sex for money

[RomanHans]

<absolutely fascinating description of an amazing life edited for more convenient reading>

If you have any questions, feel free to ask.

S.

Wow. Even if I have hundreds of them?

First off...do you really have serious concerns about your physical safety due to the reactions from your writings? And are any threats mostly from those who find your work repelling, or those who enjoy it TOO much?

And does writing under a pseudonym NOT provide much protection? I assume that you probably have to do press tours, interviews, etc. to promote your writings...which must make your identity public. Do you consider such threats part of the 'price' you are paying to make a living from something you enjoy?

Roman

 

[sheath]

Wow. Even if I have hundreds of them?

First off...do you really have serious concerns about your physical safety due to the reactions from your writings? And are any threats mostly from those who find your work repelling, or those who enjoy it TOO much?

And does writing under a pseudonym NOT provide much protection? I assume that you probably have to do press tours, interviews, etc. to promote your writings...which must make your identity public. Do you consider such threats part of the 'price' you are paying to make a living from something you enjoy?

Roman

Yes, even if you have hundreds of them. I write for a living, remember? Typing the answers to questions is easy. Be forewarned...it's late, and my brain is turning to mush!

At times, yes. I have had serious concerns. I have not had many threats, thank God. But the ones I do have, I take very seriously, especially concerning the fact that I have two small children.

Most recently...a man in my very small town sent ME a story, via email. In this story, he used my real name, made references to the exact make and model of the car I drive, and suggested that a story I had written about vampirism go farther...then he told me exactly what he planned to do to me. The descriptions weren't all that vivid, but they were enough. I took the time to get violently sick, then I called the police.

The sick fuck was caught when he cruised by my house and happened to come face to face with a state trooper. He is now in a mental institution. Thank God for miracles, huh?

Usually, the only threats I receive from those who don't like my writing are of this nature: "You're going to go to hell for what you do" or "You need to stop before you get hurt". They are usually from those who simply do not agree with any kind of porn, no matter what it is. Those are usually just venting, and not a true concern for safety. But...the precautions are in place, just in case.

Writing under a pseudonym keeps the average joe from tracking me to the neighborhood grocery store. I do need to do interviews, signings, and such. The people who usually attend the signings and read the interviews are those who are serious about the erotic genre, and seeing me in said grocery store would not make them harrass me.

But...that said...my true identity is protected as far as it can be. Obviously, someone who lives in my town and sees me at a signing will figure out my real name. Luckily, there aren't that many out there that will go off the deep end. Still, I do take precautions. It's really just more about being alert for things...strange emails, letters that are a little too personal. Things like that.

And yes, it is worth it to me to take those precautions. Consider: you have a beautiful car. You love that car. But you have children riding in that car and you need security. So that new car is equipped with every safety device. Does that lessen your enjoyment of driving 85 down the open highway? No. But it does make you breathe a little easier while you do it.

S.

 

[SlickTony]

In a patriarchal society, whores are rented, mistresses are leased, and wives are bought.

 

[sweetnpetite]

Re: Re: sex for money

Are you interested in working in this field? If yes, why would you do such a thing?

actually, I am a writer, and I am interested in peoples experiences and fantasies. I see nothing wrong with either. I hope to hear many accounts.

 

[krspy2001]

well i can tell you/////if i was female i would consider sex for money

 

[sweetnpetite]

all i have to say is, sweetpetite, i wanna make sweet love to your icon.

certainly. for a $200 fee, per hour, plus a generous tip! lol, are you a fiona fan then?

 

[sweetnpetite]

In a patriarchal society, whores are rented, mistresses are leased, and wives are bought.

I think the real reason the church hated prostitutes was becuase they where the first "independent women" they belonged to no man. they had there own income, they kept there own belongings, and they got there sexual desires filled without becoming property. They made it into a moral issue because it's much more convincing that way. People who say that prostitutes "sell their bodys" are way off track. They sell a service, just the same as a mechanic or a hairstylist. Models and actors come closer to selling there bodys and they get very little moral scorn, no matter how out of wack there lives become.

Just a thought

 

[sweetnpetite]

OK, maybe this is preaching to the choir, but please explain--it is technically legal for me to pay, say, SexySparkles to make out with another woman so I can film it for sale...but if I participate in the session, it becomes prostitution and I can be arrested? Or what about if I pay them to make out, and then keep the tape for myself and never sell it?

In the interests of full disclosure, I have paid for a sexual encounter--not in the U.S., however. Or at least, I didn't inhale.

Roman

Yeah, its a technicality. I believe making pornogrophy is illegal in many places as well. (certain cities and towns with decency ordinances or whatever)

 

[sweetnpetite]

So, sweetnpetite, does the idea of renting out your AV for sex sound like a good sex work business opportunity? Other than messing up the client's keyboard, seems like a pretty 'clean' venture...

Roman

sounds like an excelent business oportunity!

 

[SlickTony]

They sell a service, just the same as a mechanic or a hairstylist.

And unlike a mechanic, they already have their own tools and don't have to buy them.

And that reminds me, krspy2001, is that your avatar?

 

[asenath]

The idea of having sex for money is a turn-on. I wouldn't do it, though.

 

[Central MA Bob]

my fickle wife

My wife is a mystery to me. She has eagerly accepted a third party to join us, and also to get it on with another man while I watched, so she has no problem with another man using her. However, being the entrepreneur that I am, I suggested that, since this stranger is coming over to fuck you, why not charge him rent for the bedroom of, say $50? She objected. I was able to establish that she wasn't worried about the legal entaglement of prostitution, she just didn't like the idea.
I figured that if you're going to do something anyway, and someone offers you money to keep doing it, where's the problem? I get the mail everyday. If someone decided he wanted to pay me for my fine ability to carry mail into the house, why would I object?
Perhaps someone can shed some light into the inner workings of the woman, whom I cannot understand.

 

[RomanHans]

well i can tell you/////if i was female i would consider sex for money

Hell, I'm a guy, and under most circumstances I'd probably be willing to have sex for money. Yet, somehow, no one has ever propositioned me b4...

Anyone here a fan of Dan Savage's 'Savage Love' column (which, I suppose, is a form of sex work)? He recently noted that males' natural tendency to want to bonk every woman in sight is curbed by the natural tendency of females to have more control over their libidos. Interesting theory, and rings somewhat true...note that he's NOT saying that women aren't horny, just that they tend not to bang every guy they meet indiscriminately, whereas men would probably engage in that behavior if they had the opportunity...

If true, this would also contribute to the fact that female sex workers (focusing on exotic dancers, prostitutes, etc. who perform sexual acts with customers) are much more prevalent than male sex workers (I should qualify that by focusing on heterosexual sex workers).

Roman

 

[RomanHans]

Yes, even if you have hundreds of them. I write for a living, remember? Typing the answers to questions is easy. Be forewarned...it's late, and my brain is turning to mush!

<snip>

S.

Next question (as long as this interrogation doesn't constitute harassment)...

First, the obvious--how did you end up writing erotica as a profession? You imply that you didn't intend to make that your career path originally...how does one 'fall into' that line of writing, if that's the correct metaphor?

Second, it seems that there are far more successful (or at least, well-known) female authors of erotica than male authors--any thoughts on whether that's true, and if so, why?

Thanks again for sharing so much about your livelihood!

Roman

 

[RomanHans]

And unlike a mechanic, they already have their own tools and don't have to buy them.

And that reminds me, krspy2001, is that your avatar?

Hmmmm...you mean that you've never seen a sex worker who has been surgically 'enhanced?'



Roman

 

[RomanHans]

Re: my fickle wife

My wife is a mystery to me. She has eagerly accepted a third party to join us, and also to get it on with another man while I watched, so she has no problem with another man using her. However, being the entrepreneur that I am, I suggested that, since this stranger is coming over to fuck you, why not charge him rent for the bedroom of, say $50? She objected. I was able to establish that she wasn't worried about the legal entaglement of prostitution, she just didn't like the idea.
I figured that if you're going to do something anyway, and someone offers you money to keep doing it, where's the problem? I get the mail everyday. If someone decided he wanted to pay me for my fine ability to carry mail into the house, why would I object?
Perhaps someone can shed some light into the inner workings of the woman, whom I cannot understand.

OK, I'm not a woman, but let me take a generic stab at the issue.

First of all, is the guy just going to volunteer to pay the $50, or is it a condition for him having sex with your wife? If the latter, you can rationalize it as 'bedroom rental,' but let's face it, he'd be paying the $50 for sex. Therefore, YOU have now established the value of fucking your wife at $50. While I wouldn't mind being paid $50 to carry mail from the street to my house, I'm not sure I'd sell the rather, um, personal service of sex for that fee.

Second, as I stressed above, it seems like YOU have set this value, as opposed to the market (where I can tell you that most 'upscale' prostitutes charge $250 to $300 per session) and, more importantly, SHE did not set the price. If she's willing to 'give it away,' she's not saying that the value is $0. Instead, she's probably establishing that the value of having sex with her is priceless, and it's her prerogative where, when and with whom she offers that gift.

Roman

 

[James G 5]

Re: my fickle wife

My take:
First, like Roman says, you're essentialy setting a value for sex with your wife, and she might well be insulted that you think she's only worth $50
Second, I have read of some D/s relationships where the woman is VERY in to being controlled & humiliated, but at the point where the guy charges another to have sex with her she draws the line...........she might be a slut, but she's not a whore (it's an important distinction in her mind)
Third, for your wife to accept another partner in the bedroom is HER decision, under HER control...........if YOU charge, you're taking it away and making it about you & your control & "ownership" over her......Instead of her accepting & embracing her sexuality, you're selling her body. HUGE mental difference.

There you have my 2 cents of HO

My wife is a mystery to me. She has eagerly accepted a third party to join us, and also to get it on with another man while I watched, so she has no problem with another man using her. However, being the entrepreneur that I am, I suggested that, since this stranger is coming over to fuck you, why not charge him rent for the bedroom of, say $50? She objected. I was able to establish that she wasn't worried about the legal entaglement of prostitution, she just didn't like the idea.
I figured that if you're going to do something anyway, and someone offers you money to keep doing it, where's the problem? I get the mail everyday. If someone decided he wanted to pay me for my fine ability to carry mail into the house, why would I object?
Perhaps someone can shed some light into the inner workings of the woman, whom I cannot understand.

 

[James G 5]

Anyone here a fan of Dan Savage's 'Savage Love' column (which, I suppose, is a form of sex work)? He recently noted that males' natural tendency to want to bonk every woman in sight is curbed by the natural tendency of females to have more control over their libidos. Interesting theory, and rings somewhat true...note that he's NOT saying that women aren't horny, just that they tend not to bang every guy they meet indiscriminately, whereas men would probably engage in that behavior if they had the opportunity...

Roman

A woman replied to that in this week's colum, accusing Dan of saying she was frigid & saying she gives her boyfriend TONS of sex
Dan responded with GRAPHIC descriptions of how gay men seek out tons of sex with tons of partners whereas women generally limit it to tons with one, and said that the reason straight men don't have tons with tons is because women won't
I've been thinking about using that as the basis for more conversation on monogamy in other threads

 

[James G 5]

Sheath, wow
Where can I find your books? LOL
Ever read Amarantha Knight's stuff? I was SHOCKED after reading her "Frankenstein: The Darker Passions" and "Dracula: the Darker Passions" to find out thru a mainstream horror anthology that she's a 68 y/o grandma in England LOL
I've had a few people suggest I should write erotica professionally but #1, my work ethic sucks too bad to make a living at it and #2, I don't know that I could force my fantasies & imagination in that direction enough...........the problem I run in to is that my writing is directed by what's in my head.........and occasionaly that's NOT sex
How do YOU deal with that??

I'll probably think of more to bug you about later

 

[sheath]

Next question (as long as this interrogation doesn't constitute harassment)...

First, the obvious--how did you end up writing erotica as a profession? You imply that you didn't intend to make that your career path originally...how does one 'fall into' that line of writing, if that's the correct metaphor?

Second, it seems that there are far more successful (or at least, well-known) female authors of erotica than male authors--any thoughts on whether that's true, and if so, why?

Thanks again for sharing so much about your livelihood!

Roman

No, questions don't constitute harrassment. You tie me down to a chair and force me to answer them at gunpoint, well, then we would have a problem. Otherwise, bring it on.

I did not intend to make it my profession, no. I did, however, always want to be a writer. My mother dabbled in it, and my grandmother did too...and I always had a bit of a flair for the dramatic, and I enjoy words, so I began by writing short stories, poetry, and the "great american novel". Of course, that novel turned into scrap paper, as most first aspirations tend to do.

In college, I wrote an erotic story on a dare from a friend of mine. She made a copy of it, sent it to a popular porn mag, and it was published. My first published piece! But...I wanted to be the next Stephen King or Barbara Kingsolver, and that wasn't going to happen by writing porn stories. So, I kinda put it in the back of my mind.

I wrote a romance novel, and it was rejected by all publishers for being "too racy and sexual for mainstream readership". Okay. So, I toned down the sex, made it something that would be okay for even the most tight-laced person to read and not object to, and it sold. Great, fine, but it wasn't me. I loved playing with the sexual attitudes and exploits of my characters.

So, I continued writing romance, but I wrote TWO novels this time...the original one, publishable by the standards of Harlequin and the like, and the 'enhanced' one , filled with the kind of things I got the urge to write in the middle of the night after a good fuck had just left me wide awake and thinking.

So...I soon realized that my erotica was selling much more than my novels were. And so, if it ain't broke, don't fix it, right? Thus, I write erotica. I do write other things, and I am also an editor, but the erotica is definitely my main focus.

I have never really given thought to why female erotica writers tend to be better known than male erotica writers. I know that I have a basically even sprinkling of male and female colleagues in my rolodex, and I've been in this business for a while now. But I wholeheartedly agree, women tend to be more widely published, and actually tend to make more money with the erotic genre. Perhaps that is because porn is still a male-consumer dominated area. Women enjoy porn as much as men do, but look at any adult bookstore. The majority of the magazines are geared toward men. Most of the men I've talked with about it would rather read a story from a woman's point of view than a man's point of view. (But of course, they were saying this to ME, the female porn writer, so who knows?)

I guess I could put it this way: Guys standing around talking about sex is great, but how would it feel to talk about sex with a woman who is absolutely open about it? Just from my perspective, I think most guys would choose the woman telling her fantasies over the locker room any day. That's just a theory...like I said, I'm not sure of the reasons why. But again, I will agree, that the female writers tend to be better known.

And thank you for the questions...I enjoy my work, and it's great to talk about something I enjoy!

S.

 

[sheath]

In a patriarchal society, whores are rented, mistresses are leased, and wives are bought.

The truth of that statement is stunning...

S.

 

[RomanHans]

(Pardon the creative editing)

I have never really given thought to why female erotica writers tend to be better known than male erotica writers. I know that I have a basically even sprinkling of male and female colleagues in my rolodex, and I've been in this business for a while now. But I wholeheartedly agree, women tend to be more widely published, and actually tend to make more money with the erotic genre. Perhaps that is because porn is still a male-consumer dominated area. Women enjoy porn as much as men do, but look at any adult bookstore. The majority of the magazines are geared toward men. Most of the men I've talked with about it would rather read a story from a woman's point of view than a man's point of view. (But of course, they were saying this to ME, the female porn writer, so who knows?)

I guess I could put it this way: Guys standing around talking about sex is great, but how would it feel to talk about sex with a woman who is absolutely open about it? Just from my perspective, I think most guys would choose the woman telling her fantasies over the locker room any day. That's just a theory...like I said, I'm not sure of the reasons why. But again, I will agree, that the female writers tend to be better known.

So how's your customer base? My impression is that the overwhelming majority of purchasers of 'porn' are men, but women are a significant share of purchasers of 'erotica' (there are other threads about the distinction between the two!). I also imagine that for male customers, female authors are more intriguing (a woman who thinks about sex? what a concept!), and for female customers, well, I'm not sure they are so keen on buying 'Penthouse Letters' and 'Hustler' (although I know that there are exceptions, and that this is a really horrendous run-on sentence).

From the publisher's point of view, I wouldn't be surprised if a female author is considered to be more of a, um...well, I know there's a better word, but they are more of an 'oddity.' I'm sure that there are hundreds of guys who can write porn, but women who write erotica are probably scarce as a share of all erotic authors (amateur and pro), and may be more of a marketing draw than male writers. Not a value judgment, just a business point of view.

And thank you for the questions...I enjoy my work, and it's great to talk about something I enjoy!

S.

Thank YOU!

Roman

 

[James G 5]

<snip>I have never really given thought to why female erotica writers tend to be better known than male erotica writers. <snip> But again, I will agree, that the female writers tend to be better known.
<snip>

S.

My 2 cents
It's true up to a point that men tend to be more visual and women more imaginative sexually
I often get people commenting on the depth of the imagery in my stories, and women especially are surprised by this
I read a lot of the stories here from both men & women, and the men tend to describe the SEX in vivid detail, and sometimes the woman characters..........but rarely the scene as a whole, or the male characters.
For instance, how often will you see a reference in a story a woman writes about the texture of the bedsheets, and how rarely in men's tales?
So I think that often the female writers are better at setting the scene as a whole, which will cary a longer story or novel better & further than just a short sex story
And even in a short sex story, they can make it more palpably "real", which women will find it easier to relate to......guys might well just skip to the "good parts" LOL

I think the catch for the writer is balancing the audience. It's the conundrum people who make "couples" porn strive for, to make it appealing to the female audience without boring the male side

Women (especially ones like Sheath ) who understand & embrace their own sexuality & can understand driving lust but who also have the feminine sensebility are probably better at such balance than most ment could be

IMHO, of course.............and BOY, this is turning in to a writer's forum discussion LOL

I will have to post here about my friend the phone sex lady to make up for it......

 

[RomanHans]

IMHO, of course.............and BOY, this is turning in to a writer's forum discussion LOL

I will have to post here about my friend the phone sex lady to make up for it......

True--and maybe I'll have to haul out my bookmarks about how to find good information on prostitution and how to be both a good client and 'provider'

Roman

 

[sheath]

Sheath, wow
Where can I find your books? LOL
Ever read Amarantha Knight's stuff? I was SHOCKED after reading her "Frankenstein: The Darker Passions" and "Dracula: the Darker Passions" to find out thru a mainstream horror anthology that she's a 68 y/o grandma in England LOL
I've had a few people suggest I should write erotica professionally but #1, my work ethic sucks too bad to make a living at it and #2, I don't know that I could force my fantasies & imagination in that direction enough...........the problem I run in to is that my writing is directed by what's in my head.........and occasionaly that's NOT sex
How do YOU deal with that??

I'll probably think of more to bug you about later

Howdy, James.

A 68-year old Grandma, huh? Just goes to show you, sex and fantasy is incredible at any age. I fell in love with vampirism, thanks to the classic Anne Rice...and I absolutely adore anything about vampires. They are SO sensual...

Before I get caught up in THAT, let me answer you:

I think you are asking, how do I deal with writing something that is not sexual, when my work depends on sexual thoughts being put into literary word? Erotica does not have to be about sex, of course. There are quite a few times when my thoughts run to the more shocking and extreme...just as an example, I am into vampirism. The cool thing about erotica is that there is something for anyone. I can write the most extreme story about vampirism and vicious rape that you can possibly imagine...then I can write a story of that slow, sweet first time of discovery for two virgins. Each one will sell, since the audience is so diverse. So, there are luckily no limits to the imagination when it comes to sex and writing it down on paper.

And, if I go through times when I just don't feel sexual and writing about sex is the farthest thing from my mind...hell, there are all sorts of things to write about! I've written introductions to academic books, historical dissertations, and the occasional magazine article on whatever interests me at the time. Writing is such a complex and flexible business, once you are established. It's getting established that's hard.

Feel free to bug me all you want. (As if I could stop you? ) You haven't heard me complain yet, have you? LOL

S.