Question about Swinging

[sexieyoungone]

My fiance has mentioned to me a few times that he would like to find someone to "swing" with (sorry if i didn't word that correctly I'm a n00b) How would one go about looking up the different "matches" or finding other couples for this. We live in an area that is very *hush hush* so its not like we can just put out an add or anything about it. Any suggestions or comments would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Bert Notorius]

Fiance?

 

[Stiffy Says...]

umm..no offense, but don't you see his desire as potentially a big red flag?

 

[yoshimitsu]

umm..no offense, but don't you see his desire as potentially a big red flag?

Doesn't that depend on what she wants in the relationship with her fiance?

If she wants to be in a swinging relationship to then I don't see any red flag.
If she is unsure or want's something different then now is the time to confront that.

 

[M's girl]

Doesn't that depend on what she wants in the relationship with her fiance?

If she wants to be in a swinging relationship to then I don't see any red flag.
If she is unsure or want's something different then now is the time to confront that.

Right on.

But if you check her previous posts I think they will show that she is bi and it appears her fiance knows this and is fine she's looking for other sexual experiences too. So I guess this is also something they both want.

SweetErica has given some very good and useful information about this in the past, find her posts about this subject! (Check out the Blank Manual also)

 

[SweetErika]

My fiance has mentioned to me a few times that he would like to find someone to "swing" with (sorry if i didn't word that correctly I'm a n00b) How would one go about looking up the different "matches" or finding other couples for this. We live in an area that is very *hush hush* so its not like we can just put out an add or anything about it. Any suggestions or comments would be greatly appreciated.

Search the web to find clubs/groups in your area (or the closest larger city). There are also personals sites like http://www.swinglifestyle.com , and there's a ton of great info (and listings by state, IIRC) on SwingersBoard.com. All of this is free, BTW, though on-premise clubs often have rather high membership and/or event fees. You don't have to post face pics on most personal ad sites, but it helps to post some kind of pics (be sure they're within the rules - some sites no longer allow pics w/o faces) because many search profiles with pics only. Otherwise, be clear (more) pics are available upon request because you're concerned about privacy.

There are lots of swingers out there, so you shouldn't have trouble finding places to meet locals with some googling.

More importantly, though, going outside is an excellent way to fuck up/demolish a relationship. This needs to be something you both REALLY want, will communicate extensively about throughout, and any issues must be dealt with before and right away. Like M's girl said, search for threads on swinging and threesomes here and read up about nonmonogamy elsewhere because this isn't to be taken lightly. You must be 100% open and honest with yourselves and each other for it to have any kind of chance. I'm not trying to deter you (I have a successful poly marriage myself), but I'd hate for you to do it the wrong way or on even a slightly unsteady relationship and suffer the consequences.

The good news is that if you do it right and have the type of relationship required, it can strengthen it beyond more than you ever thought possible.

 

[Rick Forbes]

My two cents worth:

I agree with Erika that the way to go is to find people though the lifestyle community. We are monogamous now, but our earlier experiences of taking our friends to bed with us caused much pain and bewilderment when we tried to sort out all the boundaries *after* the sex had taken place.

And if large amounts of alcohol seem to be needed to get everybody on the same page when it finally happens, that is a sign that somebody isn't comfortable with the decision to move forward on this.

 

[sexieyoungone]

Much thanks for all who answered. There are still some unanswered questions between the two of us but it does seem like something that we are both interested in once we figure out how far we would have to travel to find something of the sort!

But thanks for all your input!