The Hotel Commode Conundrum

[WendyTrilby]

Have you ever wondered what your wife, your girlfriend, or that unforgettable one-night stand is doing when she sends you out for ice or asks you to check the hotel checkout time at the front desk?

She’s probably pooping.

It’s the great unspoken hotel-room paradox. Married for forty years or together for one reckless night, hotels are built for sex, but the bathroom situation always lurks in the background like a final boss battle. Nobody wants to unleash the full soundtrack of human biology with only a paper-thin door separating them from the person they’re trying to seduce.

I love, love, love hotel sex. Check me in and check me out. I’m there for all of it. Bed, chair, shower, window.

But if we’re staying overnight, nature is eventually going to call. That’s when the improvisation begins. Lobby bathrooms. TV volume cranked to aircraft-engine levels. The shower is running for “ambiance.” Entire covert operations worthy of a spy novel.

I’ve wanted to address this in one of my stories for years, but never found the right opportunity. Well, that changes today.

I just finished writing the most honest story of my twenty books. It’s a true story about one hell of a weekend split between an Airstream trailer and a Hampton Inn. The story is 98% intense chemistry and 2% the eternal poop paradox. Honestly, I think everyone can relate to not wanting to share every sound and smell the human body can produce.

The story is called Sin On Wheels. It has all my usual trademarks: raw intimacy, sweat, noise, tangled sheets, messy emotions, and the full-speed collision of two people who can’t keep their hands off each other.

And yes, the toilet tango makes an appearance.

No, this is not a fetish story. It’s simply one of those hilariously human challenges every couple faces when sharing a hotel room.

This post is less of an ad for my story and more of a question for all of you: am I the only one haunted by the crapper conundrum, or are there others out there saying silent prayers to the Gods of Wind, hoping nothing too explosive can be heard through those tissue-paper hotel doors?

Maybe I’m overthinking this.

But for now, if you spend a weekend with me in a hotel, there’s a good chance you’ll suddenly be sent out on a mysterious “errand” while I handle my private affairs in peace.

WT

 

[LMWM321]

It’s the great unspoken hotel-room paradox. Married for forty years or together for one reckless night, hotels are built for sex, but the bathroom situation always lurks in the background like a final boss battle. Nobody wants to unleash the full soundtrack of human biology with only a paper-thin door separating them from the person they’re trying to seduce.

Maybe I’m overthinking this.

Nope! Not over thinking this!

I loved reading your post because it rings sooooo true in my marriage.

My wife and I have been married for over 35 years and we are still crazy for each other. Indeed, we still have sex >2/ week. There are many reasons why, but not least among them is my doing my best to behave much the same way I did when we were dating. I brush my teeth before sex, I shower before sex if I've pooped since last showering, I close the door to the bathroom even if I'm just peeing, I NEVER poop when she is in the bathroom or within earshot AND when staying in a hotel, I always poop with her out of the room, or I'll come up with a reason to go to the lobby.

Generally speaking, my approach to keeping the lust alive in our marriage is I continue to do my level best to be the hottest guy in my wife's orbit. To be clear, I'm definitely NOT, but I try! ...And those aforementioned courtesies are a part of that effort..

Compare this to a friend of mine who endlessly complains about how sex is waning in his marriage. He routinely sneaks into the bathroom while his wife is showering and sits on the toilet. He thinks it's hilarious when the odor wafts over to the shower and she starts screaming. Yeah... It's great for a laugh, but not so great for preserving her sexual interest in him... And that's not all of it. Along with about a half-dozen hygiene lapses, he loves having her squeeze the blackheads and pop the zits on his back. These are things he NEVER did when they were dating. Ugh. No wonder their marriage is more or less in the friend-zone now.

Bottomline: If you want sex to be "just like it was when we were dating," then BEHAVE more or less like you did when you were dating! And one such behavior, is pooping when your partner is out of earshot. And for fuck sake, ALWAYS flush the toilet and "Don't turn around 'till you're sure it's all down!"

Thanks for your hilarious yet insightful post! It's about more than just being poop-shy, it's about keeping the lust alive.

 

[WendyTrilby]

Nope! Not over thinking this!

I loved reading your post because it rings sooooo true in my marriage.

My wife and I have been married for over 35 years and we are still crazy for each other. Indeed, we still have sex >2/ week. There are many reasons why, but not least among them is my doing my best to behave much the same way I did when we were dating. I brush my teeth before sex, I shower before sex if I've pooped since last showering, I close the door to the bathroom even if I'm just peeing, I NEVER poop when she is in the bathroom or within earshot AND when staying in a hotel, I always poop with her out of the room, or I'll come up with a reason to go to the lobby.

Generally speaking, my approach to keeping the lust alive in our marriage is I continue to do my level best to be the hottest guy in my wife's orbit. To be clear, I'm definitely NOT, but I try! ...And those aforementioned courtesies is part of that effort..

Compare this to a friend of mine who endlessly complains about how sex is waning in his marriage. He routinely sneaks into the bathroom while his wife is showering and sits on the toilet. He thinks it's hilarious when the odor wafts over to the shower and she starts screaming. Yeah... It's great for a laugh, but not so great for preserving her sexual interest in him... And that's not all of it. Along with about a half-dozen hygiene lapses, he loves having her squeeze the blackheads and pop the zits on his back. These are things he NEVER did when they were dating. Ugh. No wonder their marriage is more or less in the friend-zone now.

Bottomline: If you want sex to be "just like it was when we were dating," then BEHAVE more or less like you did when you were dating!

Thanks for your hilarious yet insightful post! It's about more than just being poop-shy, it's about keeping the lust alive.

Thank you! Great response.

I have a friend, Cali. Great woman, attractive, smart, funny, but she complains constantly about two things:

1. Her marriage has become a little lackluster.
2. Everyone bothers her when she’s on the toilet.

That second one caught me off guard.

“Bothers you on the toilet?” I didn’t want to ask, but curiosity won.

Turns out, she uses the bathroom with the door open. What began as practical motherhood became permanent habit. Back when the kids were little, she wanted to hear every crash, cry, or unfolding catastrophe in the house. Fair enough. But now the kids are in high school and the door is still open.

She has daughters, so it isn’t some awkward mother-son dynamic. It’s more that she no longer seems to care how she presents herself, including to her husband.

And honestly, I think those two complaints are connected.

Familiarity can quietly sand the edges off attraction. Not because love disappears, but because mystery does. What struck me about Cali was not the open bathroom door itself, but what it symbolized. There was no separation anymore between her private and public self. Every mundane moment had become communal property. No boundaries. No curation. No sense that certain parts of herself were reserved.

Closing the bathroom door is not secrecy. It’s dignity. It’s presentation. It’s saying: this part of me is still mine.

And maybe that sounds trivial until you realize how often passion dies. Usually not in one dramatic betrayal, but in a thousand tiny domestic erosions. Overexposure. Total accessibility. The slow conversion of lovers into roommates who happen to share plumbing.

The couples who remain magnetic to each other tend to preserve little islands of privacy. Not deception. Just texture. A sense that there are still corners of the other person you approach instead of simply access.

Your detailed response really landed because of that. If Cali simply closed the door, she’d reveal far less of herself than necessary, and paradoxically, probably become more interesting again.

 

[LMWM321]

Thanks for your reply.

While it would be great if your post generates lots of discussion, I wouldn't hold out much hope. Unfortunately I think the majority of Literotica forum participants are men who don't particularly care if their partner is still sexually interested in them so long as she still agrees to have sex - even if it's merely out of a sense of obligation. Blech!!!. This is NOT what I wanted for my marriage! I want my wife to want to have sex with me every bit as much as I want to have sex with her. That has been my goal from the day we exchanged vows 35+ years ago. Sounds like you feel much the same way.

 

[WendyTrilby]

You are probably right. I love these kinds of discussions, but people might not engage because this isn't a fetish discussion. Still, I’d love to hear just what lengths we go to, especially in hotels, to get that extra level of privacy.

BTW, when I get a nice reply, I always read a story from the writer. I think I’ll start with the Michelle story. It sounds sordid, and that is definitely my thing.

 

[LMWM321]

You are probably right. I love these kinds of discussions, but people might not engage because this isn't a fetish discussion. Still, I’d love to hear just what lengths we go to, especially in hotels, to get that extra level of privacy.

BTW, when I get a nice reply, I always read a story from the writer. I think I’ll start with the Michelle story. It sounds sordid, and that is definitely my thing.

Thanks! ..Though I might suggest Mature Wife Turns a Trick. The writing is a bit better (was my 3rd effort, Michelle was my first.). And likewise, I'll read one of yours...

 

[Britva415]

If I realized what was really behind the subterfuge, I would lose her number and feel like I dodged a manipulative, high-maintenance bullet.

 

[LMWM321]

If I realized what was really behind the subterfuge, I would lose her number and feel like I dodged a manipulative, high-maintenance bullet.

Preferring that a romantic partner is not on the other side of a "paper-thin door" when they use the bathroom, and contriving a reason for them to leave for a few minutes, is the "subterfuge" of a "high-maintenance" person? And it's an offense worthy of ending the relationship? Sorry, Brit. I often agree with you, but not in this case..

If wanting to poop with me out of the room is "high-maintenance". I'll take it

 

[Britva415]

Preferring that a romantic partner is not on the other side of a "paper-thin door" when they use the bathroom is the "subterfuge" of a "high-maintenance" person? And it is an offense that is worthy of ending the relationship? Sorry, Brit. I often agree with you, but not in this case..

If wanting to poop with me out of the room is "high-maintenance"

I'm not reacting to the preference, I'm reacting to the behavior. There are less-redflaggy behaviors one can exercise while managing that preference.

An I making it sound more dramatic than OP made it sound? Maybe - but, also, maybe it is. I get to have preferences too, and this kind of insecurity isn't attractive, and manipulation is even less so. Don't I get to be picky? Don't I get to have standards? Don't I get to set boundaries?

You missed some important clues which established my frame. I think you're projecting something onto my post, imagining that this would end a marriage or some other kind of committed, long-term relationship. I think I was pretty clearly talking about something casual, something not (yet?) serious. Forgetting someone's number isn't something you can just do when you're already in a relationship. Neither is dodging the bullet, for that matter: You're talking about when it's too late for that. And even then, I wouldn't stand around like a dope, to continue to get hit by more bullets as long as we both shall live.

I don't know how you can read the original post and not see subterfuge in it. I mean, it's not the worst thing a woman could do. I'm just saying, if I figure it out, I'm going to have thoughts. Did I exaggerate by implying I would have a zero-strikes policy? Yes, I'd probably talk about it first and see how she reacts.

Could she blow it? Definitely. I probably already ate her ass, for dammit's sake. Can't she either just swallow her pride and poop on the other side of the door, or, use her grownup words and ask me to give her more privacy than the door affords, or, just talk about the subject at all without defensiveness or gaslighting? If not, then I'm going to have real reservations about taking this anywhere any further at all.

 

[Britva415]

Anyway, I just clicked on @WendyTrilby 's story to read it, and wasn't expecting the Honeymoon Suite to be a trailer!

 

[Britva415]

️️️️️

 

[LMWM321]

An I making it sound more dramatic than OP made it sound? Maybe - but, also, maybe it is. I get to have preferences too, and this kind of insecurity isn't attractive, and manipulation is even less so. Don't I get to be picky? Don't I get to have standards? Don't I get to set boundaries?

of course you do... But are there THAT many otherwise well-matched dating partners out there that you'll break it off with one simply because she asked you to go down to the lobby of the Hotel to get a newspaper so she can "go" while you're out of the room? You see it as being deceitful, fussy and manipulative; I see it as exhibiting a bit of modesty for which I'd be enormously grateful.

Oh well, different strokes...

 

[LMWM321]

Anyway, I just clicked on @WendyTrilby 's story to read it, and wasn't expecting the Honeymoon Suite to be a trailer!

Yes, I read @WendyTrilby 's Sin on Wheels, too.. A fantastic Story! Well done Wendy! A highly erotic story and one that addresses the subject of this thread in a humorous, relatable way. To be clear, its just a tiny part of the story

 

[Shaglus_Ziegler]

Have you ever wondered what your wife, your girlfriend, or that unforgettable one-night stand is doing when she sends you out for ice or asks you to check the hotel checkout time at the front desk?

She’s probably pooping.

It’s the great unspoken hotel-room paradox. Married for forty years or together for one reckless night, hotels are built for sex, but the bathroom situation always lurks in the background like a final boss battle. Nobody wants to unleash the full soundtrack of human biology with only a paper-thin door separating them from the person they’re trying to seduce.

I love, love, love hotel sex. Check me in and check me out. I’m there for all of it. Bed, chair, shower, window.

But if we’re staying overnight, nature is eventually going to call. That’s when the improvisation begins. Lobby bathrooms. TV volume cranked to aircraft-engine levels. The shower is running for “ambiance.” Entire covert operations worthy of a spy novel.

I’ve wanted to address this in one of my stories for years, but never found the right opportunity. Well, that changes today.

I just finished writing the most honest story of my twenty books. It’s a true story about one hell of a weekend split between an Airstream trailer and a Hampton Inn. The story is 98% intense chemistry and 2% the eternal poop paradox. Honestly, I think everyone can relate to not wanting to share every sound and smell the human body can produce.

The story is called Sin On Wheels. It has all my usual trademarks: raw intimacy, sweat, noise, tangled sheets, messy emotions, and the full-speed collision of two people who can’t keep their hands off each other.

And yes, the toilet tango makes an appearance.

No, this is not a fetish story. It’s simply one of those hilariously human challenges every couple faces when sharing a hotel room.

This post is less of an ad for my story and more of a question for all of you: am I the only one haunted by the crapper conundrum, or are there others out there saying silent prayers to the Gods of Wind, hoping nothing too explosive can be heard through those tissue-paper hotel doors?

Maybe I’m overthinking this.

But for now, if you spend a weekend with me in a hotel, there’s a good chance you’ll suddenly be sent out on a mysterious “errand” while I handle my private affairs in peace.

WT

Loved your last story!

 

[Britva415]

you'll break it off with one simply because she asked you

I already addressed the "simply because" part above. Did you not read it?

You're arguing with someone who's not even here, because this is the second time you represented my posts as saying something they very clearly don't. Who is it who's living rent free in your head?

 

[LMWM321]

You're arguing with someone who's not even here, because this is the second time you represented my posts as saying something they very clearly don't. Who is it who's living rent free in your head?

If I realized what was really behind the subterfuge, I would lose her number

While I like your quippy phraseology. ..I don't think it applies. You clearly suggested if a woman fibbed so you'd leave the room while she used the commode, you'd have a problem with it. Not seeing how I got it wrong. Anyway. ..Not worth bickering over.