Relationship w/ a Sex Worker

[HDTraveler]

I've fallen in love with a provider - and she is interested in us beginning a relationship. She also wants to continue in her chosen profession, which she really enjoys. So I would be entering one hell of an open relationship.

For those of you who do this and make it work - how do you do it? What is your mindset, and how do cope with the eventual jealousy. I have seen her with other men who I know and seem to handle it ok - I guess it's the long term unknown I have some questions about.

Thanks - HDT

 

[Nightbird]

What exactly is a "Provider" ? Do you mean shes a hooker? A Stripper??

I think if you add some more information you might spark some more replies.

 

[ReinaJ]

In the words of Snoop Dogg

"You can't make a ho a housewife"

 

[noonenew]

I tried dating a stripper once... She swore to me that she wasn't tricking, but I'm pretty sure she was. It was fucked man, very difficult situation.

 

[emap]

I would like to know what sort of a provider she is, is she an escort, a call girl or a street walking whore?

It actually matters, an escort isn't neccessarily putting out so she will be interested in you sexually at least once a week. A call girl doesn't do anything but put out so most likely her only interest in you is as a way to get away from a stalking ex boyfriend or customer, or to get away from a sleazy pimp type. Granted she may just be interested in you as a way to have a nicer place to stay.

If she is a street walking whore, really, she just wants to look cleaner to the police along with getting away from a pimp. She would use you for money and your place as a nice place to stay to get away from the streets, not to mention a handy place to take customers.

Granted it's possible she is a nympho and does care for you in her fashion and is at least being honest with you about her sexual needs. However, the odds speak loudly that she is looking to use you unless she is an escort and is able to pick and choose who gets her on her back for money.

Don't want to put a damper on your feelings, but figured it's best to point out the above.

Disclaimer: I don't know her or what she does in the way of being a sex provider, and above is not every single member of the oldest profession in the varying styles I mention of it, but far and away most of them are exactly as I have said.

Also, I am not saying dump her ass right now, I am just letting you know what the odds say so you can watch your own butt.

Oh and yes, I am jaded and tend to see the bad before the good, comes from moving around the country over the years, and falling prey to a few of those bad people.

 

[Nightbird]

I think you hit it right on Emap..

 

[Monazwx]

I tried dating a stripper once... She swore to me that she wasn't tricking, but I'm pretty sure she was. It was fucked man, very difficult situation.

BUt in this case, he would know that she was 'tricking' from the get go. I can't help but think though that if she's enjoying herself so much, why she would want to be committed to one person. Maybe she does need a place to stay or whatever, but do you know how careful she is with her other partners? Would she give BJ's without a condom for a few more dollars? Would she do bareback for more money? Etc. These are things that you have to think about as well.

 

[emap]

Oooo Mona, thank you I totally forgot about that. Reminds me of a HBO Real Sex episode from years ago, they talked to actual street walking whores and asked them questions and 'watched' them in action from a nondescript car or van.

Aside from the conversations being rather amusing between her and her john, the interview with the whore was rather scary for your part.

Namely, if a man offers to pay enough extra, she will ride or blow him sans condom. She knew all about the risks of STD's, at the time this was filmed AIDS was on a huge increase with sex workers that would have sex because they pretty much all would take the extra cash for accepting a john's sperm.

So with people who have sex for money, every customer or just the ones they want to, they more or less ALL will get at least one STD over the course of their career as a sex provider.

Hmmm, you know, I think maybe there is one safe whore to date or marry, those that work in the legal brothels of Nevada, I think I have heard they require condoms for everything, no extra pay for having her accept his seed. However, I am pretty sure that one is more of a we say it with one face while this other face says if you want to take his seed go ahead.

 

[rosebud5446]

what is 'bareback?" just sex w/o a condom?

 

[emap]

Yes, bareback is unprotected sex.

Now if you do a search for bareback you will find mostly gay porn without the use of condoms, do not ask me why on that one.

I remember we were looking for movies of condomless sex on Ebay and did a search for bareback and got a huge number of gay porn movies, his face was priceless though.

 

[leftybogs]

woaw! thats very complicated issue..
if i wer you.. i dont know also what
am going to do!!
gudluck mate!!!

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

He even had to ask advice

 

[HDTraveler]

More info

Thanks for the responses - yes, she is a high paid escort, doing incall from her apartment and outcall to a gentleman's hotel, apparently a few times a month. Yes, in all ways, she practices safe sex.
On this board, I was hoping to find someone in either an open marriage situation or someone who is actually in a relationship with a provider (call girl, prostitute) that could provide insight to this kind of relationship
. Aside from the mechanics of safe sex, how do you deal emotionally with the relationship. What relationship issues were a challenge for you, and how did you deal with them.
Thanks, HDT

 

[subwannabe]

At first I thought you meant you met someone and fell in love and wondered how to make it work. Now it seems you were actually looking for an open relationship or similar to begin with. Personally, I don't think there is ever going to be a way to be able to handle the inevitable jealously that is sure to happen. I'm not really sure what exactly it is you are looking for. If it is group sex or similar it would seem to me there are other ways of going about it other than dating a high priced call girl. If it is just the fact that you want to continue to have an open relationship yourself then you would be wrong to get jealous of her while you get to sleep around. Good luck. You are certainly going to need it.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Some people can make it work, but both of you kind of have to perve on it.

Whores need love too. As much or more than most.

 

[Eric623]

I had an affair with woman who had been a provider prior to our meeting. At the time we got together she had a regular job (where we met). She was in a bad marraige, I was having a very difficult time at home, yada, yada, yada.... It was one hell of a roller coaster ride for a few months there, but in the end she handed me my heart on a silver platter. The most frustrating part of the relationship was her built in defense mechanism of not getting emotionally close. Whenever we would sit down and start to seriously discuss where we were going in the relationship, she would get up and announce, "got to go". The sex would be fantastic because she was a well trained technician, but the non-sexual aspect of the relationship was full of all kinds of emotional baggage from both of us. I regularly read a forum dedicated to the world of sexworkers and have yet to hear of anyone having a lasting relationship with a working provider. I don't know what you're looking for in a relationship, you might wind up on a whirlwind of a ride (although short) that will awaken all of your senses and make you really feel alive (until she's had enough). If you're looking for a situation that will last a long time in the model of a "normal" relationship, it probably won't happen with the provider. Good luck.

 

[HDTraveler]

Excellent response, Eric

....and a very good question. What do I want out of a relationship? Well, since yesterday was my birthday, I want my cake and the ability to eat it too, I guess.
As I travel down this road we will both be able to gauge the level of emotional commitment to the relationship - the defense mechanism you describe is one I am sensitive toward and will be looking for.
I also appreciate that you understand the emotions/feelings/lust I am experiencing now, in the beginning phase. Like a moth to a candle, the heat and passion right here, right now is so intense, so luxurious to be impossible to fly away from.
I wish this could work.....

thanks again, HDT

 

[Eric623]

It's been several years now. Wound up staying at home after all. I swore never to fall in love like that again. I know it was wrong, however there really are no regrets. To experience that level of lust and passion at that time in my life made me feel alive . At that time, and even today a quote from Thoreau resonates deeply within me; "The cities are filled with men leading lives of quiet desperation." For a few months there, I was not among them.

 

[emap]

Getting over the jealousy is something you will have to figure out for yourself, since something that works for someone else probably won't work for you.

So now that aside, do you know why she wants to keep being a high price call girl?

I think i know right off, high price means just that, she makes alot of money, and since she does in call from her apartment, she isn't with a company, she keeps all of the money.

Hmmmm, at least I think company workers don't do in call from their apartment.

Anyway, about the safe sex always part, you skimmed past what I said about the HBO Real Sex and the hookers. They would let john's do them without a condom for the extra money. She wants to keep being a high priced call girl almost definitely for the money. Do you really think that if a john said let me fuck you without the condom and I'll give you an extra 300 she would say no?

OK, I bet you do, but I also bet she would say yes and then tell you oh no I'm not accepting any customer sperm. Now, here's the thing, high priced escorts don't do in call, there is a reason for that, they don't go out to a place just for the sex. Call girls on the other hand do in call because all they want is to get on their back or knee's for a customer.

Are you sure she is an escort? Seriously, escorts are the people you call for a date, just a gorgeous woman to take to a nice party or just out to dinner go back to your place and get a strip tease. If your lucky an escort will give you a hand job, blow job, or sex.

Your 'girlfriend' sounds like a call girl. As in all she does is get strange men into her place or theirs, take money and get ridden.

I think you kinda fell into a trap there, if she says escort and high priced you think she doesn't just get fucked, but the in call thing screams call girl, or hooker that doesn't stand on the corner.

Not to say it's a bad thing, I've wanted to be a hooker for a while now, but there is a problem for you, what i said in my first and second post still stands, she likely isn't looking at you as a boyfriend, either you have a nicer apartment, will get her away from a stalking ex boyfriend, customer or pimp. Or she thinks you can introduce her to more customers. Less likely but possible, you are either bigger or smaller from her regulars and will do things the way she wants in bed.

I know you won't listen to me, but I very hope you at least practice safe sex with her because there is a 99.9% chance she isn't with her customers. Really don't think you should shorten your life because she says she stays safe 'on the job'. If you have had unprotected sex with her already, run don't walk to a clinic and be tested pronto and buy condoms for every other time with her from now on until she gets tired of you.

 

[HDTraveler]

Thanks emap

Yes, I practice safe sex always, and so does she. I watched the Real Sex series you speak of - we are many, many levels above that. Gowns, suits, fine restaurants and 4/5 star hotels have been my experience with this lady.

I am comfortable with the health angle of this. But, I appreciate your concern - it is a valid one. Take care, HDT.