Re-Awaken Wife's Freaky Side

[Ben_Wah76]

Hello, this is my first time to the boards, and I like the place so far lots of interesting stuff.

I am looking for advise on how to re-awaken my wife's freaky side. A little back story first off probably would go a long way. Well I met my wife straight out of high school and I was her first, in a matter of speaking I showed her the ropes since I had been sexual active for some time prior. She was uptight at first but soon became a sex freak. Adventuerous, daring, you know not too much holding her back. Now ten years into our marriage I am starting to miss that freaky side, she seems to have locked it away somewhere.

Any advise would be helpful....

 

[SweetErika]

Welcome to Lit.

I'm assuming you've talked to her in a non-sexual, non-confrontational manner. If so, what has she said about the changes?

Are you still having "non-freaky" sex regularly?

 

[TheMan4U259]

Hello, this is my first time to the boards, and I like the place so far lots of interesting stuff.

I am looking for advise on how to re-awaken my wife's freaky side. A little back story first off probably would go a long way. Well I met my wife straight out of high school and I was her first, in a matter of speaking I showed her the ropes since I had been sexual active for some time prior. She was uptight at first but soon became a sex freak. Adventuerous, daring, you know not too much holding her back. Now ten years into our marriage I am starting to miss that freaky side, she seems to have locked it away somewhere.

Any advise would be helpful....

If you figure it out, let me know what works

 

[PowerLifter84]

I would sit her down and talk to her, listen to what she says. She may be wanting to be 'freaky' again but hesitant since she may not think you want to (ie. you don't bring it up).

 

[Ben_Wah76]

Welcome to Lit.

I'm assuming you've talked to her in a non-sexual, non-confrontational manner. If so, what has she said about the changes?

Are you still having "non-freaky" sex regularly?

Thanks Erika,
We have talked over dinner in a calm setting and I have expressed my interest of her letting loose like she used to. We don't argue about it she just says something to change the subject and it ends until the next conversation. Sex is pretty good, nothing wild more or less your routine sexual interlude.

 

[wehstar]

I am in a similar situation in that we have been together since meeting in school getting on for ten years ago. I don't know if it would help, but last week I planned an evening when I knew we would both be free. That day whilst we were both at work I sent messages to her phone throughout the day telling her what I would like to do to her that evening. Then we did it, as I had planned, after I had taken care of food and other practicalities. For us it was mild bondage and dressing up roleplay sort of stuff, but whatever works for you both. I dont know if something similar would work in your situation. Basically it was about building up both of our anticipation levels throughout the day, and making sure we were both relaxed in the evening.

 

[Ben_Wah76]

I am in a similar situation in that we have been together since meeting in school getting on for ten years ago. I don't know if it would help, but last week I planned an evening when I knew we would both be free. That day whilst we were both at work I sent messages to her phone throughout the day telling her what I would like to do to her that evening. Then we did it, as I had planned, after I had taken care of food and other practicalities. For us it was mild bondage and dressing up roleplay sort of stuff, but whatever works for you both. I dont know if something similar would work in your situation. Basically it was about building up both of our anticipation levels throughout the day, and making sure we were both relaxed in the evening.

I have tried instant messaging her before and she says she feels weird talking sexual on them, our planned nights are few and far between, maybe once every couple of months, she always seems to fall into the routine when it comes to sex no matter what I try to start. She usually says not tonight, I'm tired, or something along that line. I have thought of using our webcam to spy on her when I am at work and see what goes on, not that I thnk she cheating or anything.....Good Idea or am I shooting from the hip?

 

[SweetErika]

Thanks Erika,
We have talked over dinner in a calm setting and I have expressed my interest of her letting loose like she used to. We don't argue about it she just says something to change the subject and it ends until the next conversation. Sex is pretty good, nothing wild more or less your routine sexual interlude.

Okay, well at least routine sex is better than no sex.

What I'm getting at is why she changed. Is it stress, kids, religion, was she never really into the freakiness? What are HER turn-ons? Does she masturbate?

We can give you suggestions until the cows come home, but the real answer lies in healthy communication.

 

[Eilan]

I have thought of using our webcam to spy on her when I am at work and see what goes on, not that I thnk she cheating or anything.....Good Idea or am I shooting from the hip?

You'd be a jerk if you did this. You know that, don't you?

 

[SweetErika]

You'd be a jerk if you did this. You know that, don't you?

Exactly. Violating my privacy and trust is no better than cheating. If my husband wants a divorce, spying on me could be a good way to go about it.

 

[wehstar]

I have tried instant messaging her before and she says she feels weird talking sexual on them, our planned nights are few and far between, maybe once every couple of months, she always seems to fall into the routine when it comes to sex no matter what I try to start. She usually says not tonight, I'm tired, or something along that line. I have thought of using our webcam to spy on her when I am at work and see what goes on, not that I thnk she cheating or anything.....Good Idea or am I shooting from the hip?

I'm sure a lot of people here would suggest that you ought to have more trust and openness in your relationship, and be able to talk about a concern like that. Having said that, if you felt you had any basis for suspicion and that she would lie to you if you confronted her, then it might be best to get that monkey off your back and prove any nagging doubts wrong. But if you are going to be sneaky like that, it might ruin your marriage if she found out that you were spying on her, so she had better never find out and you would have to implement it very well. Hopefully there would be no need at all for this. Plus there may be legal issues to it.

 

[TheCurious]

Do you have kids? Alot of women, after having children, have trouble reconciling being a filthy girl by night, mommy by day.

My wife who is by all means fun and wild has mentioned that several times... that it is hard to shift mental gears from being a mom to being a wife. Maybe she needs more support in that area?

 

[Ben_Wah76]

You'd be a jerk if you did this. You know that, don't you?

Was just a thought Eilan, nothing more. Sorry for the ruffling of feathers. As for trusting her not to be cheating I have 100% trust in her. I would have to say that she was definitly a freak at the time, since then we have had three kids, she tells me the only thing that turns her on it kmnow that she's exciting me, but i think there are more things she isnt telling me for some reason. She says she has only masterbated once in the last 6mths, saying she don't get off on it,,,,but there was a time about 5 or 6 years ago that she finally told me that when I first worked the night shift she would masterbate every day infront of a mirror. Can't figure out whats happened.

 

[SweetErika]

Was just a thought Eilan, nothing more. Sorry for the ruffling of feathers. As for trusting her not to be cheating I have 100% trust in her. I would have to say that she was definitly a freak at the time, since then we have had three kids, she tells me the only thing that turns her on it kmnow that she's exciting me, but i think there are more things she isnt telling me for some reason. She says she has only masterbated once in the last 6mths, saying she don't get off on it,,,,but there was a time about 5 or 6 years ago that she finally told me that when I first worked the night shift she would masterbate every day infront of a mirror. Can't figure out whats happened.

Is depression a possibility?

Do you guys have any toys? They might help her get excited about masturbation and get off.

 

[Ben_Wah76]

Is depression a possibility?

Do you guys have any toys? They might help her get excited about masturbation and get off.

She has a few but doesnt use them, saying she has lost interest in them and isnt willing to buy new ones.

She doesn't seem to be depressed, she seems fine going about her normal day, and when asked how things are she says just fine....

 

[webber1998]

just fine....

Grrrrrr........ anytime a woman tells me "just fine"... yikes ... !!!!!

How is her stress level and general health??
Any medications that she is on??

 

[Ben_Wah76]

Grrrrrr........ anytime a woman tells me "just fine"... yikes ... !!!!!

How is her stress level and general health??
Any medications that she is on??

We have just as must stress in our lives as the next couple, and she is only on iron pills and is in great health. She is currently just doing the pills and exercising she then spends a great deal of time online chatting with her lady friends.

 

[webber1998]

Do the two of you have any personal alone time where someone has the kids?

When I was married and the kids were pretty young, we used to have a pretty mundane sex life until we started getting a weekend a month to ourselves. This included a few weekend trips to some romantic get aways in the area.

 

[SweetErika]

Well, if you're really intent on trying to work it out and she won't discuss why she's seemingly changed/lost interest, I'd advise counselling. We can't do much without hearing her side of the story.

Would she read erotica (or listen to you reading it to her in bed), or ever visit a site like this with you? Lit helped me re-open after being in a rut. Seeing the really freaky things people did all the time made our fantasies and kinks seem perfectly run of the mill.

 

[mdcplhavnfun]

The last few weeks have been so hot here, after a few months of "normal" sex...

I came up with the idea of watching webcams together. The thought of watching him get hard, and then being there to take care of him, was a huge turn on for me. Maybe it would be for wife too since you said she likes to see you get turned on?

Of course, watching webcams turned into buying a webcam, buying turned into sex in front of webcam.... and the "normal" sex rut has ended here. At least for a little while.

Enjoy

 

[tanyachrs]

Mmm, that sounds like super fun.

You know, I think there's a kind of normal sexual dip with women in their 30s. I'm sure it's frustrating for the man involved but maybe not personal. If you keep the lines of communication open and the general touching/loving going, you may get surprise when she hits 40.

 

[tkinsc]

Try getting away by yourselves for a weekend.

Not having kids around, or anything we have to do at home certainly opens the sex up a little more, add a few drinks, and you could be headed for wild monkey sex.

 

[Ben_Wah76]

Well, if you're really intent on trying to work it out and she won't discuss why she's seemingly changed/lost interest, I'd advise counselling. We can't do much without hearing her side of the story.

Would she read erotica (or listen to you reading it to her in bed), or ever visit a site like this with you? Lit helped me re-open after being in a rut. Seeing the really freaky things people did all the time made our fantasies and kinks seem perfectly run of the mill.

We used to read the playboy advisor together, but that ended when she developed her sudden dislike for porn. A little more on her. She used to be more into pron then I was, she was actually more into the hentai then anything. They really got her going. She would give head in the car while driving on the expressway, she would dare to have sex in the parking lot of a bar we where at, even went as far as attempting a threesome (didn't happen, due to drop out of third person) She has however reconciled with her mother who is deep into the church and has been spending more time with her family who are also very religious.

We are planning a Cedar Pointe trip at the end of October just the two of us, spending the night in a hotel between our two days at the park..Maybe something will flare up then.