Pregnancy & interest

[Mephistophelily]

I'm just getting into 6 months, and the hubby's been very understanding about me not having that much sexual interest lately.. but I can tell he's getting frustrated. The toys I've gotten for him to help deal with the frustration don't seem to help that much anymore, and he's wanting the real thing badly, but I just don't have an interest at all...
He seems to get really offended that I don't want to do anything. Is there any way to get an interest back in having sex while I'm pregnant? The doc did say its totally fine for us to do so, but I just don't seem to want to.

 

[ttm_mtt]

watch porn

The second time I have suggested this tonight!

Anyhow, if you like porn at all, maybe a good video, (or not so good, since it is porn) will get you going.

I also used to lick my wife to get her in the mood when she was pregnant (2 kids). But around month 7, the taste was way bad, so that stopped.

Hand jobs work too, especially while watching the movie.

 

[eudaemonia]

He seems to get really offended that I don't want to do anything.

I can't say that I blame him. I would probably feel hurt and unwanted, too, if my mate wasn't willing to do anything of an erotic nature with me all of a sudden.

I guess it's a matter of looking at it from outside your perspective for a minute. Are his feelings every bit as rational as yours given the situation?

Being in the mood to do anything it isn't the same thing as being willing to accommodate your mate's need for affection and erotic attention. Saying no to some things, of course, is fine and natural at 6 months. But effectively saying no to everything is likely to be taken as a personal offense.

 

[SweetErika]

Masturbating seems to get and keep me in the mood, so you might try that, or touching yourself until you're really worked up, then having sex.

But i agree with E (nice to see you, BTW ) - I can't imagine it being too much trouble to kiss, give a handjob (or blowjob, but I know some have gag/nausea issues throughout), use toys on him, let him touch you while he masturbates, and generally be intimate. Who knows, maybe you'll get into it once you get going and/or can be generous with sex once in awhile, even if you don't feel like it at the start.

I'm not saying you should force yourself or be pressured, just that perhaps it'd be good to find a compromise that you both can live with.

 

[wicked woman]

And perhaps as motivation to fulfill eudaemonia and Erika's great advice...just a gentle reminder that men sometimes use a wife's lack of being intimate with them while they're pregnant as a 'reason' to stray. Tactless on my part perhaps ...but true.

Ditto on the difference to not being interested versus not being willing.

 

[lacey_pearl]

.....

 

[Eilan]

Been there, done that times four, so I can relate to what you're going through.

During my first two pregnancies, I had almost zero interest. I tried to force myself to stay physically connected to my partner. I didn't resent doing so, but the potential for resentment was there. With my third and fourth pregnancies, the sex was frequent and amazingly wonderful. Every experience is different; the next time around (if there is one) your husband may hide from you!

With all the physical and hormonal changes going on during pregnancy, there are lots of reasons why you might not be interested. Maybe your husband ought to realize that it's not about him right now and cut you some slack. After all, pregnancy isn't a permanent condition.

And honestly? The years in which couples have young children are among the most stressful period of a relationship. It's not going to get a lot better in the months immediately following childbirth, where your body has to heal (particularly if you have a difficult vaginal delivery, an episiotomy, or a c-section) and you have a newborn who eats, sleeps, and poops whenever it suits him or her.

An unpopular opinion on a board that celebrates sex, perhaps, but I'm full of unpopular opinions.

 

[an_angels_wings]

I think I'm leaning toward agreeing with you, Eilan. While your husband has every right to have the desires that he does possess, you have every right to not have those desires. Though, from the sounds of it, you want to ... but is it because you truly want to engage in intimacies or so that he feels better? If you force yourself because of him, you may face more problems wanting to do it anyway because you're not seeing anything in it for yourself. I suggest what SweetErika already has (brilliant, brilliant woman), and seek out a compromise. Whether you stimulate him every now and then to his liking and perhaps he doesn't bug you about it as much, or he treats you to a lovely massage.

I understand that sex is a very major and intimate part of every relationship and I'm one of those people who hopes to God that I never get tired of it, but there are other things in a relationship. Clearly, there's a lot of love and affection in yours ... you're pregnant! That's a wonderful and marvelous thing. A gift. I'm sure there's some compromise you two can come up with ... and perhaps he just needs some time to pout it out. Maybe he's going to be a little bit put-out by the fact that the baby's going to be getting more attention from you than he is.

 

[Guest]

have you read my How-To - How to worship a sword?

you could try to learn how to do great oral, make it last long, tease him to insanity.

I could not have sex for medical reasons during my pregnancies, so I worshipped instead ...

There is nothing better to make him feel wanted than a kneeling woman working him like time has stopped...

I know it is very hard sometimes to get the mood going, but he *does* feel put aside, and it will be so much harder when the baby comes, you might consider doing the extra effort now.

Maharat

 

[Mephistophelily]

Thanks guys..
I do want to, but everything just HURTS right now. I do try to give him the attention that he wants (he has been very nice about it, not hounding me for anything, but just an occasional "Ya know, its been awhile since..."). He doesn't like to be alone in the matter though. If I'm making him feel good, he wants to make me feel good- and right now, what used to feel good hurts like hell. I've explained this to him, and now he's frustrated that he can't find something that doesnt hurt me. I told him that toys don't seem to bother me if he's careful, but he didn't like that idea.
Part of me is really frustrated at being so turned off with getting turned on, but another is afraid of the pain that came when we did try something a few weeks ago. I've always been very selfconscious, and its gotten far worse now. Adding to it more is the fact the doc diagnosed me with clinical depression, so between that, pregnancy, and pain, I just can't get myself into the idea of making love.

 

[eudaemonia]

This is good detail, Mephisto, and puts another perspective to your OP.

So, I've never been pregnant. I can't really know exactly what the discomfort is about. But bouts of chronic and acute pain I can *definitely* relate to.

I don't know what else to offer, and maybe this has occurred to you once already: Having him just stroke you and kiss you for a while in a non-sexual way -- to get some pain-fighting endorphins going -- first, and then give him some sexual touching and talking and just being present with him so he can get some release.

I'm not suggesting full-on intercourse or even a blow job, here. But some sort of giving, physical touch so that he feels connected to you, even if you're not feeling completely one with yourself.

There seems to be a delicate balance to the give and take in a situation like this. Depression isn't anything you asked for, so he'll have to give you that. OTOH, as hard as it is, you should try to make some effort for your husband's sake, too. I used to think it was goofy notion, but couple's get pregnant, not just women. I think it's important to be willing to accommodate his needs to some degree.

Best ... eudaem

 

[SweetErika]

Thanks guys..
I do want to, but everything just HURTS right now. I do try to give him the attention that he wants (he has been very nice about it, not hounding me for anything, but just an occasional "Ya know, its been awhile since..."). He doesn't like to be alone in the matter though. If I'm making him feel good, he wants to make me feel good- and right now, what used to feel good hurts like hell. I've explained this to him, and now he's frustrated that he can't find something that doesnt hurt me. I told him that toys don't seem to bother me if he's careful, but he didn't like that idea.
Part of me is really frustrated at being so turned off with getting turned on, but another is afraid of the pain that came when we did try something a few weeks ago. I've always been very selfconscious, and its gotten far worse now. Adding to it more is the fact the doc diagnosed me with clinical depression, so between that, pregnancy, and pain, I just can't get myself into the idea of making love.

So, he wants the sexual activity to be mutual to the point of turning down blowjobs, handjobs, etc., but he isn't willing to use toys, his mouth and fingers--to do the things that don't hurt you?

I'd say that's the real issue, not that you have no desire for sex. In other words, it's HIS unwillingness to find a solution and compromise that's causing the very problem he's unhappy about.

At that point, I'd have to tell my husband to either become more flexible, or suck it up and enjoy his hand until I was ready for sex again. Beggars can't be choosers, you know?

 

[Ravin the Poet]

Two step program

Step One - Tell him to get over it or you will cut off his dick and serve it to the fish

Step Two - Buy a fish



Seriously, maybe he needs to learn to take rather then give. Maybe introduce him to this as something that you could add later on to change things up. Sometimes it's all about you, other times it's all about him.

 

[tkinsc]

I can certainly understand your husband’s frustration. During each of my wife’s pregnancies, her sex drive went through the floor. We are currently four plus weeks post partum, and I can’t remember what anything other than my hand feels like.

Yes it is frustrating. Yes an occasional hand job or blow job would be wonderful. However, in the grand scheme of things, I can live without sex to have a happy comfortable wife during her pregnancy and the time she is getting adjusted to being a new mom.

I can also understand your husband wanting to satisfy you. I thought my wife was sexy when she was pregnant, so I wanted her even more. Plus there was the guilty feeling of being satisfied, while she was left hanging and having the aches and pains of pregnancy. However I learned to live with the guilt if my wife was happy just getting me off. Occasionally she would have me to cum on her tits or stomach, and that was a little more of a turn on.

Just keep reminding your husband you love him, some kissing and cuddling is all the satisfaction you need, and that he should enjoy any sexual gratification you are willing to give him. At this point if you are happy cuddling and getting him off, he needs to suck it up and be understanding and content.

Best of luck with the remainder of your pregnancy.

 

[FaeryFire]

Ok, I realise that on this board this will sound really damn weird, so bear with me.

If it's the intamacy he is missing and not JUST the physical reliease, there are several kinds of joint meditations that will not only bring you closer but can also help with your depression.

There have been long periods of time in my partner and my relationship where we could not have sex. These meditations were one of the ways we used to stay close, because they open you up to each other, require a deep level of trust and allow you to still maintain that connection that most people only assosiate with sex.

I probably sound like a hippy, but it might be worth looking into.

I know it's very difficult to not put your husband in the back seat when life gets tough, but in the long run it's better for both of you if you don't. Especially where sex is concerned because it's such an effort if you are not in the mood yourself, but it's very hard for the partner who isn't having their needs met too. even if it's something as simple as watching his fav porn with him and encoraging him to masterbate "for you", make sure he knows you still want him, even though your body isn't upto it.

Goodluck

 

[FurryFury]

If you are hurting when sexual things happen and he can't understand that then you've either got a very selfish person or a very insecure one, possibly both.

I'd say some conversation is called for. Men often feel they might be losing out on connection and affection when children are in the picture or on the way and cutting out sex will only exacerbate that.

If you are still willing to do for him and not for yourself he should be able to deal with that with the appropriate and sincerely reassurances of intimate conversation, IMO.

Thankfully, during my pregnancies it didn't hurt me to have sex. I consider sex a reassuring in many ways. As I'm insecure often, sex helps, so does conversation.

In any case, I hope things get better for you both.

Fury