Third/Fourth stories published, would love feedback on improvement and development!

[PennyThompson]

Hi, all! I really appreciated the comments, feedback, and suggestions for improvement after posting my first story last month.

My fourth story was just published last night, and I think that I've really been able to hone my style and voice quite a bit since my first foray. (I'm indebted to @THBGato who has offered a ton of helpful advice). It directly follows my third story, and I feel the two make a pretty good emotional mini-arc within a longer story.

Shared Dorm Rooms are the Worst!
A 19-Year-Old Futanari meets her new room mate, sparks fly.

Hard to Stay Quiet in the Library
Futanari college student has a study session with her roomie.

I would dearly love to hear any constructive thoughts, opinions, or suggestions on the style, tone, structure and pacing of these!

 

[Nightscream89]

I really like the direction you are taking it in.

Are you also going to have Penny be with guys? (Even if it's just in a threesome scenario, like hooking up with a couple, she fucks the GF while the BF fucks Penny's pussy.)
I like the writing but in the sex scenes I think it would be good to describe feelings and smaller actions a bit more.

For me, the more details you add, the longer the described action seems to last. (Maybe that's just me though.) Since I will be reading the description of what is happening for longer.
The library sex scene now felt to me like Penny came within 1 minute of fucking Mikayla. So I think it would help to add more details about the tightness, or maybe Penny lifting one of Mikayla's legs halfway through. Mikayla slapping a hand in front of her mouth because she can't contain her moans.

Also when they eventually cum, adding 'her cock began to twitch.', 'her pussy quivered.', 'her pussy clamped down on Penny's cock.' or 'Mikayla's body started to slightly spasm as she was quickly approaching her orgasm.'

I think small sentences like these could help build a bit more tension and prolong sex scenes. While visualizing I would still picture them fucking in my head, so the scene will seem to be longer.

Of course it could be that that's just me. Just my (uneducated) opinion.

Didn't want to post it at first, since I have just started writing, but since no one else posted anything here (and I know how dissappointing it can be if no one responds to your feedback post) I decided to post it anyway.

I love the story btw, can't wait for the next chapter!

Cheers,
Nightscream89

 

[PennyThompson]

Thank you, that's really helpful! I don't think you need to be an experienced writer to know what you like and what you don't like

I'm still trying to find the right balance between "action" and story, so your point is well taken. The challenge I've tried to set for myself is to keep each chapter relatively short and relatively self-contained, while still telling a story that is satisfying on the chapter scale and satisfying on the larger story arc scale.

Are you also going to have Penny be with guys? (Even if it's just in a threesome scenario, like hooking up with a couple, she fucks the GF while the BF fucks Penny's pussy.)

I think your question will be answered in time. I'm not sure if it will make every reader happy, but I can't be all things to all people, so I'm going to go with what feels right to me

Chapter 5 is in the publishing queue, I hope you'll read that one too!

 

[THBGato]

so I'm going to go with what feels right to me

Abso-frigging-lutely! It's the only thing you can do as an author, especially when you aren't be paid to write!

 

[PennyThompson]

Abso-frigging-lutely! It's the only thing you can do as an author, especially when you aren't be paid to write!

Oh god, I got a private message a couple days ago, asking me to write a VERY specific story for them for money

 

[THBGato]

Woah, a commission already babe? Neat! Look at you go!

 

[PennyThompson]

I did NOT take the job

 

[Bigbobnc]

I did NOT take the job

Nice to get asked though