One Hint on Maintaining a Relationship...Others, Anyone?

[StrayKat]

maybe to the oldies.

*pondering what "oldies" means*

Because I think Bramblethorn is one of the rare concise, knowledgeable and to the point people here. I only see him posting about things he has clearly experience with and in a way that never invalidates other poster opinion.
Maybe its you?

 

[LWulf]

Because I think Bramblethorn is one of the rare concise, knowledgeable and to the point people here. I only see him posting about things he has clearly experience with and in a way that never invalidates other poster opinion.
Maybe its you?

In all honesty, I felt bramblethorn was pretty knowledgeable too at first, which is what made me speak humbly and respectfully to him the first two times,while I offered a respectfully differing opinion. He replied with snark, derisiveness and an aloof attitude both times.

In other words, he INVALIDATED MY OPINION, twice. Maybe you need to open your eyes more often and not look at him with rose colored glasses.

 

[pfflyerhot]

Fuck that.

Yeah. I fish.

 

[LadyVer]

Returning to the purpose of the op, I would add that a sense of humor is always important.

 

[Emerson40]

Hey LOOK!

It's LadyVer!


Hello LadyVer!

 

[pfflyerhot]

Seriously...

People who love each other ought to be able to talk to each other about ANY thing. Just say it! Without blame, accusation or threat. Talk about stuff... agree to disagree... talk, for god's sake. Don't fortune tell and assume you know what the other thinks, and vice-versa... as they said earlier, don't expect mind-reading.
How's that?
I was gonna simply post: "Just fucking say it." but felt I needed more.

 

[NightL]

In all honesty,

In other words, he INVALIDATED MY OPINION, twice. Maybe you need to open your eyes more often and not look at him with rose colored glasses.

Since I am responsible for focussing LWulf against the world or the world against LWulf - all I was trying to suggest is just to chill. Your "but but but he he he", however, does not encourage sympathy.

You have the right to start any thread you wish but it is really open domain from the first post onward. It is never "my own thread". People are allowed to disagree and frequently do. If your opinion was invalidated (no need for caps) not once but twice, then your offering indeed took a beating - but was it really like that?

You are very quick to take a generalised comment as a personal attack then respond accordingly. You responded in such a way to one of my generalised comments a couple of months back. At the time I just shrugged and thought "why bother" (sometimes I don't). I have observed you doing this with others since. As I mentioned, keep pushing for an argument when there really is none, you will receive the ire of others and no sympathy from the rest.

I don't judge people through rose coloured glasses here, I make opinions of them based their postings. From your first engagement with me, then my observations of how you deal with others, I chose not to actively engage you in any discussions (until now). You head down long tangents then go "why me?" when people try to pull things back on track.

I don't instantly disagree with you and find many of your arguments valid but I find your desire to create arguments, where none need exist, unpleasant. I find your defensiveness and snarky outbursts cringe-worthy.

While, up to now, I chose not to engage you in discussion the following post was made very much with you in mind:
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?p=58155315#post58155315

 

[LadyVer]

Hey LOOK!

It's LadyVer!

Hello LadyVer!

A good example of humor.

 

[StrayKat]

People who love each other ought to be able to talk to each other about ANY thing. Just say it! Without blame, accusation or threat. Talk about stuff... agree to disagree... talk, for god's sake. Don't fortune tell and assume you know what the other thinks, and vice-versa... as they said earlier, don't expect mind-reading.
How's that?
I was gonna simply post: "Just fucking say it." but felt I needed more.

People generally ought to be able to talk to each other, yet they seem to fail in that on regular basis. There are many reasons why and all those reasons dont just go away when you get married or love someone dearly. Some may but not all.
Talk is the great way to solve things, but it doesnt work all the time. Sometimes people are unable to talk about particular issues, sometimes people have such different views no talk can get them to agree and sometimes they cant agree to disagree because the matter is too personal and seen as an attack to their beliefs or personality.

It just is not so simple.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I always thought Bramblethorn was a woman. I guess I need to start paying more attention to people's wiggly bits.

FWIW, my profile is a "no answer" and I don't think I've ever disclosed on these forums. I feel more comfortable with that neutrality and it's interesting to see how different people read me. People are welcome to use whatever pronouns seem to fit best

Bram's one of the nicest people on Lit. That doesn't mean he'll put up with snark from anyone though.

Because I think Bramblethorn is one of the rare concise, knowledgeable and to the point people here. I only see him posting about things he has clearly experience with and in a way that never invalidates other poster opinion.

Aw, thank you all! You don't know how much a kind word means to me just now; it's been a crappy sort of month.

I'm not looking for fights with LWulf but we do seem to rub one another the wrong way, and dealing with that stuff drains my batteries, so I'm going to take LadyVer's advice myself and put him back on iggy for a bit.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MAGyENr3_44

People are fulla more shit than Santa's sleigh.

Keep 2 things in mind when you interact with others: Figger out what they want, and figger out what you want, and youll know if there's a path from one to the other. All the other helpful hints are happy horseshit and game playing.

 

[pfflyerhot]

People generally ought to be able to talk to each other, yet they seem to fail in that on regular basis. There are many reasons why and all those reasons dont just go away when you get married or love someone dearly. Some may but not all.
Talk is the great way to solve things, but it doesnt work all the time. Sometimes people are unable to talk about particular issues, sometimes people have such different views no talk can get them to agree and sometimes they cant agree to disagree because the matter is too personal and seen as an attack to their beliefs or personality.

It just is not so simple.

I get you. I never said it was simple; it does take effort... And, from both ends... so to speak.
I don't need to be agreed with on anything. If I can't agree with my partner on something, then we don't agree on that. That's all. I can disagree with him and still love him. We have to try to talk w/o blame; listen w/o being defensive. I guess, in some ways it IS kind of simple.
I still think it's a worthy hint on maintaining a relationship, tho.

 

[StrayKat]

I get you. I never said it was simple; it does take effort... And, from both ends... so to speak.
I don't need to be agreed with on anything. If I can't agree with my partner on something, then we don't agree on that. That's all. I can disagree with him and still love him. We have to try to talk w/o blame; listen w/o being defensive. I guess, in some ways it IS kind of simple.
I still think it's a worthy hint on maintaining a relationship, tho.

Oh definitely, communication is mandatory requirement for establishing and maintaining relationship.
I am just pointing out it may not always work, for this or that reason. Because some people seem to think "If I could just make him/her understand, see my point, everything would be great". Sadly, it doesnt always work that way. They may see and understand your point yet be unable to accept it for whatever reason, or they may not be capable of understanding that certain point ever.

I didnt say quit trying, just be prepared to less successful outcome as well.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Accepting less than what you want is about the most ignorant advice I know of. Its the same as advocating failure.

 

[TheJestersAdvocate]

People who love each other ought to be able to talk to each other about ANY thing. Just say it! Without blame, accusation or threat. Talk about stuff... agree to disagree... talk, for god's sake. Don't fortune tell and assume you know what the other thinks, and vice-versa... as they said earlier, don't expect mind-reading.
How's that?
I was gonna simply post: "Just fucking say it." but felt I needed more.

Exactly.....that and trust is key, that if they can't talk something at that moment, they will when the time is right/the wound isn't so fresh.

 

[LWulf]

Since I am responsible for focussing LWulf against the world or the world against LWulf - all I was trying to suggest is just to chill. Your "but but but he he he", however, does not encourage sympathy.

You have the right to start any thread you wish but it is really open domain from the first post onward. It is never "my own thread". People are allowed to disagree and frequently do. If your opinion was invalidated (no need for caps) not once but twice, then your offering indeed took a beating - but was it really like that?

You are very quick to take a generalised comment as a personal attack then respond accordingly. You responded in such a way to one of my generalised comments a couple of months back. At the time I just shrugged and thought "why bother" (sometimes I don't). I have observed you doing this with others since. As I mentioned, keep pushing for an argument when there really is none, you will receive the ire of others and no sympathy from the rest.

I don't judge people through rose coloured glasses here, I make opinions of them based their postings. From your first engagement with me, then my observations of how you deal with others, I chose not to actively engage you in any discussions (until now). You head down long tangents then go "why me?" when people try to pull things back on track.

I don't instantly disagree with you and find many of your arguments valid but I find your desire to create arguments, where none need exist, unpleasant. I find your defensiveness and snarky outbursts cringe-worthy.

While, up to now, I chose not to engage you in discussion the following post was made very much with you in mind:
http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?p=58155315#post58155315

Let me start out with your last comment. I understand I am verbose when expressing myself.

I'm hardly perfect, but I chose my words very carefully. People would be wiser to not categorically dismiss what I have to say. Question what I mean, tell me I'm not making sense, by all means, but at least have the fucking decency to recognize I have a point. It goes to respect. While respect is earned, you generally should extend a certain base level of respect to other people. Not doing so reflects poorly on yourself.

...Just be prepared that my point might be part of a corny joke.

Speaking of jokes, it's funny, one minute, you say "You have the right to start any thread you wish but it is really open domain from the first post onward" From this, it suggests that you are open to and encourage segues in any way shape or form. Yet, then you speak dismissively "You head down long tangents..."
Tell me, has anybody ever accused you of talking out the side of your mouth? Or is it that you don't mind segues as long as you approve of them??

snarky comments... noted, however... "[You] find [my] defensiveness ... cringe-worthy."

Right, because people should accept verbal abuses with relish! Gods! Did you actually just say that? Tell me you were half asleep when you said that and didn't really mean it. Please?

It's strange. I didn't address you when I mentioned "rose colored glasses." Now, let's see. Who was it that was just saying "you take generalized statements personally and start arguments based on that."? Again, has anybody every accuse you of talking out the side of your mouth??

Do you ever listen to what YOU say? Do you ever take a couple of minutes and READ what someone says? Do you EVER practice what you preach?

I have never said "why me?" except in humor. I never expect sympathy, though I DO seek understanding. In that regard I will say WHY I do things, especially if asked (directly or indirectly).

Through understandings, people build ...relationships.

 

[Emerson40]

You are consistent, I'll grant you that. It is almost like you follow an outline.

You did forget to use
"First, I am right because ....."
"Second, you are wrong / a tit / a stupid poopie pants dummie because...."

I understand, you've got to mix it up a bit, lest you appear singleminded and a bit bullish.

But any points lost because of that slight oversight would be minimal, because you remembered, "I didn't / I wasn't addressing YOU when I said ...."

I can almost see your finger pointing and stabbing the air.


Like I said, consistent. As predictable as Monday following Sunday.

Never wrong, always justified, simply misunderstood.

Poor wolf.

 

[Miles Long]

This could lead to some epic make-up sex.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Let me start out with your last comment. I understand I am verbose when expressing myself.

I'm hardly perfect, but I chose my words very carefully. People would be wiser to not categorically dismiss what I have to say. Question what I mean, tell me I'm not making sense, by all means, but at least have the fucking decency to recognize I have a point. It goes to respect. While respect is earned, you generally should extend a certain base level of respect to other people. Not doing so reflects poorly on yourself.

...Just be prepared that my point might be part of a corny joke.

Speaking of jokes, it's funny, one minute, you say "You have the right to start any thread you wish but it is really open domain from the first post onward" From this, it suggests that you are open to and encourage segues in any way shape or form. Yet, then you speak dismissively "You head down long tangents..."
Tell me, has anybody ever accused you of talking out the side of your mouth? Or is it that you don't mind segues as long as you approve of them??

snarky comments... noted, however... "[You] find [my] defensiveness ... cringe-worthy."

Right, because people should accept verbal abuses with relish! Gods! Did you actually just say that? Tell me you were half asleep when you said that and didn't really mean it. Please?

It's strange. I didn't address you when I mentioned "rose colored glasses." Now, let's see. Who was it that was just saying "you take generalized statements personally and start arguments based on that."? Again, has anybody every accuse you of talking out the side of your mouth??

Do you ever listen to what YOU say? Do you ever take a couple of minutes and READ what someone says? Do you EVER practice what you preach?

I have never said "why me?" except in humor. I never expect sympathy, though I DO seek understanding. In that regard I will say WHY I do things, especially if asked (directly or indirectly).

Through understandings, people build ...relationships.

Youre on a board where all the kewl kids saddle up their unicorns every morning and fly out Howard Sterns ass.

 

[Emerson40]

This could lead to some epic make-up sex.

Was it the appearance of masked men wielding massive dildos (no doubt procured from Miles' Erotic Imaginary Emporium of Make-Believe Vibes) over a somewhat prone animal that prompted your comment?

 

[Mr_Jon_Thon]

I think we've all learned and grown from this discussion. Well done. Next week we're meeting two floors up. The WIYOTOVO (Why is your opinion the only valid one) support group has the room. Remember to do your self-actualizing exercises every morning.


On topic: One key to a much smoother relationship is to listen. Even when nothing is being said.

 

[WikkidVibes]

Oh I see how it is...Saaaay, Emerson is it? Tell me this does your little group ever branch out and actually comment on things individually? Or do you all have an agreement that you must comment on the same threads/posts? It doesn't seem like a very colorful way to live. BTW, I am a very real lady & I do own a very real toy store. If you every need anything in the arena of a penis enlarger or enhancer...do not hesitate to ask.

 

[WikkidVibes]

Fine by me, I will follow you cool kids all day long

 

[Emerson40]

Super. Another fan, of the stalkerish follow me around variety. With a dark butt hole to boot.

I guess it is time to move again.

 

[IrisAlthea]

Keep 2 things in mind when you interact with others: Figger out what they want, and figger out what you want, and youll know if there's a path from one to the other. All the other helpful hints are happy horseshit and game playing.

Yup, this.
Easier said than done though.

This could lead to some epic make-up sex.

Great, now I'm imagining playmobile porn.