Request for Advice

[vixen4770]

I have been Wiccan for 20 years or a little better, and my mom still doesn't know. I see no point in hurting her and the rede says...harm none. Don't take the emails to heart, just delete them along with all the drivel, but DO NOT ignore your mother, just her emails. Answer her questions with "I Love You Too Mom". Appreciate the fact that she worries about you and the state of your immortal soul. When you love someone you respect their decisions, but you DO NOT HAVE TO SHARE THEM. Respect your mother's too. Do not punish her for being christian, and it WILL eventually come home to her that you need to follow your own path in life. Also tell her about Wicca...even if that is not your choice path to follow. It's still worshiping god (sort of) just not in a standardized setting. My sister knows I'm Wiccan and I told her that I just don't believe in the church, not that I don't believe in her version of god. Sometimes it's kinder to allow people their misconceptions. She doesn't need to know that four times a year I dance naked in the moonlight...lol.

 

[Night_Jasmine]

I have been Wiccan for 20 years or a little better, and my mom still doesn't know. I see no point in hurting her and the rede says...harm none. Don't take the emails to heart, just delete them along with all the drivel, but DO NOT ignore your mother, just her emails. Answer her questions with "I Love You Too Mom". Appreciate the fact that she worries about you and the state of your immortal soul. When you love someone you respect their decisions, but you DO NOT HAVE TO SHARE THEM. Respect your mother's too. Do not punish her for being christian, and it WILL eventually come home to her that you need to follow your own path in life. Also tell her about Wicca...even if that is not your choice path to follow. It's still worshiping god (sort of) just not in a standardized setting. My sister knows I'm Wiccan and I told her that I just don't believe in the church, not that I don't believe in her version of god. Sometimes it's kinder to allow people their misconceptions. She doesn't need to know that four times a year I dance naked in the moonlight...lol.

*laughs* You're braver than I am to go skyclad. I'm still adapting on what I need for that.

As for Wicca and Pagan, I've tried to talk to my mom about it in guise that I was researching something for a story. Her idea on it was "I don't want to talk about it, it's satanic. Anyone practicing that will go to hell!"

I had two good friends online one time. The guy told me I had an old soul and once commented I would do very well on that path. My mother knew of these people and kept insisting I try to convert them. I never tried. They were HAPPY so why did I have to start judging? I didn't understand and hated what she wanted me to do.

I'm not shutting her out but forwards with religious titles get auto deleted without being opened now. *sighs*

 

[vixen4770]

I'm not shutting her out but forwards with religious titles get auto deleted without being opened now. *sighs*

That's baptist for ya...just remember the rede hun and let it guide you. You don't want anyone pushing their beliefs on you, so don't push yours on them. If you try to force your mother to accept your beliefs that is what you are doing. RELAX, it will calm down eventually. Stay true to yourself, let your mother stay true to herself and you will be fine. Why does she have to know? You don't live in her house any more, it'snone of her business. And to be perfectly frank, she's probably happier not knowing. Leave her be and have a little patience with her. She's not in a mindset to accept a new belief and it bothers her that you are. You and I know it's church brainwashing, but the only way to cure it is for her to discover it for herself. You are just fine the way you are, and she is just fine the way she is. If she get's pushy about it just tell her that you don't like the whole church politics thing. All groups are political beings just by virtue of their being a group.. She can't argue that it's a political creature, so you should get at least SOME empathy with that. But understand a mother's fear. You are her child and she will go to hell and back for you. Love her anyway.

 

[vixen4770]

*laughs* You're braver than I am to go skyclad. I'm still adapting on what I need for that.

Someone once told me that if you are properly centered you heat yourself and you are not cold.....They LIED There are some years when Yule just SUCKS!


"Shiver my nipples HURRY UP it's cold out here!"
"If she didn't want ritual done this fast she would have made it warmer."
"By the Goddess, even my eyeballs are shivering."
"Tell me again why we do Yule skyclad...I really want to know who's bright idea THIS was"

All things heard at the world's fastest ritual EVER, it was 7 degree's out.

 

[Night_Jasmine]

*giggles* And depending on where you are, going through that skyclad is sheer suicide!

You're right. I haven't tried to push anything onto my mother. More for my own sanity than anything else. I just follow as much of the "an' it harm none" as I can and try to reflect on my actions before I take them.

 

[vixen4770]

*giggles* And depending on where you are, going through that skyclad is sheer suicide!

You're right. I haven't tried to push anything onto my mother. More for my own sanity than anything else. I just follow as much of the "an' it harm none" as I can and try to reflect on my actions before I take them.

Try Northern Wisconsin....lol. Only time I've ever done an entire ritual in under 10 minutes.

 

[Night_Jasmine]

*shudders* EEP!!! That's cold! I am still gathering materials on learning rituals and the like. Right now, it's bascially just honoring my patrons until I have room and the necessary tools.

Ten minutes, eh? I don't blame you there!

 

[playwithlezli]

note to self-naked paganism may not be a good choice in Alberta

 

[Night_Jasmine]

*giggles* Depends on where you conduct ritual, Lezli. A lot of people go ahead and do it indoors and not court pneumonia.

 

[playwithlezli]

*giggles* Depends on where you conduct ritual, Lezli. A lot of people go ahead and do it indoors and not court pneumonia.

pffffftttt, wieners.....

 

[Night_Jasmine]

*laughs* I freaked out when we actually got snow this year!

 

[yukonnights]

That's baptist for ya...just remember the rede hun and let it guide you. You don't want anyone pushing their beliefs on you, so don't push yours on them. If you try to force your mother to accept your beliefs that is what you are doing. RELAX, it will calm down eventually. Stay true to yourself, let your mother stay true to herself and you will be fine. Why does she have to know? You don't live in her house any more, it'snone of her business. And to be perfectly frank, she's probably happier not knowing. Leave her be and have a little patience with her. She's not in a mindset to accept a new belief and it bothers her that you are. You and I know it's church brainwashing, but the only way to cure it is for her to discover it for herself. You are just fine the way you are, and she is just fine the way she is. If she get's pushy about it just tell her that you don't like the whole church politics thing. All groups are political beings just by virtue of their being a group.. She can't argue that it's a political creature, so you should get at least SOME empathy with that. But understand a mother's fear. You are her child and she will go to hell and back for you. Love her anyway.

Hi Jasmine------sorry for double post, I screwed something up

 

[yukonnights]

That's baptist for ya...just remember the rede hun and let it guide you. You don't want anyone pushing their beliefs on you, so don't push yours on them. If you try to force your mother to accept your beliefs that is what you are doing. RELAX, it will calm down eventually. Stay true to yourself, let your mother stay true to herself and you will be fine. Why does she have to know? You don't live in her house any more, it'snone of her business. And to be perfectly frank, she's probably happier not knowing. Leave her be and have a little patience with her. She's not in a mindset to accept a new belief and it bothers her that you are. You and I know it's church brainwashing, but the only way to cure it is for her to discover it for herself. You are just fine the way you are, and she is just fine the way she is. If she get's pushy about it just tell her that you don't like the whole church politics thing. All groups are political beings just by virtue of their being a group.. She can't argue that it's a political creature, so you should get at least SOME empathy with that. But understand a mother's fear. You are her child and she will go to hell and back for you. Love her anyway.

Hi Jasmine, been watching this progress and it's more interesting than most stuff on the site. I really like what Vixen advised above.

However, I would like to point out something. It's human nature for us to think that my way is the right way. That's what causes fights, murder and war. That said, I see a tendency in some of the advice that indicates that "you have found the truth" or that they have found the truth. It seems more accurate to say; I am searching for the truth and I know that I will never find it in fullness. To say otherwise puts you in the same position of those you are criticizing (damn Baptists or ___ fill in the blank). I think the one thing we can safely say is that all "groups" or "belief systems" are the creation of human beings and as such are not "total truth". We are fallible in our attempts to describe the indescribable. But that's ok, that which created us knows our weakness and is patient (I think). All groups made up of humans are also political, it doesn't matter the size or what they call themselves.

Bottom line; be humble (not with a false humility that seems to say "they are all right--poor bastards. Remember the parable of the sinner and the Pharisee?) We must strive for true humility and acceptance if we want inner peace ( or so it seems to me). The best guide is the small quite voice in your soul which let's you know if a thing is true or false (I think)

 

[Night_Jasmine]

I see what you're saying and certainly don't mean to sound prideful or blaming. Honestly, I'm just trying to follow my own heart and resolve the issues.

 

[yukonnights]

I wasn't so much implying you, but the rest of us "fools" offering our opinions. Seriously though, you do see the quandary we get into don't you? The minute we think we are right, we are wrong. Does that make sense or am I just babbling?

 

[Night_Jasmine]

I do...that's the beauty of asking for advice though. You apply what you feel is right.

 

[elfsex]

hi

God i dont know what to say

 

[yukonnights]

OK, now breath slowly and relax. Glad you could blow that steam. Sounds like it was building up for awhile.

Me thinks you made some good points , but me also thinks you have too much anger in your heart. You cannot change others, only yourself.

 

[Night_Jasmine]

You drop a pebble in the pond, it'll create small waves that in turn become larger ones. So drop the pebble, balance yourself and then present your ideas to someone else..let it move forward. Perhaps, we can change things...perhaps not. As long as we ourselves are happy in who we are and how we act, then when we are judged by others, we know by what scale to judge ourselves.

 

[thesan]

Jas- if one more person can pipe up and give advice, here is what would be said. Mark your spam filter to delete you mom's posts. All of them, for several months. If you are asked is you got such and such email, tell her no and that you were being inundated with porn, viagra and other spam that your spam filter needed to filter more stuff out. Or better yet change your email address and don't give it to your family. When asked, let them know that you got tired of having to read emails so much that it was taking time away from important things, like work, cooking, etc. and closed your account. Phrase these things in ways that are true, keep vital information such as you opened a new accoutn or placed them deliberately on the spam list to yourself. This will stop the invasion into your home via your computer.

As for the phone, gradually train your family. This will take time. If you always take their call. Let the machine get it every 3rd call or 4th call or 5th call, etc. Over time, have the machine get their call every other time. Then only answer their call every 3rd time, then 4th call etc. Do this until the time becomes more manageable for you. Your phone is for your convenience. You pay for it. It is not for other peoples convenience. They do not pay for it. It does not belong to them. Also, if you tend to call right back, wait an hour then two then three then half a day then a a whole day. Lengthen this out to your comfort level and make it match what they can tolerate at their limits. Gradually they will become use to 1)you not always being available by phone and 2) not always getting a call right back. Then your phone conversations will become about more important matters and not just endless chitchat for hours a day.

I see this issue as one of boundaries. They are not respecting yours. Because there is some physical distance from them, you are able to set your boundaries and enforce them. In a firm way that is also loving. I know some will see what I have written as being mean or wahtever. It is not. Being firm and setting your boundaries so that you are comfortable is not mean. It is the necessary act of an adult. It also a loving act. Firmness is not meanness.

Enjoy your life. Go out. Have plausible reasons for not being home. Not returning phone calls right away. Become busier.

I hope I am making sense. Don't do these things in a petty mean way. Just set your boundaries without apology in a very adult way.

And BTW, I hope you are living in Austin which is the only city in Texas I would say is remotely sane.

 

[yukonnights]

I Don't Understand

You drop a pebble in the pond, it'll create small waves that in turn become larger ones. So drop the pebble, balance yourself and then present your ideas to someone else..let it move forward. Perhaps, we can change things...perhaps not. As long as we ourselves are happy in who we are and how we act, then when we are judged by others, we know by what scale to judge ourselves.

I understand what you are saying about the possibility of changing things (people?). But, I don't quite get the last part about knowing how to judge ourselves based on how others judge us (maybe it's too early in the morning). Can you explain that a bit more?

By the way, great advice above by "thesan". I tried to say something like that earlier, but it was much better put by "thesan".

 

[Night_Jasmine]

Yukon, what I meant was that when others judge us and hold us to standards of their own choosing, we need to know ourselves well enough to be able to have our own standards to judge OURSELVES by. We can't live and allow others to judge us by standards based on opinions and bias. We need to know ourselves well enough to know what is true for our own hearts.

Thesan, I'm not far from Austin actually. In a way, I see what you're saying. I have been trying to get those boundaries set in a way that won't hurt them while protecting myself as well. There's times I won't call back right away or tell roommate I'm sleeping if they call, simply to give myself some "away" time.

 

[yukonnights]

Yukon, what I meant was that when others judge us and hold us to standards of their own choosing, we need to know ourselves well enough to be able to have our own standards to judge OURSELVES by. We can't live and allow others to judge us by standards based on opinions and bias. We need to know ourselves well enough to know what is true for our own hearts.

Thesan, I'm not far from Austin actually. In a way, I see what you're saying. I have been trying to get those boundaries set in a way that won't hurt them while protecting myself as well. There's times I won't call back right away or tell roommate I'm sleeping if they call, simply to give myself some "away" time.

Jasmine, Thanks. That makes perfect sense now that you explained it to me. (Seems perfectly clear after you used more small words for me.)

I think you got some pretty good advice in this thread, did it help? Are you more at peace now?

 

[Night_Jasmine]

I'm working on it. I do appreciate everyone's aid.