Things That Get You Laid

[Porkwarrior]

Being there.

A girthy cock, outdoors exhibitionist streak, and a love to laugh naked in bed after two hours of hardcore monkey sex helps.

Cooking perfect cream cheese & smoked salmon crepes naked in the kitchen then serving a late weekend brunch in bed helps more.

 

[PapaRomantic]

Playing the piano and singing to her helped get me a wife.

 

[TwoTaTango]

Tools

Having skills and knowing what to do with tools and wood

 

[HumasWanderingWeiner]

Honesty.

 

[Hornblende]

Asking "Shall I put a cock ring on?"

 

[Paintingwithautumncolours]

Scat play.

 

[DarkSimian]

Well done DS!

The guys have extensive lists of things they 'think' work.
The ladies pretty much have to say... "So, you down?" lol

Not to say that all women are like this, but I have know many women that have extensive lists of the requirements a male partner must have to bed them....


For men, it can be summed up by Andrew Dice Clay;" Two tits, a hole, and a heartbeat."


And sometimes, the heartbeat is even optional

 

[StormyWindows]

caring

 

[GiggLeGasm]

a little whispering angel on a misty spring evening

 

[islandjoe2]

I guess it depends on how laid I want to get, but it's either $20, $30 or $50...sometimes open to negotiations depending on how business is.

 

[Sundayschild]

I guess it depends on how laid I want to get, but it's either $20, $30 or $50...sometimes open to negotiations depending on how business is.

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she'll become a hooker.

She's not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, "Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him that you charge a hundred bucks. If you got a question, I'll be parked around the corner."

She's standing there for 5 minutes when a guy pulls up and asks, "How much?" She says, "A hundred dollars."

He says, "All I got is thirty". She says, "Hold on," and runs back to Harry and asks, "What can he get for thirty?"

"A hand job", Harry reply.

She runs back and tells the guy all he gets for thirty dollar is a hand job. He agrees. She gets in the car. He unzips his pants, and out pops this HUGE ......

She stares at it for a minute, and then says, "I'll be right back." She runs back to Harry, and asks, "Can you loan this guy seventy bucks?"

 

[Lunation]

Laying at the bottom of a pit trap covered with palm leaves, waiting for a hapless woman to fall and impale herself on me.

 

[islandjoe2]

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she'll become a hooker.

She's not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, "Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him that you charge a hundred bucks. If you got a question, I'll be parked around the corner."

She's standing there for 5 minutes when a guy pulls up and asks, "How much?" She says, "A hundred dollars."

He says, "All I got is thirty". She says, "Hold on," and runs back to Harry and asks, "What can he get for thirty?"

"A hand job", Harry reply.

She runs back and tells the guy all he gets for thirty dollar is a hand job. He agrees. She gets in the car. He unzips his pants, and out pops this HUGE ......

She stares at it for a minute, and then says, "I'll be right back." She runs back to Harry, and asks, "Can you loan this guy seventy bucks?"

Well, damned if this isn't the story of my life.


I'm the guy in the car.

 

[cole4258]

A night out dancing is a good start

 

[Livelifetofullesy]

this crazy thing called listening

 

[LadyJS]

My sweet and tender personality...

No, still not getting laid.

Fuck!!!

 

[sogrl90]

Usually just being in the same room works.

 

[ShinyNewbie]

A $100 bill on my forehead and a bottle of Thunderbird in my hand

 

[suckonsimon]

Legs help, so I'm told

 

[janeyl]

the potential for group sex can be a draw...

 

[DarkSimian]

I've heard that every girl's crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man

 

[suckonsimon]

I've heard that every girl's crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man

Shucks. I've had the wrong image all these years ...

 

[curvyangel1969]

My sweet and tender personality...

No, still not getting laid.

Fuck!!!

Your sig really made me laugh out loud.

 

[DarkSimian]

My sweet and tender personality...

No, still not getting laid.

Fuck!!!

I'm warming up to LadyJS.

I want to seduce her, and have her whisper sweet profanities in my ear

 

[curvyangel1969]

I'm warming up to LadyJS.

I want to seduce her, and have her whisper sweet profanities in my ear

I know, right? Record that so I can take some notes.