The Dance

[Angeline]

Your opinion on this poem...clearly you don't care for it..has been noted. Thank you for letting me know.

I don't "not care" for it. I agree with UYS that it is prose with line breaks. I don't see any metaphors or interesting images. I don't see any clever line breaks or unexpected turns of phrase or any devices that would make me say "oh this is poetry." There are cliched, worn phrases and nothing to engage a reader, not really, certainly nothing that hasn't been written here about a thousand times or more already.

Does that mean you are a bad poet or that I've never written similarly flawed writing and called it a poem? Of course not. It's just my opinion (but I'm sure I'm not alone in it).

Please note that I am not name calling or dismissing you personally in any way. I'm just expressing an opinion and doing so respectfully as I did in my other posts. And do feel free to post more here, as chipbutty suggests. If you want critique and are willing to listen, people will invest time and energy in you. And it helps to give critique back to others, by the way. But if you don't have a thick skin around here you won't last. That's just a fact.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Do what I do 'take the hump' (best google that one too ) for a few days and then start thinking well perhaps I should look at it again and see it from another perspective ....... sure it's your baby and you love it but no reason that anyone else should

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

Really? As if I didn't know that. I am a natural poet and have rewards for my work. I'm a writer and it's freedom of speech so I can say what I want. Like I said before, limiting words can limit emotions shown in your work. If it was an actual critique that was helped then it would have been fine but it wasn't.

Trust me dollface, I was being nice. I tamed my response. Education and degrees do not limit ones feeling or emotions so as for your comment on my tone, I could care less. I've seen professors and doctors swear so you do not make any sense pointing out my attitude.

I'm passionate about art in general. If I feel that someone was wronged I will say so. I have no problem telling anyone what I feel or how I feel about them. As regards about the author, it's the writing I was defending.

Another thing about my education. I went to school to study English so that I could teach it and show my students the freedom of expressing themselves and finding themselves through writing.

One last thing. I will debate as I want and how I want. If you don't like it then you can ignore it. Trust me doll, my feelings won't be hurt either way.

@UnderYourSpell....I always speak for myself, and have no need to hide who I am. I took your advice, applying it to other works. I just chose not to use it here. I do not consider the fact that I didn't use it here to be a moratorium on your advice. Nor do I consider my decision not to apply it here to mean it makes me less of a poet or my work a lesser work. You are entitled to take it as you wish. I don't mind or care either way. I AM appreciative of the fact that you took your time to comment...and would hope my inaction in this instance would not prevent you from further critique of future postings. I have been nothing but polite and respectful here. Please afford me the same consideration. Take care.

We're obviously well out of our depth here - no need for critique or opinion - two REAL poets who write publishable poems and who are content with their work. My two questions are:-

a) Jinxybaby, where are you "natural" poems, please share that we may learn.

b) Bigbaddad, if you have no desire to improve and shrug off constructive critiscism why post in this forum at all? Better to go straight to an e-zine or to the poetry collection here, you'd dispense with all us other "poets" who, annoyingly, thought you wanted help to improve.

Good luck to both of you in your future writings.

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

P.S. Ange, YUS and chip, you're far to nice - I you all. Frankly it's a rotten poem, where IS Senna when he's needed?

 

[butters]

P.S. Ange, YUS and chip, you're far to nice - I you all. Frankly it's a rotten poem, where IS Senna when he's needed?

well, i decided not to spend time on the poem since bbd's already happy with it. i can do in-depth, but it's not required here. 'sides, i think the whole thread got a little skewed and i got a bit fed up with hearing bbd feeling the need to apologise and ask for consideration in return he'll think we're all heathens! of course, then the gobby one came along and tossed the thread down the pan, tbh...

 

[bigbaddad]

well, i decided not to spend time on the poem since bbd's already happy with it. i can do in-depth, but it's not required here. 'sides, i think the whole thread got a little skewed and i got a bit fed up with hearing bbd feeling the need to apologise and ask for consideration in return he'll think we're all heathens! of course, then the gobby one came along and tossed the thread down the pan, tbh...

This all has become more than I anticipated. I had no intention of insulting or offending anyone. I never said I would never change anything...just didn't choose to do so now. Anything I write is in a constant state of flux. @Tristesse2...your opinion and intent to insult is noted. I'll say no more to you. Chipbutty, any input/insight is welcome by me, despite what everyone seems to think. Now...I'm gonna give this site a rest. I wasn't aware that my not immediately taking someones advice and implementing it means I don't care to improve as a writer and further...makes me less of one by default. You all have a great day.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

P.S. Ange, YUS and chip, you're far to nice - I you all. Frankly it's a rotten poem, where IS Senna when he's needed?

Tuttttttt Tess you are baddddd bad bad :caning: assume the position here was me trying to be helpful and not tell the poor guy that afterall I've written crap stuff myself ..... mind you come to think of it I was shot between the eyes for that but I am still here probably because I listened

 

[Angeline]

We've all written crap and we all still will, hopefully not too often. But we've improved, at least those of us I know here who've stuck around and tried have. Maybe we weren't very welcoming to this guy and for that I'm sorry. But I have to admit that after years of doing daily reviews and hours of feedback that take a lot of effort I don't have a whole lot of patience for people that say they welcome feedback and then--as soon as someone takes the time to give some--say I wasn't planning on making any changes. It's not like anyone here is getting paid to be helpful.

But, maybe some people just don't realize what it means here when they say sure critique me.

PoeTess, you should have let your original first comment stand. It was about right, I guess. Also I thought the same thing, if he thinks we're bad he's lucky Senna wasn't around!

Chip, you are a model of strength and fairness. I bow to you.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

I didn't see Tesses first comment it was gone before I had the chance now I'm wondering what it was if anyone cares to enlighten me
actually the thing that made me flair was my critique being called a critiscism .......... made me say to myself 'If I had criticised you'd have been even less happy'!

 

[bigbaddad]

I didn't see Tesses first comment it was gone before I had the chance now I'm wondering what it was if anyone cares to enlighten me
actually the thing that made me flair was my critique being called a critiscism .......... made me say to myself 'If I had criticised you'd have been even less happy'!

I thought I had referred to it as "contructive criticism"....my mistake.

 

[GuiltyPleasure]

This all has become more than I anticipated. I had no intention of insulting or offending anyone. I never said I would never change anything...just didn't choose to do so now. Anything I write is in a constant state of flux. @Tristesse2...your opinion and intent to insult is noted. I'll say no more to you. Chipbutty, any input/insight is welcome by me, despite what everyone seems to think. Now...I'm gonna give this site a rest. I wasn't aware that my not immediately taking someones advice and implementing it means I don't care to improve as a writer and further...makes me less of one by default. You all have a great day.

Excuse my French but........bullshit!

 

[bigbaddad]

Excuse my French but........bullshit!

I didn't ask you whether you thought it was bullshit or not. Good night.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

My apologies on the mixup. Never said I am unwilling to move forward. And I DO appreciate your critique of this poem. I just choose, in this instance, not to make the changes you suggested, as my response to this is overwhelmingly in favor of leaving it as is....further, MY inclination is to leave it as is. I am not offended by your criticisms...in fact, they were very much welcome. If I came across rude, I apologize, as this was not my intent.

As I read it this says 'criticisms'

 

[UnderYourSpell]

With bluster and with fluster
his ego's got a dent
with words that don't pass muster.
With bluster and with fluster
he really should have cussed her,
it helps a lot if you give vent
with bluster and with fluster
his ego's got a dent.

 

[Annamichele]

I enjoyed reading your poem.

Peace to you Bigdaddy

 

[bigbaddad]

Thank you, very much.