kids now to.

 

[oggbashan]

As probably the oldest (in this persona) male in the AH, I can't see the attraction for younger women as overwhelming.

Helen of Troy is about the right age. Cleopatra is too young by a couple of thousand years.

I can relate to the minds and personalities of younger women. A physical relationship? I'm too old and decrepit to risk the humiliation of failing to satisfy. On line flirting is enough.

I can still appreciate younger women as attractive fantasy partners. The older I get, the more women there are who are younger and therefore available for fantasy.

Og

 

[cddweller]

Hey-hey, one born every minute.

But you're falling into that trap, again. The whole base for this post is not THAT men are older, THAT they're more experienced or powerful or rich. There's so much more to it than that, and when I finally realize WHAT "it" is, I'm sure I'll be able to explain that WHAT OLDER MEN LOOK LIKE IS MUTE. It's who you are, in the soul.

[Bangs head against keyboard.]

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[sincerely_helene]

Hey-hey, one born every minute.

But you're falling into that trap, again. The whole base for this post is not THAT men are older, THAT they're more experienced or powerful or rich. There's so much more to it than that, and when I finally realize WHAT "it" is, I'm sure I'll be able to explain that WHAT OLDER MEN LOOK LIKE IS MUTE. It's who you are, in the soul.

[Bangs head against keyboard.]

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I obviously must have misunderstood your original request, then. I had thought you were requesting feedback into various perspectives on the subject to the best of our personal knowledge and/or experiance?... At any rate, I sincerely hope you are able to aquire the answers you desire. I now gracefully bow out of the discussion, (before the keyprints are permantly indented in your forehead).

 

[cddweller]

Actually, I headed into the discussion with my own ideas, but I honestly thought I was out of my head. Every single lady in my age group I've discussed this with thinks I'm as unnatural as cement.