Threesome Newbie's Seekin' Advice .....

[letsplaysoon]

Hi All;

Been checking the site out for a while - looks like a fun place with some really cool folks hanging around . My G/F and I a have discussed a FMF threesome and have decided it is something we both want to do. We are comfortable enough in our relationship that we feel we can handle having a third join us during playtime. That said, after that we are pretty much lost lol!

Can anybody provide any insight / tips on how to ease into this? Suggestions on how to find a fun loving lady to join us [the G/F is seriously bi curius] would be welcome. Suggestion on how to initiate play with a third person would also be welcome. Feel free to insight gained from your experiences or just toss out ideas - all will be appreciated! TIA .

 

[Boratus]

There are lots of site like lavalife and adultfriendfinder where you can find girls looking specifically for that. Since both of you are new you'd probably want to find a girl who's done this before so that not everyone is going in blind.

One word of warning: it's not wise to kiss the other girl at all unless your gf tells you to. I've done the MFF thing with two girls that I was seeing that were both bi-curious. Because of the emotional attachment, both told me afterwards that they were fine when I was banging the shit out of the other girl but when I kissed either of them the jealousy just swelled.

As for how to go about it, I started them off focused on me. As they watched each other their curiousity got the better of them and soon they were exploring each other's bodies, sucking each others tits and going down on each other. Hmm, there may be a story in there somewhere. The funniest part was when one of them orgasmed so powerfully she snapped the headboard off the hotel bed we were on!

 

[SweetErika]

I'd strongly suggest searching here and The Blank Manual because there have been tons of wonderful threads on this that cover everything from things to think about, protecting your relationship (I'm sure you know that even when you're both 110% for it and careful, it can damage or destroy), making the other person comfortable, and finding someone.

Finding a woman to join you could be nearly impossible, so be prepared to put lots of really good ads out and for a long search. One easier option might be to hook up with another couple through swinging sites or organizations.

 

[devils_daughter]

Myself and my bf are in the same position but one thing I would suggest is sort out some ground rules, things that are and are not ok for both you and your gf to do during this threesome. You don't want to start a huge "I'm so not ok with you doing that" fight during it.

 

[Eilan]

Finding a woman to join you could be nearly impossible, so be prepared to put lots of really good ads out and for a long search. One easier option might be to hook up with another couple through swinging sites or organizations.

Yeah. What she said.

I'm also gonna echo what's been said about ground rules. You want to establish these rules before you hop into the sack, though that's not to say that the rules aren't subject to change. What rules you choose to include will be up to the three of you. I'd also suggest, for the sake of establishing ground rules, that you not have sex on the first meeting. Get together for dinner or drinks or whatever at least once or twice and try to communicate via email, IM, phone, etc as well.

This isn't meant to discourage you, but even though you say the two of you have a strong relationship and that this is something that you both want to do, keep in mind that the actual experience won't necessarily turn out like it did in your fantasies.

Keep the lines of communication open, be safe, and good luck.

 

[Batman4ever71]

Eilan ~ You know? I've read alot of your posts all over Lit and I have to say that I am impressed with your level of knowledge, your articulation and just plain old good advice. Have you ever thought of going into the journalism field. I'd just bet that you'd be a kick ass modern day "Dear Abby"!!!!

Batman

 

[Eilan]

Eilan ~ You know? I've read alot of your posts all over Lit and I have to say that I am impressed with your level of knowledge, your articulation and just plain old good advice. Have you ever thought of going into the journalism field. I'd just bet that you'd be a kick ass modern day "Dear Abby"!!!!

Batman

Thank you.

 

[Quoll]

Eilan ~ You know? I've read alot of your posts all over Lit and I have to say that I am impressed with your level of knowledge, your articulation and just plain old good advice. Have you ever thought of going into the journalism field. I'd just bet that you'd be a kick ass modern day "Dear Abby"!!!!

Batman

Oh Puhlease, we all know her reading comprehension sucks.

 

[Eilan]

Oh Puhlease, we all know her reading comprehension sucks.

Would someone please tell me what she (he?) said? My readin' ain't too good.

 

[HoneyGirl69]

I am all for sexual experimentation, however something that happened to a friend of mine recently put me off the whole threesome thing. Its slightly different to what your planning, but he decided that he wanted to sleep with a man and woman (basicly fuck someones wife) and he went on a swingers website etc and eventually hooked up with a couple who were "secure, absolutely in love, had kids together, intelligent, certain etc"
Ok so all was cool the first time they all met, the sex was amazing apparently and the husband was more than happy to let my friend fuk his wife, then they decided to meet again, and this time it turned into a disaster.

The woman was more than happy to see my friend and her and my friend got carried away and were just going for it, the husband at some point interjected with a "mmmm ok does anyone want a cup of tea then?" and I hear that since then the marriage has been on the rocks. The wife has been texting and calling my friend from her kids mobile (so the husband dosent know) and my friend is just not interested - to him it was an experience? Now i feel so sad that this has happened and im mad with my friend as well as I told him not to become too involved in this couples life, i think that goin back for a 2nd time was wrong.

So as much as I used to think "wow cool people can actually do that, they must be really secure to bring a 3rd person into the bed" now I actually think its a bad idea an possibly something that is merely a sexy fantasy? This is just my opinion - but I would be very wary of having a threesome. I also notice problem pages usally have this kind of thing in....had threesome an now cant stop thinking about the other person etc etc???

I take my hat off to swingers and people who are secure enough to do it, it must be bliss!!!

 

[CorsetLvr]

Hi All;

Been checking the site out for a while - looks like a fun place with some really cool folks hanging around . My G/F and I a have discussed a FMF threesome and have decided it is something we both want to do. We are comfortable enough in our relationship that we feel we can handle having a third join us during playtime. That said, after that we are pretty much lost lol!

Can anybody provide any insight / tips on how to ease into this? Suggestions on how to find a fun loving lady to join us [the G/F is seriously bi curius] would be welcome. Suggestion on how to initiate play with a third person would also be welcome. Feel free to insight gained from your experiences or just toss out ideas - all will be appreciated! TIA .

My hubby and I have been in the swinging lifestyle for several years and I thought I might add a few things to this discussion. We have enjoyed many 3-sums over the years and I had a few before I got into swinging.

1. Always remember this is something you are doing together. It should only add to your relationship, never take away from it. You are sharing a lover, but when the playing is over, your girlfriend is the one that is the primary person in your life.

2. Meeting a single, bi woman interested in a 3-sum is the hardest part of this whole idea. Its simply a matter of supply and demand. There are a lot more couples looking for her then there are single women looking for you. Don't be discouraged by this. Meeting someone online, while it may sound simple, is not as easy as it sounds. Again, its a matter of supply and demand. When you add the factors of personal chemistry and attraction into the equation its even more difficult. For every single woman out there looking for a couple, there may be 100 couples looking for a single woman. I would suggest trying to establish a personal relationship between the women first. Become friends before lovers. You might be surprised to find out how many of your friends are bi or bi curious. Meeting someone among your RL friends is often a lot easier then meeting someone online.

3. I think its important that you need to have some realistic expectations about a 3-sum. If you expect something from a porno movie you will be disappointed. Porno is fiction, not real life. Some of my worst experiences involved a 3-sum where the guy wanted to play porno director to have the action match some porno fantasy he had in his head. The best thing you can do is be laid back and let the women take the lead. You can't expect it to be only about yourself. In addition, most guys can't keep up with two really horny women. They simply don't have the endurance or recuperative powers to do so. Remember that this is her fantasy too. Give her and the other woman some room to explore each other. Believe me, kicking back and playing voyeur can be a lot of fun too.

4. As mentioned earlier, you need to make some rules between you. Its also a good idea to have some sort of time out signal between you so that if there is an issue you will know that the other person needs to talk about it. Better to deal with an issue, then let it blow up into an even bigger problem. Over time the rules will become more relaxed as you both become more comfortable with this new part of your life. There is a certain trust factor that develops in non-monogamous relationships with experience.

OK, enough for now. Feel free to bounce off any questions you might have. I usually check my PM's here every day.

 

[SweetErika]

<snip>So as much as I used to think "wow cool people can actually do that, they must be really secure to bring a 3rd person into the bed" now I actually think its a bad idea an possibly something that is merely a sexy fantasy? This is just my opinion - but I would be very wary of having a threesome. I also notice problem pages usally have this kind of thing in....had threesome an now cant stop thinking about the other person etc etc???

Your points are definitely valid, and I tend to agree that for most people it is better left a fantasy. I used to (and in some respects still do) think that was true for us, but a lot of it has to do with our relationship and meeting the right people; those we share friendship and respect with.

2. Meeting a single, bi woman interested in a 3-sum is the hardest part of this whole idea. Its simply a matter of supply and demand. There are a lot more couples looking for her then there are single women looking for you. Don't be discouraged by this. Meeting someone online, while it may sound simple, is not as easy as it sounds. Again, its a matter of supply and demand. When you add the factors of personal chemistry and attraction into the equation its even more difficult. For every single woman out there looking for a couple, there may be 100 couples looking for a single woman. I would suggest trying to establish a personal relationship between the women first. Become friends before lovers. You might be surprised to find out how many of your friends are bi or bi curious. Meeting someone among your RL friends is often a lot easier then meeting someone online.

I'm not suggesting you're supporting this, but I've had experiences meeting women, supposedly for friendship or a romantic relationship, only to find out what they were truly aiming for was to find another woman for a threesome...the old bait and switch routine, basically. So, while I agree it's often easier for women to form a friendship or relationship first, if a threesome is what a couple's really after, they should be up front about it, even if that decreases their chances of finding someone. My husband wanted a threesome since I came out as bi, but we agreed that we weren't going to look for it specifically, and it'd just happen if I met the right woman. In the end, it did without asking, and I would have ruined a lot of great friendships had I established a relationship and then asked.

 

[CorsetLvr]

I'm not suggesting you're supporting this, but I've had experiences meeting women, supposedly for friendship or a romantic relationship, only to find out what they were truly aiming for was to find another woman for a threesome...the old bait and switch routine, basically. So, while I agree it's often easier for women to form a friendship or relationship first, if a threesome is what a couple's really after, they should be up front about it, even if that decreases their chances of finding someone. My husband wanted a threesome since I came out as bi, but we agreed that we weren't going to look for it specifically, and it'd just happen if I met the right woman. In the end, it did without asking, and I would have ruined a lot of great friendships had I established a relationship and then asked.

I didn't mean to imply a switch and bait. What I meant was meeting and getting to know each other with the understanding that it could develop into a sexual relationship, especially in regards to meeting someone from online.

I will say that a lot of couples we know are somewhat skittish about playing with singles. There is always a greater risk of jealousy rearing its ugly head when playing with someone that is unattached then there is with someone in a committed relationship, that is in a couple on couple type of scenario. Most of our 3-some experiences have been either in a swing party setting where the other couple are cool with splitting up to play seperately, where we are the couple that splits up at a party, or with a swinging friend that is part of a couple that allows each other to play seperately outside of a party.

The only time I can say I was seriously jealous involved a single woman my hubby and I met online and he and she got to be good friends. Even though I knew better, I couldn't get rid of the nagging feeling she was looking for a man of her own. I never really thought I was in danger of losing my hubby to her, his intentions were not what I doubted. I have never had that problem with a woman that was part of a swinging couple, even though I know it happens rarely. This all goes back to the non-logical nature of an emotion like jealousy.

As a result of these lessons learned I have to feel very comfortable with (as well as very turned-on by) a single woman to do a 3-sum with her. There are always a few single women floating around our circle of friends. They are usually experienced swingers that are between parters at the time but are still part of our social circle. This was the basis of my statement about becoming friends before lovers.

I will be the first to admit that a lot of couples should not experiment with non-monogamous sex. Its not right for everyone. It takes 2 people that are comfortable with themselves and their sexuality as well as a relationship between them that is secure enough to handle it. This is all before you even consider the added factor of a third person and their issues and needs.

Most bi women I have met are what I call causally bi. In other words, if it happens fine, but they are not going to go out looking for it. They are more likely to be more interested in becoming part of a M/F couple where they can explore this side of themselves then being a third person "playtoy" for a one night stand.

 

[SweetErika]

I didn't mean to imply a switch and bait. What I meant was meeting and getting to know each other with the understanding that it could develop into a sexual relationship, especially in regards to meeting someone from online.

I will say that a lot of couples we know are somewhat skittish about playing with singles. There is always a greater risk of jealousy rearing its ugly head when playing with someone that is unattached then there is with someone in a committed relationship, that is in a couple on couple type of scenario. Most of our 3-some experiences have been either in a swing party setting where the other couple are cool with splitting up to play seperately, where we are the couple that splits up at a party, or with a swinging friend that is part of a couple that allows each other to play seperately outside of a party.

The only time I can say I was seriously jealous involved a single woman my hubby and I met online and he and she got to be good friends. Even though I knew better, I couldn't get rid of the nagging feeling she was looking for a man of her own. I never really thought I was in danger of losing my hubby to her, his intentions were not what I doubted. I have never had that problem with a woman that was part of a swinging couple, even though I know it happens rarely. This all goes back to the non-logical nature of an emotion like jealousy.

As a result of these lessons learned I have to feel very comfortable with (as well as very turned-on by) a single woman to do a 3-sum with her. There are always a few single women floating around our circle of friends. They are usually experienced swingers that are between parters at the time but are still part of our social circle. This was the basis of my statement about becoming friends before lovers.

I will be the first to admit that a lot of couples should not experiment with non-monogamous sex. Its not right for everyone. It takes 2 people that are comfortable with themselves and their sexuality as well as a relationship between them that is secure enough to handle it. This is all before you even consider the added factor of a third person and their issues and needs.

Most bi women I have met are what I call causally bi. In other words, if it happens fine, but they are not going to go out looking for it. They are more likely to be more interested in becoming part of a M/F couple where they can explore this side of themselves then being a third person "playtoy" for a one night stand.

Yep, I knew you definitely were NOT suggesting being dishonest in any way. I guess I've seen and heard so much about it that I feel it's worth clarifying as a bad idea for others. I don't think everyone who says they're looking for a female friend or lover for themselves intend on baiting-and-switching; sometimes it's a genuine change of mind, there's pressure from a partner, or they really don't see the potential problems of not disclosing the desire for a threesome up front.

I'm definitely more comfortable with getting involved with others who are in solid relationships for many of the reasons you've mentioned, and think you make excellent points in general. I'm glad you're here and share your experiences and ideas so freely.

 

[CorsetLvr]

I'm glad you're here and share your experiences and ideas so freely.

Yep, that's me, the one with the big mouth. Thank you Erika.

 

[Xenolan]

Why not hire a pro? Someplace where it's legal, of course. That way you can rest assured that the ground rules will be followed, that there will be no nasty emotional entanglements, and that if someone calls "STOP" then it will stop. There might still be some fallout from the encounter, but then at least it's only two people suffering for it, not three.

I'd also suggest building up to it. Start by watching a porn movie together. Then, go to a strip club as a couple, and watch each other get lapdances. Proceed to a massage parlor, and indulge further. Etc.