liliput1
Hot Mess
- Joined
- Jul 19, 2007
- Posts
- 741
The gambler’s brain would take the win as an enticement to try again. Sounds like you’re avoiding that though, so keep it up.
The stance in the ethical nonmonogamy community (emphasis on ethical) is that extra people should take a lot more effort to see than to avoid, and that you should introduce them to places you rarely if ever go.
For group activities especially, the first time is highly likely to end with early stoppage, someone realizing the fantasy is better than the reality. Stopping something you started feels like rejection to at least one party, maybe more. If your partner is involved, you can’t walk away from them so you need to prioritize their feelings in all things until you all find your feet and then you can play with it. Doing anything else is breaking up with extra steps (which is why I kept turning my now ex-wife down for opening our relationship. She would have literally set my belongings on fire).
If you’re going to have to reject someone you both need to be able to walk away. Far, far away. Otherwise, to repeat myself, it’s breaking up with extra steps.
The stance in the ethical nonmonogamy community (emphasis on ethical) is that extra people should take a lot more effort to see than to avoid, and that you should introduce them to places you rarely if ever go.
For group activities especially, the first time is highly likely to end with early stoppage, someone realizing the fantasy is better than the reality. Stopping something you started feels like rejection to at least one party, maybe more. If your partner is involved, you can’t walk away from them so you need to prioritize their feelings in all things until you all find your feet and then you can play with it. Doing anything else is breaking up with extra steps (which is why I kept turning my now ex-wife down for opening our relationship. She would have literally set my belongings on fire).
If you’re going to have to reject someone you both need to be able to walk away. Far, far away. Otherwise, to repeat myself, it’s breaking up with extra steps.
