Psychological domination

[Master_Doctor]

I dont know why but I do really crave psychological domination. The more messed up the better. I've always wanted to find someone who can fuck me up on a deep level.

I would like to add a quick note here. ALL Domination begins and ends in the mind. How a person feels is the same. No matter what I may do... physically, mentally, verbally doesnt have an effect on an s-type until it triggers something inside their brain. Their inner voice responds to it...

Generally we have been speaking of a sort of mental domination, find fuck... but I think its also important to understand that every form of domination/ control starts in the mind...

 

[MissMandy86]

I have spent a lot of time thinking about this ..
I want a man that will takevthe time to get inside my head .. someone who slowly makes you dependent on them

 

[sweettalk4u]

Couldn’t agree with you more! Trust honesty and obedience earned by being a responsible Dom who like you say, keeps them focused and learning. If they last past the first few days I give them variety in their edging as I gain more control. I like to femme them but I love masculine subs too!

 

[AnnieLit]

Seems quite a few of you quite simply don't understand the reward/punishment axis - what it's there for, what to do with it. Being dominant doesn't mean you have no obligation, and it gives you zero privilege to lie. If I make an effort to please you, for a promised reward ... and you fail to deliver? Then next time, I'm not wasting the effort on you.

No, if you want to be dom - what you want to do is overdeliver.

Judgy much? If something does not work for you, it does not mean that it is wrong. Doing any mind games without prior discussion is a bad idea, but if both sides are into it, more power to them.

As for your little "not wasting the effort on you next time" outburst, it was really a funny one. The mind games work only when there is a connection far beyond the physical one and going by the way you state it, you never had it, games or no games.

 

[AnnieLit]

For me, the biggest part of D/s is actually the psychological aspect. Things done or said to just keep a sub on their toes and remind them who they belong to. As a Domme I'm usually focused on a more gentle femdom so the psychological side is super important.

What ways have you lovely people asserted your dominance in this way?

One way, for example is to set a sub a tricky target and ask them what they want their reward to be for completing it. And then when they complete it (such a good little pet) I do something completely different to what they asked for. I asked them, but they don't get a real say. They're MINE after all.

I hope you talk to your subs about this before playing these games. For me personally it would not work for two reasons:
1. I don't need a reward. Ever. If I am asked to do something and I am doing it, there is only one reason for it -- to please Him, to know that I can give him something that he really wants. Which means that the only answer I can possibly give to the "What do you want in return?" question is "Nothing." A "good girl" is enough of a reward in itself.

2. If in some other context, not as a reward, I do ask for something, He promises that he will do it, and then does not... It hurts. Not because He has to do everything I ask for, but because He did not have to promise it either. It does not assert the "who is the boss here" idea at all, the only thing it does is make me think he does not care enough and just forgot what he promised to do. To me this is much more about the relationship in general, not the D/s side of it.

 

[AnnieLit]

I think there is a MAJOR difference between asking a sub what they would prefer and promising them something.

Maybe, I would not really know. As I said, the only answer I am able to give to any play related questions is "Whichever You like better." My wants/needs can be discussed of course, but not during the playtime, in the sub mode I don't really have them as my own.

In the non-play mode to me there is no difference if that was the end of the conversation. To me it can end in one of the three ways:
(1) "No, baby, we are not going to do it this way."
(2) "I will think about it."
(3) "OK, sure."
Saying nothing at all and just moving on to something else to me is equivalent to the third answer. You asked - I answered - you had no immediate objections. What else is there to talk about?

But as I said, these things should be really talked about beforehand. If for her sub it is a powerplay that he enjoys -- great. If it's a mindfuck that leaves him feeling neglected, probably should stay away and come up with something else.

 

[Ropebunny]

Maybe, I would not really know. As I said, the only answer I am able to give to any play related questions is "Whichever You like better." My wants/needs can be discussed of course, but not during the playtime, in the sub mode I don't really have them as my own.

In the non-play mode to me there is no difference if that was the end of the conversation. To me it can end in one of the three ways:
(1) "No, baby, we are not going to do it this way."
(2) "I will think about it."
(3) "OK, sure."
Saying nothing at all and just moving on to something else to me is equivalent to the third answer. You asked - I answered - you had no immediate objections. What else is there to talk about?

But as I said, these things should be really talked about beforehand. If for her sub it is a powerplay that he enjoys -- great. If it's a mindfuck that leaves him feeling neglected, probably should stay away and come up with something else.

For some of us wordy people, the real fun is in the misunderstanding.‘What reward would you like after you complete xyz’ is not the same as ‘what reward do you deserve after you complete xyz’ is not the same as ‘what reward shall I give you after you complete xyz’. All sound, and mean different things. The little subtleties are where it’s at, and the emotional reactions to disappointment because you just didn’t listen well enough is kinda what we’re here for, no?

Anyway, any neglected feelings should be tied up with aftercare anyway. I’m a bit wary of pre-care becoming a thing. There is such a thing as too much talking...

 

[Acktion]

~snip~ There is such a thing as too much talking...

Wait. Wha-...?

 

[TheOriginalSA]

It's mostly phycological, even before you begin to take her as yours. You don't need to do much, to give discipline, it can be just a look. I don't like to play mind games, when I don't like something, I let it be known and act accordingly. I do like to give credit, compliment, make her feel comfortable, reward her, make her feel protected and safe. I want her to feel like a strong confident woman, who only submits to me. When I am not pleased, I usually ask a lot of questions and express my dissatisfaction, let her know and understand what is unacceptable. I enjoy physical punishments as well, love how she reacts to a surprise grab or spanking.



I am dominant and enjoy being dominant, but I don't consider myself to be a DOM, because I don't actively live the lifestyle. Majority of my relationships aren't BDSM, but I have enjoyed the pleasures of it, on more than a couple occasions

 

[woman_early20s]

Very well said. You have also struck on the biggest differences between an Experienced Dominant and an inexperienced one or a wanna be.. The experienced Dom will get to know you tease you a little bit... but not rush to taking you. They know the payoff is infinitely sweeter if they can make those connections in you mind first. For myself, I hate one time play / scenes / one night stands anyway. I want to keep those I posess. There is nothing more valuable in the world than a submissive who wants to serve you with all her heart and soul.

Totally agree

 

[Ropebunny]

Wait. Wha-...?

Expectation management is easier when you don’t have the information to form an expectation. Also, since I’m usually so information hungry (hypervigilance) turning that off is something akin to surrender, which I find surprisingly intoxicating. But then I’m ordered to talk and I have to draw on submission to turn the surrender state off to do so, with some variable and at times questionable results. But that’s ok, it’s a work in progress, a labour of love

 

[ReaperW]

Ooft
I never expected my initial example to hit such nerve. To be clear, the alternative reward is always something desired, and no, the reward has not been promised.

It's definitely not something that hurts or harms him, it just reinforces dominance without force.

If you are playing with denial, and want to play with your dominant, and you have done something that requires punishment, what is worse? To receive some sort of physical punishment? Or to be told to jerk off, to ruin an orgasm right then and there without any further interaction from your domme. No playtime. No clean release. Just disappointment.