On writing: descriptions

[Britva415]

the good writing shows the real world around them

I mean, nobody's saying "hide it."

But since you said "show," sometimes doing that instead of telling too much of it (show don't tell, get it?) is a way to ensure that it isn't at the expense of the action.

Or more precisely, at the expense of the action's impact. Spamming too much description doesn't take away from the narrated facts. Those still happen, even if they're obscured by clouds of atmosphere.

Another way is to make the real world details matter, such that the plot couldn't have happened any other way without them. This also ensures that those details are exposed/revealed/shown through narration, instead of just description.

 

[StillStunned]

One of Chekhov's admirers was Katherine Mansfield. I have no interest in Chekhov's gun, I read and write for Mansfield's laundry basket. She wrote, ‘I shall tell everything, even of how the laundry basket squeaked.' That encapsulated it for me. That's what I want to write, and read. Even if it's about people fucking (*yawn*), the good writing shows the real world around them. At the moment I'm enraptured in reading a really good story by pink_silk_glove, who's doing this: the details, the quotidian. It's not at the expense of the action, it makes it better.

It depends what kind of story you're writing, and what story your readers expect to get.

If I'm writing a sword & sorcery adventure, I'm telling a story of an exciting moment in my characters' lives. I might set the scene by describing an everyday moment - the characters waking up and talking, but just as they're getting frisky something happens - but once the story itself gets going there's no place for mundane distractions.

A story about someone catching an unexpected glimpse of their neighbour showering will include more everyday detail, to highlight the unusual event in their routine. So perhaps remembering to switch off their phone so it won't draw attention, or feeling a cramp in their leg from standing still too long, afraid to move, distracted by the bead of sweat running down their nose...

A longer story about a May to December relationship will include more and more moments of everyday life, because the story is about the characters' actual lives, not a single one-shot moment. We should get to see their commute, or their annoyance at the neighbour's dog, or their worry about forgetting to pay the electrical bill.

If I added that kind of stuff in an adventure story, it would become surreal. You don't see Darth Vader fidgeting because his undies are bunched up under his armour. You don't see The Man With No Name putting on SPF before venturing out into the desert, even though he should know from experience how important it is. You don't see Indiana Jones stopping mid-chase and saying, "Heavens, I think I left the iron on!"

 

[StillStunned]

Another question: how do you go about describing your POV characters? And related to that: how much detail, particularly for 1P POV?

Bad: "I'm a sex-crazed 22-year-old blonde with 44DD breasts, a 10" waist, standing 5'3" tall with pouty lips that are made for sucking cock. This morning I caught my brother spying on me under the shower, rubbing at his 14" cock..."

Still bad: "I looked at myself in the mirror as I undressed. At only 22, my large breasts are still firm, and my narrow waist and small form make them look bigger than their actual 44DD cup size. I shook my blonde hair loose from its scrunchy, feeling it tickling my bare back all the way down to my pert arse..."

Not sure whether it's better or worse: "'I'm so jealous of your tits!' my best friend exclaimed. 'What are they, 56EE?' I laughed and told her that no, they were only 44DD, but because I'm so petite they always seem larger, and the effect is amplified by my innocent and angelic appearance with blonde hair and sweetheart lips..."

Anyone else want to have a go at describing her, for better or for worse?

 

[TheLobster]

Bad: "I'm a sex-crazed 22-year-old blonde with 44DD breasts, a 10" waist, standing 5'3" tall with pouty lips that are made for sucking cock. This morning I caught my brother spying on me under the shower, rubbing at his 14" cock..."

What do you mean, bad? This is perfect! Five stars, a favorite, a follow, and we'll be watching your career with great interest.

Anyone else want to have a go at describing her, for better or for worse?

I'm not gonna take a stab at wording it, but I believe a self-description must have a narrative reason to be there. The character should want to assess her appearance, in a way that it serves the plot. In case of this 22-year-old, maybe she's crushing on some guy in her college and comparing herself to his current girlfriend (which could also allow you to characterize her a little bit, such as whether she's confident in her appearance or insecure).

 

[SimonDoom]

Another question: how do you go about describing your POV characters? And related to that: how much detail, particularly for 1P POV?

Bad: "I'm a sex-crazed 22-year-old blonde with 44DD breasts, a 10" waist, standing 5'3" tall with pouty lips that are made for sucking cock. This morning I caught my brother spying on me under the shower, rubbing at his 14" cock..."

Still bad: "I looked at myself in the mirror as I undressed. At only 22, my large breasts are still firm, and my narrow waist and small form make them look bigger than their actual 44DD cup size. I shook my blonde hair loose from its scrunchy, feeling it tickling my bare back all the way down to my pert arse..."

Not sure whether it's better or worse: "'I'm so jealous of your tits!' my best friend exclaimed. 'What are they, 56EE?' I laughed and told her that no, they were only 44DD, but because I'm so petite they always seem larger, and the effect is amplified by my innocent and angelic appearance with blonde hair and sweetheart lips..."

Anyone else want to have a go at describing her, for better or for worse?

I'd say, as a default guideline, less is more.

If you take mainstream, published fiction as a guide, POV characters don't usually describe themselves in great detail. It sounds a bit strange.

One good reason NOT to add a lot of detail is that detail can be distancing; it may prevent the reader from immersing themselves in the POV character. They may think, "That's not like me." That seems unnecessary.

But if you're writing a story about a character who gets involved in bimboification fetish, then something like that sentence might be just right. It depends on the story.

 

[anthrodisiac]

Another question: how do you go about describing your POV characters? And related to that: how much detail, particularly for 1P POV?

Bad: "I'm a sex-crazed 22-year-old blonde with 44DD breasts, a 10" waist, standing 5'3" tall with pouty lips that are made for sucking cock. This morning I caught my brother spying on me under the shower, rubbing at his 14" cock..."

Still bad: "I looked at myself in the mirror as I undressed. At only 22, my large breasts are still firm, and my narrow waist and small form make them look bigger than their actual 44DD cup size. I shook my blonde hair loose from its scrunchy, feeling it tickling my bare back all the way down to my pert arse..."

Not sure whether it's better or worse: "'I'm so jealous of your tits!' my best friend exclaimed. 'What are they, 56EE?' I laughed and told her that no, they were only 44DD, but because I'm so petite they always seem larger, and the effect is amplified by my innocent and angelic appearance with blonde hair and sweetheart lips..."

Anyone else want to have a go at describing her, for better or for worse?

I rifled through my drawer and pulled out my bra. I could've easily used it as a seige catapult. Why God gave me 103ZZZ boobs was beyond me, but who am I to question God?

 

[TheLobster]

I rifled through my drawer and pulled out my bra. I could've easily used it as a seige catapult.

Technically, that would be a trebuchet. And as r/trebuchetmemes would readily tell you, they should not be confused with catapults.

 

[anthrodisiac]

Technically, that would be a trebuchet. And as r/trebuchetmemes would readily tell you, they should not be confused with catapults.

View attachment 2614501

Oh dear, don't make me go pedantic on the difference between a trebuchet and a catapult. It's supposed to be my day off from pedanticism...

 

[EmilyMiller]

Another question: how do you go about describing your POV characters? And related to that: how much detail, particularly for 1P POV?

Bad: "I'm a sex-crazed 22-year-old blonde with 44DD breasts, a 10" waist, standing 5'3" tall with pouty lips that are made for sucking cock. This morning I caught my brother spying on me under the shower, rubbing at his 14" cock..."

Still bad: "I looked at myself in the mirror as I undressed. At only 22, my large breasts are still firm, and my narrow waist and small form make them look bigger than their actual 44DD cup size. I shook my blonde hair loose from its scrunchy, feeling it tickling my bare back all the way down to my pert arse..."

Not sure whether it's better or worse: "'I'm so jealous of your tits!' my best friend exclaimed. 'What are they, 56EE?' I laughed and told her that no, they were only 44DD, but because I'm so petite they always seem larger, and the effect is amplified by my innocent and angelic appearance with blonde hair and sweetheart lips..."

Anyone else want to have a go at describing her, for better or for worse?

Fuck my back hurts, and walking is a challenge with the massive inertia of these lipid bags to drag after me…

 

[StillStunned]

Oh dear, don't make me go pedantic on the difference between a trebuchet and a catapult. It's supposed to be my day off from pedanticism...

You could both *describe* a trebuchet and a catapult. You know, to stay more or less on-topic.

 

[StillStunned]

Fuck my back hurts, and walking is a challenge with the massive inertia of these lipid bags to drag after me…

This one would need a coterie of ladies-in-waiting to follow her around and hold her boobs like the train of a dress. Or maybe they hold the train, and the breasts rest in it?

 

[EmilyMiller]

This one would need a coterie of ladies-in-waiting to follow her around and hold her boobs like the train of a dress. Or maybe they hold the train, and the breasts rest in it?

Or a droid to support each of them - let’s not ignore SciFi

 

[anthrodisiac]

This one would need a coterie of ladies-in-waiting to follow her around and hold her boobs like the train of a dress. Or maybe they hold the train, and the breasts rest in it?

Sounds like a job for duct tape to me.

 

[anthrodisiac]

You could both *describe* a trebuchet and a catapult. You know, to stay more or less on-topic.

Catapult: generic term for a class of weapons that involves launching projectiles using stored energy, generally using tension or torsion stored in an arm or lever, with a place to set the projectile being launched.
Trebuchet: a class of catapult that uses an hinged arm and sling to let fly the projectile, generally using counterweights (or manpower for earlier versions).

Edit: And it was supposed to be my day off...

 

[StillStunned]

Alright, back to describing Bernie the Big-Boobed Blonde or, as her friends call her, "that bitch who's so shallow her reflection has more depth".

 

[TheLobster]

Catapult: generic term for a class of weapons that involves launching projectiles using stored energy, generally using tension or torsion stored in an arm or lever, with a place to set the projectile being launched.
Trebuchet: a class of catapult that uses an hinged arm and sling to let fly the projectile, generally using counterweights (or manpower for earlier versions).

This runs counter to every video game I've played, where trebuchets are always straight upgrades to catapults, and therefore I'm going to ignore it and distract you with the fact that ballistae also exist!

 

[MrHereWriting]

Another question: how do you go about describing your POV characters? And related to that: how much detail, particularly for 1P POV?

Bad: "I'm a sex-crazed 22-year-old blonde with 44DD breasts, a 10" waist, standing 5'3" tall with pouty lips that are made for sucking cock. This morning I caught my brother spying on me under the shower, rubbing at his 14" cock..."

Still bad: "I looked at myself in the mirror as I undressed. At only 22, my large breasts are still firm, and my narrow waist and small form make them look bigger than their actual 44DD cup size. I shook my blonde hair loose from its scrunchy, feeling it tickling my bare back all the way down to my pert arse..."

Not sure whether it's better or worse: "'I'm so jealous of your tits!' my best friend exclaimed. 'What are they, 56EE?' I laughed and told her that no, they were only 44DD, but because I'm so petite they always seem larger, and the effect is amplified by my innocent and angelic appearance with blonde hair and sweetheart lips..."

Anyone else want to have a go at describing her, for better or for worse?

That's a list, and for some stories it's fine, others not so much. Do you prefer telling or showing, because that's all tell. Do you prefer the entire description all at once or can you mention bits here and there?

What kind of description do you like, so we know what's good?

 

[EmilyMiller]

Fuck my back hurts, and walking is a challenge with the massive inertia of these lipid bags to drag after me…

I think the partially tethered gyrations of my mega-mammaries have formed a Lorenz Attractor. How strange…

 

[liliput1]

I am currently reading some authors who have their characters take a more active role in ignoring their developing feelings for another character and one way to do that is to suddenly become very interested in the scenery, a plant, the furniture in a restaurant.

As a literary device, suddenly becoming desperately focused on your environment as a deflection from “unwelcome” feelings has a place. In moderation. This seems to work better with first person narration, where you can lean into the unreliable narrator. With third person it’s probably better for the narrator to describe in broad strokes that the MC is currently spiraling.

 

[liliput1]

I

Another question: how do you go about describing your POV characters? And related to that: how much detail, particularly for 1P POV?

Bad: "I'm a sex-crazed 22-year-old blonde with 44DD breasts, a 10" waist, standing 5'3" tall with pouty lips that are made for sucking cock. This morning I caught my brother spying on me under the shower, rubbing at his 14" cock..."

When I came back to here after a long hiatus, I was pleased to see that bullshit like this had largely disappeared from the Top List. Instead authors seemed to work more consistently to communicate to us the beholder’s conviction of the beauty of the character rather than our own. Because that’s all that really matters.

Also, if you fetishize a character one way you lose all of your audience that may not be into that. Broader brushstrokes let you decide if the girl who “has bigger/nicer boobs than me” is above average or seeing doctors about back pain. I know 2 people who have had reduction surgery and one did not enjoy how they were treated before - at all, and I know a married redhead with a teenaged son who is fully skeeved out by how some men treat redheads they don’t even know. Even middle aged ones.

So, describe the beats, let me decide if I want to fixate on a passing foot description or pretend no such thing was even mentioned and la la la my way onto the description of collarbones.