The problems with a lot of stories

[dr_mabeuse]

Pornography is fantasy, plain and simple. It doesn't depict things as they are, but as how we'd like them to be, and the only reason we use realism at all is to make the fantastic more believeable.

---dr.M.

 

[mismused]

WAM! Exactly.

==========================

In that case, you have a story that needs to be longer to bring out the conflicts that lie within.

I never saw a short story that I couldn't make longer (long). My downfall in trying to write a short story.

Though a short story seemingly prohibits delving into details, that's what makes it such a challenge. I can't do that, and I envy those that can.

Short stories are a different animal, at least those on Lit (those of one Lit page).

Getting into emotions, mental logic, pathogenic or nearly so, is just a matter of sitting and entering into it with your character as much as possible. Think about them, immerse yourself in their fictious life.

If you ever find a way to do the short story with all of the normal human accoutrements, let me know so I can read it. I'm still in search of the perfect story.

mismused

 

[BlackSnake]

"Bus Trip" was just approved and it's fantasm of the worst kind.

Mother and son on a bus and she is forced to sit in his lap for a long bus ride. Jammed so tight, she slids down his stomach causing the top of his gym shorts to slid down, uncovering his thing, catching it between her buns, and then sliding into her womanhood. She is stuck. Unable to get up, and the motion of the bus creates the fucking action.

It's crud, but I tried to show the horror of the mother, and her inner struggle.

 

[overthebow]

I'm not interested in the style of prose that has "hard and trobbing fuck pole" and "warm cunt tunnel". I know there was a time that the use of language of that sort was illegal and there was a great legal battle fought to make it allowable. But it is kind of jarring and takes me out of the story.

 

[BlackSnake]

Best Feedback Ever
I had to share part of the feedback I got from "Bus Trip". It is by far the best feedback I've gotten. It made me want to take writting more seriously. Maybe I won't through first drafts out there anymore:

I went back to read Bus Trip completely. You did as good a job of getting into
their inner feelings as you could, at least with the mother.

Let me say this: I didn't like the story at all. It was ridiculous, but before
you take offense, it was also good.

Your skills as a story teller are obvious, though the situation you created for
your characters was kind of silly. Still, it's what a short porn story often is
-- ridiculous sex, in ridiculous situations.

...

Good luck on your other stories. BTW, I didn't vote on your story. I won't low
ball a story based on my general dislike of it, but if I did on story telling
ability anyway, I'd rate it a 4.

.....


And this guy hated it. The stuff I cutout is really helpful to me, have to put it in my bag of tricks, but I have to say that it was the best feedback I have ever gotten.

 

[BlackSnake]

...and you know readers are getting into your story when:

Reader says: I wonder if she or he ever heard of "the morning-after" pill or that French
thing, "RU-486(?)"? At least they could've had sex with only their over-active
consciences to bug them. Ah, yes, ever-practical am IF my mother had been good
looking