The popularity of older female / younger male stories

[Bramblethorn]

I'm going to post the Leonardo Dicaprio dating age chart because it will never not be funny.

It's a lovely piece of work. Back in 2023, somebody pointed out that since Titanic came out in 1997, it was now too old to date Leo DiCaprio.

It's less common for it to go the other way, but there was a famous female director who got together with her 20-year-old cameraman when she was 60. I don't recall anybody making a big fuss about the age gap, but I'm not sure how well known it was at the time, and people had plenty of other, much more public reasons for considering her problematic.

I don't think age-gap relationships between adults are automatically Bad And Wrong. In my twenties, I was the younger partner in a relationship that broke the "half-age-plus-seven" rule by several years; looking back on it, I have no regrets and I don't consider myself to have been exploited in any way.

But when somebody seems to be specifically looking for much younger partners, that's a big red flag.

 

[SimonDoom]

I don't think age-gap relationships between adults are automatically Bad And Wrong. In my twenties, I was the younger partner in a relationship that broke the "half-age-plus-seven" rule by several years; looking back on it, I have no regrets and I don't consider myself to have been exploited in any way.

But when somebody seems to be specifically looking for much younger partners, that's a big red flag.

I think there's a little too much judginess on the subject of older men and younger women. I depends on the specifics of the situation involved, and the personalities. Young intelligent women may be drawn to older men not so much because they are "sugar daddies" as because they are mature and worldly. I've known women like that.

Some people don't like parent-child incest stories because they view the power dynamic as inherently problematic. My response is that nothing is "inherently" anything. It's easy for me to imagine a situation where a 25 year old son is stronger and more mature than his 50 year old mother. People come in all different types.

 

[OnlyHappyEndings]

An aspect of the May-December coupling I like to play with is the varying attitudes about sex between demographics. I think that in general men will be more sexually adventurous than women and younger generations more so than older.

A young man may have an attractive girlfriend but he wouldn't mind nailing her mother too. An older woman may find a young man's physical beauty appealing but she lacks the courage to act on it. Even if they get together, do they have enough in common to make a relationship?

In 'Bettina's Oral Arguments' a sexually-repressed widow and a twenty year old virgin come together. Neither is the aggressor, really. They fall in bed by incident and teach each other to love. Commenters have related the premise to times in their own lives.

In 'Middle-Aged Fuck Doll' an uptight divorcee is aggressively pursued by a charismatic college student. She comes to realize that she can pretty much have her pick of young studs as long as she doesn't expect anything more from them than sex. It's a lovely tale; don't let the title scare you.

 

[SimonDoom]

One of the best movie scenes ever along these lines is the "Stifler's Mom" scene in American Pie. It's only about 3 minutes, but in just 3 minutes, with clever dialogue, it convinces you that a goofy nerd like Finch could have a tryst with Stifler's hot frustrated mom. It's both funny and sexy, and it's a good illustration of how you CAN suspend disbelief and lead the reader/viewer along the path to accepting such a tryst in fairly few words and minutes. I love this exchange. Finch, who senses an opportunity and is going to do anything he can to take it, asks her if she has anything to drink:

Stifler's Mom: I've got some scotch.

Finch: Single malt?

Stifler's Mom: Aged 18 years. The way I like it.

It's so good. And it complies with the Literotica rule!

 

[Rob_Royale]

One of the best movie scenes ever along these lines is the "Stifler's Mom" scene in American Pie.

It's where I first heard the term MILF and it's been part of my psyche ever since.

 

[SimonDoom]

It's where I first heard the term MILF and it's been part of my psyche ever since.

I date the start of "MILF culture" to somewhere around then. I don't recall hearing the term before hearing it in that movie.

I don't recall MILFs being a thing when I was a boy or young man (70s and 80s). I never fantasized about older women, and I don't remember talking about them with friends, and I can't recall that many movies that played on the idea. Of course, there was no Internet, and I think the Internet had a lot to do with the rise of the MILF thing. So did the rise of fitness culture. When I was a kid the grocery stories weren't full of hot 45 year old moms squeezed into tight yoga pants the way they are today. Seriously, if I want my erotic fix these days I don't need the Internet; I can just go shopping at Whole Foods.

Now that I'm well over 50, I love the MILF thing. Many of my stories are about MILFs. Of course, most of the MILFs today are younger than I am, so they can be MILFs and still be hot young things, to me.

 

[StillStunned]

An aspect of the May-December coupling I like to play with is the varying attitudes about sex between demographics.

One of my WIPs is about an older man and a younger girl, and one of his big worries is about the rules of consent nowadays. How explicit does it have to be? How far can he go each before he has to ask "Is this alright?"

 

[Rob_Royale]

One of my WIPs is about an older man and a younger girl, and one of his big worries is about the rules of consent nowadays. How explicit does it have to be? How far can he go each before he has to ask "Is this alright?"

I'm right there too. When I write one like that I'm going to have to make the young woman the aggressor just to avoid the creep factor.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Some people don't like parent-child incest stories because they view the power dynamic as inherently problematic. My response is that nothing is "inherently" anything. It's easy for me to imagine a situation where a 25 year old son is stronger and more mature than his 50 year old mother. People come in all different types.

I think I've talked about this before, but IMHO there are two different ways people can approach relationships. (Maybe better thought of not as a binary choice but as end points on a spectrum.)

The first is person-based: it starts with understanding the people in one's life - those "all different types" - and figuring out what kind of relationship one wants to have with each of them. "Based on what I know about these people, Alice and I would be very compatible as lovers, Bob would make a good friend, and Charlie is best avoided."

The second is relationship-based: it starts with deciding what kind of relationship one wants, and then seeking out partners who'll fit the requirements of that role. "I want a stay-at-home spouse who'll cook me dinner every night", "I want somebody who'll go skydiving with me", etc. These are the people who write those very specific personals ads that tell you they already have a mental picture of their future partner and they're trying to find somebody who matches that picture.

When all I know is that Alice, 50, is dating Bob, 25, that could easily come down to "all different types". That's how it was for me in the relationship I mentioned earlier; we had a lot of differences but also a combination of factors that made for a good relationship.

But when Alice has a diCaprio-style history of only dating guys that age, that says she's probably doing more of a relationship-based thing and that she has a stereotype of 25-year-olds that fits with those relationship goals. That stereotyping is where one's likely to find things that make one go "yikes".

 

[RetroFan]

One I'm writing for Valentine's Day is about two recovering alcoholics, a man aged 59 and a woman aged 29, who fall in love as they help each other with staying sober and not let past their experiences that led them to this point in their lives overwhelm them. Hopefully the readers will like it, I've done well with serious stories in the past so this might too.

It's interesting the double standard with males and females and age differences. For example, if you see news stories about male teachers fooling around with minor girls there is a moral outrage. But inverse this and it is a female teacher and a minor boy, you see comments such as 'That is the luckiest boy in America', 'Why couldn't that have been me in junior high?' or 'I'd bang her and show her what a real man can do.'

 

[MillieDynamite]

Except they have imprisoned about half a dozen female teachers over the past 20 years for statutory rape. I don't remember seeing any stories about male teachers being thrown in the clink for it.

One I'm writing for Valentine's Day is about two recovering alcoholics, a man aged 59 and a woman aged 29, who fall in love as they help each other with staying sober and not let past their experiences that led them to this point in their lives overwhelm them. Hopefully the readers will like it, I've done well with serious stories in the past so this might too.

It's interesting the double standard with males and females and age differences. For example, if you see news stories about male teachers fooling around with minor girls there is a moral outrage. But inverse this and it is a female teacher and a minor boy, you see comments such as 'That is the luckiest boy in America', 'Why couldn't that have been me in junior high?' or 'I'd bang her and show her what a real man can do.'

 

[RetroFan]

Except they have imprisoned about half a dozen female teachers over the past 20 years for statutory rape. I don't remember seeing any stories about male teachers being thrown in the clink for it.

A think a factor of this might be in the high-profile cases that the female teachers were young and pretty. I've seen cases about male teachers and their inappropriate behaviour with female (and in some cases male) students, but some creepy male teacher being a Humbert Humbert isn't as news-worthy as an attractive female teacher committing similar offenses.

 

[Rob_Royale]

One I'm writing for Valentine's Day is about two recovering alcoholics, a man aged 59 and a woman aged 29, who fall in love as they help each other with staying sober and not let past their experiences that led them to this point in their lives overwhelm them. Hopefully the readers will like it, I've done well with serious stories in the past so this might too.

That sounds like something I would enjoy.

 

[MillieDynamite]

One woman was in her mid-thirties, and the boy was 14 at the time she got pregnant. That's pretty creepy. I'm sure he waited on her, aren't you?

A think a factor of this might be in the high-profile cases that the female teachers were young and pretty. I've seen cases about male teachers and their inappropriate behaviour with female (and in some cases male) students, but some creepy male teacher being a Humbert Humbert isn't as news-worthy as an attractive female teacher committing similar offenses.

 

[Kelliezgirl]

Except they have imprisoned about half a dozen female teachers over the past 20 years for statutory rape. I don't remember seeing any stories about male teachers being thrown in the clink for it.

In the states male teachers will get a MUCH longer sentence than female ones for that. It just isn't judged as newsworthy.

 

[Kelliezgirl]

One woman was in her mid-thirties, and the boy was 14 at the time she got pregnant. That's pretty creepy. I'm sure he waited on her, aren't you?

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10940-019-09416-x

Conclusions
These findings suggest that female sex offenders are treated more leniently than their matched male counterparts, even in instances of more serious sex offenses and those involving minor victims.


I know there is a certain element who likes to claim that men get lenient punishment based on a host of stereotypes but that doesn't seem to fit the facts.

 

[Kelliezgirl]

My experience with older woman/younger man is that the man being the aggressor performs better in that particular coupling. Flip to older man/younger woman and I've got no data, because I've always put the younger woman in control of the seduction.

I'd say that supports my woman-centric theory. The young male stud is chasing you... be still my beating heart...

 

[MillieDynamite]

Okay, I bow to your research. I have no skin in the game one way or the other. I was abused by my birth father. I call him sperm donor.

https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10940-019-09416-x

Conclusions
These findings suggest that female sex offenders are treated more leniently than their matched male counterparts, even in instances of more serious sex offenses and those involving minor victims.


I know there is a certain element who likes to claim that men get lenient punishment based on a host of stereotypes but that doesn't seem to fit the facts.

 

[Kelliezgirl]

Okay, I bow to your research. I have no skin in the game one way or the other. I was abused by my birth father. I call him sperm donor.

I think all pedos should go feet first into a woodchipper. Male, female, whatever...

And I certainly wasn't including you in my reference to a certain element. I've just seen it claimed here that men get away with things because juries thinks "She must have wanted it" and other similar outdated nonsense.

 

[yowser]

A couple older iconic movies dealt with this in different ways. The Graduate of course had Anne Bancroft play the archetypal cougar, a wonderful role all around. And the Last Picture Show had an interesting young man/older woman connection in very small town Texas that was an essential aspect of the (very complicated and nuanced) film.

Footnote to the latter film, this basically launched Cybill Shepherd's career, and was one of very few Timothy Bottom roles (loved him in Paper Chase.)