Question: did you or would you ever tell your lover/spouse your past sex life?

[Lifestyle66]

My first wife didn't want to talk about her past experiences, and I only gather hints here and there as to why. She was dealing with feelings of betrayal, embarrassment, pain, judgments of promiscuity, and other things she was in denial from and trying to forget. So, we rarely discussed such things as our past.

And that is probably at the root of one of the greatest reasons she's now my EX-wife.

My current wife and I readily share our past experiences. It's both liberating and entertaining.

**********************************
Her: "Did you ever fuck a woman in the ass?"

Me: "No, I never met one who would want to. My first wife admitted to doing it once, but she didn't like it and refused to ever do it again. ... Why? Have you taken it in the ass?"

"My second boyfriend wanted to try it"

"You two did THAT? ... Why you slut!"

"Yeah, but I'm YOUR slut! Do you want to fuck me in the ass right now? Use plenty of lube."

 

[CalBishForNow]

My significant other might be able to tell a third party my body count and I definitely couldn't tell a third party hers, but I think that has more to do with differences in how good our memories are than differences in how open we've been.

 

[BurningFloors]

Yeah I've always been honest with the people I'm seeing or pursuing. If they ask I tell them what they want to know, and I would hope it would go both ways. I have no reason to hide my history, and honestly I wouldn't want to. What we do doesn't define us but it is part of our story, and I like sharing and being open about mine.

 

[Erozetta]

I agree with you but my gut is screaming, 'what about a shy person which has troubles expressing themselves and a extremely shy when it comes to sex and talking about what he/she likes and wants to try out.

I dated a woman that would NEVER admit she had fantasies, she couldn't even talk about sex nor would she talk about how many lovers she had.

Hi. Shy person with extreme social anxiety in person here. Shyness has no bearing on someone's willingness or ability to discuss sex *when they want to discuss it with someone*.

The people I've been unable or unwilling to talk to about sex were largely people I was uncomfortable with. Sometimes for reasons I didn't understand or know at the time, and sometimes because they were blatant assholes.

The people I've talked to about sex, I've largely done so through writing unless I was extremely comfortable with them (my husband and a few friends. In fact, one friend found a bypass to this hang up and got me talking about such things on our podcast because I was comfortable talking to him and didn't think about the fact that we were recording the conversation) and understood them to be someone who wouldn't judge me and were patient enough with me to talk about it as I could.

The people I wanted to know about my history know, and they know it in great detail because they let me write it down. I can write things that I cannot say out loud.

If you can't get past a shy person's defenses and find a way to effectively communicate that makes them comfortable with you, your relationship is probably not starting on great footing to begin with.

 

[SebastianHolt]

Yeah I've always been honest with the people I'm seeing or pursuing. If they ask I tell them what they want to know, and I would hope it would go both ways. I have no reason to hide my history, and honestly I wouldn't want to. What we do doesn't define us but it is part of our story, and I like sharing and being open about mine.

I'm open and honest too

 

[BurningFloors]

I'm open and honest too

Cliché but honesty really is the best policy. Being open with each other and tearing down the walls we have built to keep everyone out is such a special feeling we only get to do so many times in this life.

 

[SebastianHolt]

My first wife didn't want to talk about her past experiences, and I only gather hints here and there as to why. She was dealing with feelings of betrayal, embarrassment, pain, judgments of promiscuity, and other things she was in denial from and trying to forget. So, we rarely discussed such things as our past.

And that is probably at the root of one of the greatest reasons she's now my EX-wife.

My current wife and I readily share our past experiences. It's both liberating and entertaining.

**********************************
Her: "Did you ever fuck a woman in the ass?"

Me: "No, I never met one who would want to. My first wife admitted to doing it once, but she didn't like it and refused to ever do it again. ... Why? Have you taken it in the ass?"

"My second boyfriend wanted to try it"

"You two did THAT? ... Why you slut!"

"Yeah, but I'm YOUR slut! Do you want to fuck me in the ass right now? Use plenty of lube."

Society clearly has double standards! some women find it erotic to be 'naughty' and break the rules of being a lady

 

[Sgts19]

I've told her about my 3 HS & College girlfriends and mentioned the ???? one night stands I had..WTF knows it was a lot.

She's told me about hers and because we live in the small town she grew up in I know by sight some of them. Story behind this but I did actually hear her with her boyfriend in the next bedroom before I even knew what she looked like.

Everyone at that age is horny, the hormone's exploding sex is all new and exciting trying new things etc

 

[SebastianHolt]

Cliché but honesty really is the best policy. Being open with each other and tearing down the walls we have built to keep everyone out is such a special feeling we only get to do so many times in this life.

plus when you are honest you never have to remember that you lied about

 

[Dodola]

I was married twice, both musicians. They were manchild jealous types, so I never told. I didn't/don't have anything too spicy to tell, life's been pretty vanilla. If I ever have a female companion, I'll probably tell her if she asks.

 

[SebastianHolt]

I've told her about my 3 HS & College girlfriends and mentioned the ???? one night stands I had..WTF knows it was a lot.

She's told me about hers and because we live in the small town she grew up in I know by sight some of them. Story behind this but I did actually hear her with her boyfriend in the next bedroom before I even knew what she looked like.

Everyone at that age is horny, the hormone's exploding sex is all new and exciting trying new things etc

that's another topic to talk about ... do you know any of your spouse/lover previous lovers?

 

[old_prof]

My experiences are limited to the two women I've been married to. My wife certainly knows I was married (she knew my first wife, I moved in with my current wife when I broke up with my ex-wife), but she has never asked any details of our activities and I'm not likely to offer them. I'm roughly aware of her limited history prior to me, although I do not want to hear details. I'm very open about with my wife about pretty much everything; it's part of why we'r still happily married after moving in together 46 years ago. I did tell, after the fact, when I was tempted to have an affair when our relationship was a little rocky almost 40 years ago. And I told her when I fell in love with another woman (I did not lose my feelings for my wife and I won't leave her, but being in love with two women is, um, confusing at times).

 

[SebastianHolt]

so in my story ... I want the wife to take a strong lead in this story. She gets turned on by his sexual freedom & experiences. as they talk about the husband's past they become closer and walls come down. she learns how to allow herself to become a sexual being and how sex can be fun and guilt free

 

[BurningFloors]

plus when you are honest you never have to remember that you lied about

I will say I have lied if it benefits the person im with. One summer it was unbelievabley hot so we got some of those ice pops to cool down. My ex girlfriend went on about how much she loved the blue ones as a kid and kept going on about how she would eat them with her father every summer. Well I also loved the blue ones the best, but on that day they were my least favorite from then on.

 

[Sgts19]

that's another topic to talk about ... do you know any of your spouse/lover previous lovers?

I really didn't know him well played hoops against him a few times. Talked to 1?? maybe 2?? when my kids were in sports, sex sure didn't come up lol. She knew one of mine her roommate was my fuck buddy lol

 

[EmilyMiller]

Question: did you or would you ever tell your lover/spouse your past sex life?​

Yes, when it became clear that things were getting serious. I didn’t want to have secrets and - given I had had some non-traditional experiences - I didn’t want him to find out (from me or via some other mechanism) at a later point.

It was scary AF. But it worked out fine .

 

[gtnlynn]

My wife knows that she has been my only sex partner. I know about most of hers when she was in college, not counting the "one-and-done" partners that she doesn't even remember. She still has a few secrets from before and after we married, and that's okay. She would be embarrassed to tell me about those.

 

[SebastianHolt]

Hi. Shy person with extreme social anxiety in person here. Shyness has no bearing on someone's willingness or ability to discuss sex *when they want to discuss it with someone*.

The people I've been unable or unwilling to talk to about sex were largely people I was uncomfortable with. Sometimes for reasons I didn't understand or know at the time, and sometimes because they were blatant assholes.

The people I've talked to about sex, I've largely done so through writing unless I was extremely comfortable with them (my husband and a few friends. In fact, one friend found a bypass to this hang up and got me talking about such things on our podcast because I was comfortable talking to him and didn't think about the fact that we were recording the conversation) and understood them to be someone who wouldn't judge me and were patient enough with me to talk about it as I could.

The people I wanted to know about my history know, and they know it in great detail because they let me write it down. I can write things that I cannot say out loud.

If you can't get past a shy person's defenses and find a way to effectively communicate that makes them comfortable with you, your relationship is probably not starting on great footing to begin with.

how would you feel if your loved one talked about how he wanted to watch

Yes, when it became clear that things were getting serious. I didn’t want to have secrets and - given I had had some non-traditional experiences - I didn’t want him to find out (from me or via some other mechanism) at a later point.

It was scary AF. But it worked out fine .

I can imagine if being scary. one never knows how a man will react ... will he become jealous? Thinking that I'm a freak and mentally a bit off as hearing about one's experiences if extremely erotic for me (especially if she becomes exciting talking/thinking about her past)

 

[EmilyMiller]

I can imagine if being scary. one never knows how a man will react ... will he become jealous? Thinking that I'm a freak and mentally a bit off as hearing about one's experiences if extremely erotic for me (especially if she becomes exciting talking/thinking about her past)

It wasn’t erotic in the slightest. And though I was ultra-nervous, part of me knew he would be OK with things. I’d known him professionally for two years before we dated.

 

[HordHolm]

I'm curious as to how many people share their # and sexual experiences. Can one be truly honest when it comes to one sexual history? if so, did that add any pressure (meaning if you had a threesome does your current spouse/lover want to have a threesome)?

Some of it, though I'm old enough to have forgotten stuff (seriously, I occasionally remember some girl I had a situation with back in the day and it occurs to me I haven't thought of her for 10 years, etc). There's also the question of detail, as in, I might mention something happened, but that doesn't translate to a blow-by-blow account.

 

[Imstillfun]

Everything. His was much more interesting and varied than mine. We caught it up together.

 

[SebastianHolt]

Everything. His was much more interesting and varied than mine. We caught it up together.

was it interesting to hear about his past? any jealousy or thoughts about trying out some new things to out-do any previous lovers (this might be a guy thing to out do a previous lover)?

 

[Imstillfun]

was it interesting to hear about his past? any jealousy or thoughts about trying out some new things to out-do any previous lovers (this might be a guy thing to out do a previous lover)?

Um, read my story ‘my experiences in swinging’. But yes it was, no to jealousy, new things, yes, out do, not really, but without him I never would have written any stories.

 

[SebastianHolt]

Um, read my story ‘my experiences in swinging’. But yes it was, no to jealousy, new things, yes, out do, not really, but without him I never would have written any stories.

at one point in time, I had a very popular pen name on this website. She was in the top 20 but I got too political

 

[Britva415]

Question: did you or would you ever tell your lover/spouse your past sex life?

I would and I have. She doesn't want to know everything so I haven't told her everything. But there is nothing I am hiding or would hide. If something I did in the past is not of interest to her, there is no pressure.