This is a tough one to explain.

[Marquis]

Do the same qualities about your partner that turn you on ever totally piss you off?

I've noticed that I often get annoyed when submissive women I'm with are overly submissive towards others. I guess I don't like the idea of my partner just being a pushover in general, there's no accomplishment in that.

I've also noticed that my partners often get annoyed when I try to assert myself over others, be it something as simple as trying to convince the dude at Blockbuster to erase the late charge or sending back incorrectly prepared food at a restaurant.

Is this a common thing? I want the TRUTH people!

 

[D's mariposa]

Yes it is.

For instance, D likes my stubbornness, my tenacity and my willingness to fight to the good fight. For instance, we have a real dipwad here at the club that I'm allowed to slice and dice when he messes with me. I'm also allowed to knock his block off if he ever touches me again. He derives great enjoyment from watching me explain the Meaning of Life to random assholes when needed. But take my stubbornness ( I don't get sarcastic and rude at my Master) and turn it towards him, like when he got a little bit lost the other day and it's a whole 'nother kettle of orgasms. Well, we weren't really lost, but there was an easier way to get to where we were going. I KNEW where we were dammit. I knew how to get where we needed to be, dammit! And tried to convince him to go the shorter way. Finally he got annoyed at me being stubborn and I could tell he was annoyed and being a reasonably intelligent woman I decided to STFU and get over it. But I was annoyed at him making a unilateral decision not to listen to me, behaving in a Domly manner, so to speak, and he was annoyed at my stubbornness. Thankfully, we're both reasonable (and reasoning!) adults so it doesn't happen very often.

 

[LadyNatasha]

Do the same qualities about your partner that turn you on ever totally piss you off?

I've noticed that I often get annoyed when submissive women I'm with are overly submissive towards others. I guess I don't like the idea of my partner just being a pushover in general, there's no accomplishment in that.

I've also noticed that my partners often get annoyed when I try to assert myself over others, be it something as simple as trying to convince the dude at Blockbuster to erase the late charge or sending back incorrectly prepared food at a restaurant.

Is this a common thing? I want the TRUTH people!

Yes, yes yes. I think it's totally common. We're selfish fucks. It's how we're made. I fell in love with victim A. for reasons 1,2,3. Those things make you perfect for ME. Now I take A out somewhere and they utilize 1,2 & 3 on other people. Um hi, that's what sold ME on you. STOP USING IT, YOU'RE ALREADY TAKEN!

 

[Despina]

I'm not sure how common it is throughout, but I've experienced friction there before. Come to think of it, I don't know that I've ever stream-lined it the way you just did, but it would explain a lot if that is in fact the dynamic.

~D

 

[TaintedB]

Do the same qualities about your partner that turn you on ever totally piss you off?

I've also noticed that my partners often get annoyed when I try to assert myself over others, be it something as simple as trying to convince the dude at Blockbuster to erase the late charge or sending back incorrectly prepared food at a restaurant.

Is this a common thing? I want the TRUTH people!

I'm not trying to be contrary in these threads, just truthful. I've always really enjoyed watching dominant partners "operate" even on other submissive women. The people I've been with have always made me feel special, and so there wasn't any reason for jealousy. And when they do their dominant thing on non-submissives to obtain some kind of goal, it's all for the good. So why would I get bothered?

I've experienced the situation D's Mariposa described many times: where I know I'm right about something but my dominant insists on his own way. Here's what I learned, lol. You know what they say in retail? "The customer is always right?" Yep, and I think I became a better submissive for it. I learned it doesn't really matter in the long run if I'm right about something and he isn't, what's important is what he wants and my duty, which is to fulfill what he wants. The only times this became really hard to do and I was liable to lose it were the very few rare times when someone would insist that something about _me_ that I was highly sensitive about was true when it wasn't. Usually when that happens the person telling you the thing is right and you just don't want to admit it about yourself, but in a few cases, they were wrong, and I became incensed because it was such a hot button for me.

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Do the same qualities about your partner that turn you on ever totally piss you off?

I've noticed that I often get annoyed when submissive women I'm with are overly submissive towards others. I guess I don't like the idea of my partner just being a pushover in general, there's no accomplishment in that.

I've also noticed that my partners often get annoyed when I try to assert myself over others, be it something as simple as trying to convince the dude at Blockbuster to erase the late charge or sending back incorrectly prepared food at a restaurant.

Is this a common thing? I want the TRUTH people!

I have noted that tendency in myself as well as in the others who compose the major (sexual) part of my life. My submissiveness is not a given and yet let me slip up one time and call someone SIR, even if it is in the course of a business conversation. A certain Sir loses his friggin mind!!

On the other hand, I can not stand to see my pets being submissive to anyone else, my Sir included. They are MINE dammit....

 

[D's mariposa]

I've experienced the situation D's Mariposa described many times: where I know I'm right about something but my dominant insists on his own way. Here's what I learned, lol. You know what they say in retail? "The customer is always right?" Yep, and I think I became a better submissive for it. I learned it doesn't really matter in the long run if I'm right about something and he isn't, what's important is what he wants and my duty, which is to fulfill what he wants.

Right. Which is why I took the Shut the Fuck Up route (STFU) this time. Generally, I will insist up to a point where I can sense it's totally counter-productive.

The only times this became really hard to do and I was liable to lose it were the very few rare times when someone would insist that something about _me_ that I was highly sensitive about was true when it wasn't. Usually when that happens the person telling you the thing is right and you just don't want to admit it about yourself, but in a few cases, they were wrong, and I became incensed because it was such a hot button for me.

There is one other time when it becomes hard for me. Part of my 'job' so to speak as I see it is to help him in any way I can. Service to me is taking care of my Sir. When I know that I'm right, and he isn't for whatever reason (usually it's a lack of knowledge on his part, not being contrary or anything) and it's going to cost us in some way, I get conflicted. On one hand, letting him do something in error is me being a bad subbie chick. On the other hand, making a big deal and being stubborn and bitchy about it is too! When we get into a situation like that, I usually present my "case" as it were as concisely and persuasively as possible and hope he follows my advice. And if he doesn't and we get screwed, I bite my tongue and try not to do the "I told you so" crap. But it's hard. My innate service instinct says to do the best I can come hell or high water, but it also says to shut up and do what he says.

 

[SubbieHubbie2]

I think it might depend on how "intimate" the behavior or personal feature is to your relationship. I mean, taking it to extremes:

My wife loves how creative I am... she loves to see me creative anywhere.

My wife loves how easy I can be to talk to, how I can get people to open up... she sometimes gets nervous things would go too far when I turn on that charm with other female friends (the thing that stops her getting upset is how OBVIOUSLY married I am - that I make sure ppl know that).

My wife loves how I am as a lover... she'd go ballistic if I tried that with anyone else.

Not intimate, a little intimate, very intimate. Kinda dictates how you see something I guess.

 

[sunfox]

C is oblivious to other women. Something that attracted me about him when we became friends, and then much later started to date each other and get serious, then finally married.

However, when I mention something about someone, either a friend or a stranger, and he gives me that big-eyed blank look, that annoys me. *laughs* I know he's oblivious, and I love that because it assuages my innate jealous fear of him finding other women more attractive than me... but it also annoys me, because I have to repeat things quite often, or spell them out.. and that makes me crazy.

I love him, but he drives me nuts sometimes.

 

[niteloser]

Do the same qualities about your partner that turn you on ever totally piss you off?

I've noticed that I often get annoyed when submissive women I'm with are overly submissive towards others. I guess I don't like the idea of my partner just being a pushover in general, there's no accomplishment in that.

I've also noticed that my partners often get annoyed when I try to assert myself over others, be it something as simple as trying to convince the dude at Blockbuster to erase the late charge or sending back incorrectly prepared food at a restaurant.

Is this a common thing? I want the TRUTH people!

I lik ehow he is so demanding in bed. I don't like when we aren't even playing and he tells me to go get something. I like to do it just sometimes I'm comfy and don't feel like moving...

 

[bg23]

yes
a man i have an interest in has a certain tendency to be somewhat callous...careless towards me. i do not know if it is intentional, or simply in his nature.
in general, it turns me on.
in specific moments, it annoys and hurts.

 

[Desdemona]

Oh yeah, this is a hot button for me. I don't mind if he is persuasive or takes control in a business context, but I want his domliness reserved for me. I don't like it if other female friends (ex lovers/subs) behave submissively towards him or if he allows that sort of behavior. He knows how I feel about it. By the same token, he sure doesn't want me to behave submissively towards anyone else; it is reserved for him only. He likes it that I'm strong and assertive with others.

 

[slave C]

I have noticed lately that I no longer make eye contact with men in public anymore. Master loves that. I used to be a BIG flirt. Master , however, is becoming more confidant around women and the women notice that. However, being married to him, well, I am the only sub he will ever have. ( I think) I am naturally submissive and I tend to sometimes let people walk over me. However, after being a postmaster for awhile I can also stick up for myself. I know master would be ready with the whip if I submitted to anyone else and I would deserve it. Those are waters that will never be tested. If I feel I am being threatened or a creep wont stop coming onto me, well my friend Smith and Wesson will take care ofit. I submit only to one master. Master asked me the other day what I would do if I watched him whip another woman. I would be jealous. Duh. Hopes this helps Im probably just rambling. submissively slave c

 

[Marquis]

Rather than start a new thread, I figured I'd just revive this one.

So today is Valentine's day and I find myself once again thinking about this paradox.

I enjoy being a dominant, there should be no doubt about that. The benefits of being a dominant are spectacular and the responsibilities are..... well..... acceptable, and for the most part things I'm well suited for.

However, occasionally, I do feel like there is a slight lack of balance in my relationships. I wonder if anyone could offer me some advice on how to deal with a few issues.

For one thing, I've never been in a relationship where I was not the one who had to insist on and facilitate communication and honesty. It cracks me up to think of how many women complain about their men not wanting to talk about the relationship or discuss their feelings.

Again, it isn't that I mind taking this role. In fact, it's often a pleasure and it's well suited to my personality. All too often it really does feel like I'm pulling teeth though. Sometimes I can't help but give up. It feels like if my partner doesn't want to make the time to discuss important issues, why should I care or bother?

Another thing you usually hear women complaining about more is a lack of effort in romance. No, this is not a euphamism for sex. Actually, I haven't had a relationship in years where I haven't been able to fuck my partner whenever and however I wanted. I guess for a lot of guys this would be a dream come true, and I'm not ungrateful, but am I being greedy to ask for more? Particularly if I want to offer more in return?

I've always been the more romantic partner in my relationships. I've always been the one to write the love notes and the poetry, to plan the trips or the nights out or the romantic dinners. It's not that my efforts go unappreciated, it just gets a little tiresome to be the one to initiate these sorts of things every time.

So, today is Valentine's day. For weeks now I've thought about things I could do to make my loved ones feel special today. It isn't a chore to do these things, to express my creativity in this way, it's a pleasure.

But I won't be doing anything today, because quite frankly I'm a little sick of it. I'm not asking for 50/50. 80/20 would be fine, but I don't feel like I'm even getting that. Over the course of the last few weeks, while I considered all the ways I could make this day special, I couldn't help but wonder if my subs were thinking about what they could do for me today, or just excitedly waiting for what I would be doing.

Well, Valentine's day is here, and sadly enough I do feel like I can say with almost absolute certainty that I will not be receiving any kind of romantic expression of affection in any form. I won't be getting a card or a love letter or a gift or anything that took more than two seconds of effort or originality.

I'm very happy with my relationships and I'm constantly honored by my lovers' respect and obedience. Is it unfair to desire more than that?

An older sub was once telling me about the importance of taking time and putting forth effort to discipline, care for and play with your sub. I felt like she was coming off a little spoiled and bratty, and told her so. I expressed resentment about having so much expected in return, shouldn't service be a pleasure in and of itself?

She said that if you and your sub are a match, the desire to submit is there. Those things are just maintanence, making sure her batteries are charged so she has the energy to serve you, which is what she wants.

Over time, I've come to really understand the wisdom of those words. I think that understanding this has really helped me mature as a dominant.

I am comfortable being the pursuer. I am comfortable taking the lead. I am comfortable making decisions. I guess I just feel like my batteries are a little low sometimes.

 

[brioche]

Rather than start a new thread, I figured I'd just revive this one.

So today is Valentine's day and I find myself once again thinking about this paradox.

I enjoy being a dominant, there should be no doubt about that. The benefits of being a dominant are spectacular and the responsibilities are..... well..... acceptable, and for the most part things I'm well suited for.

However, occasionally, I do feel like there is a slight lack of balance in my relationships. I wonder if anyone could offer me some advice on how to deal with a few issues.

For one thing, I've never been in a relationship where I was not the one who had to insist on and facilitate communication and honesty. It cracks me up to think of how many women complain about their men not wanting to talk about the relationship or discuss their feelings.

Again, it isn't that I mind taking this role. In fact, it's often a pleasure and it's well suited to my personality. All too often it really does feel like I'm pulling teeth though. Sometimes I can't help but give up. It feels like if my partner doesn't want to make the time to discuss important issues, why should I care or bother?

Another thing you usually hear women complaining about more is a lack of effort in romance. No, this is not a euphamism for sex. Actually, I haven't had a relationship in years where I haven't been able to fuck my partner whenever and however I wanted. I guess for a lot of guys this would be a dream come true, and I'm not ungrateful, but am I being greedy to ask for more? Particularly if I want to offer more in return?

I've always been the more romantic partner in my relationships. I've always been the one to write the love notes and the poetry, to plan the trips or the nights out or the romantic dinners. It's not that my efforts go unappreciated, it just gets a little tiresome to be the one to initiate these sorts of things every time.

So, today is Valentine's day. For weeks now I've thought about things I could do to make my loved ones feel special today. It isn't a chore to do these things, to express my creativity in this way, it's a pleasure.

But I won't be doing anything today, because quite frankly I'm a little sick of it. I'm not asking for 50/50. 80/20 would be fine, but I don't feel like I'm even getting that. Over the course of the last few weeks, while I considered all the ways I could make this day special, I couldn't help but wonder if my subs were thinking about what they could do for me today, or just excitedly waiting for what I would be doing.

Well, Valentine's day is here, and sadly enough I do feel like I can say with almost absolute certainty that I will not be receiving any kind of romantic expression of affection in any form. I won't be getting a card or a love letter or a gift or anything that took more than two seconds of effort or originality.

I'm very happy with my relationships and I'm constantly honored by my lovers' respect and obedience. Is it unfair to desire more than that?

An older sub was once telling me about the importance of taking time and putting forth effort to discipline, care for and play with your sub. I felt like she was coming off a little spoiled and bratty, and told her so. I expressed resentment about having so much expected in return, shouldn't service be a pleasure in and of itself?

She said that if you and your sub are a match, the desire to submit is there. Those things are just maintanence, making sure her batteries are charged so she has the energy to serve you, which is what she wants.

Over time, I've come to really understand the wisdom of those words. I think that understanding this has really helped me mature as a dominant.

I am comfortable being the pursuer. I am comfortable taking the lead. I am comfortable making decisions. I guess I just feel like my batteries are a little low sometimes.

Marquis, I don't think you're asking for anything that outrageous. But perhaps it's important to have these qualities in mind when you choose your partner.
For example, right now, I know exactly what I want, and I'm not going to settle for anything else, and I'm willing to wait. I came pretty close a few months ago.

If I were you, I would make a few decisions. What HAS to be there? What would you LIKE to be there? Then proceed from that point.

I hope this makes sense. I just woke up feeling like I was hung over for some reason.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I feel your concern Marquis as in the past I have usually been the one doing the romantic gestures, going that little bit extra, thinking what would make their day etc., but now in mid-life I have finally found someone who is exceedingly romantic, passionate, and creative, though he has an annoying habit of on days like today, forbidding me to buy him anything, do anything special, while hinting he has been busy making plans himself. I just have to wait and see what tonight holds. So basically what I guess I am saying, it is not that unusual for one person in a relationship to be doing most if not all the giving while the other seems to just accept it...but it is possible to have more, it just takes time and patience and knowing what you want and knowing you have every right to have it. Happy Valentines BTW.

Catalina

 

[graceanne]

I hesitate to ask this, cause I know that communication isn't normally an issue with you, but have you told them that you'd appreciate some effort at the romantic stuff?

 

[Netzach]

Rather than start a new thread, I figured I'd just revive this one.

So today is Valentine's day and I find myself once again thinking about this paradox.

I enjoy being a dominant, there should be no doubt about that. The benefits of being a dominant are spectacular and the responsibilities are..... well..... acceptable, and for the most part things I'm well suited for.

However, occasionally, I do feel like there is a slight lack of balance in my relationships. I wonder if anyone could offer me some advice on how to deal with a few issues.

For one thing, I've never been in a relationship where I was not the one who had to insist on and facilitate communication and honesty. It cracks me up to think of how many women complain about their men not wanting to talk about the relationship or discuss their feelings.

Again, it isn't that I mind taking this role. In fact, it's often a pleasure and it's well suited to my personality. All too often it really does feel like I'm pulling teeth though. Sometimes I can't help but give up. It feels like if my partner doesn't want to make the time to discuss important issues, why should I care or bother?

Another thing you usually hear women complaining about more is a lack of effort in romance. No, this is not a euphamism for sex. Actually, I haven't had a relationship in years where I haven't been able to fuck my partner whenever and however I wanted. I guess for a lot of guys this would be a dream come true, and I'm not ungrateful, but am I being greedy to ask for more? Particularly if I want to offer more in return?

I've always been the more romantic partner in my relationships. I've always been the one to write the love notes and the poetry, to plan the trips or the nights out or the romantic dinners. It's not that my efforts go unappreciated, it just gets a little tiresome to be the one to initiate these sorts of things every time.

So, today is Valentine's day. For weeks now I've thought about things I could do to make my loved ones feel special today. It isn't a chore to do these things, to express my creativity in this way, it's a pleasure.

But I won't be doing anything today, because quite frankly I'm a little sick of it. I'm not asking for 50/50. 80/20 would be fine, but I don't feel like I'm even getting that. Over the course of the last few weeks, while I considered all the ways I could make this day special, I couldn't help but wonder if my subs were thinking about what they could do for me today, or just excitedly waiting for what I would be doing.

Well, Valentine's day is here, and sadly enough I do feel like I can say with almost absolute certainty that I will not be receiving any kind of romantic expression of affection in any form. I won't be getting a card or a love letter or a gift or anything that took more than two seconds of effort or originality.

I'm very happy with my relationships and I'm constantly honored by my lovers' respect and obedience. Is it unfair to desire more than that?

An older sub was once telling me about the importance of taking time and putting forth effort to discipline, care for and play with your sub. I felt like she was coming off a little spoiled and bratty, and told her so. I expressed resentment about having so much expected in return, shouldn't service be a pleasure in and of itself?

She said that if you and your sub are a match, the desire to submit is there. Those things are just maintanence, making sure her batteries are charged so she has the energy to serve you, which is what she wants.

Over time, I've come to really understand the wisdom of those words. I think that understanding this has really helped me mature as a dominant.

I am comfortable being the pursuer. I am comfortable taking the lead. I am comfortable making decisions. I guess I just feel like my batteries are a little low sometimes.

Ughhhhh um...

BULLSHIT.

I say this because I too am a D. I will be fawned over and adored. I am not the person who has our anniversary in my palm pilot.

Also, I'm as given to a bad poem or an un-needed flower as I was in college, normally not on a holiday, normally on a nothing day when nothing is expected.

M is really really romantic and clued in to this stuff. I love that about him. It's just that he always outdoes me on the calendar days and makes me feel like an asshole. I guess that's my contribution to the thread, but I was more moved to post because it's not a submissive thing. It's not even necessarily a girl thing, although as you know I'm not the most receptive to my societal girl training and I'm kind of a butch at heart.

 

[the captians wench]

I think I'm a bit spoiled.My ex and I were very well matched when it came to romance. He would always make special plans for days like today, my birthday, anniverseries, etc...And I would do the out of the blue stuff. At least once a month we had some sort of romantic evening that either he or myself would plan. And me being the needy little thing I am, ate every moment up.

With Jounar, things are a bit different. I send him cards and love notes, emails and stories, and even silly little things that I find that remind me of him for one reason or another. He on the other hand has only sent me something for christmas, and then it's just the gift (tho this year he did wrap it). I do feel disapointed sometimes that he doesn't do those little things, but I've known for a while that it's just not something he thinks about, and I can either deal with that or set sail. But then there are a lot of things that are different about our relationship and the one with my ex, being so far apart is probably the big one, along with the fact that I was married to my ex.

 

[Stegral]

Do the same qualities about your partner that turn you on ever totally piss you off?
Is this a common thing? I want the TRUTH people!

He isn't my partner but I do play/bottom with Him alot more than anyone else & He is the only one to take me on a high to date.
He classes himself as a "bedroom Dom" & even though there has been no intercourse as of yet, there are times I wish He would !!!

I do enjoy playing with Him, but "topping from the bottom" ticks me off at times because He should be the one in charge... not me IMHO...

I am not sure if he allows me to do this because he doesn't want to scare me off as I am a n00b to the lifestyle (less than a year)
Amazingly I trust him more than any b/f in the past due to the SSC rules.
I know he would never harm me, I've heard he is a "soft Dom" which to me is good

I love Him to death, But I WISH He would be a tad more DOMINANT with me...

 

[JMohegan]

However, occasionally, I do feel like there is a slight lack of balance in my relationships. I wonder if anyone could offer me some advice on how to deal with a few issues.

For one thing, I've never been in a relationship where I was not the one who had to insist on and facilitate communication and honesty. It cracks me up to think of how many women complain about their men not wanting to talk about the relationship or discuss their feelings.

Again, it isn't that I mind taking this role. In fact, it's often a pleasure and it's well suited to my personality. All too often it really does feel like I'm pulling teeth though. Sometimes I can't help but give up. It feels like if my partner doesn't want to make the time to discuss important issues, why should I care or bother?

Looking back on the totality of my experiences with women, I'd say that the two most common reasons for resisting meaningful communication were as follows.

1 - The truly baffling theory some women seem to embrace that may be summarized as: "We don't have to talk about it, because if you really cared about me you would just know." It seems to be a bizarre and misguided test of devotion, in a way. Now I'm down with the idea that generally speaking I should be able to pick up non-verbal clues as to irritation, disappointment, etc. However, understanding that someone *is* irritated is not necessarily the same thing as understanding *why*. This theory really exasperates me.

and

2 - Fear of disappointing, angering, or upsetting me with what she has to say.

I have also, on rare occasions, experienced resistance that seemed to be a form of rebellion, as in: You can make me do a lot of things, but you can't make me talk.

Over the years, I learned to counteract these forces by talking about them early on in a relationship and establishing ground rules. If you want me to list them, I will. But it's hard to know whether or not this would be helpful in your case.

Not wanting to bother with meaningful discussion, taken at face value, isn't exactly a positive sign for commitment to the relationship. It would be helpful to know if a more complex reason explains the reluctance.

Another thing you usually hear women complaining about more is a lack of effort in romance. No, this is not a euphamism for sex. Actually, I haven't had a relationship in years where I haven't been able to fuck my partner whenever and however I wanted. I guess for a lot of guys this would be a dream come true, and I'm not ungrateful, but am I being greedy to ask for more? Particularly if I want to offer more in return?

I've always been the more romantic partner in my relationships. I've always been the one to write the love notes and the poetry, to plan the trips or the nights out or the romantic dinners. It's not that my efforts go unappreciated, it just gets a little tiresome to be the one to initiate these sorts of things every time.

So, today is Valentine's day. For weeks now I've thought about things I could do to make my loved ones feel special today. It isn't a chore to do these things, to express my creativity in this way, it's a pleasure.

But I won't be doing anything today, because quite frankly I'm a little sick of it. I'm not asking for 50/50. 80/20 would be fine, but I don't feel like I'm even getting that.

Personally I've boycotted Valentine's Day since day one. I really *hate* anything that feels like someone telling me what to do in a personal relationship, and the commercial pressure surrounding this particular event is obscene.

It also seems to reinforce the behavior of those men who engage in quasi-obsequious, bank account-draining efforts to get in some woman's bed. No, I'm not talking about male submissives here. I'm talking about non-kinky heterosexuals engaging in this behavior, and it's something that I have always refused to do.

You mentioned being "comfortable as the pursuer", Marquis, and I am too. In fact, I insist on it. But taking the first step and working to convince her I've got the qualities and characteristics to be a great choice for a mate are very different than bribing with roses and jewelry.

So on principle, I refuse to participate in Valentines Day and have never celebrated a single one.

As for romantic efforts to please in general, I would describe myself as an outrageously romantic guy who has frequently made his best friends roll their eyes in mock disgust. And I would describe my submissive partners as having been respectful and obedient but also very romantic and keenly eager to please, as often and as frequently as possible.

With some, this actually became annoying at times. As far as I'm concerned, there is such a thing as too much fawning and adoration. However, the right partner just sort of seems to know what I would need or want and the appropriate time to offer it.

An older sub was once telling me about the importance of taking time and putting forth effort to discipline, care for and play with your sub. I felt like she was coming off a little spoiled and bratty, and told her so. I expressed resentment about having so much expected in return, shouldn't service be a pleasure in and of itself?

She said that if you and your sub are a match, the desire to submit is there. Those things are just maintanence, making sure her batteries are charged so she has the energy to serve you, which is what she wants.

I disagree with the idea that all submissives need discipline, though I absolutely agree with the general concept that meeting a partner's needs is an essential part of the relationship.

However, the application of this principle is much broader than the question of whether or not she'll make spontaneous attempts to please you. If you don't meet her needs, she'll become unhappy with the relationship in general and eventually take a hike.

 

[FurryFury]

I was once with a person who held disdain for all holidays. I refused to go along with it. That attitude pisses me off. It smacks of curmudgeonly ways.

I personally consider most holidays to be primarily for kids. Yes, that includes Valentines Day. To suck the joy and life out of them, refuse to celebrate them and so on is unfair to children IMO. I simply can't and won't do it.

OTOH, the same guy bought me expensive jewelry which I did not ask for, want or need. At the time these things were given I thought it was because he loved me. Now I believe it was perhaps for show, (to others,) and/or out of guilt. I do believe that a great many guys buy expensive things to make up for what they perceive or know to be short comings in themselves. I tend to distrust such things.

I also believe some do these things because they truly do love their partner.

It seems to me that if you let your partner know what's important to you and they ignore it, something is wrong. Sure you can say that's just how they are but still don't they care enough to extend themselves a bit in a romantic way? It doesn't have to be something expensive at all. I prefer that it not be. My God, there is little that is better than the right heartfelt words written down by hand and given to me.

Communication is important in all this. How can one give what they do not understand is the way that you need to feel loved?

I've heard many, many times the "if he loved me, he'd know" thing. I always call bullshit on it. Love can be great but it doesn't make on a mind reader.

My ex seemed to sincerely believe that stirring me up to talk and inevitably cry was communication. It was only one side of a communication and that didn't mean much in the long run. Yet he seem to feel he had accomplished something.

If had any inkling that a loved one of mine needed any particular thing to feel loved, it would top my priority list to give that to them unless it happened to breach my limits. In that case I'd urge them to get what they needed elsewhere. I'd hate to see them unable to get what they wanted.

When I was growing up, my grandmother was always giving me money and expensive things.

My grandfather on the other hand took walks with me, shared his life stories with me and brought me things like cracker jacks prizes. He would keep a small token like that for me until he saw me again. Guess which one made me feel more loved and attached?

Fury

 

[babiesmiles]

I am not a " natural " submissive .. so to say . So I think I am just that with the person I chose to be . On the other side he is a " full time " Dominant .
Does that bother him ? No he likes to see his submissive being assertive in day by day life ( even if we are in a long distance relation ) and he really enjoys my professional successes and my achievements ... I know he does it from the heart .

Am I bothered about him being so Dominant with everyone ( friend girls mainly ) ... well he knows I am not perfect so I must say yes .
I would prefer some sides of personality be kept just inside our relation ..and that caused ( and still causes ) some major crashes between us lately .

But as we are both not kids we are trying to build a new kind of relation which allows both of us to be ourselves the way we need to be .

Well... lol ... I am being intentionally " cryptic" here so everyone can give his / her personal interpretation to my words above

But after all I must admit even if it is hard to live on an emotional rollercoaster it gives so many occasions of confrontation, debating and growth that making a balance at the end ... I must say it is positive .

Not perfect for my personal standards but surely positive .

 

[Marquis]

Ughhhhh um...

BULLSHIT.

I say this because I too am a D. I will be fawned over and adored. I am not the person who has our anniversary in my palm pilot.

Also, I'm as given to a bad poem or an un-needed flower as I was in college, normally not on a holiday, normally on a nothing day when nothing is expected.

M is really really romantic and clued in to this stuff. I love that about him. It's just that he always outdoes me on the calendar days and makes me feel like an asshole. I guess that's my contribution to the thread, but I was more moved to post because it's not a submissive thing. It's not even necessarily a girl thing, although as you know I'm not the most receptive to my societal girl training and I'm kind of a butch at heart.

I wondered if I was stretching by making that connection.

All I can tell you is that, in my experience, this seems to be one of those natural trade-offs in dating a sub.

As a matter of fact, for a few months I dated a very dominant woman. She always had a nice surprise for me, did her share of the planning, everything.

She also told me to relax my lips and let her kiss me, and apparently I was at my sexiest when I was staying really still.

 

[Netzach]

I wondered if I was stretching by making that connection.

All I can tell you is that, in my experience, this seems to be one of those natural trade-offs in dating a sub.

As a matter of fact, for a few months I dated a very dominant woman. She always had a nice surprise for me, did her share of the planning, everything.

She also told me to relax my lips and let her kiss me, and apparently I was at my sexiest when I was staying really still.

Hm, that's hot.

Maybe it's a girl sub thing. I know the sub boys if they want to survive the process of elimination learn real quick how to overdo the "good boyfriend" stuff.