The time to tell instead of show.

[AG31]

Lately there've been several threads that discuss either the first person POV or the advice "show, don't tell." I looked at some of them trying to find the right place to insert this insight. Nothing fit exactly. So here it is in a brand new thread.

I posted an example of what I thought was "telling" instead of "showing." I also mentioned that I have found the whole book series (not Lit) engaging. I'm now reading a book in a different series which is also 1st person, and which, I think, is definitely "tell" not "show." It dawned on me that if you write in first person you want to capture a voice. Most people (perhaps with the exception of AH members) don't think in well turned phrases. They don't carefully vary their sentence (thought) length. They just happily (from my point of view) try to be as clear as they can about what's happening and how they're reacting. So, there's a time to avoid showing, in favor of telling, and that's when you're writing in the 1st person from the perspective of an ordinarily literate character.

Here are a couple of the threads I was thinking of.

https://forum.literotica.com/threads/narrative-in-present-tense.1620152/

https://forum.literotica.com/threads/show-dont-tell-a-tiny-challenge.1620303/

https://forum.literotica.com/threads/narrative-in-present-tense.1620152/ (not exactly on the subject, but it was for me.)

P.S. @XerXesXu, you posted an affirmative comment about the excerpt by Warren Easley that I posted. I got the insight I describe here while I was reading another 1st person series, this by Paul Doiron. Do you know that one? You might enjoy it.

 

[Britva415]

there's a time to avoid showing, in favor of telling, and that's when you're writing in the 1st person from the perspective of an ordinarily literate character

An author can still "show" in this voice instead of just straight-up having the narrator tell it.

Good examples are when the author wants the reader to infer something the narrator is unwilling to tell, but their thoughts or the circumstances they're narrating show it.

A reason for this might be because the character/narrator is repressed and the story's tension is in the reader anticipating a breakthrough or a crisis. Another reason is because the story might be a mystery and mystery readers like being given the opportunity to solve it even while the character/narrator is puzzling through it. We see what they see, and we see what they don't, too.

Anyway, that was a tangent, and I fully agree that there are times to tell not show.

The two main situations I have in mind are: 1, what's being told isn't really related to the tension of the story. And 2, what's being told is what you have to tell in order to show something else. That's what "show don't tell" means.

Obviously we can't "not tell anything at all," or there would be no narration. So we tell in order to show. So regarding point 2, we tell something plainly without giving energy to the specific detail being told, because doing that gives energy to what's between the lines.

There was an example recently about moonlight "managing to" play off a pearl earring. Coincidentally, that thread was also about showing-not-telling. Talking about the moonlight was a way of showing without telling that it's nighttime. Initially I thought that saying the moonlight "managed to" play on the earring was strange and I didn't get why it was worded that way. I now interpret it as a signal that not only was it nighttime, it was also pretty dark and the moonlight was weak.

That's atmosphere. Atmosphere can, in my opinion, only be shown and not told. Telling it lays bare the facts of the setting and scene, but it ruins the sense of atmosphere.

So even in a 1pPOV, showing and not telling has its place, in more than one way.

Again, I'm not advocating slavish adherence to "show don't tell." If that were the rule 100% of the time, our writing would look like that episode of Star Trek where we can't understand the alien because they only talk in metaphor and can't state something plainly.

 

[Britva415]

man, wtf is wrong with the spoiler formatter

 

[Paul_Chance]

There are two things to keep in mind when it comes to "Show, don't tell".

It's originally advice for screen writers that has been absorbed as general writing advice, so its value is limited.

Then, there are times where the POV of the story simply makes more sense as "a character telling a story" allows for a whole range of crafting tricks (such as an unreliable narrator in the first person, or to illustrate the different perspectives in third person).

 

[pink_silk_glove]

For me, show vs tell is all about pace and timing. If you have some info that the reader needs to know but this info doesn't really require its own scene, just drop in some exposition (tell it). Here's an example of something that I wrote where I mixed show and tell.

Beverley pulled the plugs from her ears and all of the sounds around her instantly jumped out in crystal clarity. The crowds were walking up the hill in the background over the last yacht in the corner in the harbor. She paused to frame up the shot when he entered. Beverley looked up from the viewer to see Luke standing on the boat. His racing suit was peeled down and tied about his waist and he had a bottle of beer in his hand. He was wearing sunglasses. A moment later a blonde girl popped up from the cabin, stood next to him and peered about. He had made another date. Beverley clicked the shot.

"Oh look," said the girl as she nodded in Beverley's direction and smiled at her lens. "The press," she said. She was small and thin in a simple t-shirt and denim skirt. She wore moon-sized spectacles and her accent was English. His attention directed, Luke looked her way. His expression changed.

"Bev," he called, taking liberty with her name already, and waved her over. She walked to the end of the harbor and stood at the back of the boat. "Come on aboard."

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"Yeah, come on," he urged with a subdued smile. Beverley came up the plank and stepped onto the boat just as a young short slender man with ginger hair exited the cabin. He was another driver with his race suit similarly peeled to his waist and she realized that he drove the other baby blue car. The blonde girl took his hand and they shared a kiss. "David, Leigh, this is Beverley," Luke introduced them. "She's a photographer for <i>Still Life</i>."

"Pleasure," said Beverley. Luke sat and motioned for her to join him. She did.

"I'm glad you made it," he said.

"So, did you forget about me?" she asked him.

"Nahh, I didn't forget," he shook his head. "Truth is I was just in a cranky mood. Didn't want you seein' that, I guess."

"I saw your accident."

"That was no accident," he said. His attitude becoming more direct at her mentioning.

"I have pictures," she patted her case.

"You'll have to show me," he said.

"If you knew what I had to go through to get them," she grinned. "If they turn out, I'll definitely show them."

"Ah, that's better," said a another man as he stepped from the cabin onto the rear deck running his fingers through his clean damp hair. He was in a trim powder blue t-shirt and khaki shorts. His accent was down-under and it took Beverley a second to recognize him as the race winner. A tall woman with big dark waves of hair came up from behind, slipped her arms around him and handed him a beer.

"Mike, I didn't ask you," Luke started. "How's your wife?"

"You couldn't just ask <i>her</i>?" Beverley pointed.

"That's not his wife," Luke grinned.

"Shh," Mike winked.

"Oh, sorry."

"Quite all right," said Mike. "Just no pictures, hm?" Mike's woman came out from behind him and handed Beverley a beer. They sat in the yacht and chatted as the crowd slowly dispersed from the harbor. Luke's blonde hair was dishevelled and she could smell the sweat on him, but he was no less pretty than before the race. He slipped his arm around her and she shimmied in close.

Beverley learned that Mike was a former champion in '73 and in '69, was a very respected veteran amongst the drivers and that he was also a sharpshooter at snooker. The ginger haired driver was David Key, Luke's teammate who did indeed drive the other baby blue car, and Leigh was David's doting girlfriend. Luke hadn't ditched Beverley for anyone else after all. Mike's woman was French and her name was Anne.

"So how many points do you have now?" Anne shifted the conversation back to racing.

"Thirteen," Mike grinned. Beverley thought it quaint that he pronounced it 'thair-<i>deen</i>'. "Just two behind Emilio," he did the math. Luke shook his head.

"That cocksucker cut me off," he said. "I'd have beat him for sure. He was slow. He must've had a problem with his car. The only way that he could stop me was to take me out, so he did."

"I don't doubt it, mate," said Mike. "Did the same to me in Belgium two years ago. That's just the kind of bounce he is. Next time he tries it just give it to 'im up the clacker."

"Well I wasn't backin' down," Luke told Mike.

"But if you hadn't challenged him then you would have finished and got points at least," Beverley noted. Luke turned to her.

"And I would have stayed behind him," he said decisively, his jaw flexing with resolve. "I can't let him think I'll just back off when there's danger. Then all he has to do is show me danger to keep me back."

"No luck for you today, Lucky," Mike shook his head. "You'll get 'im back soon enough, mate. You're a damn good driver."

"I have two points now," David grinned, remarking on his fifth place finish. "I have more than you," he teased the American. Luke bit his tongue and smirked.

The afternoon sun moved along and cast shadows across the boat. David and Leigh left hand-in-hand but Luke and Beverley stayed for another beer.

"I guess we better get something to eat before the party," said Mike as he stood up.

"You go on," said Luke. "I'm not exactly in the mood to watch that prick get his prize money."

"Can't say I blame you," said Mike.

Luke hopped off the boat and helped Beverley step down.

"I just wanna get back to my room and clean up," he said. "Wanna go for a drink later?" he asked.

"I'd like that," she smiled.

"Your face is dirty," he winked. Then he reached up, rubbed her cheek with his thumb and inspected the slight smudge. The unexpected care in his touch gave her a twinge of goosebumps. "You must have got close to the cars."

"I didn't realize how close I guess," she shrugged with a blush.

"You know where <i>The Regency</i> is?"

"I can find it."

"Eight o'clock?"

"Sure."

You can see that I highlight the exposition (the telling) in color. The scene allows the reader to meet the characters by seeing them talk and interact.

Why I chose to skip over bits with telling was for pacing. If I had fully shown all of the dialogue that might explain how Mike Pierce was a champion and a respected driver, the scene would have been much longer and the whole thing would have bogged down. The important info that Mike is cheating on his wife is SHOWN, but the important info that he is a highly respected former champion is TOLD.

The same for the line about David and Leigh leaving but the others staying for another round. We don't really care about the last round of beers, we just care that things are winding down and that some leave early and some leave later, so it's just TOLD.

Also notice that all of the colored text (the telling) is quite short compared to the rest of the scene. The exposition is dealt with quickly and does not bog down the pace. We don't want a WALL of TELL (the dreaded info-dump). 99 times out of 100 that is bo-ring. I don't want to waste the reader's time. I've done enough of that with all this dialogue already. : P Yes we are dumping info, but only in small doses here and there, so it still reads naturally and doesn't feel like a dump (at least I hope).

Then there is the timing of the exposition, which is less obvious. If the whole chapter was this one scene I could have stretched it out and done more showing, but this scene starts 7500 words into the first chapter (and the excerpt itself is over 1000 words) and there has been some flirting already but nothing steamy yet. Stretching this scene out will only make the reader antsy wondering when the hanky panky is coming. So making this scene 1500-2000 words would have been a mistake. The timing of the scene within the chapter urged me to shorten it and telling was a perfect tool for just that. I knew when I was writing it that it could get too long too long, bog down, bog down. So I took a couple of sections and glossed them over with exposition.

 

[StillStunned]

"Show" and "tell" are both tools. Trying to write a story with only one will usually result in a mess.

In 1P or close 3P, "tell" is more prominent. It covers all the narrator's thoughts, feelings and impressions. To balance this, you can use "show" (or rather "don't tell") to create negative spaces that the reader fills in.

This is from my most recent story:

As summer passed, I settled into my new life. I attended a few more of the monthly barbecues, when they didn't clash with my hiking trips with Bash. I tried to avoid Vernon if I could. Ginny was always tagging along behind him, even if she projected an aura of wanting to be anywhere else.

Sometimes I heard his voice across the space between our flats, shouting and ranting. It got worse, and then one barbecue in late September he didn't show up. Ginny was there, with a gaggle of women clustering around her.

"He left," said Marcus, who lived two doors down from me. "Stood outside their front door, shouting so everyone could hear, about how she was sucking the life out of him." I'd been working late that day and missed the excitement.

I grunted. I wasn't really interested, beyond being glad that I didn't have to socialise with Vernon.

"Fuck knows how she'll pay the mortgage," added Dylan, then glanced around guiltily. There weren't any kids listening, and he continued. "I doubt she earns enough at the library."

There's a lot of "tell" here. So I omitted as much detail as I could from the description of the barbecue. The narrator has apparently walked in and mingles, notices Vernon's absence and the support group around Ginny.

But I don't need to say explicitly that he's taking to Marcus and Dylan - I don't even need to explain who Dylan is. The reader can fill in for themselves that he's one of the neighbours, and the narrator is standing talking to some of the men as they watch the women with Ginny.

I don't need to add any details about who's wearing what, whether they're standing or sitting, whether they're drinking beer from bottles or cans or glasses, or wine from a bottle of a bag-in-box. That kind of thing might add to the tale in some 3P stories, but here it would be a distraction. The focus is on the narrator's impressions, and they take up pretty much all the "tell" the scene can handle.

(This is of course my personal approach. It works for me, and in this particular story. I'm not saying it necessary works this way for everyone. But even so, I do believe that the balance must be maintained.)

 

[SimonDoom]

"Telling" can be a useful way of getting from point A to point B in a story quickly when you feel like it's not worthwhile to narrate what happened in detail. There's no reason that a story has to proceed at exactly the same pace and level of detail all the time. In fact, it's better if it doesn't.

This is one of those pieces of writerly advice that, IMO, gets misinterpreted, like "write what you know." It should be seen as liberating rather than constraining. In the course of telling your story, try often to "show" the reader rather than just telling them. It doesn't mean that telling is always bad.

 

[pink_silk_glove]

"Telling" can be a useful way of getting from point A to point B in a story quickly when you feel like it's not worthwhile to narrate what happened in detail. There's no reason that a story has to proceed at exactly the same pace and level of detail all the time. In fact, it's better if it doesn't.

Exactly.

This is one of those pieces of writerly advice that, IMO, gets misinterpreted, like "write what you know." It should be seen as liberating rather than constraining. In the course of telling your story, try often to "show" the reader rather than just telling them. It doesn't mean that telling is always bad.

I think that the mantra of show don't tell rose to popularity simply because so many rookie writers just tell waaaaaaayyyy too much. If one looks at it that way, it's actually sound advice. "Okay rookie, the first thing you need to do is stop all this telling," for example. But yes, beyond that, there's nothing wrong with telling, just pick your tell spots wisely.

 

[pink_silk_glove]

man, wtf is wrong with the spoiler formatter

What the hell is wrong with the thread?

The post backgrounds have turned white, the drag-quote has stopped working and my reply to simon displayed out of order (above your post) until I backed out and re-loaded.

@Manu

 

[Bramblethorn]

I think that the mantra of show don't tell rose to popularity simply because so many rookie writers just tell waaaaaaayyyy too much.

That, and people are addicted to the idea that every pursuit can be distilled down to some simple set of incontrovertible golden rules. Show, don't tell; kill your adverbs; and so on. The idea that maybe every story is its own thing and requires its own approach, that none of these rules are universal, is an uncomfortable one for many.

 

[pink_silk_glove]

That, and people are addicted to the idea that every pursuit can be distilled down to some simple set of incontrovertible golden rules. Show, don't tell; kill your adverbs; and so on. The idea that maybe every story is its own thing and requires its own approach, that none of these rules are universal, is an uncomfortable one for many.

Yes, it's good to know what all the rules are so that you understand the best way to bend and break them just right.

 

[pink_silk_glove]

Every time that I reply to this thread, my new reply displays between #2 and #3 until I refresh. Anybody else getting this?

 

[Bramblethorn]

Every time that I reply to this thread, my new reply displays between #2 and #3 until I refresh. Anybody else getting this?

Yes, same here.

 

[AwkwardlySet]

This page is showing in a weird way for me starting with Britva's post

Normal



Normal as well



but after that, all the posts look like this. This is the first time this happens and it's happening on this page only.

 

[pink_silk_glove]

I think it has to do with the spoiler. Perhaps some funky code in the spoiler. (shrug)

 

[NotWise]

I think it has to do with the spoiler. Perhaps some funky code in the spoiler. (shrug)

There's a little stray text at the end of Britva's first post:

')">

I think that might show where the problem is. He or AHMod might be able to fix it, but we can't do anything about it.

It's like this has become a sub-thread, or something.

 

[NotWise]

That string doesn't even quote right.

 

[NotWise]

That string doesn't even quote right.

Just checking. Did trying to quote that string fix the problem?

 

[NotWise]

Just checking. Did trying to quote that string fix the problem?

Nope. It displayed correctly once.

 

[Britva415]

"Spoiler" formatter is broken.

I fixed my post by eliminating the spoiler tag.

 

[NotWise]

That worked.

 

[pink_silk_glove]

"Spoiler" formatter is broken.

I fixed my post by eliminating the spoiler tag.

Aaaand we're back to normal everyone. Good ol' xenforo, the heaviest clunkiest buggiest forum software known to man.

 

[pink_silk_glove]

getting back on topic ...

There's a lot of "tell" here. So I omitted as much detail as I could from the description of the barbecue. The narrator has apparently walked in and mingles, notices Vernon's absence and the support group around Ginny.

Indeed, half of the passage is exposition, namely the first two paragraphs. However, since the passage is quite short, the exposition itself is also brief. That's good. It does exactly what it;s supposed to do, and that's to get the pertinent info out quickly and efficiently to keep the pace flowing.

 

[MrHereWriting]

Good writing is good writing. Bad writing is bad writing.

The Sword of Shannara: which I recently tried to read again, had been 100% tell for 250 pages and I can't stand it. I quit the book, again. I was given the first four books of the series as a Christmas gift over a decade ago and I know now that I'll never read it.

The Devil All the Time: I've read this book and I listen to it on audio, and it's pretty much all tell, and I enjoy it all the time. It is a dark, depressing, and hopeless story, but it's a good story and it's written well, and I recommend it to everyone.

Show, don't Tell, Tell, don't Show, Tell and Show, the only time you'll complain is when you don't like the story.

 

[StillStunned]

getting back on topic ...



Indeed, half of the passage is exposition, namely the first two paragraphs. However, since the passage is quite short, the exposition itself is also brief. That's good. It does exactly what it;s supposed to do, and that's to get the pertinent info out quickly and efficiently to keep the pace flowing.

Actually, it's a fairly typical passage from the story's 9k words. But it proves that "tell" isn't automatically bad. Here, I used it as a device to create distance between the narrator and the events he's observing. That is, in fact, a constant theme throughout the story: an outsider looking in. Not just as a voyeur, but in social gatherings and conversations.

The story has 15.5k views in the four days it's been up, and 283 readers have voted, for a vote-to-view ratio of about 1 in 55. And the average score is 4.68, so presumably they agree with me that "tell" works here.