Sadomasochisum and BDSM catagory

[Bramblethorn]

Okay as you've commented 3 times saying words like disgusting, cruel and then the comment above I will reply.

Bit of background. I'm female, I am not a sadist nor am I masachist, I personally think I'm pretty vanilla, thou vanilla friends would possibly disagree. What I am fascinated by is human dynamics. I couldnt understand why one person would want pain and another would want to inflict it in a consensual or even loving relationship. Rather than saying it was disgusting I approached this with curiosity and an open mind.

In the bedroom I like to be in charge. Outside it, I'm situationally a bit of a masochist, and I think Ginlover's post is pretty good.

I'm one of those people who doesn't switch off easily. If I'm watching a TV show I tend to get bored because I'm not doing anything. I don't want to go to bed at night because there are still things to do. In some ways it's useful but it can be very tiring.

But when I lie down on the massage table and let somebody else hurt me for an hour, I just float off on a cloud of endorphins. I'm somebody else's putty and that's a very restful thing to be. I'm really missing that during lockdown.

Getting my tattoo was that, but taken to the next level. I'd been carrying something traumatic for years. I cried while I was getting the tattoo, not from pain but from emotion, and afterwards it felt different. Still sad about The Bad Thing but it didn't ache any more the way it had been doing for years.

Some people love to sear their mouths with hot sauce for the endorphin rush. Some people get a high from exercise. Pain and pleasure coexist pretty often, because they're not opposites.

Are my masseur and my tattooist "cruel" to give me the kind of pain that makes me feel better? I don't think so.

 

[Emirus]

Some people love to sear their mouths with hot sauce for the endorphin rush. Some people get a high from exercise. Pain and pleasure coexist pretty often, because they're not opposites.

Are my masseur and my tattooist "cruel" to give me the kind of pain that makes me feel better? I don't think so.

Different strokes for different folks. Pleasure and pain can and do co-exist and the masseur and the tattooist aren’t being cruel because they are performing a service for you, at your request, which gives you pleasure even though it’s hurting you at the same time. The person administering the service has to know what you want, the degree of pleasure you are seeking, and very importantly what your limitations are, before commencing the service. The fact that some people have a higher pain threshold than others doesn’t make them masochists.

The nipples are a good example of a simple way of giving pain and pleasure without any lasting effects and where the pain level can be varied. Simply twisting them between finger and thumb gives a short burst of pain and pleasure. The use of clothes pegs gives a longer time, more pain, but the pain level can’t be adjusted. The best tools for nipple torture are the specialist nipple clamps because they can be tightened to increase the pain level or slackened if it’s too much. The nipples are normally clamped and left in place whilst some other activity takes place. The client gets what they want plus sore nipples for a while as a reminder of the pleasure they received from the activity.

The person administering the service may or may not derive pleasure. I think the vast majority do not do it for pleasure but because they regard it as just a job for which, like any job, they get paid.

It’s not all about being whipped or fucked up the a***!

 

[WoodmanStark]

It’s not all about being whipped or fucked up the a***!

LOL did you really just censor your post? Here?

 

[gunhilltrain]

Different strokes for different folks. Pleasure and pain can and do co-exist and the masseur and the tattooist aren’t being cruel because they are performing a service for you, at your request, which gives you pleasure even though it’s hurting you at the same time. The person administering the service has to know what you want, the degree of pleasure you are seeking, and very importantly what your limitations are, before commencing the service. The fact that some people have a higher pain threshold than others doesn’t make them masochists.

The nipples are a good example of a simple way of giving pain and pleasure without any lasting effects and where the pain level can be varied. Simply twisting them between finger and thumb gives a short burst of pain and pleasure. The use of clothes pegs gives a longer time, more pain, but the pain level can’t be adjusted. The best tools for nipple torture are the specialist nipple clamps because they can be tightened to increase the pain level or slackened if it’s too much. The nipples are normally clamped and left in place whilst some other activity takes place. The client gets what they want plus sore nipples for a while as a reminder of the pleasure they received from the activity.

The person administering the service may or may not derive pleasure. I think the vast majority do not do it for pleasure but because they regard it as just a job for which, like any job, they get paid.

It’s not all about being whipped or fucked up the a***!

There is a whole side of this that has nothing to do with paid dominatrices. I've never heard of the male version of that because I don't think women would pay for it. There must be a more than adequate supply of male volunteers.

My guess is that the large majority of people who do this are consenting adults playing at games with their partners. I suppose this could range from occasional domestic discipline playacting to something closer to a full-time lifestyle. I identify much more with the former end of the scale, but that's me.

 

[Enchantment_of_Nyx]

There is a whole side of this that has nothing to do with paid dominatrices. I've never heard of the male version of that because I don't think women would pay for it. There must be a more than adequate supply of male volunteers.

My guess is that the large majority of people who do this are consenting adults playing at games with their partners. I suppose this could range from occasional domestic discipline playacting to something closer to a full-time lifestyle. I identify much more with the former end of the scale, but that's me.

There are male prostitutes with female customers, though. It's not like women need to pay for sex. Maybe some just prefer a pro. Especially if you're talking about bondage, particularly suspension, an experienced rigger would be a lot safer than an inexperienced volunteer.

Thinking particularly of Ginlover's example, I can also see why men or women would want to keep it detached from the rest of their lives. I tend to see it in terms of a relationship, but Ginlover described a very understandable transactional purpose.

 

[Emirus]

There is a whole side of this that has nothing to do with paid dominatrices. I've never heard of the male version of that because I don't think women would pay for it. There must be a more than adequate supply of male volunteers.

My guess is that the large majority of people who do this are consenting adults playing at games with their partners. I suppose this could range from occasional domestic discipline playacting to something closer to a full-time lifestyle. I identify much more with the former end of the scale, but that's me.

I’ve met more than one dominatrix who operates on their own and sometimes as a duo with another female (I once had a session with three which was interesting) and you do occasionally see a dominatrix offering sessions with a male. The majority of clients will be male but I think there will be more than a small number of female clients because there’s no sex involved, expect from what you would expect lol, but no body worship allowed.

I’ve never experienced the “amateur” side of domination but the same rules have to apply as for when visiting a professional. The person administering the service must know what the submissive wants, the degree of pleasure he/she is seeking, and very importantly what are the limitations of the submissive. If all those conditions can’t be answered satisfactorily then amateurs shouldn’t be doing it.

Unfortunately, although the number seeing professionals could be assessed (if they would agree to complete a questionnaire) how would you be able to quantify the amateur involvement?

 

[Omenainen]

This is a category I wouldn't mind being deleted from the site.

jaF0, just come to romance, we’ve got all the sweets you can stomach.

I’ll let you in on a secret: it’s really not necessary for you or understand everything. Things can exist without your approval, and it’s quite alright.

 

[gunhilltrain]

I’ve met more than one dominatrix who operates on their own and sometimes as a duo with another female (I once had a session with three which was interesting) and you do occasionally see a dominatrix offering sessions with a male. The majority of clients will be male but I think there will be more than a small number of female clients because there’s no sex involved, expect from what you would expect lol, but no body worship allowed.

I’ve never experienced the “amateur” side of domination but the same rules have to apply as for when visiting a professional. The person administering the service must know what the submissive wants, the degree of pleasure he/she is seeking, and very importantly what are the limitations of the submissive. If all those conditions can’t be answered satisfactorily then amateurs shouldn’t be doing it.

Unfortunately, although the number seeing professionals could be assessed (if they would agree to complete a questionnaire) how would you be able to quantify the amateur involvement?

I can't quantify the involvement because, I admit, I have very limited experience with it. As for professionals, I have no experience at all. When I write about it, I just make it up.

The way I see it in these stories: it's not a "service," but an extension of their sexual and maybe their romantic lives. Usually I have it end in a sex act, probably intercourse - if not the same day, then soon afterwards.

 

[Ginlover]

I can't quantify the involvement because, I admit, I have very limited experience with it. As for professionals, I have no experience at all. When I write about it, I just make it up.

The way I see it in these stories: it's not a "service," but an extension of their sexual and maybe their romantic lives. Usually I have it end in a sex act, probably intercourse - if not the same day, then soon afterwards.

If you attend a play space with a dungeon team you will find a lot of women will use the men in a dungeon team for impact play. Due to locations and local law this is often clothed and no sexual play or fluid exchange. Payment is often covered by the entry so the women are not paying to be flogged while they have their hands against the wall, but they are paying for a play space with that service and spotters to manage.

Not sure how much erotica could be written on 'the stranger flogged my butt over my Jeans, while a spotter watched prepared to stop things if either of us went to far.'

Private parties might provide a service top and there are plenty on men who have the experiance to provide service topping. Private parties can set their own rules and policies. The service top men I've spoken to dont routinely fuck but have said on occasions they might meet a lady afterwards if she has requested it.

In the UK the handful of fetish clubs with a public facing persona will have female pro subs, switches and Dommes available to book (sex is banned) and usually they will have 2 or 3 pro dominant males available for women to book.

I've not spoken personally to pro male Doms in these clubs but the dungeon top I have chatted to at length never has a shortage of requests to service top in play spaces. He is straight but will provide impact play for another man especially if it feels right for his sadist side. That said he only really service tops women.

My Turning the Tables stoty I ran past two men who have done or do pro topping work. The tweaks and changes they said are subtle but at least I'm happy it's pretty close to what could be reality.

As a woman I can see the lure of pro male tops, if you want impact play using a pro, who wont start stalking you, must be a big draw.

I write a story or post a comment and I have men creep in to my pm either calling me mistress or demanding I kneel and calling me a slut, both are sick as I have not expressed consent for either, kink without consent is abuse. So yes there are plenty of men 'offering' but if a woman has an itch to scratch she is just as likely to decide a pro spanker who wont then cop a feel or rape her is a quick fix and a lot safer. The men offering pro services guard their reputation and really would never risk stepping out of line.

 

[Ginlover]

Ooh and I missed of the most common reason women go to a professional. Safety with impact. There is a science and art to impact play, where to hit,how hard, how long. My friend is a very strong man and a woman begging him.to punch her in the face as hard as he can isnt getting that as he will literally pull his punches - yes he still hit her just not with all his strength despite her pleas. He could easily break or dislocate her jaw, neither was he going to do while providing a service top service or actually at any time

 

[Emirus]

Ooh and I missed of the most common reason women go to a professional. Safety with impact. There is a science and art to impact play, where to hit,how hard, how long. My friend is a very strong man and a woman begging him.to punch her in the face as hard as he can isnt getting that as he will literally pull his punches - yes he still hit her just not with all his strength despite her pleas. He could easily break or dislocate her jaw, neither was he going to do while providing a service top service or actually at any time

Any woman (or man for that manner) who asks to be punched in the face by someone as hard as possible isn’t submissive. They have problems.

I have met two dommes, neither small but not built like Amazons, who would be perfectly capable of breaking a person’s jaw if asked. Not that they would do it (neither are manly in any way - quite the opposite) but I wouldn’t advise anyone to try and mug them. There’s probably many petite women who could dislocate a man’s jaw if needed.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I write a story or post a comment and I have men creep in to my pm either calling me mistress or demanding I kneel and calling me a slut, both are sick as I have not expressed consent for either, kink without consent is abuse. So yes there are plenty of men 'offering' but if a woman has an itch to scratch she is just as likely to decide a pro spanker who wont then cop a feel or rape her is a quick fix and a lot safer. The men offering pro services guard their reputation and really would never risk stepping out of line.

As somebody put it, "why would anybody PAY for a hamburger when you could just get your food free out of a supermarket dumpster?"

 

[gunhilltrain]

Ooh and I missed of the most common reason women go to a professional. Safety with impact. There is a science and art to impact play, where to hit,how hard, how long. My friend is a very strong man and a woman begging him.to punch her in the face as hard as he can isnt getting that as he will literally pull his punches - yes he still hit her just not with all his strength despite her pleas. He could easily break or dislocate her jaw, neither was he going to do while providing a service top service or actually at any time

I learn something new every almost every day on this site. I never knew that women ever paid a man for any BDSM activity. I figured that there were too many male volunteers. But apparently it can be risky with amateurs.

I have heard of impact play, although I probably didn't know the term. The only version I knew of is face slapping. If seen it depicted in videos. It doesn't usually look hard enough for someone to actually be injured by it.

I've seen videos by one guy who is rough, but I'm not sure if he is paying a fee of some kind to the women or if they are doing it for free. If it's the latter, I don't know why they would want to be filmed and have it distributed online. I may have underestimated the appeal of exhibitionism.

 

[AG31]

The narrator describes the session, not in great detail but he talks of the pain and blood. It is much more focused on his emotional journey and reaching subspace.

Could you tell us which of your 10 stories this is?