relationships and lies

[cloudy]

I know it's hard, hon, but my honest opinion is that you need to start thinking about getting out.

What he's doing, all niceties, and so forth aside, is abuse. He's basically told you he's going to continue to lie, etc., whenever the whim strikes him. And, it's obvious from your posts that he's a skilled manipulator - he's already got you questioning your sanity. That's abuse, babe.

You deserve better. And something to consider that I've had to think long and hard about: is that the type of role model you want for your children?

 

[CharleyH]

have any of you out there ever had to put up with constant lies in a relationship.I mean about totally stupid little things.Such as how much your partner payed for a dvd, or whether thay had lunch out?
I'm really frustrated and every time i catch one of these lies i'm invariably the bad guy for SNOOPING.I really havent snooped its just when you look down , see a recipt and read it to see if important or trash ,,, oh well.
having a bad week because of all this
nymphy

Yes, for only five miserable years.

Think about it.

 

[woodnymph_O]

I know it's hard, hon, but my honest opinion is that you need to start thinking about getting out.

What he's doing, all niceties, and so forth aside, is abuse. He's basically told you he's going to continue to lie, etc., whenever the whim strikes him. And, it's obvious from your posts that he's a skilled manipulator - he's already got you questioning your sanity. That's abuse, babe.

You deserve better. And something to consider that I've had to think long and hard about: is that the type of role model you want for your children?

thanks hon for the support
what fears make us stay? children,money,being alone?I don't know but for some reason alot of us continue on .the last time I was this upset or mistrustful of a relationship I stayed.I stayed just as long as I had to until the upset became hatered so blinding that the fears and hurt seemed not to matter anymore.Sometimes I think he knows that too, and maybe he's trying to drive the love out of me,so I end things and he's not the bad guy.I only know that you can't spend your life without trust. I have enough insomnia without something else to keep me up at night. The only question is where to from here. Either he has to love me enough to change ,or I have to learn to hate this enough to let go.I start to have bad thoughts of my life and it's worth. Somedays I remember being 13 and sitting in a bathtub trying to end it all. Read Victim it explains why , but somedays I look back and wonder why I didn't. Other than my kids , I can't see the value of it all .Of me. Maybe thats the deepest issue of all. You guys don't know how tickled I get by the reviews of my work here,every little vote of feedback. It's been to long since I felt I have something to give. Most of the time I just feel I have something someone can take. There is a big difference.
lots of love and thanks
nymphy

 

[cloudy]

Reading that last post was almost frightening for me, because that was me awhile back.

I have to wonder how much of your self-esteem issues stem from him, though, and not you. I know in my situation, I had almost become convinced that I was stupid, that I was ugly, and that no one else would ever want me.

What you have to realize is that that's exactly the way he wants you to feel. When you feel that low about yourself, he's in complete control, and that's what it all boils down to, really. Control.

I'll tell you like I've told others: You cannot control what others say or do, but you can control how you react to it. I took control of my emotions and my self-esteem back from the asshole. I finally got to the point where I looked in the mirror and almost felt like slapping myself, I'd been so dumb. I have two college degrees, about half done with my masters, yet I was letting someone that dropped out of school in the eighth grade tell me I was stupid??? It was a wake up call, and even though I'm not out of the woods yet, it sure is empowering to realize that he can't hurt me by saying those things anymore.

Talk to Abs, babe, or holler at me on yahoo - I'll tell you some things.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

what fears make us stay?

Failure.

 

[SeaCat]

God damn it to hell.

Would you believe this thread now has me so enraged I'm choking on it? Because of that I'm going to be blunt. (I may lose the respect of some here but tough shit!)

Nymph,
From the last couple of posts, including your reply to me it appears he has already made his declaration of his intentions. You now have to make your own decision, and I think you already have. You just have to admit it to yourself. So I'll say it for you.

GET THE FUCK OUT! NOW!

From what he has said to you he is an abuser, and therefore should be hung by his miniscule balls. (Yes I'm being nice.)

It is time to realize this is not a failure on your part, no matter what society may say. Yes it is a scary proposition to start over, especialy with one child and another on the way, but it can be done. Do it! If not for yourself then for the little ones.

Cloudy, Charley, and too many others here. I have said this before, and I'll keep on saying it. You have my utmost respect for getting shut of your abusive relationships. Your sister needs your help, you know too well what she's going through.

Cat

(Now putting on some Santana in an attempt to cool off.)

 

[cloudy]

God damn it to hell.

Would you believe this thread now has me so enraged I'm choking on it? Because of that I'm going to be blunt. (I may lose the respect of some here but tough shit!)

Nymph,
From the last couple of posts, including your reply to me it appears he has already made his declaration of his intentions. You now have to make your own decision, and I think you already have. You just have to admit it to yourself. So I'll say it for you.

GET THE FUCK OUT! NOW!

From what he has said to you he is an abuser, and therefore should be hung by his miniscule balls. (Yes I'm being nice.)

It is time to realize this is not a failure on your part, no matter what society may say. Yes it is a scary proposition to start over, especialy with one child and another on the way, but it can be done. Do it! If not for yourself then for the little ones.

Cloudy, Charley, and too many others here. I have said this before, and I'll keep on saying it. You have my utmost respect for getting shut of your abusive relationships. Your sister needs your help, you know too well what she's going through.

Cat

(Now putting on some Santana in an attempt to cool off.)

You didn't lose any respect from me, darlin', I promise. The hardest thing sometimes is to believe there are men out there that aren't abusive after you've been treated that way for so long. You're a wonderful reminder that there are decent men.

 

[sweetnpetite]

thats what i feel too
lieing indicates something to hide. if you had nothing to hide why lie.Unless its a behavior you have become accustomed to and can't stop . I just don't know which i'm dealing with ,

Niether one is any better than the other, IMO.

>>>hugs<<<

 

[sweetnpetite]

I know it's hard, hon, but my honest opinion is that you need to start thinking about getting out.

What he's doing, all niceties, and so forth aside, is abuse. He's basically told you he's going to continue to lie, etc., whenever the whim strikes him. And, it's obvious from your posts that he's a skilled manipulator - he's already got you questioning your sanity. That's abuse, babe.

You deserve better. And something to consider that I've had to think long and hard about: is that the type of role model you want for your children?

cloudy, I think I love you.

 

[Penelope Street]

My belief is that if the trust is dead, the relationship is dead.

My ex was less than honest at times. Never cheated on me or anything major, so far as I know. He started with fibs, stupid little stuff too. After he figured out how much that pissed me off, he started withholding information and making decisions on his own that he knew I would oppose. Just as a for instance, he opened a credit card in both our names and then maxed it, without so much as a word. . Of course, this just made it worse when I did find out. I stopped trusting him, and stopped investing emotionally. That was really the end, although I didn't realize it at the time. The next several years were really just throwing good time after bad.

Abstruse is right about fear of failure, at least for me. That was the biggest reason I kept trying, kept hoping it would all turn around. I didn't want to give up because I didn't want to admit to myself, or anyone else, that I'd made one of the worst mistakes of my life. But it was just that, whether I admitted it or not. Now I look back at my divorce as one of the greatest successes of my life.

I'll never be in a relationship with anyone that tells lies again. Not even fibs. I'd rather be alone.

Take Care,
Penny

 

[woodnymph_O]

made it known

AND standing my ground,
If it happens again I'm outtie. PERIOD. He heard it loud and clear.
next move is his.Either he changes or I go. Hopeing for the best, but preparing for the worst here.
LOve you all
Nymphy

 

[cloudy]

Good for you.

 

[woodnymph_O]

Good for you.

thank you my friend
now if you are not operating any heavy machinery keep your eyes crossed for me lol
hugs
Nymphy

 

[woodnymph_O]

Niether one is any better than the other, IMO.

>>>hugs<<<

the opinions and hugs always appreciate btw
thanks for being a friend
nymphy

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Re: made it known

AND standing my ground,
If it happens again I'm outtie. PERIOD. He heard it loud and clear.
next move is his.Either he changes or I go. Hopeing for the best, but preparing for the worst here.
LOve you all
Nymphy

Hooray.......stick to your guns love!!!

 

[woodnymph_O]

RE: The Man,The compliment,And the hickey

OK update regarding all,
the man is at this time in his most romantic I'm sorry behavior.Apparently the putting my foot down thing has caused a change in behavior I didn't expect.Hmm, maybe a strong female really is a turn on outside of fiction. I was given a hickey this morning during a walk by at the coffee maker.
In regard to what I should do about a picture, his Opinion was, "It's your smut, Be proud of it. I'm proud of you."
He suggested a picture of me that he had saved on his email, since most of mine were lost because of my recent virus issues(I'm sure you will remember my ranting about it, or at least understand) I lost some good pics, one of my butt that I liked, this may not make sense to most ,but Its so hard to get a pic you're satisfied with. I'm stil mad at this thing.
He then went on to tell me that he thought it would be great to read my story , and then see that pic attached.
His exact comment. "the writing is that good, and the woman that sexy.It's to good to be real. that's the way I feel every day."
In my mind I'm sitting on the mountain top right now.
Could it be that he got a small clue?
Maybe the problem all along has been not asserting myself.I reminded him last night of a few things we had going in this relationship that I think he would have a hard time replacing. That issue got him to thinking. I told him , if he had had all of these things with every woman he dated, he would never have been single at 34 and looking my way. I think he saw that as the truth for once.
then again maybe this is just one good day, and the next time my foot will have to come down harder.
love you all
Nymphy
P.S. Ignore the rambling I didn't intend this as an essay

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Not trying to be a doomsayer, but see how long that all lasts...they have patterns they follow.