Should you ask close/best friends out?

[WakoJako]

Firstly, sorry if this is posted elsewhere, i tried the search but nothing came up.

Right, now onto my problem. I (a guy) want to ask my friend (who is a girl) out, but i am not sure it is wise. Ive known her for over 10 years but would say i have fancied her the past few months too and we are the same age, she recently broke up with her bf because all they did was fight all the time in the end. I saw her a couple of days ago just after she had broken up and i cheered her up by sharing a few drinks, and at the end of the night we kissed.

I saw her last night but neither of us mentioned this, and i havent told her about my feelings but i really think i need to. I am also worried that if it goes wrong, our friendship would be in jeoprady.

Has anyone got any advice/experience on this matter as to what to do next?

 

[bobinks2]

Yes. You should ask her out.

You don't have much to lose. As a general rule of thumb, once you get married, it's not really practical to have close friends of the opposite sex. Therefore, if you don't marry her, it's unlikely she'll remain a close friend over the decades.

If you've already kissed her and she was receptive, I'd say, "Go for it!"

 

[infinity706]

It's perfectly reasonable to have close friends of the opposite sex, whether you're married or not.

Now, as for asking this woman out, I'd say go for it. Just remember to keep treating her like a friend, for the most part. Most likely, you have a good shot for a long term relationship, considering you've been friends for so long, making it pretty apparent that you're compatable. I'd say you probably know her better than any woman you've ever dated before.

 

[LaRocha]

It's not very friendly keeping secrets like that from a friend. If she's genuinely available just tell her, even if she ends up hating you for ruining your friendship you get life points for doing something brave. Most people end up pussying out or they do it half-ass and without any sort of confidence. Do it like a champ and report back.

 

[WakoJako]

Cheers for advice guys, im seeing her tomorrow, so will tell her then.

 

[silverwhisper]

how'd it go?

if i were quicker to the thread, i'd have advocated just kissing her next time you see her and see what happens.

ed

 

[WakoJako]

how'd it go?

if i were quicker to the thread, i'd have advocated just kissing her next time you see her and see what happens.

ed

And wouldve replied quicker if i had spotted it sooner

She said she didnt want a relationship given that she just been in an abusive one, and needs some time on her own, she said it was probably best if we stayed friends at least for now. Oh well, nothing ventured... nothing gained.

Cheers for the advice though guys.

 

[LaRocha]

And wouldve replied quicker if i had spotted it sooner

She said she didnt want a relationship given that she just been in an abusive one, and needs some time on her own, she said it was probably best if we stayed friends at least for now. Oh well, nothing ventured... nothing gained.

Cheers for the advice though guys.

I hope you did it like a champ, with confidence. Now all you gotta do is wait her out, either she'll start dating some other dude or she'll drop hints that she wants your P in her V. You're in good shape either way, although you can't be friends now that she knows you wanna put it in her.

 

[subwannabe]

I guess I didn't see this post before but I think you did the right thing.

 

[WakoJako]

I hope you did it like a champ, with confidence. Now all you gotta do is wait her out, either she'll start dating some other dude or she'll drop hints that she wants your P in her V. You're in good shape either way, although you can't be friends now that she knows you wanna put it in her.

Well i aint the most confident guy in the world but hopefully she will soon see the light, if not then i guess its not meant to be.

I guess I didn't see this post before but I think you did the right thing.

Cheers

 

[silverwhisper]

wakojako quoth:
hopefully she will soon see the light

i'd like to suggest that you take steps to make sure she does. a lot of people shoot themselves in the foot by being modest or humble. do yourself a favor and knock it off before some other guy swoops in and displaces you in her mind's eye.

ed

 

[WakoJako]

i'd like to suggest that you take steps to make sure she does. a lot of people shoot themselves in the foot by being modest or humble. do yourself a favor and knock it off before some other guy swoops in and displaces you in her mind's eye.

ed

So how long should i wait then?

 

[silverwhisper]

i think you shouldn't wait at all--i think you should be doing this right now!--but please understand i'm not proposing you make a move on her.

instead: i am saying do things that depict you as a possible sexual partner. dancing for example is a classic way of demonstrating that. if you're like most guys, you probably don't like dancing. well, out there, there's a guy that does like dancing, and he's probably thinking she's good looking, too.

ed

 

[LaRocha]

yeah don't be making moves. all you gotta do is be a fun guy when you spend time with her. there'll be plenty of moves to make down the line.

 

[Happy__Guy]

Oh well, nothing ventured... nothing gained.

You know what? That's absolutely right!

In hockey, there is a saying that you will miss 100% of the shots you DON'T take.

In friendships...if she's really weirder out by your interest and never wants to see you again then she wasn't really a friend anyway. (Real friends can muscle through A LOT more than that)

If she says no, but is still cool with you, oh well. You took your shot.

But if she felt the same way and you never said anything...then you both miss out on something great!

One thing to keep in mind though...now that you've told her and she isn't into it...don't push it. She was probably flattered that you're into her. She's probably fine to keep being friends. But if you push it THEN you can drive her away.

Trust me, I've screwed this up more than enough to know what I should have done.

 

[NightL]

instead: i am saying do things that depict you as a possible sexual partner. dancing for example is a classic way of demonstrating that.

Great sugestion... but make a night of it... organise a small dinner party with other friends invited as well. Do all the preparation yourself. Then go out dancing later in the evening. Find a club where the dress code is expected to be of a high standard. Dressing up for the occasion helps to make the evening memorable and special.

First and foremost you are her friend and this would be a lovely thing to do in light of her recent bad relationship. You will be demonstrating that you care for her in front of others. Just have fun as a group and don't push for intimacy.

Finish the evening with a "I do care for you very much" and a quick kiss on the cheek.

Keep demonstrating that you care... and that you are very different than her ex. If indeed her past relationship was abusive, she will need time... With small displays of affection, without ever expecting anything in return, she will eventually let you know when she is ready.

If you love her... be patient... be her best friend... and if you are genuine, the occasional quiet "I love you" may work wonders.

 

[coastal-boy]

the seed has been planted. Next time you see her, smile, blush and look down...then look her right in the eye and keep smiling. Then go do whatever you were doing. She will know and think about it all night.

 

[infinity706]

I hope you did it like a champ, with confidence. Now all you gotta do is wait her out, either she'll start dating some other dude or she'll drop hints that she wants your P in her V. You're in good shape either way, although you can't be friends now that she knows you wanna put it in her.

I don't know about "can't be friends" I have friends that know they have options on fucking me if they choose. It hasn't really changed our friendship at all, after telling them at some point. Of course, unlike most situations, I'm not actively pursing them or anything.