The Bunny Thread

[Mrtenant]

Is there an optimistic side to all this?

Yea its painful. I get that. Been there in some fashion myself a time or three. May be its too soon, but, what's on the other side of this episode?

Seriously, what do you want to take away from this experience? Is there opportunity for enrichment of yourself despite the difficulties? How does this compare to other daunting episodes in your life and how did you recover from those?

Ask yourself these things some time in the future. Be generous to yourself. You are a person with feeling and conscious. That means something.

Kindest regards.

MrT

 

[RedSilk69]

Well, turns out, he's already met someone else and has her calling him "Daddy," too. So I suppose I'm out like yesterday's trash.

The best part is, I got to hear it all secondhand from someone else.

Yes, this hurts. Your pain is real, and you are surrounded by people who value your honesty, and each of whom can identify with a different part - or several parts - of your story.

Here's my take; please pick and choose what you want:

1 - The only way out is through. You need to embrace yourself, and let her feel her feelings. When things are really tough, I personally imagine myself simultaneously as a lioness and a cub, cuddling in a den; I protect and embrace myself, and I am protected and embraced.

2 - Maladaptive behaviors sprang up to protect us from something, and they're only maladaptive because the circumstances are as they are now, not as they were then. So embrace them, thank them, and let them go. They may take some time to leave, or never leave, and that's ok; they really first came to help. Give them a kiss, ignore them, and they'll get smaller.

3 - The brain is like a field of tall grass. Those paths we've gone down alot before are well-worn paths; if you want to go a different way, expect resistance, and *also* expect eventual ease. In other words: don't let initial difficulties keep you from pursuing a goal, small or large.

I'm 15 years older than you, and I just recently started feeling ownership of my body. It's a lifelong process. Be patient with yourself, be gentle with yourself, and know you'll get through.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Tallcajun]

With failed relationships, I handled them much like you, BB. Lots of wine, hangovers and periods of self doubt. And I found recovery time was directly proportional to the lenght of time the relationship lasted. But each time, it help me refine what I was looking for.

It's a natural process. You will be back, better and stronger.

And, btw, your post took courage to share with us.

 

[LucyBee01]

Oh BiBunny, I am glad you have felt able to share so much here. Do continue if you find it helpful.

I struggle with saying no to people. I hate feeling like I might have let someone down. I used to be worse. I don't know quite what has changed... maybe it is better self esteem and self care - a realisation that I need to look after me - an earlier poster's comments about being both lioness and cub resonated. And for me, therapy was really helpful to help me slow down and process what I was feeling and thinking and go through them to come out the other side.

Take care Bunny. And give yourself time, and kindness.

 

[cascadiabound]

Re post 26:

This is not your failing. It's not to do with any success, failure, or any aspect of you I think.

It's something to do with him. Let that be for him to consider should he choose.

He is obviously very very charismatic both for you to have felt so and to have some one new swiftly, but that doesn't speak poorly of you.

Your 'work' is to find out what you want in the future with others/ another.

Bunny; you Are as entitled to happiness as anyone else.

I would echo this, Bunny. Elle is wise in this post.

 

[cfuhrer]

 

[gracie920101]

Dig deep girl!

Find that part of you that can say "Fuck him! He had such a good thing and threw it away so let him live without it. Serves him right. I'll show him I don't need him and can have a great time without him."

Build on that feeling and you will find an even better person in your life who encourages and helps you to be the best possible person. And all this will probably happen when you least expect it and when you're not looking.

Find that strength. It's inside you. I know because you couldn't have had the bond you had with him without it.

Come out and talk to us, sweetie.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Well, turns out, he's already met someone else and has her calling him "Daddy," too. So I suppose I'm out like yesterday's trash.

The best part is, I got to hear it all secondhand from someone else.

I have felt that specific pain.

That expression, this too shall pass, it's true. The pain is demanding to be felt right now, but you are a strong woman. I echo the others who have said that this is not a failure on your part. Sending you the good vibes, Bunny.

 

[BiBunny]

Y'all...I wish I felt up to addressing everyone individually, but I'm so sorry, I don't right now. But know that everything y'all have said means the world to me, and I owe all of you so much for your kindness.

 

[gracie920101]

Y'all...I wish I felt up to addressing everyone individually, but I'm so sorry, I don't right now. But know that everything y'all have said means the world to me, and I owe all of you so much for your kindness.

No problem Bunny, we'll wait for you.

 

[spanky5147]

.......

 

[BiBunny]

I'm sorry if this is pathetic of me, but does anyone want to chat? The nights are still long and hard for me.

 

[Azuldrgon]

I'm sorry if this is pathetic of me, but does anyone want to chat? The nights are still long and hard for me.

I'm around and I have really good ears.

 

[DarkSimian]

I'm sorry if this is pathetic of me, but does anyone want to chat? The nights are still long and hard for me.

I know I will never be your "Daddy", but I can be that weird uncle that tells you inappropriate jokes at Thanksgiving, buys your Christmas presents from the Kwik-E-Mart down the street, and always has time for his favorite niece

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[cfuhrer]

I would so prefer to choose a family

Word.

 

[lakesailer_mi]

I know you don't know me. I've seen you around on the boards. I lurk in the BDSM stuff mostly (yeah...issues...whatever).

I am so sorry you are hurting so.
I have no magical words that can cure you, I wish I did.
I can only offer my heartfelt sympathy and tell you that your story is powerful and caring.
And I will also say this. Given the people here who have posted, you are a good person. A person who is cared about by some pretty terrific people. That means that you should not hate yourself, or any aspect of yourself. Self awareness (cookiecat noted this) can be difficult to deal with. Accepting yourself for who you are is important. There is nothing wrong or bad about who you are.

Love yourself and be kind to yourself.

 

[Farawyn]

Bunnylicious.


I've been off lit, mostly. I'm sorry you are hurting. Come over. We can hang in jammies and watch The Real Housewives series and drink wine.

 

[RuneBlade]

Do any of y'all remember osg--ownedsubgal?

Everything about her frightened me because I saw so much of myself in her posts, and I was not always as kind to her as I should've been for that reason. I wish I could tell her I'm sorry.

Anyway, if y'all don't remember her, that's ok. It's not necessary for understanding this post.

I have a strange relationship with sex. When I'm discussing it with my friends--who are the only people up until now I've ever told about it--I say I'm a sex addict, although I don't think that's quite what it is.

Sometimes, I have sex because I want to. That's what it's been like with Daddy and a handful of other men in my life.

Usually, it's because I feel like I have to. It's an inability to say no, the feeling that I owe it to the other person, or just something to do to stop the screaming in my head for awhile. Maybe I think I need the validation that a man wanting to fuck me gives me, or maybe I'm just a pathetic woman-child who never learned how to set boundaries. I don't know, and really, I don't care. The whys don't seem to matter that much.

I hesitate to tie this to submission because I just know it's going to invite the "You're just a people pleaser who doesn't know how to set boundaries, and you have low self-esteem, and how dare you compare yourself to me and my true submissiveness, blah, blah, co-dependence, blah, blah, I'm independent and therefore better than you, you contemptible doormat" bullshit. Ok, we get it, Dr. Freud, I'm an imposter. Fine.

But still, I think there is a correlation. I struggle with saying no to anyone about anything (unless I'm angry). I avoid conflict like the plague. I haven't even been able to get rid of the dates I mentioned in the post above because I don't want to upset anyone, and I feel like this is my own fault for fucking them and giving them the wrong idea in the first place.

I hate being submissive. I hate it so much that I pretended it didn't even exist for years. It is the one thing I hate most about myself because of all the trouble and the hurt it's caused me over the years. I hate it. I can't even begin to tell y'all.

I don't even know why I'm posting this. I'm not even looking for advice, not really. I guess I just needed to talk. I'm sorry for using the boards like this. I know that's not really what they're for.

I am a mess. I know this about myself. Please be gentle, if you can.

This is all great stuff. You're pretty insightful about yourself and your own motivations, and you're being honest, and those two things are fucking hard.

The question is, what do you want to do about the above? Are there changes you want to make?

 

[Farawyn]

On the submission topic.

Like cookie, I love it. Once I stopped fighting all the ideas that others hold about being submissive, I just let myself be. It's one of the aspects of my personality that I am most comfortable and secure with.

Also, I like confrontation.
So, if anyone fucks with you, send them my way and I'll bite their knees off.

Just be, Bunz.

 

[Jaime_H]

On the submission topic.

Like cookie, I love it. Once I stopped fighting all the ideas that others hold about being submissive, I just let myself be. It's one of the aspects of my personality that I am most comfortable and secure with.

Also, I like confrontation.
So, if anyone fucks with you, send them my way and I'll bite their knees off.

Just be, Bunz.

Love it......

 

[RuneBlade]

Also, I like confrontation.
So, if anyone fucks with you, send them my way and I'll bite their knees off.

Just be, Bunz.

Haha, I second both of these sentiments

 

[Farawyn]

Haha, I second both of these sentiments

Aren't you a lot taller than the kneecaps?

 

[RuneBlade]

Aren't you a lot taller than the kneecaps?

Well sure. You can take care of my light work.

I go high, you go low. 1-2.