Penguin Poem Contest

[harrlequin]

Oh my god that was hot. *phew* Speak to me in French some more.

Oh right - did someone say Penguin Invasion?

BRB...

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Pingu gets drunk

 

[YourCaptor]

Pingu gets drunk

I have not seen pingu since I was about 3 feet tall.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Sweet to the last bite

 

[clock1]

A solitary
black and white
(you were expecting another type?)
penguin waited
by the edge of the ice floe
(having no phone)
called home
gazing out to sea
as have widows
gazed out windows
while living
(without their men)
by stormy seas

She waddled
side to side
(having no horse to ride)
watching killer whales
stalk walruses
(beetles not being sustenant)
passerby seals
wayward sharks
and penguins
that stood too close
while living
(often too briefly)
by icy floes

 

[pygoscelis]

Do prose poems count?

Method

"Think the penguin. Be the penguin," Horst says and strolls behind us all, his crop held languorously along his thigh. I thrust my jaw forward to scoop, perhaps, some random krill from the slim imagination of my dramatic sea, thighs spread wide as my webbed feet; labia wet, exposed, and chilled.

"Waddle for me," god Horst intones.

And I do, wavering from knee to knee, welcoming whatever—herring or krill, or even the dread lancing canines of leopard seals. I squeak. I squawk. I penguinesquely trot across the worn oaken floors of 432 West 44th.

"And now," Horst, oddly feline (can there be Antarctic cats?), purrs, "who wants to bear my egg?"

Helen, her ass smooth and fresh as a Parisian fountain, raises her hand. Then Jill. Then Caitlyn.

Good Lord, I think, but my hand is up and I swerve some little wiggle with my butt.

Horst stands over me, smiling, and says, "It's krill or be killed in acting, my sweet. You'll do OK."

And I submit. It's acting, though cliché.

 

[EroticOrogeny]

Here's my entry - triggered a memory from my past - MoPenguin

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Who won?

 

[Keroin]

Who won?

You did.

Didn't the scantily clad women deliver the million dollar cheque yet?

 

[Sir_Winston54]

You did.

Didn't the scantily clad women deliver the million dollar cheque yet?

I was going to say there was no way I won... but a million dollar check (when will you Canucks and Brits learn to spell???) and scantily clad women could change my mind.

 

[Keroin]

(when will you Canucks and Brits learn to spell???)

As soon as you Americans stop pronouncing Europe as "Yerip". Puh-lease, you Yanks don't even know what a "toque" is. Crawl up from the primordial stew and join the evolved.

Mwa ha ha!

 

[Sir_Winston54]

As soon as you Americans stop pronouncing Europe as "Yerip". Puh-lease, you Yanks don't even know what a "toque" is. Crawl up from the primordial stew and join the evolved.

Mwa ha ha!

Some of us are capable of articulating properly, and even know what it is that a chef wears on his head, and why. None of you seem to understand that an ending "k" or "ck" sound should logically end with a -k or -ck instead of "-que," or that a word ending in "-our" would be pronounced to rhyme with "power," not "mother." (In honor of Mother's Day {US} this Sunday.)

ETA: There are, of course, other types of toque; however, the chef's hat is the most common usage of the word here, though I understand our neighbors to the north have begun to misuse the word in place of the proper tuque for a tapered knitted hat (known in the U.S. as a ski cap or stocking cap).

 

[WriterDom]

As soon as you Americans stop pronouncing Europe as "Yerip". Mwa ha ha!

Hell, they should spell it that way.

 

[Keroin]

Some of us are capable of articulating properly, and even know what it is that a chef wears on his head, and why. None of you seem to understand that an ending "k" or "ck" sound should logically end with a -k or -ck instead of "-que," or that a word ending in "-our" would be pronounced to rhyme with "power," not "mother." (In honor of Mother's Day {US} this Sunday.)

ETA: There are, of course, other types of toque; however, the chef's hat is the most common usage of the word here, though I understand our neighbors to the north have begun to misuse the word in place of the proper tuque for a tapered knitted hat (known in the U.S. as a ski cap or stocking cap).

*Puts on Dirty Harry accent*

I was woken up by chickens this morning and I hate being woken up by chickens, so I'm cranky!

BTW, that small body of water running through the forest is not a "crik" and the thing on top of your house is not a "ruf".



Happy Cinco de Mayo!

 

[Keroin]

Hell, they should spell it that way.

I thought US schools were already teaching that spelling?

(K woken up by chickens = smart ass)

 

[WriterDom]

I thought US schools were already teaching that spelling?

(K woken up by chickens = smart ass)

No, not redneck spelling.

 

[Keroin]

Canada, Leading the world in being just north of the United States!

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Canada, Leading the world in just being north of the United States!

Fixed that for you.

 

[Keroin]

Fixed that for you.

Har.

Here's a sad but true story for you, (bear in mind that I love my Yankee friends and family members):

I was flying from Costa Rica to Mexico but had to do a stopover in LA. I get into LAX at midnight and I'm zonked - oh, this is 2003 so everyone's still hyper nervous at US airports. When I finally get up to the customs guy, he takes my passport, looks at it, looks at me, looks at the passport again, then says, "Sooooo, you're Canadian are you?"

I say, "Yes."

He looks at the passport again, looks at me again and says, "So, tell me, what's the Capital of Canada?"

Now, I am not usually a smart ass with these people but I was pretty damned tired, so I made a little joke, "Mosquitoville." (Canadians will appreciate that one). He gave me the frowny eyebrow so I sighed and said, "Ottawa".

He grunted as he stamped my passport and told me I could go.

But I didn't go.

"So," I said, "who's the Prime Minister of Canada?"

His face went blank. "Well, it's...it's that guy...his name is...it's...um...it's..."

"You know," I said, pushing my luck, "we are your next door neighbours. It wouldn't kill you to learn a little about us."

He perked up, "Yes, and you are our great friends and allies!"

I don't know, what do you say to that?

I said nothing, just put on my toque, grabbed my cheque book and got going.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

"So," I said, "who's the Prime Minister of Canada?"

I have to admit I've lost track of Canadian Prime Ministers since Pierre Trudeau ... or was that Garry Trudeau?

 

[Keroin]

I have to admit I've lost track of Canadian Prime Ministers since Pierre Trudeau ... or was that Garry Trudeau?

Probably because our Prime Ministers don't do anything interesting. We're not a country of exhibitionists, as a rule. Trudeau's infamous middle finger is about the most exciting thing a Canadian politician has ever done.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Probably because our Prime Ministers don't do anything interesting. We're not a country of exhibitionists, as a rule. Trudeau's infamous middle finger is about the most exciting thing a Canadian politician has ever done.

To be honest, I'd feel a little more comfortable with politicians who don't need to do exciting things... you know, like start wars, end depressions, etc.

 

[Keroin]

To be honest, I'd feel a little more comfortable with politicians who don't need to do exciting things... you know, like start wars, end depressions, etc.

Well, I'm glad you said that and not me.

I just had a great visual of Canada trying to invade another country…


*Knock, knock*

Other Country: “Who is it?”

Canada: “Um, it’s Canada, sorry to bother you but do you have a moment?”

OC: “No, go away.”

Canada: “Oh dear, well, you see, we were really hoping to invade you today…”

*Silence*

Canada: “What about tomorrow? Would it be OK if we invaded you tomorrow?”

OC: “No, we’re busy tomorrow, too.”

Canada: “Next Thursday?”

OC: “We said no, now piss off!”

Canada: “OK, sorry for the trouble. Bye. Sorry. We’ll just, um, leave you some maple syrup for your trouble. Sorry. Let us know if you change your mind about the invasion thing. Thank you. Sorry.”

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Well, I'm glad you said that and not me.

I just had a great visual of Canada trying to invade another country…


*Knock, knock*

Other Country: “Who is it?”

Canada: “Um, it’s Canada, sorry to bother you but do you have a moment?”

OC: “No, go away.”

Canada: “Oh dear, well, you see, we were really hoping to invade you today…”

*Silence*

Canada: “What about tomorrow? Would it be OK if we invaded you tomorrow?”

OC: “No, we’re busy tomorrow, too.”

Canada: “Next Thursday?”

OC: “We said no, now piss off!”

Canada: “OK, sorry for the trouble. Bye. Sorry. We’ll just, um, leave you some maple syrup for your trouble. Sorry. Let us know if you change your mind about the invasion thing. Thank you. Sorry.”

You have a future as a stand-up comedian. (That's a good thing.)

 

[Keroin]

You have a future as a stand-up comedian. (That's a good thing.)

Thank you and no worries, I would always take that as a compliment. I'd rather be called funny than sexy any day of the week.

Actually, on my top five compliments of all time is one from a fellow who told a friend of mine that I was "the funniest woman he'd ever met". My head couldn't fit through doorways for weeks after that. (BTW, I'm much funnier in person, it's the large teeth).