Please Read - I'm at a loss

[Andee_julie]

Thanks for reading my post
I'm not quite sure how to sart this post to be honnest.
i have posted in the past with most of them realted to my marriage.

I'm now siting here on the eve of celebrating my 40th birthday and although i have been with my girlfriend/wife for over 20 of those years, i still feel that, with regards to the sexual side of my life, i have lived alone for all of those years.

As far as MY sexual life is concerned, she still does not take my interest in sex serious. I know i will receive gifts from her that are wonderful, but the main thing that is missing is the intimate, sexual suprises and the things that make me feel, as a man/husband, sexy.

I slipped a hint into our conversatio tonight, when i asked if i had any sexy presents. She said,"hwta sexy presents could a man have"? I just feel so alone at the moment.

I love her to bits and always have. What can i do to get her to understand that the best present i could ever get from her would be - her in a sexual role, a women who can leave ALL of her daily problems behind and for once think sexaul. To think about her husbands sexual needs.

Whenever we have sex, it always seems to be for her beneffit. Don't get be wrong, i love ot see her playing with her toys. But this is also something that i introduced to her. Why/How can she be so selfish in sex when she is so kind in everyday life?

I'm at a loss and hope someone can give some sound advice.

Thanks - Andy - Happy Birthday to me

 

[M's girl]

There is so much we don't know about your relationship | marriage and to even start answering there is a lot I would need to know first. Like...

- Have you discussed this before with her?
- Do you think SHE thinks everything else is wonderful in the marriage?
- Is there's such a disinterest in sex (although the toys thing says something different to me) has she always been like that?
- What are the things that happened in your marriage (relationship) that could have had an effect on the sex between you and her? (Stressful events, disappointment, struggling, resentment?)

You say she does not take interest in YOUR sex interest yet she does play with the toys you gave her for you. How is that all about her? Women who can leave ALL their problems behind to have wild sex with you are the ones you see in porn. And we all know porn is as real as the first fairytale you can think of, right? You, your wife and your life together.... that's real, with all the ups and downs.

What have you done to be 100% in this marriage and all that comes with it including the problems and running the household possibly even with kids?

And why is it now, after more than 20 years, you all of a sudden ask yourself why she is "in bed" the way she is? Could this be YOUR midlife crisis talking?

Just wondering....

 

[Cathleen]

Happy Birthday Andy - lots more to you.

I'm confused. I looked at your history and noticed the threads you've made. You've been wanting to add a third person to your sex life, that the thought turns you both on. There are references to your sex life being good as well.

I'm not sure how to help, even if I knew how. Share more maybe?

 

[Tuomas]

Happy Birthday, mate.

Generally people thank you for reading something after you've read it.

On that note, I will continue to summarize my thoughts of what you are saying: you sound hopelessly selfish. Really: "what about MY need?" "I want to feel sexy..." Take a look at your local divorce statistics and be happy you are in that dwindling minority of people that have a happy life with their significant other.

Other than that, I agree with M's; we don't know enough to give you advice. Still, empathy is never a bad thing

 

[subwannabe]

It does look like it would be hard to offer you advice without knowing more of the situation. We don't seem to have the complete picture.

 

[CasualLurker]

To me it sounds like she rarely if ever shows any initiave, and when they have sex, it's not exactly great for him.

If she's not that type of person, or rather, would herself like to be that type of person (whether really or for someone else, like oh, her husband), then you're never going to get her to be.

If she's not meeting your needs, then you should either decide if you want to spend your remaining years like this, or, effect a change.

Maybe she just needs some help, or something more than hints or you getting toys for her...

...try talking to her about it, but honestly, if she's been like this the whole time, it's not high probability she'll change....you've got an uphill battle most likely.

More info probably would be more helpful...

CasualLurker