On writing: sounds and sentences

[BeechLeaf]

Oh yes, that is beautiful.

 

[BobbyBrandt]

I find myself looking at my writing with a broader perspective now that I have converted many of my stories to audio format.

While I have long utilized text-to-speech when editing a story, the robotic voices and cadence provided by the AI tools made it challenging to rely upon them for a critical review of flow and even word choices. There have been a few instances where a story that I had considered well written, didn't translate as I would have liked when recorded in audio. The "voice" in my head wasn't the voice that listeners always heard.

Some of it is word choice, some of it is punctuation, some of it is the particular literary technique, and some of it is the narrative voice.

 

[StillStunned]

the robotic voices and cadence provided by the AI tools

My version of Word has decent ones for both male and female voices. As long as I'm online and logged into my account, that is - otherwise it defaults to the toneless robot.

 

[EmilyMiller]

That's me, I'm an elevator.

Maybe the puns have been less elevating

 

[BobbyBrandt]

My version of Word has decent ones for both male and female voices. As long as I'm online and logged into my account, that is - otherwise it defaults to the toneless robot.

That feature in Word also allows you to alter the speed of the reading, which can also help some.

 

[StillStunned]

Maybe the puns have been less elevating

They make others feel superior.

 

[NotWise]

That feature in Word also allows you to alter the speed of the reading, which can also help some.

The best I've found for Linux is a plugin for Firefox that uses Google for TTS. I've used it a few times, and its emphasis in opening paragraphs is consistently wrong. Context may improve performance later in the story, or I may just get used to it being wrong.

It's good enough to use for editing, but that's about the limit.

 

[MelissaBaby]

I have an example from my new story. It is more about sounds than rhythm, though.

I believe that these two paragraphs present a contrast. The first uses W and S sounds that create a soft, dreamlike effect. Like waking slowly and gently.

The second is more prosaic. The word "abrupt" sounds like what it means, and it sets the tone for the paragraph. The only alliteration is in "silicon", "stretching" and "strap". The last two reinforce the visual image of stretching, I think, and together they draw attention to the gag. This follows the repeated use of "cuffed", and by the end of the paragraph the reader should have the firm idea of the narrator's situation.

As some other posters have said, this is not something that I do deliberately while writing, but I do choose my words carefully to suit the tone of the sentence. In the editing I will be more aware of it, but only if the basic sounds are already there.

An excellent example. In the first paragraph, "sounds and sensations surrounding" is a perfect use of alliteration. It sounds like waking up feels.

In the second paragraph, I might have punched it harder, busting it up into shorter, sharp sentences. "I was spreadeagled on a bed. My hands were cuffed to the headboard. My feet, cuffed to opposite corners. A hard ball of silicon filled my mouth. My jaws stretched wide,."

But that's a minor quibble. Nice work.

 

[lovecraft68]

An editor told me I write in 'beats' I write paragraphs but will often drop a single sentence meant for some dramatic effect or make a point. My wife and I used to watch Law and Order SVU all the time and in the episodes when they did a scene cut there would be this dramatic "duh duh duh" beat and that's what I hear when I read back through my writing.

From my WIP The MC is watching a hotwife/cuck video and wondering what the story was because it was just a short clip that went right to the action.

She bet it could have been, bet her husband either neglected her and pushed her toward other men to get what she needed, or he cheated on her and this was payback. Could also be her husband loved seeing her with other men and everyone was having a good time, but that didn’t fit Talia’s fantasy.

Because it didn’t fit her reality.

 

[FrancesScott]

I suspect your own preoccupations will reveal far more interesting psychological truths. I know mine do, still with surprises, which is nice.

This is written in my own voice, I chose a descriptive passage rather than dialogue.

The day was hot again. So hot that many attendees had decided that beachwear was more than enough clothing. There was music and laughter and a whole cornucopia of different people. Some were cishet allies, maybe some were there just to have a good time. It didn't really matter.

Riley said that Chloe and a few other people from the group would be there. But so were thousands of others and we didn't run into her. The parade never officially ended. It just relocated to restaurants and food trucks and bars.

As the sun went down, the three of us found ourselves outside a bar that Harry and Riley knew. It had rainbow flags outside, whether as a permanent fixture, or just for the day, I didn't know. The inside was rammed with people spilling out onto the street. Everyone was buzzed and happy and hugging each other or dancing or singing. I felt warm and part of something. Even if I really was a tourist, this still felt like home.

There were men holding hands, some doing much more. There were loved up lesbian pairings. Some people were cross-dressing, or trans, it didn't seem to matter which. A few obviously hetero couples were also enjoying the party and no one seemed to mind.

 

[yowser]

Ah, the many approaches of word choice and sound. These things are important, but word sound is especially important for humor writing. Some sounds are funnier than others, but rarely is it an objectively funny sound. Generally, hard sounds are funnier than soft sounds, lilting words with odd cadences are funnier than smoother ones.

From the 'Sunshine Boys', Walter Matthau and George Burns.

Willy Clark (Matthau): I'm in this business 57 years, you learn a few things. You know what makes an audience laugh. You know which words are funny and which words are not funny?
Ben Clark (nephew): You told me a 100 times, Uncle Willy...
Willy Clark: Which words are funny?
Ben Clark: Words with a "K" in it are funny. I have to get to the office.
Willy Clark: Words with a "K" in it are funny. You didn't know that, did you? I'll tell you which words always get a laugh.
Ben Clark: Okay, Alka Seltzer.
Willy Clark: Alka Seltzer's funny.
Ben Clark: Chicken.
Willy Clark: Chicken is funny.
Ben Clark: Pickle.
Willy Clark: Pickle is funny. All with a "K". "L's" are not funny. "M's" are not funny.
Ben Clark: Just "K's". I know.
Willy Clark: Cupcake is funny. Tomatoes is not funny. Lettuce is not funny.
Ben Clark: You've explained that to me since I was five. Look, I've got to get back to the office.
Willy Clark: Cucumbers is funny.
Ben Clark: It's getting cold out. Let me give you money. I want you to take a cab.
Willy Clark: Cab is funny!
Ben Clark: Are you listening to me?
Willy Clark: Cockroach is funny. Not if get 'em, only if you say 'em.

 

[StillStunned]

That feature in Word also allows you to alter the speed of the reading, which can also help some.

For my professional editing I crank the speed up - and I was very pleased when I first found that feature. Proofreading someone else's text that you've already edited can be mindnumbingly tedious, and at the default speed it's just inviting you to lose focus.

For my own stories, I tend to use a lower speed, so I can savour the story being read aloud.

 

[StillStunned]

I think perhaps it's worth saying that none of this is "how it should be done". Nobody should feel they have to master sound and rhythm, or imagery or foreshadowing or any other technique for that matter, in order to be considered a writer, or even a "good" writer. Nobody should think, "Oh no, look at all these clever people who know all about the craft, and I'm just banging out words on my laptop!"

Most of us probably learned the same way: banging out words until we reached a happy ending satisfying conclusion. Figuring out what works, what sounds best, what gives us those happy little moments of glee as we're typing.

But understanding writing techniques can help you figure out *why* you get those happy moments. Why a particular sentence feels just right, and why another one feels awkward. Or why a character's name doesn't fit, or why a plot element feels shallow.

And the more you think about those things, the easier and more instinctive they become - *if* you want to use them.

 

[EmilyMiller]

But understanding writing techniques can help you figure out *why* you get those happy moments. Why a particular sentence feels just right, and why another one feels awkward. Or why a character's name doesn't fit, or why a plot element feels shallow.

I agree

 

[StillStunned]

My story Upstream was a deliberate attempt at descriptive and lyrical writing, to create a sense of place, so it probably contains more obvious examples than most of my stories. The summary is that a hiker in Spain ventures off the beaten track and encounters a mysterious river goddess.

Here's part of the description of her voice when she speaks:

It danced with a rhythm that was as sexy as it was natural. Not the throbbing beat of Latin music, but the ebb and flow of the tides, the waxing and waning of the moon, the writhing of two bodies making love.

This has a very pronounced rhythm throughout: "It danced with a rhythm that was as sexy as it was natural. Not the throbbing beat of Latin music, but the ebb and flow of the tides, the waxing and waning of the moon, the writhing of two bodies making love."

The way I read it, the sections that I've underlined but not bolded have lesser stress. Without them, the beat would be smoother, but they serve a purpose here.

The first is to separate "throbbing beat of Latin music" from "the ebb and flow...", and slow the pace a little. It goes from short, sharp syllables to longer, slower ones. The "Latin music" bit is also punctuated by the plosive B sounds of "throbbing beat", while the "ebb and flow" has longer, drawn-out vowels that indicate the much slower rhythm of nature.

The second is in the final clause, about writhing bodies. To say it naturally without losing the rhythm, you'll draw out "two", and you'll still hesitate over how much stress to put on "ma-" in "making". So you'll linger over the sentence, trying to get it to sound right, just like you'd take a moment to watch writhing bodies and figure out which limbs belong to who.

Here's a bit where the goddess rises from the water:

After an eternity she rose further from the water. Slowly, ever so slowly, so that I could follow every drop as it slid and slithered from the smooth skin of her neck, her shoulders, her chest. The sunlight, my ally now, made them gleam on her caramel nakedness like diamonds adorning the most expensive of gowns.

This has less of the rhythm, but the long vowels slow down the pace to match the description. "After an eternity" has so many long vowels that it's a go-to for making an even feel drawn-out. "Slowly" is another, particularly if it's repeated like here, and the "sl-" links up with "slid and slithered". Combinations of a consonant followed by an L and then a vowel often slow down the pace, because your mouth has to completely reshape several times ("breathlessly" is a perfect example).

All the sibilants in the second sentence slow it down further, and give it a soft feel. Then at the end, suddenly there are "diamonds adorning" a gown: hard sounds like diamonds, but only a few, so they stand out clearly among the softer sounds around them.

If you've made it this far, thanks for indulging my self-indulgence. And if you think that the words have a different effect, don't hesitate to disagree with me.

 

[Soixenta]

An excellent example. In the first paragraph, "sounds and sensations surrounding" is a perfect use of alliteration. It sounds like waking up feels.

Thank you!

In the second paragraph, I might have punched it harder, busting it up into shorter, sharp sentences. "I was spreadeagled on a bed. My hands were cuffed to the headboard. My feet, cuffed to opposite corners. A hard ball of silicon filled my mouth. My jaws stretched wide,."

But that's a minor quibble. Nice work.

That is one way, but I think maybe it would have contradicted "consciousness came suddenly" from the opening line. I feel that breaking the information up into separate sentences would create the impression of separate successive realisations.

I have it as "One moment there was nothing, the next I knew I was spreadeagled on a bed, my hands cuffed to the headboard, and my feet cuffed to opposite corners. A hard ball of silicon filled my mouth, stretching my jaws wide, with a strap keeping it in place." And I think that gives a stronger impression of knowing it all at once.

But as you said, the difference is minor. I do not think many readers would care, or even notice.

 

[XerXesXu]

My story Upstream was a deliberate attempt at descriptive and lyrical writing, to create a sense of place, so it probably contains more obvious examples than most of my stories. The summary is that a hiker in Spain ventures off the beaten track and encounters a mysterious river goddess.

Here's part of the description of her voice when she speaks:

This has a very pronounced rhythm throughout: "It danced with a rhythm that was as sexy as it was natural. Not the throbbing beat of Latin music, but the ebb and flow of the tides, the waxing and waning of the moon, the writhing of two bodies making love."

The way I read it, the sections that I've underlined but not bolded have lesser stress. Without them, the beat would be smoother, but they serve a purpose here.

The first is to separate "throbbing beat of Latin music" from "the ebb and flow...", and slow the pace a little. It goes from short, sharp syllables to longer, slower ones. The "Latin music" bit is also punctuated by the plosive B sounds of "throbbing beat", while the "ebb and flow" has longer, drawn-out vowels that indicate the much slower rhythm of nature.

The second is in the final clause, about writhing bodies. To say it naturally without losing the rhythm, you'll draw out "two", and you'll still hesitate over how much stress to put on "ma-" in "making". So you'll linger over the sentence, trying to get it to sound right, just like you'd take a moment to watch writhing bodies and figure out which limbs belong to who.

Here's a bit where the goddess rises from the water:

This has less of the rhythm, but the long vowels slow down the pace to match the description. "After an eternity" has so many long vowels that it's a go-to for making an even feel drawn-out. "Slowly" is another, particularly if it's repeated like here, and the "sl-" links up with "slid and slithered". Combinations of a consonant followed by an L and then a vowel often slow down the pace, because your mouth has to completely reshape several times ("breathlessly" is a perfect example).

All the sibilants in the second sentence slow it down further, and give it a soft feel. Then at the end, suddenly there are "diamonds adorning" a gown: hard sounds like diamonds, but only a few, so they stand out clearly among the softer sounds around them.

If you've made it this far, thanks for indulging my self-indulgence. And if you think that the words have a different effect, don't hesitate to disagree with me.

It was for moments like this that the adage 'kill your darlings' was invented.

 

[anthrodisiac]

From the 'Sunshine Boys', Walter Matthau and George Burns.

Willy Clark (Matthau): I'm in this business 57 years, you learn a few things. You know what makes an audience laugh. You know which words are funny and which words are not funny?
Ben Clark (nephew): You told me a 100 times, Uncle Willy...
Willy Clark: Which words are funny?
Ben Clark: Words with a "K" in it are funny. I have to get to the office.
Willy Clark: Words with a "K" in it are funny. You didn't know that, did you? I'll tell you which words always get a laugh.
Ben Clark: Okay, Alka Seltzer.
Willy Clark: Alka Seltzer's funny.
Ben Clark: Chicken.
Willy Clark: Chicken is funny.
Ben Clark: Pickle.
Willy Clark: Pickle is funny. All with a "K". "L's" are not funny. "M's" are not funny.
Ben Clark: Just "K's". I know.
Willy Clark: Cupcake is funny. Tomatoes is not funny. Lettuce is not funny.
Ben Clark: You've explained that to me since I was five. Look, I've got to get back to the office.
Willy Clark: Cucumbers is funny.
Ben Clark: It's getting cold out. Let me give you money. I want you to take a cab.
Willy Clark: Cab is funny!
Ben Clark: Are you listening to me?
Willy Clark: Cockroach is funny. Not if get 'em, only if you say 'em.

This was exactly what I was thinking about when I posted. I just couldn't remember the source material. Thanks!