Tips for online dating sites ?

[FinallyAFreeMan]

I'm just starting to date again after having been married for quite a while. I'm 40 yo and I'd like to find a woman that wants to have children yet. I have a young son.

I am trying to use the Plenty Of Fish site to meet women.

I have a good profile and I'm getting lots of bites. I get one or two women emailing me a day. The problem is that most of these women are older than me and all of their profiles say they don't want children. What I really think they are looking for it hot chat or discrete encounters.

I've had some longer email/chat sessions with a couple women. One woman was a bit unstable. She seemed to really over react to some things. I ended that by politely sending her an email.

I had 2 chat sessions with another woman and then she just stopped chatting and talking with me. I don't recall saying anything controversial and we left on good terms. I sent her an email one morning and was surprised to see a "read delete" in my send folder 10 minutes later.

I sent a few emails out saying I'd like to chat with various women. They didn't get deleted, but I haven't heard back yet either. One woman said "Hope to hear from you soon". I replied to her email and now she has read mine and hasn't replied back.

Is there some sort of secret to starting an online dating relationship ?

Thanks

 

[Reba67]

I think it's one of those things that sometimes happens, sometimes doesn't. I had a bit of success a few years ago with online stuff, and after WEEKS of chatting online and stuff, he dropped off the face of the earth.

Heck, I'd be happy if I got more bites where it wasn't someone wanting to get into my pants on the first night.

 

[FinallyAFreeMan]

I'm decent looking. When I send pictures, I had 1 woman actually say wow and 2 other say they liked what they saw.

I never know how aggressive to be when I reply to an email. If I meet a woman in person and I like her, I flirt a bit. Smile at her, tease her a bit, etc. How do I do that in an email ? If I talk about my life, its pretty dry conversation.

 

[Chicklet]

I think the thing is that you have to be patient. I've been using online dating sites for years, and something that's always going to be very true is that you have to wade through a lot of shit to find something worthwhile. And then, when you find someone that matches on paper, everything has to start over again in real life. I found one guy that I thought was perfect for me, but when we started spending a lot of time together in person, all the reasons we weren't meant to be became extremely obvious.

If you're getting bites at all, as a male, you're probably doing something right. Be yourself, be patient, don't settle. Good luck.

 

[midwestscribe]

I never know how aggressive to be when I reply to an email. If I meet a woman in person and I like her, I flirt a bit. Smile at her, tease her a bit, etc. How do I do that in an email ? If I talk about my life, its pretty dry conversation.

* Be yourself
* Use the keyboard as you would your voice on the telephone
* Joke and tease as you would on the phone or in person...chatting has the added benefit of allowing you to actually think before you "speak"
* Overcome any shyness you may naturally have in the anonymity of a chat
* Be youself

If you approach chatting as you do a conversation in person, you'll come across as the real you. Then, if and when things work out, your new friend won't be disappointed. She will already know you and know what to expect.

Hope this helps. Good luck in your search. But, again, be yourself!

 

[FinallyAFreeMan]

Thanks for the tips.

The lady that said she was looking forward to hearing from me emailed me back with a nice note. We are moving forward. And another lady emailed me this morning. We've been bantering back and forth. Its interesting.

 

[Chicklet]

The only other additional thing I'd like to say is that I suggest pushing for an in person meeting as soon as possible - I generally use the internet to make the intial connection, but then want coffee to find out if I actually like the person. No use wasting a lot of time if we're incompatible in person.

 

[FinallyAFreeMan]

From famine to feast. It must have been a Thursday night drought because I now have 5 women emailing me at once. How do I handle this ? I like at least 2 of them of the other 3 are interesting. I'd like to learn more about them.

What is the proper etiquette to handle this situation ?

 

[pimpslap]

From famine to feast. It must have been a Thursday night drought because I now have 5 women emailing me at once. How do I handle this ? I like at least 2 of them of the other 3 are interesting. I'd like to learn more about them.

What is the proper etiquette to handle this situation ?

Meet them all. You are stuck with one yet.

 

[SweetErika]

You've been given good advice, and there's a lot more in this recent thread, should you want it.

I also agree with meeting early on, and have a lot of success with saying something like, "It seems like we have a good amount in common. How does continuing this conversation over coffee or something with no pressure or expectations sound?"

As for what you do now, I don't see why you can't suggest a meet to everyone you're interested in after talking a bit, and just keep it light (like you're meeting new/potential friends - essentially, you are). No reasonable person expects monogamy so early on; in fact, most of us get to know many simultaneously with the idea that we might really click with just one or two. While you don't have to advertise the fact that you're meeting/talking to many women, you could certainly tell them you're new to this and just starting to meet people, if it comes up or you feel the need to do so after the initial meeting.

Best of luck to you!