Online Dom/Sub

[summerose]

Another perfectly valid one is if you have a non-kinky partner who is ok with you exploring kink but finds it easier to not have it in their face. That could mean just not bringing it home rather than online-only... But online-only does also cut out the fluid exchange risk too

Mental BDSM is far and away the most exciting part of submitting for me, so online only, while not ideal, definitely ticks all of the boxes I need to experience power exchange.

 

[ChiDom]

Mental

Another perfectly valid one is if you have a non-kinky partner who is ok with you exploring kink but finds it easier to not have it in their face. That could mean just not bringing it home rather than online-only... But online-only does also cut out the fluid exchange risk too

Mental BDSM is far and away the most exciting part of submitting for me, so online only, while not ideal, definitely ticks all of the boxes I need to experience power exchange.

This! I have had a few very successful long term online-only D/s relationships. Almost all of them were with woman who had non-kinky partners and wanted to better explore their sub/kink sides. On my end, I have a monogamous relationship with my wife, but she knows I'm a horny little devil and is cool with me playing online as an outlet and knowing if I take it too far she will cut my dick off.

I also completely agree that, for lots of us, the mental aspects of the kink are more than exciting to sustain a long term relationship.

 

[wallstreetguy]

Online D/s interactions can be amazing. Of course, there has to be an understanding about boundaries and time. And time zones can be an issue. But when you find the right One, those things fall into place pretty quickly.
Skype is a great way, in my experience, to forge and maintain things, whether you show faces or speak directly or just type and use audio. Leaving messages is a great way to get each other off.
From that point on, it is up to each side to fulfill their respective roles.

 

[SubmissiveCeleste]

On line D/s

In a first time D/s and it is 100% on line for many of the reasons discussed, distance, commitments, SO’s not into the scene. He has had a lot of experience in on line D/s relationships and has made this a wonderful experience for me thus far. We have discussed adding Zoom or Skype or some audio/video technology but we are taking it slow. Our connection is very strong because without the physical ability to touch we have to really communicate and stay in each other heads. Right now we seem to be only limited by our imaginations and ours seem endless.

 

[Katiecat]

My experience wasn't recent, but for what it's worth...

My online experience started on mIRC -- tells you how long ago it was, before Skype or Zoom or anything like that. I was a total newbie, wandered into a BDSM chatroom out of curiosity, was pounced on as prey by a couple of loser wanna-be doms. Fortunately, a couple of more experienced moderators took me under their wing, got a general idea of my limits, possible interests, and temperament, and hooked me up with a quirky, loving Dom in the UK. It was perfect BDSM matchmaking; he was mostly dominant but an occasional switch, and I didn't even know what that was, but turned out I am one, too. It was just about the most ideal power exchange I could imagine. We made a couple of very expensive overseas phone calls, wrote a few letters (oh how I wish I had some scenes he lovingly wrote out for me), but most of our relationship was in chat. We co-wrote a couple of stories together (published on another site before I even knew about Literotica). We knew we'd never meet in person and were okay with that. Haven't thought of him for years...but oh, I miss him terribly.

Here's the sad part: met another Dom online who happened to live here in the states. He was intense and passionate and exciting, but there were a lot of red flags I ignored. He moved to CA to live with me, and I overlooked and dismissed so many things, thinking I needed to be a good sub and tolerate the way I was being treated. Stubbornly ignoring every warning bell, siren, and red flag, foolishly I married him, thinking it would somehow magically get better. That if I just loved him enough, surely he would change. Turned out he had some pretty serious psychological issues, and I put up with 20 years of increasingly worse mental and emotional abuse. Finally got the courage to divorce him, but a lot of damage has been done. I don't know if I will ever trust or date again. So...really bad experience that time.

One thing I did find out about the online chatrooms -- they were a perfect way for people to experience and explore when it wasn't feasible or practical for them to do so in person. People with body image issues, disabled people, people who were with understanding vanilla partners in real life.

 

[Katiecat]

I have to thank the author of this thread. I have thought of Sir many times over the years, but just on a whim I went to the other story site and found that two of the stories we co-wrote are STILL THERE -- each in a format where one of us wrote the first half from their POV and the other finished the story from their POV.

Memories of that sweet relationship hit me like a tidal wave of emotions, I found myself blinking back tears.

 

[Dosxx82256]

As someone who practices online D/s, I've been faced with the question myself several times. My response is this. Sure, there is often something being hidden, but that's not always the case. Sometimes people feel more comfortable online, in fact, in this day in age we are often closer to our real selves online than we are in real life. It's a way to be who we want to be when real life doesn't always present that opportunity.

Even more importantly to me is that I find online play to be extremely erotic in the sense that you are essentially writing your own erotic story. Given the website we are all on, we likely all find pleasure in the written word. When I have an online interaction with a sub, our dialog writes the erotica for me. Taking a part in that story that's being written dynamically is a true rush and fully pleasurable to me. I can read it over and over again with delight. Just like reading the many stories here on Lit, only this one was lived by me.

The relationship can be truly special when two people who line up well meet and connect. It's a safe, fun, and most importantly pleasurable way for two people to interact and satisfy their desires. It gets knocked and dismissed often as being a scam or trick by those attempting it and it's frustrating for people like me who enjoy it.

 

[Jake069258]

***newbie alert***
I am brand new to posting here in the forums. I have long enjoyed and read the material here. But I would say that I am exactly the person you are talking about.
I am married. I am NOT willing to meet IRL. Frankly bc I want to stay married. My wife does NOT know that I am here, nor will she ever find out. I love my wife to death. But I love all forms of erotic literature and want to explore some fantasies that I have never or will ever experience IRL. Just because I am not willing to meet IRL does not mean that I am/will hide anything. It's just my choice.

 

[HUNGRYHOLLOW]

That’s a thing? I need to know more please.

We are a couple that likes playing online with like minded ladies and yes it can get interesting

 

[Dosxx82256]

I wish this was Reddit so I could upvote this! Totally agree.

If this was Reddit, I probably would have been downvoted into oblivion.

Glad you liked it.

 

[Sweet_and_Sensual]

I'm new here. Can you find a decent online Dom? I'm sure it'll be a bit difficult, but I am sure it can be a bit, I've always chatted to Dom's but a lot of them I didn't feel comfortable with. Newbie here so I don't know much about BDSM and the lifestyle, but I do know trust is important. Always wanted to find an online Dom, but I never had such luck online or in person. Sure one day I'll find someone who I feel compatible with and trust fully to open up too. Just haven't had much luck. I realized I was interested in BDSM about two years ago because I kept having lots of fantasies, but I know the real thing is completely different. It does interest me very much though.

 

[Sundayschild]

I'm new here. Can you find a decent online Dom? I'm sure it'll be a bit difficult, but I am sure it can be a bit, I've always chatted to Dom's but a lot of them I didn't feel comfortable with. Newbie here so I don't know much about BDSM and the lifestyle, but I do know trust is important. Always wanted to find an online Dom, but I never had such luck online or in person. Sure one day I'll find someone who I feel compatible with and trust fully to open up too. Just haven't had much luck. I realized I was interested in BDSM about two years ago because I kept having lots of fantasies, but I know the real thing is completely different. It does interest me very much though.

Before you look for a Dom, look for a decent guy. Plenty of shit wannabee Dom's out there, but anyone who is good at it (and good for you) will be a nice fellow as well.

 

[Sweet_and_Sensual]

Before you look for a Dom, look for a decent guy. Plenty of shit wannabee Dom's out there, but anyone who is good at it (and good for you) will be a nice fellow as well.

Thank you for your advice! I will keep this in mind. I'm so new to this so I know I want to be careful.

 

[Dosxx82256]

I'm new here. Can you find a decent online Dom? I'm sure it'll be a bit difficult, but I am sure it can be a bit, I've always chatted to Dom's but a lot of them I didn't feel comfortable with. Newbie here so I don't know much about BDSM and the lifestyle, but I do know trust is important. Always wanted to find an online Dom, but I never had such luck online or in person. Sure one day I'll find someone who I feel compatible with and trust fully to open up too. Just haven't had much luck. I realized I was interested in BDSM about two years ago because I kept having lots of fantasies, but I know the real thing is completely different. It does interest me very much though.

There are plenty out there. Perhaps too many. It's important that you try to figure out what it is you want. Instead of a Dom telling you what he wants and then you adapting. If you and a dom aren't looking for the same thing, you simply go your separate ways and the search continues.

I suggest reading stories on this site and watching porn if you can. Get a sense of what turns you on and how you would like to be treated. That way you can filter out the ones looking for something completely different. For example, you may learn you are into ageplay, and therefor want a daddy to play with you in that fashion. In which case it won't help you to spend time with a dom not interested in that type of play. Experiment with things.

When you have some understanding of what you like, there are sites where you can go and "put yourself on the market" for lack of a better term.