The Dad I never had-- work in progess

[PapelDoll]

Good morning Dad, said Suzy walking to the kitchen
Good morning baby he reply back
humm that smells good, OMG you have a bonner, were you thinking about me? about last night?
-You are driving me crazy you know that right, what happend yesterday was a mistake I was drunk and you well you are 18 and probably always horny
-Fuck me right here in the kitchen please I cant leave to school and leave you like that, she said touching his cock and balls with the right hand reaching over from his back while he had the spatula cooking.
-in a second Suzy takes his boxes off to his ankels and exposes Daniel hard cock and in the next second she gets between his legs turn around and with big eyes admires his erection.
- Breakfast is server for me, sausage and eggs, she made a giggel and start to suck him as if some one is starving to dead, with the same feeling and the same urgency. Daniel close his eyes and time stop for him. He gets lost in the feeling, a feeling that he had never felt before a feeling of love, lust and warm that in his 45 years of live has never feel before. He felt it last night with her and now this morning. The feeling sudently stop when the smoke sensor start beeping.
Ohh fuck, fire fire he says, he takes the pan out of the stove and put it in the sink until the flames dies down. Ok Dad gotta go we'll finish later she says with a big bad girl smile in her face.

1 month ago

Ding Dong

Who can be at this hours, dan look at the clock and it was 10 PM he was just getting into bed when the door bell rang. when he open the door there was a very beautiful yourng girl at his door step. Hi Dad she say, Hi Suzy he answer back, what are you doing here at this hour, did something happen? well yeah I had it coming, she had always told me that when I turn 18 I will be kicked out of the house, she never loved me you know. The only unconditional love that I have ever received in my life have been from you. Even thought you are not my real dad I have always saw you as my dad; and you have always treated me like your daughter. I know but it has been 10 years since I have seen you this you and now you showing up here at my house , I am not prepared for this. I am sorry dad I thoguht I could come to you. Please stop calling me dad it feels weirds. Ok Dan she reply, well never hear you say my name that feels even more weird, he says with a laught. she laugh back. well come on in, lets go to sleep is late we'll figure things out tomorrow

 

[PapelDoll]

this will be my frist story, I have been thinking about this story for a long time but never had a place to post it or the people to read it without judgement.

 

[TheWritingGroup]

The story itself (while not my kink) seems as if it could be a good one for its audience.

The owner/editor of Literotica, Laurel, is said to really care about how you punctuate dialogue. Poor dialogue formatting can result in the site refusing to publish a story.

@FrancesScott wrote a fine essay on how to properly punctuate people talking: https://www.literotica.com/s/how-to-punctuate-dialogue

There are lots of other essays on dialogue: https://search.literotica.com/?query=dialogue

Just trying to be helpful, not judge.

 

[StillStunned]

Also: don't try to write your story here on the forum. Anything more than a few paragraphs is likely to be deleted, so make sure that you keep a back-up.

 

[PapelDoll]

The story itself (while not my kink) seems as if it could be a good one for its audience.

The owner/editor of Literotica, Laurel, is said to really care about how you punctuate dialogue. Poor dialogue formatting can result in the site refusing to publish a story.

@FrancesScott wrote a fine essay on how to properly punctuate people talking: https://www.literotica.com/s/how-to-punctuate-dialogue

There are lots of other essays on dialogue: https://search.literotica.com/?query=dialogue

Just trying to be helpful, not judge.

Thank you

 

[PapelDoll]

Also: don't try to write your story here on the forum. Anything more than a few paragraphs is likely to be deleted, so make sure that you keep a back-up.

ohh I didnt know that thank you very much

 

[TheLobster]

"This is how you normally punctuate dialogue," said Lobster. "Note in particular the position of comma, which is inside the quotes!" He pushed the wiry glasses up his nose. "Also, the glasses thing was an action, not a speech tag. Make sure you distinguish between those," he emphasized, then added, "but yeah, that's basically it when it comes to the basics. It should be enough for your first story."

 

[SimonDoom]

"This is how you normally punctuate dialogue," said Lobster. "Note in particular the position of comma, which is inside the quotes!" He pushed the wiry glasses up his nose. "Also, the glasses thing was an action, not a speech tag. Make sure you distinguish between those," he emphasized, then added, "but yeah, that's basically it when it comes to the basics. It should be enough for your first story."

Should be: then added, "But yeah, "

You're starting a new sentence.

General advice for the OP. This is helpful, not judgmental. Before submitting a sample of writing for others to evaluate (if that's what you're trying to do), take the time to clean up the punctuation, spelling, and grammar as much as you can on your own. You will get much more constructive feedback if you take the time to do that.

 

[TheLobster]

Should be: then added, "But yeah, "

You're starting a new sentence.

I don't though, so the comma is correct. If I did, I need a colon or simply skip the "then added" part altogether.

 

[FrancesScott]

The story itself (while not my kink) seems as if it could be a good one for its audience.

The owner/editor of Literotica, Laurel, is said to really care about how you punctuate dialogue. Poor dialogue formatting can result in the site refusing to publish a story.

@FrancesScott wrote a fine essay on how to properly punctuate people talking: https://www.literotica.com/s/how-to-punctuate-dialogue

There are lots of other essays on dialogue: https://search.literotica.com/?query=dialogue

Just trying to be helpful, not judge.

Thank you for mentioning my essay.

 

[ElectricBlue]

I don't though, so the comma is correct. If I did, I need a colon or simply skip the "then added" part altogether.

I agree it's a follow-on sentence. My quibble would be that "emphasised" isn't strictly speaking a speech tag, it's an action tag. But then, I get by with he said, she said most of the time, and run away quickly when writers get too clever with the speech tags - but that one is borderline for me.